Not attracted to women my age

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ringwood

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It is conjecture but it’s reasonable to assume someone in their 40s has had exes, if not having been married before. I ended up in a few conversations they mostly initiated, or in a group, and, just as expected, we were at different phases of life. One woman became obnoxious once it was clear I wasn’t interested that way. It’s not as if these woman were unattractive exactly, but there wasn’t any of the “ butterflies” type attraction going on either. It felt more awkward than anything, I left feeling worse than before.
Yes, I suppose it’s reasonable to assume that someone in their 40’s has exes, but again, not necessarily. I know a few people in my own (very small) circles who are in their late 30’s/40’s and have never been in a relationship - some of them just haven’t met the right person, some don’t care to, some struggle with various issues. Seems to me that reaching middle-age, having never experienced a committed relationship, isn’t all that uncommon these days.

Anyway, gotta give you kudos for at least giving the whole singles meet-up thing a go. Like you, I imagine I’d find the experience awkward as heck, but at least it’s a start. As to the attraction and ‘butterflies’ feeling - yeah, I get it. . . an instant attraction to someone is appealing, but don’t let that lack of feeling dissaude you from trying to get to know someone. Personality, little quirks, a great sense of humour, shared interests, a quick wit, etc, etc - it’s all the little individual traits that make up a person that can quickly change a ho-hum first impression to “Holy fuck! This woman is a goddess!”
 

ardour

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But what if more 40 year olds showed more interest in you than 20 something year olds ... You did say those women were not unattractive, right? what I'm trying to say is, if the 20 year old's are not interested you and you never find one who is - are you unwilling to settle with an attractive 40 yr old even if you don't get "butterflies"? or be alone the rest of your life because of your pickiness towards age?
genuine question - not trying to attack you ... I find your topics generate the most interesting q&a's
I mean I wasn't repulsed, and I'm sure some men in their 50s would be interested. but it still felt a little like looking at an older generation even though they were only a few years older. Obviously we wouldn't be having kids either. I would have thought 30 was in bounds of socially acceptable but apparently anything more than 5 years younger is considered "predatory" these days. I don't see much choice other than to remain alone now.
 

TheSkaFish

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I would have thought 30 was in bounds of socially acceptable but apparently anything more than 5 years younger is considered "predatory" these days. I don't see much choice other than to remain alone now.

Not to completely discount what you're saying, but I feel like you might be too worried about what is and isn't "socially acceptable". It's not as if you are trying to do something illegal. People are going to hate anyway, no matter what any of us do. Someone will always have a problem, and a lot of those problems are made-up. Some people will just be determined to have a problem with you, and if they don't have a reason, they will work backwards from just wanting to have a problem with you, to inventing some reason to justify it.

Plus I'd say 30 is still about the same level of maturity. It seems to kind of level off once we get out of our growing-up years, you know? Like, late 20s to me, isn't that much different than 30s, and so on - NOT like how college students are way different than high school students. THAT might be weird. But that's not what you're trying to do anyway. So I think you're fine.

Don't stress yourself out or make yourself unhappy, thinking that you have to appease or justify yourself to the haters, who are more than likely just going to look for, or make up, reasons to hate anyway.
 
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Unsigned

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The thing with the couple in your example is they paired up when they were young and aged together. That’s a far cry from waiting until middle age to start dating.

I’m not sure how to choose not to be superficial over this, and I have tried: gone to singles meetups where there were mainly older age groups present, divorcees probably. And while some of them seemed nice enough as people, as far as the sexual attraction side of it went, well there wasn't much. And I couldn’t help feeling angry at some of these women, smiling, expecting me to come over and chat them up I guess. They have already had their lives – men having shown up for them for decades, but I’ve missed mine, and now I’m expected to turn up for them in their 40s and 50s, someone who they wouldn’t even have spoken to when we were in our twenties. It’s ‘my turn’ and I should be grateful having finally been given a chance when we’re old and unable to have children. I don't think it's a simple matter of bypassing decades of psychological development and choosing to settle for something like that.
Your earlier years seem very similar to mine.
I was always an outcast in grade school and high school (the skinny weakling who gets picked on) and never had a girlfriend or even a date. When I was a 19 y/o junior in college I started picking up hookers in Manhattan on Saturday night. This was in the 80s and there were hundreds if not over a thousand girls out there, and lots of them were very attractive. When I started making more money in my late 20s I moved on to upscale escort services and have been doing that ever since. Almost 38 years I have been doing this. There is no way I could ever be with a female anywhere near my own age. Even 30 is too old for me. But yeah, it's been a lonely, empty life. Really do wish I could have done things differently. I'll die alone, but still, no way I could ever see myself with a middle aged woman.
 

Unsigned

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Not quite. I was an outcast and a loser as a teen, yea, but dating wasn't an option while my mother was going through chemotherapy.
My condolences on your mother.
I meant only to convey that early experiences in life will have downstream ramifications.
And also that I 100% have the same thoughts as you regarding "appropriately aged" females.
 

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