No need to read... very long story of what brought me to ALL...
- Thread starter lostatsea
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Help Support Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum:
I don't have much time left. Time doesn't wait for anyone. I know how illogical and stupid I'm being. But I still care about her. But thinking back at her, I don't think of the current her. I think back at the naive girl who was shy, and had no real experience with guys. She wasn't meeting anyone. She would just come on that website and chat for months. Even most of 2013 she wasn't really meeting anyone. The one person she was interested in went to Canada. She didn't have any real guys to talk to. She didn't have many friends. So I became one.
Me leaving most definitely changed everything about her. She's become promiscuous and aggressive. She chats up guys and sends nudes without any problems. She will happily sell herself for money. The fact that so many guys will happily send an attractive girl free gifts has ruined her work ethic and sense of drive as well. She can get a job that will maybe pay her $10/hr or she can manipulate/use/sell herself for $6500 during the past year. But she chose this path. I just spoke to my therapist about it. He rationalized it out. She's doing what college kids do. I talk about saving her, but she doesn't want to be saved. She's an adult making her own decisions. She's got her own issues, and is making questionable life choices. Ultimately she's living life the way she feels best. I'm not living at all. There's also nowhere to go. I can never be friends with her again. I can never be more than friends. I've trapped myself in an impossible situation where the only option is the obvious one and I'm not just following.
Me leaving most definitely changed everything about her. She's become promiscuous and aggressive. She chats up guys and sends nudes without any problems. She will happily sell herself for money. The fact that so many guys will happily send an attractive girl free gifts has ruined her work ethic and sense of drive as well. She can get a job that will maybe pay her $10/hr or she can manipulate/use/sell herself for $6500 during the past year. But she chose this path. I just spoke to my therapist about it. He rationalized it out. She's doing what college kids do. I talk about saving her, but she doesn't want to be saved. She's an adult making her own decisions. She's got her own issues, and is making questionable life choices. Ultimately she's living life the way she feels best. I'm not living at all. There's also nowhere to go. I can never be friends with her again. I can never be more than friends. I've trapped myself in an impossible situation where the only option is the obvious one and I'm not just following.
Time doesn't wait for anyone, because people forget about time.
As for you leaving changing everything about her... Again, no it didn't. SHE changed herself.
Take two individuals for example: Both have the same issues, same past, same ideas, same dreams. They both meet someone, who could influence their life. Both of them will decide what to do next. However, given the idea these individuals are the same inside and out... Why is it only one will make better choices? How come the other one decides to take a different road?
Because we're human. And we do have the CHOICE. We can blame others all we want... But in the end we are not puppets.
I hope that kind of makes sense for you.
You do need to allow yourself to live. Feeling stuck... Staying stuck... Right where you are, you aren't letting yourself live.
As for you leaving changing everything about her... Again, no it didn't. SHE changed herself.
Take two individuals for example: Both have the same issues, same past, same ideas, same dreams. They both meet someone, who could influence their life. Both of them will decide what to do next. However, given the idea these individuals are the same inside and out... Why is it only one will make better choices? How come the other one decides to take a different road?
Because we're human. And we do have the CHOICE. We can blame others all we want... But in the end we are not puppets.
I hope that kind of makes sense for you.
You do need to allow yourself to live. Feeling stuck... Staying stuck... Right where you are, you aren't letting yourself live.
So I've been thinking about this a lot lately. Since I look and realize that the last few days I've turned back into that guy completely focused on her. It's like it's February or March all over again.
I also woke up today just feeling sad. I think part of me was reliving my late teen years hanging out with this girl so much. Part of me loved the fact that a girl like this was so "similar" to me. She is this amazing girl, but used to spend her time exactly the same as me. Staying at home on her computer all the time, wasting night after night away doing something pointless, like surfing tumblr, watching something, listening to music etc. She wanted a relationship, but had little experience, and had that idealistic view of meeting that one great guy who sweeps her off her feet like a disney fairy tale. But she was too shy and inexperienced to do anything. So she would just stay home almost everyday and go on a website to talk to people for hours and hours everyday and hope for it to happen. Talk to people became talk to just me because at some level we really could relate.
The fact that she's almost a dozen years younger but has grown past me is the huge shock to the system that my brain can't handle. She was this girl who would get so embarrassed to even say she liked someone. When talking about sex she would say something like I would suck his dick, about some celebrity in a movie and then quickly erase it. That girl became very comfortable talking about sex, having sex, and just going out to get sex. The embarrassed girl talking about sex is now fully comfortable sexting with guys and sending nudes. All this happened in the last 3 or 4 months. She's constantly talking to new guys, and has no problem going to a bar for some casual sex. She knows what a catch she is now and how "easy" it is.
