My one reason to be alive.

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CenotaphGirl

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In therapy I am often asked to list reasons to be here, on this ball of water.
I can only typically come up with one reason. Because I am... well... a "step mother" to an amazing little girl,
But also because I long to be a biological mother one day, I came close to that dream and have to come to terms with...
Well that dream being snatched away... but theres still hope...

I forget that sometimes, not forget but everything gets clouded and I act on impulse, I act on a feeling.
I have been feeling so low I suffered an overdose nearly a week ago now. Damaged my bladder and still sitting in hospital.
My daughter visited me for the first time this morning and everything I live for walked into the room when she arrived.

I decided that this is my last attempt, I will never ever do this again. Never. If I am honest, this is the first time I suffered real consequences, soft tissue damager on my bladder and I am now in debates on leaving my job, or pausing it. I feel like I let myself down so much, I worked so hard for something and just threw it away.

Anyway, thanks to people on here that have supported me through the lows, I have nooo idea when I get to go home, but I want to be home.

I have to be out by my dads birthday as... I am going to be at his grave that day, maybe even all day.

I am focusing on getting better so I deffo wont be on here very much maybe not at all, but eh might drop a few controversial posts for the culture 💐

Ceno x
 

JesseC

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When my son was born my focus on my future vanished and suddenly I was focused on his.

It's strange what a small brand new human will do to our minds.

I hope your recovery is easy. Best wishes.
 

Incognita

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...making peace with God (status under your screen name) ... is the key....to everything and life..... Good luck and feel better soon. Being a step mom is a bigger job then biological mom 👍👍👍👍
 

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