African_weasel
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Hey, could I get her user? I want to see her for myself.
No need to read... very long story of what brought me to ALL...
- Thread starter lostatsea
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Help Support Loneliness, Depression & Relationship Forum:
African_weasel said:
Obviously not. I've shared a lot of personal information about her and almost all dirty laundry. Exposing who she actually is would be an invasion of her privacy.
She is a girl who grew up going to beach all the time. Somewhat stereotypical image of a california beach bum.
Her basic stats are: 5'10" Blonde 130 pounds 19 years old long legs, great smile, pretty face, beach tan... and her own belief of her best feature is her butt
Mix that with a very mesmerizing personality that is funny, smart, witty, passionate, extremely flirty, and the ability to sing/play guitar and on a very basic level she seems like the whole package. Most people won't see the darkness till it's too late.
ladyforsaken
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lostatsea said:
I think you really should fill up your free time with other things to do. It will help you move on and stop obsessing about her.
African_weasel
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lostatsea said:
WHAT! You gave her your number. Blocking her butt on Skype is not going to do crap.
I wish I could get a French woman to spend 5k on me. ****.lostatsea said:
You know, I think I'm starting to be the way she is too. Except I have to do everything myself. Buy a car by myself, get clothes by myself, etc etc. Now if I can stop eating junk food for a month, I would have a decent looking body to use to my advantage. But anyway, everything works by manipulation in some way. I just hate these facts so much with a passion
1) Money=power. People can be bought regardless. Some people just know how to do it without selling out.
2). Drugs=popularity. The more you have or the more potent and quality, the more people you attract.
Such as life.
I gave her the cell phone number but she never used it for 20 months and told me she threw it away a long time ago. So it was a bit of a WTF when she texted me. We mostly emailed a lot but I deleted that email address so she couldn't email me.
Money is power. But not everyone cares about power. This girl has developed a taste so she cares. Power also draws money. She's using her feminine wiles to get significant amounts of money.
Drugs is a completely different story. Drugs do make you more popular with the right crowd. However this girl isn't really into drugs. She's experimented like most people do but for the most part she's only into alcohol. She was a pothead(which I don't really consider a hard drug) for years when she was depressed. She would spend everyday smoking up and then listening to music. Now she hates weed because she doesn't want that isolation. She likes being social.
Money is power. But not everyone cares about power. This girl has developed a taste so she cares. Power also draws money. She's using her feminine wiles to get significant amounts of money.
Drugs is a completely different story. Drugs do make you more popular with the right crowd. However this girl isn't really into drugs. She's experimented like most people do but for the most part she's only into alcohol. She was a pothead(which I don't really consider a hard drug) for years when she was depressed. She would spend everyday smoking up and then listening to music. Now she hates weed because she doesn't want that isolation. She likes being social.
I'd like people's honest opinion. I know the French Man's youtube account. Should I send him a message letting him know how badly he's being used and what she really thinks about him?
I won't lie. It would be for selfish reasons more than for his own good. I'd like her to return to reality and be forced to live a more normal life of a teenager. The fact that he'd stop being used is a side bonus. I'm also thinking about how badly she treated a few days ago.
I said he was very troubled and he is. Supposedly he was involved in a car accident as a teenager and his girlfriend died while he survived. He has never recovered. At first the girl genuinely liked him and felt sorry for him.
Then she found him annoying. But he started buying her things, so of course she stayed nice to him.
He was the first to suggest he start "paying" her. There was a point he "demanded" she order him to buy her stuff. Like it was some sort of sick domination thing. So he isn't innocent in this. At the same time he isn't aware of how much of a joke he is to her, and she acts nice to him solely for his money. She said she would laugh at him to his face if they ever met in person.
Part of me is afraid he's so sick in the head he'd just forward the message and not believe it. Even sicker he'll forward the letter and not even care that she's using him. She'd know it was me immediately. I think the "right" thing to do would be to stay out of her life completely now. If i'm not doing it for the right reasons of helping him then I probably shouldn't do it right?
I won't lie. It would be for selfish reasons more than for his own good. I'd like her to return to reality and be forced to live a more normal life of a teenager. The fact that he'd stop being used is a side bonus. I'm also thinking about how badly she treated a few days ago.
