Need serious girlfriend help.

[sk66rc]

I want a girlfriend very badly. This may seem like a long post, but please, I need help. I have no one else to turn to, so I must seek help on an internet forum. I've been in this rut for long enough.

19, male, hetero,
Entering 2nd yr of university in September.
Need serious help.

I'm going to keep this really short and concise. Don't want to go into detail so this turns into a long-winded
textwall.


- I am 19 and have no friends. Never flirted/dated/kissed/hugged a girl.

- I am confused. Confused in the sense that I don't even know if I want friends, or just can't get them. I don't struggle to talk to people...I am not Sheldon from BBT. I can sustain a conversation, I guess.

- I have examined myself within and still see that I have no interest in making friends. That includes male "buddies", like the John Jim and Jack guys that you can play a video game with or do this and that.

- I do want a girlfriend, however.

- I am socially disconnected. I don't watch dramas like The OC or 90210 and have no idea what is socially acceptable.

- I have no freaking clue on how to go about getting a girlfriend. I've browsed the internet, but all guides are void to me:

They say "use your friends to introduce you to a girl. Mutual friends are a good way to date”
> Can’t do that, got no friends.

Go to bars/clubs/whatever and pick up girls there.
> No, I don’t want some hedonistic, partying, shot-taking bimbo. Not to insult guys who do, but that's just my personal preference. Also, I hear going to clubs alone is socially unacceptable so I can't go anyway.

Talk to girls in your dorm
> I commute to school, I do not live on residence.


Join clubs and meet girls there
> The 1st school year ended and I didn't do much in way of clubs, but I am an executive on a club for the 2014-2015 year and will try this out.

Please do not suggest:

“You’ll have to work your way up. Make a good circle of guy friends, then get them to introduce you to girls they know in their network. Sisters, female friends, dorm buddies, whatever.”
> It could take a year or more for me to establish a good network of 3-4 guy friends. Can’t do that. I want to jump straight into the girlfriend part.





I am setting out on quest to get a girlfriend. I want to prove that I can do it, against all odds.


Case Study:

To better help you folks help me, I’ve decided that instead of you giving me general tips you can give me tips that apply to an actual real life scenario.

I have been infatuated with this girl ever since I first saw her.

She is in a Tuesday lecture of mine. I would arrive at 3:00 and take a seat. She would arrive a few minutes later and sit there with all her friends surrounding her down the row.

All the time I spent with her was staring at the back of her beautiful blonde mop.

This is the only time I saw her. That’s it. I wouldn’t even see her in hallways on occasion because the school is massive. I was in no common clubs with her, and although she lives on campus I do not.

Let’s say I wanted to date this girl. What could I have done? What is the socially acceptable process?

Few things on random order... Don't worry about what's socially acceptable or not if you're not interested in making any friends... I do completely understand you don't want any part of what seems like a superficial relationship of any kind, which includes "drinking buddies", "Gaming buddies", and/or bimbos...

Second, if you are interested in making a meaningful friendship, remember it's a 2 way street... I've heard so many people bitching about how their "so called friends" never called them while never making an effort to contact "so called friends" either... That "joining a club" thing sounds decent enough... Don't just show up & sit there like a lump... Participate & make some effort... You'll only get as much out of a friendship as you put in...

Third, wanting a girlfriend... I'm not calling anyone abnormal for not wanting a relationship with opposite sex... There are enough reason why a person may not want a relationship at the moment, including financial, personal & health issues... With that said, it's normal to want a companionship... At least you know what you want & what you don't want... I'm gonna combine it with the first things I said about what's socially acceptable... Don't worry about what's socially acceptable... I know I said that already... It sounds to me that you've read up on tips on how to get a girlfriend... I'm sure you've ran into something about what might attract a girl... Well, there ya go... Most people are attracted to people who know what they want & not afraid to go after it... Voice your preferences & opinions... Don't worry about weather it's socially acceptable or not... This is free country for a reason... They don't like it? They're free to walk away...

