"Nice Guy" Complex

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yesm

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I see this come up a lot, maybe recently. It seems like there are a lot of guys who consider them self to be "nice guys", but can't get teh girls.

Then they ***** and piss and moan about how all the ******** get teh girls.

What I'm thinking is this.

Don't you think considering yourself to be a "nice guy" is a bit pretentious?

Give me a fuckin' break. Oh your so nice, blah blah, gimme a fuckin' break.

Does being nice put food on the table?

Does being nice feed the kids?

Does being nice buy the wife new shoes?

Does being nice give a girl breathtaking orgasms?

Does being nice make you funny and clever?

Does being nice help you compete against other men to gain a woman's favor?

It's all a bunch of pretentious pitty party fuckin' bullshit.

I'm not saying don't have "compassion" in life.

I'm not saying don't donate some money now and then

i'm not saying don't open the door for a lady if she doesn't mind the chivalry.

I'm not saying don't voulunteer at the old folks home or hospital.

I'm not saying stop respecting women.

What I am saying is, get over yourself... grow a pair of balls... cup your hands around them and say to yourself "this is what i'm selling, now get out their and sell it you son of a *****!" And if your not willing to do that... if your not willing to ask out 100 girls get turned down 100 times and then ask out 100 more and keep doing it till one says yes... then maybe deep down you don't really want a girl that badly.

Pfft so your a nice guy, who gives a fresia... women don't want nice guys... they want men... and if that man happens to be compassionate, reasonable, non-violent, and good in bed... well then she's pretty lucky isn't she.

there is one thing that is certain in life... you will die...
a lucky few live to old age...
a lucky few get to have a healthy relationship with a partner...
a lucky few don't struggle financially or have good jobs...
the rest... are just trying to survive...

Good luck fellas!
 
No one wants to hear that honeysuckle around here....

But right on...dude

You left out...she'll stab ur fucken heart out three to four times
in a life and pour salt in it too....
Life can be unkind and very few poeple will really give a fresia
oneway or the other...

All I can say is...I have a GF today. She's very pretty and sweet.
I'm trying to go with the flow and enjoy being with her for the time
were given together. I got laid a couple of time today...but people thinks that's too much.
How messed up of me and not nice of me.


 
People only think that's too much to know, because that's supposed to be kept private. Not everyone is with you. They don't need to know nor care to know what you do with your penis. People with some dignity about their personal life know that.

Anyway, I think a good combination of nice and ******* in a guy is best. My ex was a total *******. He wouldn't give me water if I was dying of thirst. However, my guy now is both. He can be an *******, and admits he usually is one. But he's also been nice to me, and he'll go out of his way to do something for me.
 
Like I said...pople wont wanna hear about that honeysuckle on here :p
they rather be whinny little bitches , get brownie pionts and not really getting it.
 
Thank you for this thread yesm.

I have seen the whole "I'm a nice guy but women don't like nice guys...they only like ******** that beat them so I will be like that too."
The only women that stay with such ******** are women with damaged self-esteem and no self-respect - what does it say about a man who wants a woman is so vulnerable and sick so he can treat her like honeysuckle?

Along with that, I have talked to many self-proclaimed "nice guys" from here and the problem with all of them is that they give up and sit in their bedroom complaining how they're entitled to women without even trying. If they've tried, well, they've already given up! If you suggest that they improve themselves or get out there, they shoot down all your suggestions and only want to have a pity party!
Also I would like to note...it is very, very hard to be friends or continually talk to someone who is miserable and whines and doesn't want to try to improve their situation.

I posted this on another forum to a fellow who claimed that women like to be beaten etc and don't want a "nice guy":

Too many people blame on being the "nice guy" due to the lack of success with women.

There is a difference between being a "nice guy" and being a "doormat".

What is a Nice Guy?
A Nice guy is person who has confidence and respect for himself and does not need to hurt/ act like an ******* to others to compensate for what he lacks.
He knows his good traits as well as he does his bad.
He knows that if he wants something, he'll have to work to get it.
He doesn't feel that the world owes him anything and that he is entitled to this or that.
He will stand up for himself and others when needed.
When having done wrong, he is accountable and apologizes/ makes up for it.
He is loving, compassionate and and shows his kindness through his thoughts, words and his actions.
When you're going through difficult times, he is there to comfort you and willing to make sacrifices to help you through the hardship.
He may not be perfect - no one is - but he strives to be the best that he can be; to himself and to those around him.
***THIS IS WHAT SELF-RESPECTING WOMEN WANT. IT REALLY IS NOT THAT HARD.***

What is a Doormat?
A Doormat is a person who is easily manipulated and lacks the confidence, self-esteem and self-respect to stand up for himself. He lets those around him use and abuse him and mistakenly believes that to be the actions of a "Nice Guy". He attracts manipulators as he doesn't believe he can do any better nor is there anything he is doing wrong. He rarely seeks improvement as he believes that because of his "niceness", he is entitled to be given the good of the world. Due to lack of initiative in "getting what he wants" and giving up when faced with failure. he is miserable, angry and passive - and is always waiting for good things to happen to him as he believe he deserves it so from all that he puts himself through.

