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My incredibly dull day.

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Well-known member
Nov 30, 2021
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Rather than fill a multitude of separate posts with my randomness, I thought I would release it all in one splurge of self imposed importance.

The day started full and grey, and that was just me. The weather was equally as uninspiring. Although I was awake early, much of the day was spent camped in bed, reading.

Lunchtime I had become tired of my own company. Shaved, showered, constitutional shi... Followed by heading out into the surrounding countryside with the dog.

My plan was to find somewhere with no people or pets, picturesque, and preferably filled with nature at it's finest. The trouble was, people, people every friggin-where. People who normally never leave their armchair, had suddenly found the urge to fill every area of the countryside.

We (Dog and I) found ourselves heading out further and further. All our go-to places, which are usually empty, now rammed packed. And, they have brought the kids, dogs, grandparents, cousins, neighbours and the milkman.

We settled upon a particular route through the Heswall Dales. Seeing as the weather has been very wet of recent, the route will be very bogged. There are also some narrow shelf passes, fallen trees, and wildlife. We should be able to ponder and wander, unencumbered by others.

No such luck. You could not see the greenery for middle-class twats in action adventure clothing, typically paired to shiny new trainers. Fields shin deep with a gooey layer of mud. Waterlogged pathways. Horse and cow manure swathed like Axminster carpetting, and just as soft. Yet Toby and Tabitha, and their little darlings, are attempting to get through it wearing brand new trainers.

Add to this, the traumatised Tabithas, who have just discovered that the countryside is filled with smells, and squishy animal gifts. Her little darlings are also shrieking because there is a animal behind a hedgerow, and it is not vegan hypoallergenic; allergy triggers!

My dog spent the majority of the walk, tethered to her lead/leash. She poses no threat to the farm animals. Any squirrels and mice would be chased. But shrieking children and whining mums, along with their own anxious dogs, just made my dog very excitable and defensive.

After 4 miles, we call it quits, and head back to the car. One lady gave way to us on a path. She even tethered her own dog, and made her boys stand aside. Such a normal response, yet it stood out given the previous encounters. Our dogs sniffed, the lady and I exchanged pleasantries. The world was once again in balance.

By the time we reached the car, my dog was a black matted mess, caked in mud, smelling of animal gifts, and looking incredibly pleased for herself.

We came home, I showered the dog, and we locked ourselves away from the perils of peopling and the outside world.

When does the hunting season begin, I am thinking about getting a gun licence. A stuffed Toby head would look great hanging over the mantle. 😏


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