Forth... As far as that once specific girl is concerned... Ever heard of "stalking"? Ok, let me explain that before anybody starts jumping down my throat... I think someone mentioned it already about finding her alone... When the class is over, & if you have the time to, follow her... I understand you may not wanna talk to her when she's surrounded by her friends... I get that... What I meant by "stalking" is, follow her when you do see her... Understand her schedules & routines... Get a better ideas on when & where she's gonna be... Goes back to what I said earlier... Put some effort into it... You might have to do some leg work... You may not get what you want in 47 minutes... When you finally get a general idea what her routine is, pick a time & place where you feel most comfortable... May be she has a cup of coffee in front of starbucks between classes every Tuesday between 3 - 4 pm... I don't know... I just made that up but you get the idea... Then walk up to her... "Hey... I know you... You're in my XXXX class..." Or say something... Wait for her response & if it's positive, ask her... "Hey, I got some free time before my next class & I was thinking about getting a cup of coffee but I hate having it alone... You wanna come with me?" or "Can I join ya? Since I was thinking about getting a cup of coffee anyway & I hate doing it alone"... Something to that nature... None threatening & public enough that she might feel secure enough to have a cup of coffee with you... Start from there... You can hold a decent conversation, remember?

 

[River Lion]

Saying you have no interest in having any friends, don't want to wait while you form other friendships but want a girlfriend right now did rather give the impression that you just want that one girl to drop into your lap.

This confuses me. You are right: I did not want friends and still don't.
But the other part is beyond me. How does this make it selfish or make it sound like I want this girl to magically appear in my lap.

How did I possibly create the impression I wasn't willing to work for a girl.

I am still willing to work. To flirt appropriately, to court her, to give her entertaining, meaningful, dates. To enrich her mind with the conversations we have.

The objective still remains: I want a girlfriend. I do not want friends. Simple.

Are you implying that you need friends in order to get girlfriend?

I don't want friends, a la something like this:

But I do want a female companion who acts as a girlfriend and friend.

I don't see why this has to be a big issue, or why it has to be a "you need one in order to have the other" sort of deal.


When I head to school in September, my efforts will solely be focused on conversing with women via the plan discussed earlier. Done.

I won't devote a second of time into trying to make "buddies" or anything like that (a group of casual friends that hangout like in the picture above). This is of no interest to me whatsoever.

I repeat - the word girlfriend has meaning. Also, from my own experience of many years living with a guy who did not want other friends, the burden of having such a partner withered my own friendships, made me practically his sole emotional and social support, and thus placed a crushing burden on me because I loved him.

Living with someone who has no interest in friendships or a social life is utterly soul destroying, if you yourself do. I cannot recommend that you choose a girl who does so if you yourself do not - it is selfish, whether you understand this right now or not.

I've lived a solitary lifestyle for years. I've learned to handle my own problems and never needed a shoulder to cry on or someone to talk to for support. I handled things myself, all the time and every day. I've been a lone wolf throughout my teens, and going into my 20s will probably stay that way.

(I know this seems ironic considering I'm on a forum asking for help. But I can explain that as well.)

If you and other folks are suggesting that getting a girlfriend will make me obsessively cling to her and rely on her and be to her like wet is to water...then you are mistaken. I will not suffocate her. I will not smother her.

She will be my only social connection, yes, but this does not mean each and every hurdle in my life will be given to her.

And so, I believe I have debunked any aspects of selfishness that were in this thread.

---

Few things on random order... Don't worry about what's socially acceptable or not if you're not interested in making any friends... I do completely understand you don't want any part of what seems like a superficial relationship of any kind, which includes "drinking buddies", "Gaming buddies", and/or bimbos...

Second, if you are interested in making a meaningful friendship, remember it's a 2 way street... I've heard so many people bitching about how their "so called friends" never called them while never making an effort to contact "so called friends" either... That "joining a club" thing sounds decent enough... Don't just show up & sit there like a lump... Participate & make some effort... You'll only get as much out of a friendship as you put in...