I think the biggest thing that really bothers me, is the fact that she's turned into that, and I'm still here, same as I was 20 months ago, too shy to talk to most people, or even try. But instead of doing anything, I just keep thinking about the past and trying to go back to that point in time when we were so similar and just enjoyed talking to each other all the time. She had a belief for a little while that she needed me in her life. Now she knows she doesn't. I need to make peace with this. People keep telling me to just forget her and move on, but it was impossible when part of me would cling to that idea. Now that I know why maybe I can finally let go. It's really time to start living in the now.
I also woke up today just feeling sad. I think part of me was reliving my late teen years hanging out with this girl so much. Part of me loved the fact that a girl like this was so "similar" to me. She is this amazing girl, but used to spend her time exactly the same as me. Staying at home on her computer all the time, wasting night after night away doing something pointless, like surfing tumblr, watching something, listening to music etc. She wanted a relationship, but had little experience, and had that idealistic view of meeting that one great guy who sweeps her off her feet like a disney fairy tale. But she was too shy and inexperienced to do anything. So she would just stay home almost everyday and go on a website to talk to people for hours and hours everyday and hope for it to happen. Talk to people became talk to just me because at some level we really could relate.
The fact that she's almost a dozen years younger but has grown past me is the huge shock to the system that my brain can't handle. She was this girl who would get so embarrassed to even say she liked someone. When talking about sex she would say something like I would suck his dick, about some celebrity in a movie and then quickly erase it. That girl became very comfortable talking about sex, having sex, and just going out to get sex. The embarrassed girl talking about sex is now fully comfortable sexting with guys and sending nudes. All this happened in the last 3 or 4 months. She's constantly talking to new guys, and has no problem going to a bar for some casual sex. She knows what a catch she is now and how "easy" it is.
I think the biggest thing that really bothers me, is the fact that she's turned into that, and I'm still here, same as I was 20 months ago, too shy to talk to most people, or even try. But instead of doing anything, I just keep thinking about the past and trying to go back to that point in time when we were so similar and just enjoyed talking to each other all the time. She had a belief for a little while that she needed me in her life. Now she knows she doesn't. I need to make peace with this. People keep telling me to just forget her and move on, but it was impossible when part of me would cling to that idea. Now that I know why maybe I can finally let go. It's really time to start living in the now.
So the last few days I've reverted back to where I was completely. She thought about what I said the last time I talked to her and its enough for her to forget her not talk to me stance. What I said was I will annoy her more than most people. I don't just accept everything she says because we both know she changes her mind all the time. Words are cheap. It's all in the actions... and from my actions she should know I ultimately care... and that's not fake, and most people won't.
So she started sending me skype messages wanting to talk again.
I should be happy right? Isn't this what I wanted acting the way I did and feeling so sad? But in the end it's not the same. She's not the same girl. The girl I knew didn't whore herself for concert tickets. The girl I knew was sad.... but kind and compassionate.
It also hit me, I'm settling for being used. No matter how much you care about someone, it doesn't matter if they don't really care about you. She sends me messages on skype, but only when she has no other options. Kind of like, okay if I have nothing better to do, I'll humor myself with this guy. She does go out more often now. She is also more willing to meet new people. So she doesn't really need me much. But when she does she expects me just to be there.
One big thing that bothered me was that I had sent her a graduation gift for concert tickets she desperately wanted to see. (This was months ago when we were still "cool"). These are vip passes, that include the concert, a tee shirt, a poster, and a meet-and-greet with the band. She decided not to go to it, and is going to see some $10 mass block party for Odd Future, which she doesn't even like. She has the belief if it's not my money it's okay to be frivolous. I told her to give away the tix to someone so at least they get used, so she made a half hearted effortto do that. But does she not realize how insulting it is?
In the end I can't complain. I'm doing exactly what I was doing before. When I was talking to her I had to stop. When she finally moved on I begged her to talk to me. Now that she's talking to me, I'm wondering why. At the same time I still wonder what she's doing all the time. This is the first girl I have ever gotten to know so well. But this is also a girl who is a textbook scorpio and has the ability to mesmerize completely and she's well aware of it.
