People Pleaser?

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user 188522

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How much of a people pleaser are you? I know I am, which added to becoming house-bound. This forum is the most contact with people I have had in years. Now I must venture out and go to my daughter's wedding. I will see a family that I dislike and forget how to act humanely without kowtowing down. Any suggestions are appreciated! The wedding is next month; I was hoping to pay for the wedding and get myself a get out of jail card, but alas, I must go. HELP!!!!
 
My sympathies. That is a tough one. If I want to, I can play the role of people pleaser, which usually involves a lot of smiling, nodding and asking just enough questions and saying "wow" just enough times to feign interest. Then I escape without saying what I'm really thinking.

I suggest a lot of smiling and nodding. Saying "wow" or "really?" just enough times and just keep your thoughts to yourself. Remind yourself that it's a temporary situation and you'll soon return to safety. It's basically the social equivalent of plugging your nose until the stench ceases. You can vent to us later. We will listen and sympathize.
 
Other then trying to get some practice in before you go I have nothing. I usually have to get angry in order to push myself to go into a group of people. But, that's not a good way to go to a wedding. I guess just pretend to be someone else as if you are an actress in a movie. That way you can more easily ignore what people say and just keep saying your movie lines.
 
Sorry, but I have time to waste with people I don't like. I can be polite to a point, but chances are, I'm just either going to avoid them, or put them straight. I've no space for drama. Wouldn't want to cause a scene. However, sometimes it's just unavoidable. None of us are children any more, so why out up with bullies, users, just generally bad people.
 
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When I was in my teens and early 20's I wanted people to like me because I had low self esteem. This was exacerbated by my youthful naivety in a relationship that lasted from 16 - 24 wherein as an introverted man I dated an extroverted woman of the same age.

I've never been a socialite, but in my younger years I guess I didn't think to vet my partners or friends, that literally wasn't taught to me as a child, I actually had to develop learning how to do that the hard way through a combination of logical deductive reasoning on a moral compass and trial and error. I had neglectful parents.

After my 8-year relationship split up when I was 24, I just progressively stopped caring about what other people thought of me unless I needed to make an impression for business purposes.

A lot of people put on a song and dance for the sake of mating and romanticism when they're younger, I was never that kind of a guy. I'm highly authentic, always have been, always will be. I equate myself in that regard to being like a Black Hole: I exist as I am, and people shape themselves around me accordingly. It takes the pressure off for me. I actually have high social anxiety because of my introversion, so that's the best way for me to manage and cope with it rather than try to be something that I'm not and tie myself up in a tether.
 
That's hard having to see a family member you don't like. I'm not sure if I can offer any useful tips...If you only have to see that person for that one day, try to remember that and don't let them provoke you. I know it is easier said than done. Ask your daughter if she needs any help during the wedding so you would have an excuse to not prolong any conversations with that person. Avoid them if you can but if you have to talk to them, just a polite greeting or you can try evomack's suggestion of just smiling and nodding. Let us know how it goes.
 
You know... sometimes I feel like a people pleaser, I feel like if I upset someone or offend someone, I can take it really hard, like wow, I hate being misunderstood and I feel like anxiety can cause that sometimes. Only tips would be, nod and smile loool which probably would still offend someone.
 
My sympathies. In situations like that where I'm forced to be around people I don't particularly care for, I arm myself with my 'polite but cool' persona. I'm pleasant, I smile, I nod, I listen, but inwardly I'm thinking how much of a bunch of ******** these people are. Keeps me centered.

As to being a people-pleaser. . . . not sure. I'm naturally helpful I guess, but I wouldn't say I go out of my way to please people - especially if what's required goes against my morals or values in some way. Unless of course it's my family - I'm happy to go out of my way for them because I know it's appreciated.
 
That's hard having to see a family member you don't like. I'm not sure if I can offer any useful tips...If you only have to see that person for that one day, try to remember that and don't let them provoke you. I know it is easier said than done. Ask your daughter if she needs any help during the wedding so you would have an excuse to not prolong any conversations with that person. Avoid them if you can but if you have to talk to them, just a polite greeting or you can try evomack's suggestion of just smiling and nodding. Let us know how it goes.
Orange Cat, Your advice is perfect. I can be the handy dandy helper, perhaps even face paint at the kids' corner! Thank You
 

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