I said he was very troubled and he is. Supposedly he was involved in a car accident as a teenager and his girlfriend died while he survived. He has never recovered. At first the girl genuinely liked him and felt sorry for him.
Then she found him annoying. But he started buying her things, so of course she stayed nice to him.
He was the first to suggest he start "paying" her. There was a point he "demanded" she order him to buy her stuff. Like it was some sort of sick domination thing. So he isn't innocent in this. At the same time he isn't aware of how much of a joke he is to her, and she acts nice to him solely for his money. She said she would laugh at him to his face if they ever met in person.
Part of me is afraid he's so sick in the head he'd just forward the message and not believe it. Even sicker he'll forward the letter and not even care that she's using him. She'd know it was me immediately. I think the "right" thing to do would be to stay out of her life completely now. If i'm not doing it for the right reasons of helping him then I probably shouldn't do it right?
If you genuinely feel pity for him... Genuinely want him to think, "hey... What if that guy is right?" (emails and conversations may be "ignored" but eventually they
always have second thoughts), then go for it. Just as you said though... She WILL know it was you.
I did something similar. For a friend though. His girl was playing him like a badly tuned violin... Pretending to be sick with amateur quality fainting, to get his attention. She would not need to do that... Because he is someone who gives the most attention to his loved ones. But that is how she was!
But he shut me down immediately. "I don't want to hear it." I left it at that... Maybe he knew? Just didn't care?
So... It is a hit and miss. Especially with a stranger. And I have been that stranger... Played by someone "so perfect"... And his girlfriend (who he started to date a week after we started dating) messaged me. I refused to believe it... Refused to see he would do that... And worse, he was abusive to her. He confessed and that was it.
It is hard to believe a stranger... When that stranger could save your mind, your heart, and your soul. Especially for you... When she will strike back at you hardcore for "butting in".
I feel bad if what he experienced is true. Having someone you loved die.. And for a long-time asking yourself how it could have been avoided.
always have second thoughts), then go for it. Just as you said though... She WILL know it was you.
I did something similar. For a friend though. His girl was playing him like a badly tuned violin... Pretending to be sick with amateur quality fainting, to get his attention. She would not need to do that... Because he is someone who gives the most attention to his loved ones. But that is how she was!
But he shut me down immediately. "I don't want to hear it." I left it at that... Maybe he knew? Just didn't care?
So... It is a hit and miss. Especially with a stranger. And I have been that stranger... Played by someone "so perfect"... And his girlfriend (who he started to date a week after we started dating) messaged me. I refused to believe it... Refused to see he would do that... And worse, he was abusive to her. He confessed and that was it.
It is hard to believe a stranger... When that stranger could save your mind, your heart, and your soul. Especially for you... When she will strike back at you hardcore for "butting in".
I feel bad if what he experienced is true. Having someone you loved die.. And for a long-time asking yourself how it could have been avoided.
You know the last time I felt vindictive and acted on it was in 8th grade? I normally don't hold grudges. I just move on. If I don't act on this sooner or later I'd move on as well.
Like I said I know the main reason for me thinking about doing this, this morning is the girl. "Getting back" at her. Making her live a more normal life. I feel like the French man did this to himself for a large part. For him to go back to her after the way she treated him with the first $5000 he must not mind be used to some extent. It will help him, but he is not the motivation. Then again he is so troubled I feel like the bigger chance is he doesn't care than not believe me.
I guess I won't do it.
They say scorpio's are the most vindictive people in the planet and she really is a textbook scorpio. If she knew it was me she'd be furious and do anything she could to get back at me. The only good thing is like I said before she has very little to go on. A google voice number which I don't believe can be easily traced to me. A po box I use. An old email address. My youtube account. Some personal stories about myself and life.
Like I said I know the main reason for me thinking about doing this, this morning is the girl. "Getting back" at her. Making her live a more normal life. I feel like the French man did this to himself for a large part. For him to go back to her after the way she treated him with the first $5000 he must not mind be used to some extent. It will help him, but he is not the motivation. Then again he is so troubled I feel like the bigger chance is he doesn't care than not believe me.