Third, wanting a girlfriend... I'm not calling anyone abnormal for not wanting a relationship with opposite sex... There are enough reason why a person may not want a relationship at the moment, including financial, personal & health issues... With that said, it's normal to want a companionship... At least you know what you want & what you don't want... I'm gonna combine it with the first things I said about what's socially acceptable... Don't worry about what's socially acceptable... I know I said that already... It sounds to me that you've read up on tips on how to get a girlfriend... I'm sure you've ran into something about what might attract a girl... Well, there ya go... Most people are attracted to people who know what they want & not afraid to go after it... Voice your preferences & opinions... Don't worry about weather it's socially acceptable or not... This is free country for a reason... They don't like it? They're free to walk away...

Forth... As far as that once specific girl is concerned... Ever heard of "stalking"? Ok, let me explain that before anybody starts jumping down my throat... I think someone mentioned it already about finding her alone... When the class is over, & if you have the time to, follow her... I understand you may not wanna talk to her when she's surrounded by her friends... I get that... What I meant by "stalking" is, follow her when you do see her... Understand her schedules & routines... Get a better ideas on when & where she's gonna be... Goes back to what I said earlier... Put some effort into it... You might have to do some leg work... You may not get what you want in 47 minutes... When you finally get a general idea what her routine is, pick a time & place where you feel most comfortable... May be she has a cup of coffee in front of starbucks between classes every Tuesday between 3 - 4 pm... I don't know... I just made that up but you get the idea... Then walk up to her... "Hey... I know you... You're in my XXXX class..." Or say something... Wait for her response & if it's positive, ask her... "Hey, I got some free time before my next class & I was thinking about getting a cup of coffee but I hate having it alone... You wanna come with me?" or "Can I join ya? Since I was thinking about getting a cup of coffee anyway & I hate doing it alone"... Something to that nature... None threatening & public enough that she might feel secure enough to have a cup of coffee with you... Start from there... You can hold a decent conversation, remember?

This is amazing. This post. The thread has deviated a bit slightly ever since the whole "selfishness" concept was introduced.
But now you've put it back and made an amazingly helpful post that just puts blinders on and jumps right to the point. Rational, grounded, practical tips. Not ones that are broad and psychological "be yourself" but ones that are concrete and applicable. Practical tips.

I will stalk her. Find her routine. Find a place where she settles that I too can settle in. Then pounce with my barrage of impeccable flirting and charismatic word choice. Sounds good.
I can't even articulate how happy I am with the style and content of your post. You really understand what I was asking. You hit the nail on the head. I needed direct tips on how to get a girl in a certain environment and you gave it. Not meeting girls at bars, where walking up to one and flirting is normal. But meeting a girl that you only see in a lecture hall where flirting is out of the question.

I gave you a reputation point but I don't feel it's enough to express my true gratitude.
Thank you. Thank you very much indeed.

 

[Nicolelt]

I will stalk her. Find her routine. Find a place where she settles that I too can settle in. Then pounce with my barrage of impeccable flirting and charismatic word choice. Sounds good.
Thank you. Thank you very much indeed.

Please don't stalk. Coming from someone who's life was hell because of a stalker, it is not fun when you are the victim.

 

[Rainbows]

I will stalk her. Find her routine. Find a place where she settles that I too can settle in. Then pounce with my barrage of impeccable flirting and charismatic word choice. Sounds good.
Thank you. Thank you very much indeed.

Please don't stalk. Coming from someone who's life was hell because of a stalker, it is not fun when you are the victim.

I quote this.
No girl likes being stalked or followed around. Seriously, you just become creepy if you do that.

 

[ringwood]

I will stalk her. Find her routine. Find a place where she settles that I too can settle in. Then pounce with my barrage of impeccable flirting and charismatic word choice. Sounds good.
Thank you. Thank you very much indeed.

Sheesh...I truly hope this was said with a sarcastic frame of mind. Yikes.

 

[River Lion]

Please don't stalk. Coming from someone who's life was hell because of a stalker, it is not fun when you are the victim.

I quote this.
No girl likes being stalked or followed around. Seriously, you just become creepy if you do that.