The french sugar daddy who spent $5000 on her and she ignored the second he asked for a song cover, emailed her again. He's just like me, except even more troubled in the head, because he barely talked to her and was willing to buy her anything she wanted. But he emailed her, missing her and they've been talking. He said he'd buy her a pair of tickets to England so she could visit the British guy she likes. I mentioned how France is a short train ride away from England and she said if he tried to meet her, her and her friend would end up just laughing at him. Out of curiosity I checked priceline and a ticket for her dates are a bit over $1200 a piece round, so $2400 before she even spent a dollar on food, shopping, etc. She recently opened a savings account. I'm sure she has no intention of actually getting a job, so she will be funding that account with the french man's money.
It's obvious from her actions she definitely really likes the british guy. For the very few people she actually cares about she treats well. But it's also obvious from her actions she is willing to use anyone mercilessly if she can. She got corrupted after tasting her "power" and I kind of see now that she has no problem with it. I'm a good person. She is obviously not anymore. Why do I care so much about her? She had me fooled for so long, but now that I see behind the curtain, I still care about her?!?! What the hell is wrong with me?
So she started sending me skype messages wanting to talk again.
I should be happy right? Isn't this what I wanted acting the way I did and feeling so sad? But in the end it's not the same. She's not the same girl. The girl I knew didn't whore herself for concert tickets. The girl I knew was sad.... but kind and compassionate.
It also hit me, I'm settling for being used. No matter how much you care about someone, it doesn't matter if they don't really care about you. She sends me messages on skype, but only when she has no other options. Kind of like, okay if I have nothing better to do, I'll humor myself with this guy. She does go out more often now. She is also more willing to meet new people. So she doesn't really need me much. But when she does she expects me just to be there.
One big thing that bothered me was that I had sent her a graduation gift for concert tickets she desperately wanted to see. (This was months ago when we were still "cool"). These are vip passes, that include the concert, a tee shirt, a poster, and a meet-and-greet with the band. She decided not to go to it, and is going to see some $10 mass block party for Odd Future, which she doesn't even like. She has the belief if it's not my money it's okay to be frivolous. I told her to give away the tix to someone so at least they get used, so she made a half hearted effortto do that. But does she not realize how insulting it is?
In the end I can't complain. I'm doing exactly what I was doing before. When I was talking to her I had to stop. When she finally moved on I begged her to talk to me. Now that she's talking to me, I'm wondering why. At the same time I still wonder what she's doing all the time. This is the first girl I have ever gotten to know so well. But this is also a girl who is a textbook scorpio and has the ability to mesmerize completely and she's well aware of it.
The french sugar daddy who spent $5000 on her and she ignored the second he asked for a song cover, emailed her again. He's just like me, except even more troubled in the head, because he barely talked to her and was willing to buy her anything she wanted. But he emailed her, missing her and they've been talking. He said he'd buy her a pair of tickets to England so she could visit the British guy she likes. I mentioned how France is a short train ride away from England and she said if he tried to meet her, her and her friend would end up just laughing at him. Out of curiosity I checked priceline and a ticket for her dates are a bit over $1200 a piece round, so $2400 before she even spent a dollar on food, shopping, etc. She recently opened a savings account. I'm sure she has no intention of actually getting a job, so she will be funding that account with the french man's money.
It's obvious from her actions she definitely really likes the british guy. For the very few people she actually cares about she treats well. But it's also obvious from her actions she is willing to use anyone mercilessly if she can. She got corrupted after tasting her "power" and I kind of see now that she has no problem with it. I'm a good person. She is obviously not anymore. Why do I care so much about her? She had me fooled for so long, but now that I see behind the curtain, I still care about her?!?! What the hell is wrong with me?
So if I'm on skype now, she's quick to send me a message. At the same time I don't really feel like talking to her. Which is retarded because I know as soon as we really stop, I'd just feel miserable again. I think I have to face the reality that I don't necessarily want her. But I want someone to want me.
The weirdest conversation just happened and I don't know how to react. I am asian. She is aware of this. But she still said, "What is my life about? Asians come crawling into my life for the weirdest reasons. I don't go looking for them. They come to me."
Is this as offensive as it seems? I even said she has an interesting way of looking at things. It's like she views asians as aliens from another world. It's a big deal whenever she meets one... and it is. She talks to me. But otherwise, one of the asian people was someone who emailed her off craiglist to buy the concert tickets. Another was someone who met her one night over a month ago and got her into a club.
I know her and her circle of friends mostly only hang out with white people. She has no friends who aren't white. She's not exactly fully racist... as she has spent a lot of time just talking to me. But I now get the feeling that she views other races like second hand citizens.
The weirdest conversation just happened and I don't know how to react. I am asian. She is aware of this. But she still said, "What is my life about? Asians come crawling into my life for the weirdest reasons. I don't go looking for them. They come to me."