I guess I won't do it.
They say scorpio's are the most vindictive people in the planet and she really is a textbook scorpio. If she knew it was me she'd be furious and do anything she could to get back at me. The only good thing is like I said before she has very little to go on. A google voice number which I don't believe can be easily traced to me. A po box I use. An old email address. My youtube account. Some personal stories about myself and life.
Ignis
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You need a media blackout from this girl. Seriously.
It sucks to take the first step, and it'll suck for a long time to keep going... But you'll appreciate it further down the track. Trust me.
Time heals all wounds, Time makes all forget.
It will not be easy but you need to honestly distance yourself and occupy yourself with something else, as plenty of other people have said throughout this thread.
You love the girl she USED to be. Not the girl she is now.
No matter how much you wish you could rewind time and change things, go back to how things USED to be, they won't.
Just remember that. You don't want her for what she is now.
It sucks to take the first step, and it'll suck for a long time to keep going... But you'll appreciate it further down the track. Trust me.
Time heals all wounds, Time makes all forget.
It will not be easy but you need to honestly distance yourself and occupy yourself with something else, as plenty of other people have said throughout this thread.
You love the girl she USED to be. Not the girl she is now.
No matter how much you wish you could rewind time and change things, go back to how things USED to be, they won't.
Just remember that. You don't want her for what she is now.
I know you're right. I just thought about how I was thinking about getting revenge and it's like wow. I went from sad emotional to just sad loserish.
I do need a media blackout. From this girl, and from this forum talking about the girl. Thanks.
I do need a media blackout. From this girl, and from this forum talking about the girl. Thanks.
Ignis
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lostatsea said:
Nah. What you felt is completely fine. You shouldn't feel bad about the way you're feeling at all, nor should you let anyone else let you feel bad.
It's.. Yeah, believe. From the bottom of my heart, I know how much it sucks letting go of something you feel you love, like.. Letting go of something great you and someone USED to have, that you don't have anymore.
It took me... Close to half a year with a girl I really, really loved. She became someone different, grew into someone I wasn't entirely happy with. We broke it off and I was heartbroken. But the absolute WORST thing I could do, and I DID do, was continue to talk to her afterwards.
Listening to her talk about other guys, knowing she was TALKING to other guys was the most infuriating thing in the world.
It took me half a year before I could finally let go of her, that I could muster up the courage to move on without her. Before I told her that we couldn't talk anymore, no more Facebook. No more phone calls, no more Skype. None of it. I couldn't handle the damage it was doing to me anymore. I was absolutely torn.
The first week was hard. REALLY hard. I had to fight with every ounce of strength not to see what she was up to, or to text her and ask how she's going. She tried to contact me within the week too, asked me how I was coping and what-not. I just... Had to ignore it.
Best thing I ever did. After that first couple of weeks, I was actually starting to feel a little bit happier. She wasn't on my mind 24/7, I wasn't always obsessing over her, or wondering what she was doing... Then after that, she slowly faded away until I no longer cared enough about what we USED to have.
You can do it to man, I have absolute faith in you.
African_weasel
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lostatsea said:
I thought that was Sagittarius. Maybe he knows that he's being used and she's filling a void in him.
African_weasel said:
You know your signs. That is what Sag's are known to do. They are also known never to get stuck on anyone and move on easy unless they had fallen in love with someone. But I won't comment on that one.
I do think he knows to a part and doesn't care. Which is a big part of why I think he did it to himself.
Okay I need to stop thinking/writing about this.
ladyforsaken
Well-known member
lostatsea said:
You've been saying this...
If you really want to move on, you do have to do this, eventually. As I said before, occupy your time with other things you like doing.
I never thought I was going to update this thread again. But the weirdest happened. In the past two months, my emotions settled down, and I started seeing how my inexperience and depressive state lead me to all these extreme thoughts and feelings. I was looking for any reason to say, hey, it wasn't my fault, that she lied to me, used me, that she's a sociopath who has forsaken all her old views and embraced a life of debauchery. But all of that was a depressed emotional mind talking.