But then how do I create a situation where I can talk to her?
As sk66rc mentioned, during lecture was out of the question.
I was in no common club with her, and we don't share the same residence.

If I don't hunt for her at coffee shops, book stores, hallways, etc. how will I ever talk to her?

Note: I don't mean the malicious type of "stalk", just as sk66rc said. I just want to find her routine so i can create scenarios where I can converse with her.

 

[Nicolelt]

Please don't stalk. Coming from someone who's life was hell because of a stalker, it is not fun when you are the victim.

I quote this.
No girl likes being stalked or followed around. Seriously, you just become creepy if you do that.

But then how do I create a situation where I can talk to her?
As sk66rc mentioned, during lecture was out of the question.
I was in no common club with her, and we don't share the same residence.

If I don't hunt for her at coffee shops, book stores, hallways, etc. how will I ever talk to her?

Note: I don't mean the malicious type of "stalk", just as sk66rc said. I just want to find her routine so i can create scenarios where I can converse with her.

What about after lecture? Or do you sit around before hand? You don't have to follow her around and create a scenario. Creating a relationship is not mathematical, you need to communicate with this girl in the setting in which you know her. Plus, you are only basing your infatuation by looks, you may talk to this girl and she has a boyfriend, or as said before, she would not be what you are looking for as far as personality. Then look what happened. You wasted a huge amount of time focusing on the routine of one girl, when there are tons out there you could be with.

 

[Rainbows]

xxx

 

[sk66rc]

Ok... Apparently I've used a wrong choice of word, "stalking"... Or even a phrase, idea, about following her around... I think riverlion, along with most of you, got the general idea of what I was trying to say though may not agree with the general terms I've used... Here's what I was thinking...

When most of us want something, we make some sort of an effort... If there's a jacket I really like, I'd give up few thing & possibly work few overtime to save up for it... That type of behavior goes for anything I would want that I couldn't afford... At the end, if I still couldn't afford it, well, may be it wasn't meant for me to have it... Life goes on... It's little different when people are involved... If I see someone I'd like to get to know better, I'm not gonna just sit back & hope that an opportunity presents itself... I'm going to make an effort... I'm not suggesting he should stand outside of her house throwing rocks at her window hoping to get her attention... I mean, how is it that different from asking around about a certain person you're interested in? One of the "tips" on line suggests asking a mutual friend about her likes & dislikes... There are 2 ways of looking at that... If a girl was asking my co-workers & friends about me, I could be creeped out... Why does she wanna know what my favorite restaurants are? Why is she interested in what type of car I drive? Or I could be flattered... No, he shouldn't follow her around & hiding behind bushes to see what she's doing... But at the same time, if he's willing put some effort into getting to know her, may be he shouldn't just give up as soon as she walks out of the class-room... Or make a fool of himself & possibly embarrass her or put her on the spot in the process... That's why I was suggesting public place so she doesn't feel threatened... After all, his intentions are "harmless" enough... All he wants is a chance, or at least that's how I saw his original post... If she walks away, fair enough... As I said in my response, this is a free country for a reason... She's free to walk away if she's not interested... Hence the other reason for suggesting public place... That way she doesn't feel as though he's trapping her somewhere or he's backing her into a corner... I think we need to look at a bigger picture than a "wrong choice" of word that I've used to discourage him from pursuing his interest... And if anyone's offended by my comment, regardless of my intention behind it, I do apologies...

 

[River Lion]

What about after lecture? Or do you sit around before hand? You don't have to follow her around and create a scenario. Creating a relationship is not mathematical, you need to communicate with this girl in the setting in which you know her. Plus, you are only basing your infatuation by looks, you may talk to this girl and she has a boyfriend, or as said before, she would not be what you are looking for as far as personality. Then look what happened. You wasted a huge amount of time focusing on the routine of one girl, when there are tons out there you could be with.

Seriously, about the routine - I'm a girl and seriously I would be concerned if someone was following my routine. You know, that's the thing about relationships. Even if you're just friends, it's some sort of relationship. Mostly because you have something in common. A shared interest, or the same humor - So, indeed, talk to her AFTER the lecture - about the lecture, or directly ask her for coffee. Introduce yourself.