Is this as offensive as it seems? I even said she has an interesting way of looking at things. It's like she views asians as aliens from another world. It's a big deal whenever she meets one... and it is. She talks to me. But otherwise, one of the asian people was someone who emailed her off craiglist to buy the concert tickets. Another was someone who met her one night over a month ago and got her into a club.
I know her and her circle of friends mostly only hang out with white people. She has no friends who aren't white. She's not exactly fully racist... as she has spent a lot of time just talking to me. But I now get the feeling that she views other races like second hand citizens.
B
Bei
Guest
I feel like these entries would be more appropriate in the diary section. What advice can anyone keep giving that has to do with anything realisitic other than you need to figure out how to move on. These problems about her are not exactly real because you're never going to have anything with her like this. If you actually do want to work something out with her send her your picture and meet up and see how it goes.
You don't seem to like her much anymore anyway. You just keep saying bad things about her. I understand that it hurts how things have changed but she's her own person and she's making her own choices for whatever reason. Stop obssesing so much on how she's living her life. There's nothing you can do except to keep living yours and work on whatever goals you have that you think will lead to you feelig better.
You know where I am if you need to talk.
Maybe there's something on this page that could help
http://www.wikihow.com/Overcome-Obsession-in-a-Relationship
You don't seem to like her much anymore anyway. You just keep saying bad things about her. I understand that it hurts how things have changed but she's her own person and she's making her own choices for whatever reason. Stop obssesing so much on how she's living her life. There's nothing you can do except to keep living yours and work on whatever goals you have that you think will lead to you feelig better.
You know where I am if you need to talk.
Maybe there's something on this page that could help
http://www.wikihow.com/Overcome-Obsession-in-a-Relationship
![Thomas]](https://cdn.imagearchive.com/alonelylife/data/avatars/m/14/14186.jpg?1631136400){kind=avatar}
Thomas]
Well-known member
Hi,
I honestly didn't read this entire thread. Read the first post and other various bits and pieces.
I agree with Niave. It's time to move on.
The ironic thing is that in doing this, you're more likely to open up potentially getting a real life with this person in the future.
The more you obsess and focus almost everything on her (something that she knows of), the less you're going to be of a realistic life friend / partner with her. You seem jealous that she's meeting and getting with other guys - why don't you see if you can make her jealous of the same things on your end
.
I've been through a... in ways similar and very heartbreaking situation. It took me 3 months of recovery being shut in my room over a full summer, but I moved on. And ironically, in moving on - things are opening up again and actually becoming more natural and more..right. If it doesn't work - it doesn't work. I've moved on and it's like a possibility for me like other girls are. If it does work then wow amazing - cos she was the first and only love of my life : ). But not everything has to be centralise or focus around that.
Try to be your own man. Trust me I know how easy it is to say, but it's very very possible. Look forward openly and who knows... maybe it can work out one day.
I hope this helps x
I honestly didn't read this entire thread. Read the first post and other various bits and pieces.
I agree with Niave. It's time to move on.
The ironic thing is that in doing this, you're more likely to open up potentially getting a real life with this person in the future.
The more you obsess and focus almost everything on her (something that she knows of), the less you're going to be of a realistic life friend / partner with her. You seem jealous that she's meeting and getting with other guys - why don't you see if you can make her jealous of the same things on your end
.I've been through a... in ways similar and very heartbreaking situation. It took me 3 months of recovery being shut in my room over a full summer, but I moved on. And ironically, in moving on - things are opening up again and actually becoming more natural and more..right. If it doesn't work - it doesn't work. I've moved on and it's like a possibility for me like other girls are. If it does work then wow amazing - cos she was the first and only love of my life : ). But not everything has to be centralise or focus around that.
Try to be your own man. Trust me I know how easy it is to say, but it's very very possible. Look forward openly and who knows... maybe it can work out one day.
I hope this helps x
Viktor Vaughn
New member
Hi i read the whole thread and i would honestly like to say this is a great story, i don't have useful advice for the situation but you did what you thought was best for her and you and that's something to appreciate. Another note no reason to feel shameful for spending hours on the internet who can judge we're all created equally. \
Take care.
Take care.
Well under a friends advice I stopped updating the thread since it really has become more of a journal than a relationship advice post. But since people are actually reading this book, I'll wrap it up:
The girl surprised me as usual. I was avoiding her on skype so she dug up a cell phone number I must have given her over a year ago. She said she threw it away but I guess she secretly kept it. She started texting me a lot, and weak me started replying.
It started the night of the Odd Future concert. It was shut down by a riot squad, and she was sad because she missed the pretty reckless for this. So she texted me the whole ride back from Los Angeles to San Diego. She said she was feeling emotionally disgruntled and asked if I would stay up and talk to her when she got back.
