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Like having imagined conversations in your head because you can't talk to that person about why you feel frustrated, hurt, etc.

They've chosen to ignore me & I know angry texting/ phone calls won't be helpful in the long run.

Problem is those negative convos hurt my body (difficult to sleep, irritate my stomach).
 
I've been there for years... decades.

Most important, these "arguments" occur because you feel unresolved. The offending party does not hear or listen to you. Your complaints are superfluous to them.

I didn't learn to deal with it until I realized in any relationship, the one that cares the least owns the other. Stop being owned.

You have power over them, too. Learn to use it. Try to be nonchalant about the issue. State your objection and leave it at that. Try not to get upset. It's just a differing of opinion when you boil it down.

I don't know if this is a couples thing, parents, or work related. It works any way. You get control by presenting the front that you'd be fine without them.

That's not to suggest you shirk your responsibilities. The more you coddle them the more they will need you.

Your most used phrase should be, "If that's how you feel," and then drop it by leaving them to wonder what you think. Or. "That's not what I think," and then go to a different area. Let them stew about the issue.

If they approach you and try to drag it out, "We can't resolve this by arguing." But if they force a rematch then you know you have them on the ropes. Use that power. Your best offence is to retreat and regroup.

In the end of it all you don't want a winner. You want a compromise. You both need to feel you gained something. Without that it is just suppression.

I was never allowed my share of the relationship until I took it. I did it by letting her wonder if she still owned me.

This is a suggestion. It's your choice to use it or reject it. Taking advice is is like buying shoes. You won't know how they fit until you walk a mile.
 
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It's good that you know it's affecting your body, the difficulty sleeping is a worry, have you looked at CBT?.

As Callie says meditation and exercise may be beneficial, I'd suggest a gentle, meditative form of yoga with an emphasis on the breath.
 
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Definitely keep yourself busy,exercising is always a good thing to do,it keeps you active,being active is always good,also I know you like to read,continue to read,reading is always fun and it keeps your mind busy and active by keeping a lot of things off of your mind.
 
In my experience, it's like a storm. You just have to let it pass. Hunker down and distract yourself a bit. I meditate, some times; but, any engaging, constructive activity can help. Some times it helps to vent and unload on some one you can confide in, but, that's not always possible, or helpful.

It rarely ever is useful to think about the problem while you are in the storm though. A calmer, saner, more serene and calm mind is usually always better at appraising the situation. An angry, frustrated, exasperated mind can't think as clear.

Acknowledge the way you feel, accept it, and bide your time, knowing it will pass. If you can't accept it, fully, accept that too.

Journaling/writing to yourself can help too. It's a private way to communicate with yourself that is a bit more physical and concrete, than just the conversations with yourself in your head. And you can throw the written thoughts away, when you are done if you want, or keep the stuff you may want to remember. That's just one of many, constructive ways to bide one's time, while waiting for the waves to calm down.

I struggle with all of the above; but somehow I imagine, having a better and more fruitful relationship with ourself, might be a path to dealing with any lack of, or lack in, quality of relationships with others. I don't think we should reject the outside world outright, and that that's the only answer; but, perhaps knowing ourselves a bit better, can help us to know others, and our relation to them, a bit better...
 
I write monologues 🙈 helps me work through my feelings
Is this some of your work?

iu
 

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