Just, don't follow her around - and don't focus so much on one girl.. For all you know, she could be the rudest girl you've ever met. I understand that looks are important, but shouldn't you get along with them in the first place?

After the lecture is impossible territory. She just gets up with her gang of 6-7 friends and they walk away, chatting about class or other things in their lives. Approaching her then would be a surefire way to embarrass myself in her eyes.

Ok... Apparently I've used a wrong choice of word, "stalking"... Or even a phrase, idea, about following her around... I think riverlion, along with most of you, got the general idea of what I was trying to say though may not agree with the general terms I've used... Here's what I was thinking...
And if anyone's offended by my comment, regardless of my intention behind it, I do apologies...

You don't need to apologize. You gave great advice, have great laurels, and had no ill intentions. You weren't telling me to stalk her into oblivion and creep on her. You were simply telling me to take initiative and effort to get her. That is simple. No need for apologies.

 

[TheRealCallie]

After the lecture is impossible territory. She just gets up with her gang of 6-7 friends and they walk away, chatting about class or other things in their lives. Approaching her then would be a surefire way to embarrass myself in her eyes.

No, it's not impossible territory and the only one you will embarrass is yourself in your own eyes.
You don't necessarily have to start a whole conversation with her, but you do have to get yourself noticed. Just say hi to the whole group and see what happens. Maybe insert something that happened in class too...something simple like "today was a good lecture" or along those lines.

Nothing will happen if you don't try. You can't be rejected if you don't try, but you also can't succeed.

 

[River Lion]

Okay folks. I have rummaged through this thread and extracted all the info from each and every post.
I can't act on any of the advise, as school is out for the summer.

However, I've made note of the valuable tips and will surely implement them.

I will resume my girlfriend-hunt in September when I return to school. The summer will be spent as a lonely, messy, bachelor indulging in the internet.
Over the next few months, I will focus on developing myself and enriching my mind. I will read and research amazing things. I may even join a gym and get into shape.


I am closing this case. I give a warm thank you to everyone who posted.
Good day to you all.

 

[Badjedidude]

Good luck!

And keep in mind that you can still meet women during the summer. You don't have to only meet a girl in a school setting.

 

[River Lion]

Good luck!
And keep in mind that you can still meet women during the summer. You don't have to only meet a girl in a school setting.

Hahahah I highly doubt that. During the summer I look something like this.

I stay inside and indulge in the internet.

There will be no context in which I can meet a woman. I don't go outside. Even if I did go outside to bars/clubs or shopping malls or whatever, I'd have to research how to pick up girls in these settings...which is a new battle altogether.
I'm going to focus my energy on getting women in a school setting. Then enter the new year as a man with a strategy and months of research behind him.

But I appreciate your optimism and support

 

[bender22]

Hopefully I'm not too late with this post.

Why wait until September to resume your girlfriend hunt? That's over four months away. By all means, work on developing yourself, enriching your mind, getting into shape..all those things will help but why not start gain some experience with girls? Based on your lack of social experience, if September comes around and you see this girl and find an opportunity to talk to her, I'd say there's about a 99% chance she's not going to be interested in a coffee or anything with you. It's like expecting to run a marathon in under 3.5 hours when you've been sitting on your couch the past four months.

What if you spent the next four months practising talking to other girls? Try going to a busy shopping mall or somewhere girls hang out during the day and just start simple. Try asking girls for the time or for directions somewhere. Even if it's not the most attractive girls at first, the purpose is just to get used to speaking to girls and approaching girls you don't know. Gradually build your way up until you can comfortably walk up to a girl, say hello to her and have a conversation with her. You could find girls in book stores and ask them for a recommendation on what to read, go to a juice bar or somewhere and ask a girl if she's ever tried XX drink? If approaching completely random girls is too intimidating then join a running club and talk to the girls about the run afterwards (I did that..good way to get fit and meet some girls) or go on meetup.com and join a group on there where you could meet girls to talk to. Gradually start becoming more direct with the girls you talk to, maybe even try asking them for their number so you can catch up later.