It was cool having her reach out to me to talk, and for a few days it was like it was in the good old days. She completely disappeared on Saturday and Sunday. I removed her from Skype. So she texted me Monday asking why I removed her. I told her it was an accident and she just accepted it. She told me about a love triangle her best friend is in. Her best friend was into a guy, but it became too much drama. The guy is still into the best friend, but she's not feeling it anymore. She has secretly been texting the guys best friend, and they are both into each other, and hooking up. But more importantly that guys best friend became friends with chauffeurs for a rich family. I mean mansion, with tennis court, basketball court in the back yard type mansion.
So she is now in a new crew with the german chauffeurs, the best friend, her, and the two love triangle guys. But they also have access to this mansion that they can now throw parties in. The reason she disappeared was because they just threw a party the night before. She of course had casual sex with an ******* she ended up hating because he used her for sex and left. But she's okay with that now. She's the one who went after him. On to the next one type philosophy. There will be a lot more parties to come including one this weekend, and a lot more guys.
All in all her life has flipped on its head in a month and a half. She's embraced a "hardcore" lifestyle of sex, alcohol, and rock n roll. She was only taking a few college classes and she just got dropped out of one by the teacher because she never showed up. But she doesn't care... as long as she's having fun. Part of me wonders what would have happened if we never reached that boiling over point of her thinking I was gone forever. Could I have "saved" her? But that's all nonsense. She chose this life herself. What am I saving her from? Having a lot more friends? Socializing in the real world? Hanging out all the time? Partying? Enjoying herself with guys?
I know it's me who has the problem. I'm shocked at how quickly she became this different. I really am part of her old life. I'm way too square for her now. She was really upset with me for not watching a movie with her two days ago. It bothered me to keeping me up and hours later I eventually go back to chat with her. She is completely passive aggressive, and taking every possible shot at me she can. When I finally had enough and told her to just stop, she got upset at me. Accused of me pretending to be hard when we both know I am not. It quickly escalated and she said she had enough.
I tried reasoning with her but she is both irrational and unreasonable. She was looking to pick a fight all night. I act the same as I always do, but depending on her mood will determine if what I am saying is cool or just going to annoy her. Irrational in the sense using words I've used without issue for over a year suddenly annoy her and I am no longer allowed to use them. Unreasonable in the sense that most people would look at the bigger picture and realize a friendship is worth more than a few words. She's the one who was insulting me the entire night, but I'm the ******* because I finally said enough was enough.
So yet again we've stopped talking. It seems like it's for good, but who knows with this girl. But this time I'm good with it. She treated me like garbage but it's again my fault we had this argument. I've been clinging to the version of her that existed two months ago. Not this girl who has no concern for anything except herself. There was a point in time where her and me agreed on so many things in life and we were oddly similar. We could just sit back and enjoy each other's company for hours on end day after day. She's become things she once said she hated. But she's happier now. If she was to try to talk now, I can firmly and honestly say I would not.
I could say I disagree with some of her life choices, but it's her life and ultimately she's far happier. I need to use her as inspiration rather than the source of sadness. We started in the same place. Awkward, isolated, wanting to be more social, but pretty much too scared to do it. So we would spend all our time socializing behind the computer. She literally went from sad to happy in a week and a half. She forced herself to get aggressive. "If you want lots of friends you need to make yourself heard. You can't just hide in the shadows and expect people to notice you. You've got to walk up to people and say hello!" She has "grown up" in weeks, and I'm 12 years older and need to do the same. In the end it also doesn't make sense for her to be friends with me anymore. She really doesn't need me. Our ideals and values are too different. As great as internet friends are, you lose something by never meeting, never actually being together when doing things.
I won't be able to completely change who I am like her, but she's shown me how life is all about perspective, and as soon as you can change that, then you're living in a whole new world.
The girl surprised me as usual. I was avoiding her on skype so she dug up a cell phone number I must have given her over a year ago. She said she threw it away but I guess she secretly kept it. She started texting me a lot, and weak me started replying.
It started the night of the Odd Future concert. It was shut down by a riot squad, and she was sad because she missed the pretty reckless for this. So she texted me the whole ride back from Los Angeles to San Diego. She said she was feeling emotionally disgruntled and asked if I would stay up and talk to her when she got back.