We teach others how we want to be treated.

You are already on a good path with wanting to stay true to yourself and being kind to others.

The women that are attracted to ******** often have their share of self-esteem issues etc. I've known many women who lacked self-esteem and turned away good potential partners and went off with terrible people - because they felt that they didn't deserve a good person.
There's no pride in being an *******.

It's not your responsibility to help these people though; we all have to help ourselves.
If any woman rejects you etc, think of it as an opportunity to find someone who deserves you and appreciates you for who you are. Do not think you are not good enough because you sound like a great person. :)

I did not date in school etc (overweight, acne, no make-up etc) nor did anyone ever show interest in me. It wasn't until I took care of myself and throwing myself out there that I started to see progress.
I joined an online dating site (www.okcupid.com - try it out) to meet new people as I had already done volunteering, classes, hobby groups with no success. I was hesitant about joining the site as I didn't need any more rejection, but met someone wonderful there.

You have to keep building yourself out and get out there. It won't happen overnight, and it may be a month or even years before you find someone you match with. I've been hurt and rejected so many times, but when you meet someone great - it's like a distant memory.
 
Luna said:
There is a difference between being a "nice guy" and being a "doormat".

What is a Nice Guy?
A Nice guy is person who has confidence and respect for himself and does not need to hurt/ act like an ******* to others to compensate for what he lacks.
He knows his good traits as well as he does his bad.
He knows that if he wants something, he'll have to work to get it.
He doesn't feel that the world owes him anything and that he is entitled to this or that.
He will stand up for himself and others when needed.
When having done wrong, he is accountable and apologizes/ makes up for it.
He is loving, compassionate and and shows his kindness through his thoughts, words and his actions.
When you're going through difficult times, he is there to comfort you and willing to make sacrifices to help you through the hardship.
He may not be perfect - no one is - but he strives to be the best that he can be; to himself and to those around him.
***THIS IS WHAT SELF-RESPECTING WOMEN WANT. IT REALLY IS NOT THAT HARD.***

there you go , perfectly explaned :D

i agree to the "whining about not getting girls but im such a nice guy" thing.
but thats more about guys having problems and not knowing what the problem is.

all that being a nice guy means in having some common decency and respect for other people.
im not a nice guy because it gets me anything..
i dont need a reward for being nice.
i work hard for what i want.
i just dont go around being an ass.. because its easyer and being a little considerate is to much trouble.
being nice is a lot harder than youd think.
theres a lot of people around that make you wanne "turn to the dark side" :p
but that would be to easy.. and not who i wanne be.

"Pfft so your a nice guy, who gives a fresia... women don't want nice guys... they want men... and if that man happens to be compassionate, reasonable, non-violent, and good in bed... well then she's pretty lucky isn't she."

is that really the way you think it is ??
so if a man doesnt beat her up and gets her off ones in a while she should count herself lucky ??
thats kinda sad..
and how do you know what women want ?

and on the other issue:
if some dude i pass in the hallway of my apartment would stop me to tell me he had sex 3 times last night i reeeeaaaaly wouldnt be interested in hearing about that.
id prob think "what the f... is your problem".
i wouldnt say that to him cause well.... being a "nice guy" or just a decent human being, thats not what you do.
so saying things like that when it realy has nothing to do with anything will get you some coments of people trying to explain to you that this realy isnt the time and place to say things like that.
theres special forums for that....

again common decency and a little respect..
it really isnt that hard..
 
Well said. Being a decent, good human being doesn't mean you have to be passive. And the world owes you nothing; I see so much of an entitlement attitude at times, and its sad. No, the world isn't fair. Yes, sometimes it sucks. Get better at life. Its possible.
 
See, this is where most people get confused...

Being a nice guy isn't about what you do for others. It's about acknowledging what others do for you.

You don't have to roll over and play dead to be a nice guy. Being "nice" doesn't mean becoming a servile slave to completely whore yourself to others' needs... it means simply being aware that we're all fractured, hurting individuals (at one level or another), and acting to best serve all of us as a whole.

It also means knowing when you CAN'T do anything for someone. Sometimes all you can do is walk away; and that's the nicest thing you could do.
 
The world is twisted, period.