Now let's fast forward to September. Let's say you've approached even 25 random girls over the past four months. Now you know you're capable of having a conversation with a girl you've never met before, you know girls will be friendly when you talk to them (trust me, girls will very rarely be rude to you when you talk to them during the daytime), you have a much better understanding of the basics of talking to girls, you know you've made some mistakes talking to girls but you've identified them and you're not going to repeat them again. Think how much more confidence you're going to have when you see the girl from your lecture. Now the chances of her agreeing to getting a coffee with you are suddenly a lot higher.

Also it doesn't matter how much research you do over the summer, there is absolutely no substitute for real experience. At the very most your research will help point you in the right direction but it will still take a lot of practice before you get good at it. If you do your research and practice implementing what you learn at the same time, you will progress so much faster.

 

[River Lion]

Hey, it's bender22! I read your journal dude, about how you were forcing yourself to get into more social situations. Good stuff.


No, you're not too late. You actually brought up great ideas! I never thought of that. Practice is definitely better than straight theory. And practice is something I should definitely get over the summer.

I will do the shopping mall exercises. I may even consider doing a summer class, so I can get ahead in my academics AND practice in an environment that will be identical to the one where the moment of truth will take place...September...seeing that one girl again.

Like preparing for a marathon by running the EXACT route the marathon would have. So you are familiar with the feel and grooves of the ashphalt.

I will do this. I will keep a journal of my encounters. I may head back here to report my success/failures to you fine folks, or just ask for more advice.

 

[sk66rc]

Just a passing thought... For a group of people who hang around in a forum called "LONELY LIFE", you all have some great ideas on how to meet people... And no, I'm not being sarcastic... It's like when I went to get an oil change for my car... The mechanic who worked on my car basically complained the whole time he was working on my car how much he hated working on cars (I waited in the lobby & once in a while stepping outside to smoke & they had the garage door open & I can hear them talking inside)... Apparently he's the best mechanic working there & 3 other mechanics were constantly asking him questions... "Man, this sucks... 8 years of school & $175,000 in school debt & I end up a grease monkey... Wait, Mike, you have to watch the tech meter & have to callabrate the intake menafold before you can link the something something(???) to the something something(???)... Where was I? Oh, yeah... Man, I could've ended up with a cushy job pushing pen all day being a lawyer & still make just as much as I do here...!!!" I'm thinking, "really? How much do you really make here that you're comparing your salary to a lawyers salary?"...

I'm just saying, I see majority of people here seem very nice & I can't imagine any of them having issues socially... Yet I see so many people fighting with social issues such as being too shy & social anxieties... If some choose this life style, it's none of my business... But it really would be nice to meet some people here cause I can almost bet the issues aren't as bad as people think they are...

 

[Nicolelt]

Just a passing thought... For a group of people who hang around in a forum called "LONELY LIFE", you all have some great ideas on how to meet people... And no, I'm not being sarcastic... It's like when I went to get an oil change for my car... The mechanic who worked on my car basically complained the whole time he was working on my car how much he hated working on cars (I waited in the lobby & once in a while stepping outside to smoke & they had the garage door open & I can hear them talking inside)... Apparently he's the best mechanic working there & 3 other mechanics were constantly asking him questions... "Man, this sucks... 8 years of school & $175,000 in school debt & I end up a grease monkey... Wait, Mike, you have to watch the tech meter & have to callabrate the intake menafold before you can link the something something(???) to the something something(???)... Where was I? Oh, yeah... Man, I could've ended up with a cushy job pushing pen all day being a lawyer & still make just as much as I do here...!!!" I'm thinking, "really? How much do you really make here that you're comparing your salary to a lawyers salary?"...

I'm just saying, I see majority of people here seem very nice & I can't imagine any of them having issues socially... Yet I see so many people fighting with social issues such as being too shy & social anxieties... If some choose this life style, it's none of my business... But it really would be nice to meet some people here cause I can almost bet the issues aren't as bad as people think they are...