It was cool having her reach out to me to talk, and for a few days it was like it was in the good old days. She completely disappeared on Saturday and Sunday. I removed her from Skype. So she texted me Monday asking why I removed her. I told her it was an accident and she just accepted it. She told me about a love triangle her best friend is in. Her best friend was into a guy, but it became too much drama. The guy is still into the best friend, but she's not feeling it anymore. She has secretly been texting the guys best friend, and they are both into each other, and hooking up. But more importantly that guys best friend became friends with chauffeurs for a rich family. I mean mansion, with tennis court, basketball court in the back yard type mansion.
So she is now in a new crew with the german chauffeurs, the best friend, her, and the two love triangle guys. But they also have access to this mansion that they can now throw parties in. The reason she disappeared was because they just threw a party the night before. She of course had casual sex with an ******* she ended up hating because he used her for sex and left. But she's okay with that now. She's the one who went after him. On to the next one type philosophy. There will be a lot more parties to come including one this weekend, and a lot more guys.
All in all her life has flipped on its head in a month and a half. She's embraced a "hardcore" lifestyle of sex, alcohol, and rock n roll. She was only taking a few college classes and she just got dropped out of one by the teacher because she never showed up. But she doesn't care... as long as she's having fun. Part of me wonders what would have happened if we never reached that boiling over point of her thinking I was gone forever. Could I have "saved" her? But that's all nonsense. She chose this life herself. What am I saving her from? Having a lot more friends? Socializing in the real world? Hanging out all the time? Partying? Enjoying herself with guys?
I know it's me who has the problem. I'm shocked at how quickly she became this different. I really am part of her old life. I'm way too square for her now. She was really upset with me for not watching a movie with her two days ago. It bothered me to keeping me up and hours later I eventually go back to chat with her. She is completely passive aggressive, and taking every possible shot at me she can. When I finally had enough and told her to just stop, she got upset at me. Accused of me pretending to be hard when we both know I am not. It quickly escalated and she said she had enough.
I tried reasoning with her but she is both irrational and unreasonable. She was looking to pick a fight all night. I act the same as I always do, but depending on her mood will determine if what I am saying is cool or just going to annoy her. Irrational in the sense using words I've used without issue for over a year suddenly annoy her and I am no longer allowed to use them. Unreasonable in the sense that most people would look at the bigger picture and realize a friendship is worth more than a few words. She's the one who was insulting me the entire night, but I'm the ******* because I finally said enough was enough.
So yet again we've stopped talking. It seems like it's for good, but who knows with this girl. But this time I'm good with it. She treated me like garbage but it's again my fault we had this argument. I've been clinging to the version of her that existed two months ago. Not this girl who has no concern for anything except herself. There was a point in time where her and me agreed on so many things in life and we were oddly similar. We could just sit back and enjoy each other's company for hours on end day after day. She's become things she once said she hated. But she's happier now. If she was to try to talk now, I can firmly and honestly say I would not.
I could say I disagree with some of her life choices, but it's her life and ultimately she's far happier. I need to use her as inspiration rather than the source of sadness. We started in the same place. Awkward, isolated, wanting to be more social, but pretty much too scared to do it. So we would spend all our time socializing behind the computer. She literally went from sad to happy in a week and a half. She forced herself to get aggressive. "If you want lots of friends you need to make yourself heard. You can't just hide in the shadows and expect people to notice you. You've got to walk up to people and say hello!" She has "grown up" in weeks, and I'm 12 years older and need to do the same. In the end it also doesn't make sense for her to be friends with me anymore. She really doesn't need me. Our ideals and values are too different. As great as internet friends are, you lose something by never meeting, never actually being together when doing things.
I won't be able to completely change who I am like her, but she's shown me how life is all about perspective, and as soon as you can change that, then you're living in a whole new world.
Just remember; you cannot save someone who doesn't feel they are endangering themselves; just like you cannot find something that does not want to be found
The back and forth of talking/not talking, is much like what I did with someone I cared about. The best thing I did was change everything... If subscribed to a site, I got rid of it or got a new username. Email changed. Number changed. Wiped the slate clean forcefully.
The back and forth of talking/not talking, is much like what I did with someone I cared about. The best thing I did was change everything... If subscribed to a site, I got rid of it or got a new username. Email changed. Number changed. Wiped the slate clean forcefully.
Senamian said:Just remember; you cannot save someone who doesn't feel they are endangering themselves; just like you cannot find something that does not want to be found
The back and forth of talking/not talking, is much like what I did with someone I cared about. The best thing I did was change everything... If subscribed to a site, I got rid of it or got a new username. Email changed. Number changed. Wiped the slate clean forcefully.
Well I'm over the saving part. I realize that it's me imposing my own life choices on her. She has embraced a life where she will happily manipulate and use someone for her own advantage. Somewhere in her transformation she lost her conscience and is willing to do whatever it takes to get what she wants.