All we ever have in life are chances. We can seize them or pass on them. This thing was so complicated but in the end this girl gave me a chance. Every time I left she eventually messaged me again. She gave me several chances to step up and lower the walls of insecurity. I was the main guy in her life for a really long time. But I never did, so she finally moved on and started living a real life like a real person. Exactly one year ago, she was spending all her time on the internet with virtual friends. I was the closest one. Her phone went untexted, and if someone messaged her on facebook she knew who it had to be from. She wasn't meeting people, really going out, or doing much of anything. She messaged me on New Year's Eve because she wanted to "cry about her life". One of her mom's friends tried getting her to party at new years. They had a two hour talk about life and he kissed her on the forehead at midnight. It made her New Years because in a lot of ways she was starved for real people.
Why do I bring this all up now? Because out of the blue after cursing me out, telling me to get out of her life, and two months passing, she messaged me yesterday, asking me to talk. She said she had been drunk the last time we talked, and she let other things annoy her. We had so much baggage, that she just didn't want to deal with it. At the same time, after two months, she realized the past is the past and you can't let past baggage dictate the now. She heard a Taylor Swift song that reminded her of me, and she was thinking about me the last few days. She wanted to ask my advice on something. She had something special with the British man I mentioned in my previous threads. They were texting everyday after he went back to England. They had this undeniable physical connection when he was here and it continued into an emotional one. He would text her everyday and they would talk about their lives and themselves. It was so intense, that she believed she truly loved him, which for her is something insane. He admitted he felt just as strongly too. But like I said before she was planning on visiting him right after Christmas through New Years. But it fell through. He actually called her on her birthday, and they had a long deep talk. She couldn't stop smiling throughout the phone call. At the end of the phone call she told him that she wasn't going to be able to visit. He was sad, and said something along the lines of we both knew this was an impossible situation and we can't keep waiting around aimlessly. They ended the call by him saying "I love you." and her saying "I love you too." That is something she never thought she'd say. That was in mid November. He didn't contact her again. She was heartbroken for weeks, and decided to do something I would do. She wrote a love letter and showed it to me. It was handwritten and mailed to England, and it was so honest, declarative, and passionate most people would die without ever receiving words like those. She said she pulled a me when she sent it lol. She mailed it about a week ago and hasn't heard back yet. She's worried that he might not.
It was an impossible situation that you only hear about in movies. I really felt bad for her. She is nowhere near the girl she used to be. She said she's tried finding a guy to get over the Brit but no guy can compare. That she's emotionally stuck on him. I called her promiscuous in the threads and in a lot of ways she is. She has been with many guys since she started getting active. I honestly judged her for it in my mind, but I realize that's the person she is. I kind of see now that she's a hopeless romantic. It's "fun" to her, but the greater purpose is that she's looking for that epic story book love. Looking for that perfect spark, and trying to recapture that feeling of love her and the Brit shared. She's left a lot of people heartbroken as she looks for that perfect match, but is it a bad thing to have high standards?
So we talked about 6 hours on skype with her telling me all the things going on in her life, a few of the new guys she had a fling with, and asking about what I thought. She's been heartbroken lately and wanted some advice. She showed me the love letter she wrote, and the lyrics to a few songs that she wrote and the sorrow was so obvious. I was as honest as possible with her. I said she put herself in an impossible situation. Even if she visited him, when would she see him next? It could be months at the earliest before seeing each other again. She is a broke college student, and it would probably be years before she's in a position to uproot her life. As great and intense their connection is, it's so new that it might not even work out. Somebody would have to eventually move to a different country. Kind of funny, I had an impossible situation with her, and now she has that impossible but far realer situation with this guy.
That whole thing has left me in a very weird emotional state. The girl has grown up, well past me in the matters of love. I made an excuse to stop talking after 6 hours. She also messaged me a couple more times to talk that night but I ignored. On one side, I feel wanted. Every time I think I'll never speak to her again. Now that she's met all these guys, and tasted real love, I thought she'd forget about me completely. But she keeps coming back. It will never be like I wanted with her. Not even close. But I knew that when I first started talking to her. But there is most definitely some bond, that she keeps coming back. I kind of like that she reached out to me for advice, and her messaging me to talk again made me feel sooo wanted again. At the same time, I am jealous. I realize I will probably always care about her on some level, and I can only hope somebody feels about me one day the way she feels about the Brit. She is a very different girl, than I've ever met. We live very different lifestyles and the grass really does seem greener on that other side.