It's not all about social issues and anxieties though on here. Some of us are lonely because of other circumstances. Some of us are not shy and can/have done the advice we are giving. I love breaking out of my comfort zone, it is a weird thrive for me, and talking to strangers and asking people out if a part of that. And if that is my strength, then I can help. I have weaknesses and issues that I need help with, and I seek that help here. That is what is forum is about, we all have different monsters we are facing, some of us and help each other defeat those monsters. We all have a different story on why we are on here, whether it is the fact we can't find someone, or we are shy, or for me personally, it is because I don't deal with change in life's natural transitions well, and I have extremely hard on myself, which makes me feel like no one likes me, causing my loneliness. But I have no problem pursuing a relationship with a guy I like. We all have a different monster.

And some people on here have conquered their monster and are staying just to help the new people that join.

 

[bender22]

Yeah I definitely recommend keeping a journal. Taking the time to analyse your encounters is incredibly valuable and will definitely accelerate your growth. Then as you document your thoughts and insights, you will start to identify your weaknesses and you can seek out guidance to overcome those weaknesses. That's when your research will become really valuable and it will also make a lot more sense because you can relate it to your own experience. You don't have to keep a journal on here like I do, but I will say it definitely helps keep you more accountable and it's good to get some feedback.

As someone who's come from a similar background to you, I'd always be happy to offer any advice if you want it. Good luck with everything, hope it goes well.

 

[sk66rc]

Just a passing thought... For a group of people who hang around in a forum called "LONELY LIFE", you all have some great ideas on how to meet people... And no, I'm not being sarcastic... It's like when I went to get an oil change for my car... The mechanic who worked on my car basically complained the whole time he was working on my car how much he hated working on cars (I waited in the lobby & once in a while stepping outside to smoke & they had the garage door open & I can hear them talking inside)... Apparently he's the best mechanic working there & 3 other mechanics were constantly asking him questions... "Man, this sucks... 8 years of school & $175,000 in school debt & I end up a grease monkey... Wait, Mike, you have to watch the tech meter & have to callabrate the intake menafold before you can link the something something(???) to the something something(???)... Where was I? Oh, yeah... Man, I could've ended up with a cushy job pushing pen all day being a lawyer & still make just as much as I do here...!!!" I'm thinking, "really? How much do you really make here that you're comparing your salary to a lawyers salary?"...

I'm just saying, I see majority of people here seem very nice & I can't imagine any of them having issues socially... Yet I see so many people fighting with social issues such as being too shy & social anxieties... If some choose this life style, it's none of my business... But it really would be nice to meet some people here cause I can almost bet the issues aren't as bad as people think they are...

It's not all about social issues and anxieties though on here. Some of us are lonely because of other circumstances. Some of us are not shy and can/have done the advice we are giving. I love breaking out of my comfort zone, it is a weird thrive for me, and talking to strangers and asking people out if a part of that. And if that is my strength, then I can help. I have weaknesses and issues that I need help with, and I seek that help here. That is what is forum is about, we all have different monsters we are facing, some of us and help each other defeat those monsters. We all have a different story on why we are on here, whether it is the fact we can't find someone, or we are shy, or for me personally, it is because I don't deal with change in life's natural transitions well, and I have extremely hard on myself, which makes me feel like no one likes me, causing my loneliness. But I have no problem pursuing a relationship with a guy I like. We all have a different monster.

And some people on here have conquered their monster and are staying just to help the new people that join.

Oh, don't get me wrong... I completely understand... Different people with different issues & different ideas... Got it... Hell, I'm here & I feel completely & utterly comfortable around people... So much so I went to school for 6 years trying to figure out what makes people tick... And though the word "lonely" doesn't really describe how I feel most of the times, I do miss interactions... I just rather keep it at my pace... My comment was more on a compliment side than anything else... With all the issues, including shyness & social anxiety & other "monsters" as you put it, people still seem to go out of their ways to help & give advise to others... I just find it fascinating, that's all...