My dad.

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I’d take 1 min call a year… anything but this, its making me feel sooo low I cant take it. Im sorry for your loss Ska, why is it so painful, have you ever wished you didnt connect like you never met someone you lost?

I would take 1 minute, too. Thanks for the thoughts.
But no, I don't wish that I didn't connect. I'm glad they were a part of my life. I only wish I had my life in better shape, and I could have made more happy memories with them because of it, we could have been happier together. I think the fact that it's painful that they are gone, shows that they meant a lot to you, and their presence in your life was worthwhile. You miss them because they mattered...it's hard, but it's how you know your feelings for them were real.

I decorated his grave with real and artificial flowers and played his fave songs.

We do this too. My Mom and I go to where my Grandma is now, and sometimes we play some of her favorite tunes. She liked classical songs, among others, but those were some of the ones we knew best.

If you don't mind sharing what were some of his favorite songs?
 
My dads birthday yesterday, and so far I’ve swapped stories with my fella of my dad being my superman…I spent a while at his grave and okay yeah i’ve cried but thats it… no suicidal thoughts, I hope that means im more mature. I know I love Rob because he is a man of honour like my father. To cheer me up my Rob has pulled out all the stops.

Strange thing is I spent the whole day feeling my dads presence, his had on my shoulder, his care…
I also heard a baby name… but it was a girls and I know I want a son so lol that was confusing… but I know my fathers with me.
 

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