I'm also kind of sad. She grown up light years in months, and I'm still mostly in the same place. She spent part of Christmas chatting with me last year because she really didn't have anybody else in her life. But this year, she'll be spending it with real people which is great for her. I sent her a couple of messages just responding and some inspiring words about how I'm glad she found this real life. That she's come so far and she should be proud of that. Only four months ago she was sad about being lonely. She went over a year without really meeting any new people, and kind of living an isolated life. Now she has made new friends, is constantly meeting new people, and of course new guys. If she's sad it' s about losing love which is one of the few things really worth getting sad over. But she didn't respond and for some reason that bothers me.
I don't know where I am with her now. I know she lives such an active life that she's not home much. She has lots of new friends, and she has a thing going on with a guy that isn't serious. It'll never be the same, where we spent hours together everyday. But she wants to be friends again which is crazy because I know she doesn't need me anymore. If she wants to be friends now it's because she wants to. I honestly don't know if I can, or that I should, but at the same time you only get so many chances in life with people. I made peace with the fact that I was in a nonexistent impossible situation, and even then I still felt inexplicably bummed. I'm no longer obsessing about her as much as I used to, or wrecked about it, but I do still check her social sites every once in a while. I could easily see myself becoming just as obsessed if I was to be friends with her again. That's why I ignored her attempts to talk again that night. Because in some ways I still don't see her as just a friend. There's still that feeling of love/lust/jealousy over all the guys. Do I want someone like her in my life? Can I just be friends with her and get past that? I have no idea.
All we ever have in life are chances. We can seize them or pass on them. This thing was so complicated but in the end this girl gave me a chance. Every time I left she eventually messaged me again. She gave me several chances to step up and lower the walls of insecurity. I was the main guy in her life for a really long time. But I never did, so she finally moved on and started living a real life like a real person. Exactly one year ago, she was spending all her time on the internet with virtual friends. I was the closest one. Her phone went untexted, and if someone messaged her on facebook she knew who it had to be from. She wasn't meeting people, really going out, or doing much of anything. She messaged me on New Year's Eve because she wanted to "cry about her life". One of her mom's friends tried getting her to party at new years. They had a two hour talk about life and he kissed her on the forehead at midnight. It made her New Years because in a lot of ways she was starved for real people.
Why do I bring this all up now? Because out of the blue after cursing me out, telling me to get out of her life, and two months passing, she messaged me yesterday, asking me to talk. She said she had been drunk the last time we talked, and she let other things annoy her. We had so much baggage, that she just didn't want to deal with it. At the same time, after two months, she realized the past is the past and you can't let past baggage dictate the now. She heard a Taylor Swift song that reminded her of me, and she was thinking about me the last few days. She wanted to ask my advice on something. She had something special with the British man I mentioned in my previous threads. They were texting everyday after he went back to England. They had this undeniable physical connection when he was here and it continued into an emotional one. He would text her everyday and they would talk about their lives and themselves. It was so intense, that she believed she truly loved him, which for her is something insane. He admitted he felt just as strongly too. But like I said before she was planning on visiting him right after Christmas through New Years. But it fell through. He actually called her on her birthday, and they had a long deep talk. She couldn't stop smiling throughout the phone call. At the end of the phone call she told him that she wasn't going to be able to visit. He was sad, and said something along the lines of we both knew this was an impossible situation and we can't keep waiting around aimlessly. They ended the call by him saying "I love you." and her saying "I love you too." That is something she never thought she'd say. That was in mid November. He didn't contact her again. She was heartbroken for weeks, and decided to do something I would do. She wrote a love letter and showed it to me. It was handwritten and mailed to England, and it was so honest, declarative, and passionate most people would die without ever receiving words like those. She said she pulled a me when she sent it lol. She mailed it about a week ago and hasn't heard back yet. She's worried that he might not.