I also think this really was the final straw. She left this message for me a few hours ago:
if you're the type of person to analyze everything i say and do we will never be friends and did i forget to say fresia off
She had enough. She was also right. I subconsciously really was analyzing everything she said and did. All I wanted to do was know her as well as possible, and she became one big walking hypocritical contradiction. For 18 months she used music as an emotional release to how she was feeling, but magically music is now just meaningless music. What she said her beliefs, morals, goals are, wouldn't match her actions. Then when she talked about what happened in the past, she would say something completely different again. It was so contradictory and confusing I would constantly be trying to figure out what she really thinks, because like I said she almost never says what she really thinks and it changes every time she says it.
But it's for the best. She felt irritated I was constantly trying to figure her out. I felt irritated she refused to just be honest. The result was she ended up treating me like garbage.
She's blocked me from skype.and I've blocked/removed her as well. I've also blocked her cell from texting me. As far as I know there is no way for her to reach me. But what matters the most is she obviously has no desire to talk to me. I feel the same. This is now over.
Rainee
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Hey,
I have read your whole story. Found it very interesting. Thanks for sharing. I don't have anything to add in terms of advice. I feel like others have already said everything.
I did find this totally awesome "but she's shown me how life is all about perspective, and as soon as you can change that, then you're living in a whole new world."
I couldn't agree more. It's something I need to remember as well.
I have read your whole story. Found it very interesting. Thanks for sharing. I don't have anything to add in terms of advice. I feel like others have already said everything.
I did find this totally awesome "but she's shown me how life is all about perspective, and as soon as you can change that, then you're living in a whole new world."
I couldn't agree more. It's something I need to remember as well.
Thanks for the comment. They mean a lot. Just knowing people are actually reading out the 20,000 or so words I've typed out makes it worth it.
That being said I find my conviction already wilting. I can never stay angry at her, and that's not a good thing.
But there's nothing left to do but start back at the beginning again and live life again. Completely boring, lonely life.
What I really need to do is what I had so much trouble doing before, and that's checking up on her. I believe the french sugar daddy just bought those plane tickets for her to England. That really bothers me. REALLY bothers me. Things like this is why I believe there is no such thing as karma. She completely uses this mentally troubled man for $5000. He goes away when she won't even do a cover of a song for him. She goes on Justin.tv to look for another sugar daddy but can't find one. So she emails him again, sweet talking him and trying to use him for another $2500 or so and he just does it. Why is he such a sucker? This trip would pretty much be solely used for a week of sex with the British guy. She used to question why anyone would send her anything, including a dvd. She was the type of girl who had the belief all you needed was $10 in a thrift shop for a cute outfit. That has turned into this money hungry girl, who has people buy $60 movie tickets and then never uses them. She will never get a job, and why would she? She has realized how easy it is to get guys to buy her things. Need concert tickets? Sell a nude photo of yourself to a horny man. Need $2500 plane tickets? Sweet talk a mentally troubled French Guy into buying them. This is more than she could ever get at a part time job for zero effort. Without the price of a guilty conscience since she doesn't have one, it is all literally free. The power of an attractive woman with a charming personality is incredible. Men are so weak. Especially lonely ones including myself.
So I have such disdain for this girl and the things she does. But I'm still obsessed with her. Something is definitely wrong with me. I need to work on improving my own life, but all I can do is stay obsessed about hers. Maybe it's part jealousy. She got over me on August 30th off a casual party/hookup. She embraced this "bad" side. Now a 1 1/2 months later. Her life is literally better than ever. Tons of new friends. Constant socialization. Met a charming british guy and made a connection. Got $2500 plane tickets to visit him during the holidays. Got access to a mansion to throw constant parties. She went from lonely missing me, to embracing this hardcore life, and is now realizing the best time of her life with nonstop new guys, alcohol, partying, sex, and money. Absolutely insane, like zero to 100 mph. Being lonely and sad, to this. Moving on from me was the best move she ever made. There is apparently no such thing as karma, I was holding her back, and being bad is right way to live life.
Edit: I've been visiting various talk to someone forums all night. Just thinking about all this has made me completely anxious and I needed to get it out. I'm in a state of shock, awe, jealousy, sadness and loneliness.
That being said I find my conviction already wilting. I can never stay angry at her, and that's not a good thing.
But there's nothing left to do but start back at the beginning again and live life again. Completely boring, lonely life.
