Broken_Soul
Member
- Joined
- Jul 17, 2019
- Messages
- 13
- Reaction score
- 0
Hi All!
I really don't have anything left. I'm struggling to see any future for me. I just don't know what to do anymore. I literally exist and don't live. My motivation has almost depleted as I sit here on my couch, tv on in the background, contemplating what to have for lunch.
The first thing I think I need is a permanent full-time (or even part time but permanent) job. I currently work at an agency in kitchens, which although permanent, isn't permanent in one place. Also, they can give me a full weeks work and then 1 or 2 shifts the next week or none.
The week before last I had 2 shifts, last week none and this week none as yet. Life is really dragging at the moment. The monotony can be excruciating at times. There's only so much tv, playing guitar, cooking / eating, drinking cups of tea and going on Facebook you can do. I live on my own, have no friends (just the odd superficial ones on Facebook), I'm single and just have this zero contract part time job.
Company is probably a big issue for me as well. I spend 75% of my time on my own and even when I'm not alone it's nipping to the shops / supermarket and then you're not socialising, you're just not alone. I'm not even aloud pets in this flat although I've considered getting a dog (regardless) for company but there's a few issues with that - leaving it for long periods when I do have a days work, affording pet insurance and again, the fact I'm not really allowed.
You might think, well you have at least got some work but even that's wearing me down and making me ill sometimes. When I'm there I constantly make mistakes, sometimes stupid ones and you can tell people are frustrated with me. It's like I have no common sense. I seriously worry for the future. There doesn't seem to be one. I've had chances with this agency to gain full time employment I feel but due to the mistakes I make, they have second thoughts or I get someone comment on something I've done and usually there's a tension between them and I as I start feeling peed off with them for criticising. I then subsequently can go quiet due to me feeling useless at the job (not sure if that's a self-esteem issue) and mulling over their comment and feeling agitated by it. I can understand it in a way because I make a mistakes you'd only expect a teenager mistake and I'm 43 years old. I'm a bit forgetful, wonder if that's depression or anxiety or something.
I'm just sinking deeper and deeper into despair and not sure what to do now.
Thanks for reading.
I just seem to be floating through life with no real physical
I really don't have anything left. I'm struggling to see any future for me. I just don't know what to do anymore. I literally exist and don't live. My motivation has almost depleted as I sit here on my couch, tv on in the background, contemplating what to have for lunch.
The first thing I think I need is a permanent full-time (or even part time but permanent) job. I currently work at an agency in kitchens, which although permanent, isn't permanent in one place. Also, they can give me a full weeks work and then 1 or 2 shifts the next week or none.
The week before last I had 2 shifts, last week none and this week none as yet. Life is really dragging at the moment. The monotony can be excruciating at times. There's only so much tv, playing guitar, cooking / eating, drinking cups of tea and going on Facebook you can do. I live on my own, have no friends (just the odd superficial ones on Facebook), I'm single and just have this zero contract part time job.
Company is probably a big issue for me as well. I spend 75% of my time on my own and even when I'm not alone it's nipping to the shops / supermarket and then you're not socialising, you're just not alone. I'm not even aloud pets in this flat although I've considered getting a dog (regardless) for company but there's a few issues with that - leaving it for long periods when I do have a days work, affording pet insurance and again, the fact I'm not really allowed.
You might think, well you have at least got some work but even that's wearing me down and making me ill sometimes. When I'm there I constantly make mistakes, sometimes stupid ones and you can tell people are frustrated with me. It's like I have no common sense. I seriously worry for the future. There doesn't seem to be one. I've had chances with this agency to gain full time employment I feel but due to the mistakes I make, they have second thoughts or I get someone comment on something I've done and usually there's a tension between them and I as I start feeling peed off with them for criticising. I then subsequently can go quiet due to me feeling useless at the job (not sure if that's a self-esteem issue) and mulling over their comment and feeling agitated by it. I can understand it in a way because I make a mistakes you'd only expect a teenager mistake and I'm 43 years old. I'm a bit forgetful, wonder if that's depression or anxiety or something.
I'm just sinking deeper and deeper into despair and not sure what to do now.
Thanks for reading.
I just seem to be floating through life with no real physical