It was an impossible situation that you only hear about in movies. I really felt bad for her. She is nowhere near the girl she used to be. She said she's tried finding a guy to get over the Brit but no guy can compare. That she's emotionally stuck on him. I called her promiscuous in the threads and in a lot of ways she is. She has been with many guys since she started getting active. I honestly judged her for it in my mind, but I realize that's the person she is. I kind of see now that she's a hopeless romantic. It's "fun" to her, but the greater purpose is that she's looking for that epic story book love. Looking for that perfect spark, and trying to recapture that feeling of love her and the Brit shared. She's left a lot of people heartbroken as she looks for that perfect match, but is it a bad thing to have high standards?
So we talked about 6 hours on skype with her telling me all the things going on in her life, a few of the new guys she had a fling with, and asking about what I thought. She's been heartbroken lately and wanted some advice. She showed me the love letter she wrote, and the lyrics to a few songs that she wrote and the sorrow was so obvious. I was as honest as possible with her. I said she put herself in an impossible situation. Even if she visited him, when would she see him next? It could be months at the earliest before seeing each other again. She is a broke college student, and it would probably be years before she's in a position to uproot her life. As great and intense their connection is, it's so new that it might not even work out. Somebody would have to eventually move to a different country. Kind of funny, I had an impossible situation with her, and now she has that impossible but far realer situation with this guy.
That whole thing has left me in a very weird emotional state. The girl has grown up, well past me in the matters of love. I made an excuse to stop talking after 6 hours. She also messaged me a couple more times to talk that night but I ignored. On one side, I feel wanted. Every time I think I'll never speak to her again. Now that she's met all these guys, and tasted real love, I thought she'd forget about me completely. But she keeps coming back. It will never be like I wanted with her. Not even close. But I knew that when I first started talking to her. But there is most definitely some bond, that she keeps coming back. I kind of like that she reached out to me for advice, and her messaging me to talk again made me feel sooo wanted again. At the same time, I am jealous. I realize I will probably always care about her on some level, and I can only hope somebody feels about me one day the way she feels about the Brit. She is a very different girl, than I've ever met. We live very different lifestyles and the grass really does seem greener on that other side.
I'm also kind of sad. She grown up light years in months, and I'm still mostly in the same place. She spent part of Christmas chatting with me last year because she really didn't have anybody else in her life. But this year, she'll be spending it with real people which is great for her. I sent her a couple of messages just responding and some inspiring words about how I'm glad she found this real life. That she's come so far and she should be proud of that. Only four months ago she was sad about being lonely. She went over a year without really meeting any new people, and kind of living an isolated life. Now she has made new friends, is constantly meeting new people, and of course new guys. If she's sad it' s about losing love which is one of the few things really worth getting sad over. But she didn't respond and for some reason that bothers me.
I don't know where I am with her now. I know she lives such an active life that she's not home much. She has lots of new friends, and she has a thing going on with a guy that isn't serious. It'll never be the same, where we spent hours together everyday. But she wants to be friends again which is crazy because I know she doesn't need me anymore. If she wants to be friends now it's because she wants to. I honestly don't know if I can, or that I should, but at the same time you only get so many chances in life with people. I made peace with the fact that I was in a nonexistent impossible situation, and even then I still felt inexplicably bummed. I'm no longer obsessing about her as much as I used to, or wrecked about it, but I do still check her social sites every once in a while. I could easily see myself becoming just as obsessed if I was to be friends with her again. That's why I ignored her attempts to talk again that night. Because in some ways I still don't see her as just a friend. There's still that feeling of love/lust/jealousy over all the guys. Do I want someone like her in my life? Can I just be friends with her and get past that? I have no idea.
African_weasel
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Merry Christmas
EveWasFramed
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lostatsea said:
No. Unfortunately, that's the way obsession works. I can't stress enough - NO CONTACT.
Also, don't you get tired of being used? You're a decent person and no one has the right to use you as their mental/emotional sounding board when they don't have anyone else to talk to. It's cruel of her to use you in such a way, given she KNOWS how you feel/felt about her.
She is thoughtless and couldn't care any less about you, obviously.
I'm sorry, but this is a situation that won't change unless you cut her COMPLETELY out of your life.
I read all ten pages of the thread (at various times) but was hesitant to post because you obviously weren't ready to let go.
I think you might be ready now. For your own sake, let go....