What I really need to do is what I had so much trouble doing before, and that's checking up on her. I believe the french sugar daddy just bought those plane tickets for her to England. That really bothers me. REALLY bothers me. Things like this is why I believe there is no such thing as karma. She completely uses this mentally troubled man for $5000. He goes away when she won't even do a cover of a song for him. She goes on Justin.tv to look for another sugar daddy but can't find one. So she emails him again, sweet talking him and trying to use him for another $2500 or so and he just does it. Why is he such a sucker? This trip would pretty much be solely used for a week of sex with the British guy. She used to question why anyone would send her anything, including a dvd. She was the type of girl who had the belief all you needed was $10 in a thrift shop for a cute outfit. That has turned into this money hungry girl, who has people buy $60 movie tickets and then never uses them. She will never get a job, and why would she? She has realized how easy it is to get guys to buy her things. Need concert tickets? Sell a nude photo of yourself to a horny man. Need $2500 plane tickets? Sweet talk a mentally troubled French Guy into buying them. This is more than she could ever get at a part time job for zero effort. Without the price of a guilty conscience since she doesn't have one, it is all literally free. The power of an attractive woman with a charming personality is incredible. Men are so weak. Especially lonely ones including myself.
So I have such disdain for this girl and the things she does. But I'm still obsessed with her. Something is definitely wrong with me. I need to work on improving my own life, but all I can do is stay obsessed about hers. Maybe it's part jealousy. She got over me on August 30th off a casual party/hookup. She embraced this "bad" side. Now a 1 1/2 months later. Her life is literally better than ever. Tons of new friends. Constant socialization. Met a charming british guy and made a connection. Got $2500 plane tickets to visit him during the holidays. Got access to a mansion to throw constant parties. She went from lonely missing me, to embracing this hardcore life, and is now realizing the best time of her life with nonstop new guys, alcohol, partying, sex, and money. Absolutely insane, like zero to 100 mph. Being lonely and sad, to this. Moving on from me was the best move she ever made. There is apparently no such thing as karma, I was holding her back, and being bad is right way to live life.
Edit: I've been visiting various talk to someone forums all night. Just thinking about all this has made me completely anxious and I needed to get it out. I'm in a state of shock, awe, jealousy, sadness and loneliness.
Do not be too sure of karma not existing... It does not always show it's face right away... What I am worried about (which only she can drill into her own head) is some of these people willing to pay for stuff... Could very well be traffickers, or crazy enough to kidnap and/or rape... I have always been smart when it comes to strangers... It is sad she has herself blindfolded to the possible outcomes...
Senamian said:
No I have no worries there. I've seen the french man paying for the majority of this stuff. They became facebook friends. He is a very troubled 35 year old French man who had traumatic stuff happen to him as a teenager and never recovered. He asked her for nothing, and I'm confident is not dangerous. In a lot of ways he is a baby in a man's body. He knows very little about her, and hasn't actually spoken to her much. In the very beginning she was just nice to him and listened to him about his problems. She never asked him to buy her anything. I guess he doesn't receive a lot of kindness in his life, because he latched on to that. He decided she deserved a little bit of compensation for being so nice to him. She took that and ran with it.
Though he doesn't know much about her, he still he believes himself to love her, and has spent somewhere close to $7500 on her.
The other people who have bought her stuff know even less about her, other than her email.
I mean the most knowledgeable person to this girl would potentially be me. I know most of her entire life, her friends, family and a lot of her college schedule and places she frequents. I've mailed her a birthday card, and Christmas present, but it all went to her PO BOX. She did ask me to buy her a pizza one holiday and I said no, but I don't think anyone knows her real address.
She is somewhat good about keeping her privacy private.
Revengineer
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lostatsea said:
It's not the person herself you're missing, it's the feeling of how things were when everything was going well. It's easy to confuse the two and convince yourself that you still have feelings for that person, and it impedes you from going out and finding somebody else who can give that same feeling to you. I know how this feels because I've been in a similar situation myself.
Anyway, it seems you've at least acknowledged that the two of you aren't good for each other. So it's a start.
Yes thanks. It makes perfect sense, because when I'm talking with her a large part of me doesn't want to. But as soon as we stop it's like I wish I was. I guess I just want that feeling of being wanted by someone.
Right now that feeling has been replaced by one of loneliness. Another Friday night with no plans and being alone. It wasn't a big deal to me before. But she used to be just as big a "loser" as me and it meant someone to hang out with on Fridays and the weekends.
Right now that feeling has been replaced by one of loneliness. Another Friday night with no plans and being alone. It wasn't a big deal to me before. But she used to be just as big a "loser" as me and it meant someone to hang out with on Fridays and the weekends.