As we were pulling off, a woman knocked on the window in hopes that the driver would stop. One man said "wait, wait, wait!" The bus driver's response? "already pulled off!" We were maybe 5 feet from the curb. The tail of the bus and some point maybe two feet from the curb established a vertex that wouldn't allow other vehicles to come between the bus and the curb. So as far as safety is concerned, there was no more danger than a stopped bus at that point and one parallel to the curb. I looked at the man, then I looked out at the woman who stood at the stop disappointed. I too was very disappointed.

I know they have their policies. I know these drivers can be FIRED over breaking the rule. Actually, I don't know their rules, but I assume they're not supposed to do it because many of them don't. So I don't blame the driver entirely. The fact that there are rules in place that discourages kindness or overrides the importance of kind gestures is quite disappointing in itself.
 
there is prob someone just missing a bus at every stop or so.
if he would stop for all of em people are gonne be bitching about the bus being late.

there are rules and reasons for almost everything.
mostely because of people being impatient and inconsiderate.
they need rules to remind them how to behave.
thats the sad part really.
the world works the way it does because thats how the majority of people want or need it to be.

busdrivers stop for people that are about to mis the buss.
people start complaining about busses being late.
drivers cant stop for people missing busses anymore.
people complain about busdrivers being rude.

the world is what we make it..





 
There are rules because human perception is flawed. While its nice to allow people to 'be nice', if it was so, someone would take advantage. Far better inflexible rules than to allow the natural chaos to result, imo.
 
IgnoredOne said:
There are rules because human perception is flawed. While its nice to allow people to 'be nice', if it was so, someone would take advantage. Far better inflexible rules than to allow the natural chaos to result, imo.

treu except for the "natural" chaos part.
nature would be doing just fine if there werent any people around.
so its really people that are flawed itns it ?
 
paulo said:
IgnoredOne said:
There are rules because human perception is flawed. While its nice to allow people to 'be nice', if it was so, someone would take advantage. Far better inflexible rules than to allow the natural chaos to result, imo.

treu except for the "natural" chaos part.
nature would be doing just fine if there werent any people around.
so its really people that are flawed itns it ?

Nature is a world of infanticide, force and early death. Arsenic and black widows are natural, as are wolves eating out the intestines of a whitetail deer even as it is still alive and trying to squirm.

Nature is not a perfect ideal.
 
IgnoredOne said:
Nature is not a perfect ideal.

Define "perfect."

If by perfect you mean no violence and peace/harmony... then yes. But if you see "perfect" as being Nature in Tooth and Claw... if you have no problem with violence or the idea such as Fight Over Right (force wins out)...

...then I'd say the natural universe is pretty damned ideal.
 
IgnoredOne said:
paulo said:
IgnoredOne said:
There are rules because human perception is flawed. While its nice to allow people to 'be nice', if it was so, someone would take advantage. Far better inflexible rules than to allow the natural chaos to result, imo.

treu except for the "natural" chaos part.
nature would be doing just fine if there werent any people around.
so its really people that are flawed itns it ?

Nature is a world of infanticide, force and early death. Arsenic and black widows are natural, as are wolves eating out the intestines of a whitetail deer even as it is still alive and trying to squirm.

Nature is not a perfect ideal.

i agree its awefull..
but none of that is with an intension to cause pain or suffering.
a wolf isnt gonne make sure the baby deer is still alive when he starts eating it.
there are people that might.
if you boil a lobster when its still alive it tastes better.
there are going to have to be laws against that before people are gonne stop doing it.
if you force feed a goose by pumping food into his stomach its gonne have a nice fat juicy liver for people to eat.
pretty sick if you ask me.
but people are still doing it still.
 
You are talking as if being a "nice" guy is supposed to mean that you should automatically have a girlfriend or that they should flock to you. Anyone who thinks they should because of this is wrong simply because there are so so many other factors involved.

I would only use the term to describe someone who is genuinely a nice person. Ofcourse being a nice person is the result of multiple traits of someones character... An empathic, compassionate type of person.





yesm said:
Don't you think considering yourself to be a "nice guy" is a bit pretentious?

The problem is perception... People will label themselves a nice guy when they might not actually be a nice guy and are just using the term because it has positive connotations. They might use the term because they think it makes others respect them more or/and makes them more desirable to the opposite sex. People like this just degrade the meaning of the word and the real reason why being a "nice" person is a good thing.

Some people might genuinely be a nice person, realise that it is a positive thing and label themselves with this term to summarize their generally compassionate character. Maybe they might give themselves the term because they have been given it by others multiple times in their lives.

I can safely say im a nice guy, its just because of how i was brought up and the fact that I am a compassionate person but I dont expect anything because the fact at all. It is only pretentious if the person believes they deserve something because of it.





What im getting at is there should be no expectations from life just because you are a nice guy, which is pretty much what yesm said. On the other hand it means you have some good traits which are generally desirable in any relationship.


 

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