T
tennisgirl
Guest
I'm new here so thought I'd tell my "story" for anyone who is interested... (sorry if it turns out to be too long).
I’m a 21 year old girl from the UK. I have a loving family, I know that, but none of them know how I feel/how alone I am and I really struggle to open up to any of them.
I’m just longing for friendship that doesn’t involve my family – just someone I can talk to and maybe hang out with. I met a few people at uni but, now I’ve graduated, I never see them. Actually, those people were acquaintances - just people I used to sit with etc. Now we barely communicate, maybe once a month via facebook, but that’s all. They all have their own friends and people they were friends with at school. I was socially isolated towards the end of school, probably my fault, and am only in contact with one friend from school. She’s nice but lives with her boyfriend now in a different city and we don’t talk very often. What’s ironic is, I have about 130 “friends” on face book. The majority of those people aren’t my friends – They’re all just people I have known either at school or university. I don’t see most of them and was never particularly close to any of them. They probably were looking to boost their friend count by adding me.
I became this person, I would say, around the age of 15. I don’t even know how, though. I used to have quite a few people I could definitely call friends, and I was happy, so I don’t know what I did to change things. Looking back, I think I started to become more interested in my school work than my friends were and, when they started partying together, they excluded me. Also, my parents didn’t like the idea of me going out with them because they started drinking really early etc. I don’t blame my parents though. The last few years of school were hell. I stopped eating, stopped doing anything that I was interested in, even though I was good at it, for example netball, and became the socially withdrawn girl that I am today.
I thought going to university could be a fresh start for me – new place, new people etc. Well, I pretty much messed that up. Meeting new people was/is daunting for me, and I struggled. Even though I do appear to be, I’m not overly shy... I just need to really click with people before I can open up, and that didn’t happen. Sure, I met a few people, but I spent most nights alone when most other students were out socialising with friends and meeting new people. I got so low at that time and spent a lot of time crying. I have 2 older siblings and have tried, on more than one occasion, opening up to them as a cry for help. They’re both so successful in everything – they have so many close friends, both in relationships, have buzzing social lives - well, they’re the opposite to me I guess. Everytime I did that though, they always said the same things “you just need to be more confident”, “you need to get out there and meet people”. I’m pretty sure I know all that, I just don’t know how to do it. In theory, I know what I have to do to help myself; it’s just that it’s so hard to put into practice. I’m so bad at meeting new people – having had no real friends for so long now, my fear and lack of social skills is something that I can’t seem to overcome. I always think that people won’t want to know me, or be interested in anything I have to say– even though I know I do sometimes have insightful things to add to conversations, often, I’ll opt not to say anything.
I guess I’m just really lonely and would like to go out and do something fun like everyone else my age. I’m 21 and barely celebrated my birthday. I sit at home on Friday nights... well every night. I don’t go to clubs/bars because I have no-one to go with and I miss out on movies and concerts for the same reason. I wish I had some close friends, or just one would be enough for me, to hang out with, because it can get very depressing living in a friendless isolation. I used to look forward to going to my part-time job because it got me out of the house. I’m not confident and, a lot of the time, I feel inferior to everyone else.
Another thing that’s eating away at me is that I can’t find a job. I’ve just spent 3 lonely years at university getting my degree, and, now, I’m struggling to find any sort of work, and it’s really getting me down. I suppose it doesn’t help that I have no idea what I want to do, and have no direction in my life. Oh, and lastly, I’ve never had a boyfriend.
After saying all of this, I have to add that I can see I’ve grown as a person in the last couple of years, and I’m pretty sure I have seen change. It just never comes quickly enough and I really feel as if I’m wasting my youth.
If you have read this (I know it’s an essay) then thank you! It’s helped me just typing out all my feelings here so I’m glad I found this site. I would really love to make friends with people on here – from anywhere in the world!
I’m a 21 year old girl from the UK. I have a loving family, I know that, but none of them know how I feel/how alone I am and I really struggle to open up to any of them.
I’m just longing for friendship that doesn’t involve my family – just someone I can talk to and maybe hang out with. I met a few people at uni but, now I’ve graduated, I never see them. Actually, those people were acquaintances - just people I used to sit with etc. Now we barely communicate, maybe once a month via facebook, but that’s all. They all have their own friends and people they were friends with at school. I was socially isolated towards the end of school, probably my fault, and am only in contact with one friend from school. She’s nice but lives with her boyfriend now in a different city and we don’t talk very often. What’s ironic is, I have about 130 “friends” on face book. The majority of those people aren’t my friends – They’re all just people I have known either at school or university. I don’t see most of them and was never particularly close to any of them. They probably were looking to boost their friend count by adding me.
I became this person, I would say, around the age of 15. I don’t even know how, though. I used to have quite a few people I could definitely call friends, and I was happy, so I don’t know what I did to change things. Looking back, I think I started to become more interested in my school work than my friends were and, when they started partying together, they excluded me. Also, my parents didn’t like the idea of me going out with them because they started drinking really early etc. I don’t blame my parents though. The last few years of school were hell. I stopped eating, stopped doing anything that I was interested in, even though I was good at it, for example netball, and became the socially withdrawn girl that I am today.
I thought going to university could be a fresh start for me – new place, new people etc. Well, I pretty much messed that up. Meeting new people was/is daunting for me, and I struggled. Even though I do appear to be, I’m not overly shy... I just need to really click with people before I can open up, and that didn’t happen. Sure, I met a few people, but I spent most nights alone when most other students were out socialising with friends and meeting new people. I got so low at that time and spent a lot of time crying. I have 2 older siblings and have tried, on more than one occasion, opening up to them as a cry for help. They’re both so successful in everything – they have so many close friends, both in relationships, have buzzing social lives - well, they’re the opposite to me I guess. Everytime I did that though, they always said the same things “you just need to be more confident”, “you need to get out there and meet people”. I’m pretty sure I know all that, I just don’t know how to do it. In theory, I know what I have to do to help myself; it’s just that it’s so hard to put into practice. I’m so bad at meeting new people – having had no real friends for so long now, my fear and lack of social skills is something that I can’t seem to overcome. I always think that people won’t want to know me, or be interested in anything I have to say– even though I know I do sometimes have insightful things to add to conversations, often, I’ll opt not to say anything.
I guess I’m just really lonely and would like to go out and do something fun like everyone else my age. I’m 21 and barely celebrated my birthday. I sit at home on Friday nights... well every night. I don’t go to clubs/bars because I have no-one to go with and I miss out on movies and concerts for the same reason. I wish I had some close friends, or just one would be enough for me, to hang out with, because it can get very depressing living in a friendless isolation. I used to look forward to going to my part-time job because it got me out of the house. I’m not confident and, a lot of the time, I feel inferior to everyone else.
Another thing that’s eating away at me is that I can’t find a job. I’ve just spent 3 lonely years at university getting my degree, and, now, I’m struggling to find any sort of work, and it’s really getting me down. I suppose it doesn’t help that I have no idea what I want to do, and have no direction in my life. Oh, and lastly, I’ve never had a boyfriend.
After saying all of this, I have to add that I can see I’ve grown as a person in the last couple of years, and I’m pretty sure I have seen change. It just never comes quickly enough and I really feel as if I’m wasting my youth.
If you have read this (I know it’s an essay) then thank you! It’s helped me just typing out all my feelings here so I’m glad I found this site. I would really love to make friends with people on here – from anywhere in the world!
