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Does it matter who initially started something? For me, I've always been assertive I guess. I see something I want, I go after it. Granted, Ive had to approach some things delicately, some aggressively, some with patience...it varies obviously based on all sorts of things. I can play just about any part to get what I want, if I am the pursuer. Twice in my life I was not and both times were totally messed. Its not fear, its not insecurities, its not some blah blah about past trauma...its about who is driving it. If I didn't initiate it then I am along for the ride. Or does that just sound absurd? I tend to be a bit silly sometimes.
My opinion is…. It shouldnt matter, I think most men try to make up for the woman approaching though, give you grand gestures to tip the scale back… at least that happens to me, I have only approached maybe 2 men, one was just supposed to be a cheeky joke but well… men…
 
I have had such a relationship.
She had a crush on me, but she was married.
We lived a bit far apart as well.
In the end I broke it up, because it simply wasn't possible to continue like that.
Yeahhh see if I date married men I am public enemy number 1 but no one judges you 😂🙈
 
Does it matter who initially started something? For me, I've always been assertive I guess. I see something I want, I go after it. Granted, Ive had to approach some things delicately, some aggressively, some with patience...it varies obviously based on all sorts of things. I can play just about any part to get what I want, if I am the pursuer. Twice in my life I was not and both times were totally messed. Its not fear, its not insecurities, its not some blah blah about past trauma...its about who is driving it. If I didn't initiate it then I am along for the ride. Or does that just sound absurd? I tend to be a bit silly sometimes.
I understand.
I am not assertive, maybe because I don't feel very sure what I want, but also because I seem to be lacking some aggression.
Also, as a man, many women expect men to take the initiative, so me waiting until they come to me could mean that 'a good catch' could never come my way, whereas if I had taken the initiative she would not have refused.
 
IMO, if you take the initiative and it requires lots of effort to convince her to date you it will feel better like winning a prize. If someone says yes too easily it makes me worried. Do they say yes to everybody so easily?
I understand, it's more a general thing.
If someone gives you something without you doing any effort to obtain it, it does not seem to have the same value.
Just imagine being out of a job, and you know if you go to that company, you give them your personal details, and bingo, you get the job.
It does not feel the same as if there's a very limited number of jobs available, you had to do 3 interviews, candidates were selected in each round, and in the end you got the job.
The fact that you had to make a lot of effort to get it, makes it feel more worthwhile, even though in reality it might be identical.
 
Yeahhh see if I date married men I am public enemy number 1 but no one judges you 😂🙈
Well, I got sucked into it (no pun intended).
I mean, the way it all started.
I was out of a job, had been home for several months, I was feeling down.
I opened facebook, and started to look at the games section.
I chose "Uno" (the card game).
It presented me with 3 other random players.
I played a couple of games.
In one of them I could see a big black man and a slender looking Italian girl, and it was obvious they were flirting.
It seemed a bit funny to me, this combination.
The other person was a woman, who later on turned out to be about my age.
I don't remember if I had a public photo, or if she had one.
We just started chatting, we talked about those two people, how it looked funny.
The talks were fun, and after a couple of games, we decided we did not want to lose each other if the game decided to take other random participants.
So we added each other.
After the game was finished we started chatting.
The chats seemed to take longer and longer, I learned that she was actually married, which I found strange, why was she spending that much time with me?
Was her husband doing the cooking then?
What about the two children, didn't she need to talk to them about their homework?
She lived in the UK, I live in Belgium, I started thinking if she saw more in this than friendship.
At some point she asked my address and sent me some novels to read.
At that point I asked her, and she said she had a big crush on me.

So, I think it's different.
I wasn't on a dating site, I wasn't looking for a date, I didn't know the woman I was talking to was married, with my low self-esteem I could never imagine her being interested in me, etc.
I was surprised, but also flattered when she told me that she had that crush on me.

We never had sex, but she definitely would have been a good match.
In the end I broke it up, because I could no longer handle it.
I still have the stuff she sent me, she was very creative, made me my own bookmark, etc.

But I never was looking to break up someone else's marriage.
 
So I've gone out with an assortment of types and looks. I don't discriminate haha!! But my eyes usually lock on to dark curly/wavy hair, colored eyes, broad shoulders, nice arms and I love bowed legs. Ive only dated one guy that had all of these and he was my first everything. Ive always known that what I find appealing is the very image of my father. He was gorgeous and my sisters got all his beauty. I mean its a pretty common thing to be attracted to people that share traits of one of your parents. My son's grandmother and I are like two peas in a pod and my sons father can't stand me or his mother until he needs or wants something. My son likes girls that are more natural looking and kind of spunky...much like his mother and he denies that it has anything to do with me. So, my question I guess is how does this apply to any of you if at all? Is this a conscious choice or is it just coincidence? Not to be rude but I care not about Oedipus and Electra complexes, Im genuinely curious if anyone else has noticed this in themselves or perhaps even partners.
 
So I've gone out with an assortment of types and looks. I don't discriminate haha!! But my eyes usually lock on to dark curly/wavy hair, colored eyes, broad shoulders, nice arms and I love bowed legs. Ive only dated one guy that had all of these and he was my first everything. Ive always known that what I find appealing is the very image of my father. He was gorgeous and my sisters got all his beauty. I mean its a pretty common thing to be attracted to people that share traits of one of your parents. My son's grandmother and I are like two peas in a pod and my sons father can't stand me or his mother until he needs or wants something. My son likes girls that are more natural looking and kind of spunky...much like his mother and he denies that it has anything to do with me. So, my question I guess is how does this apply to any of you if at all? Is this a conscious choice or is it just coincidence? Not to be rude but I care not about Oedipus and Electra complexes, Im genuinely curious if anyone else has noticed this in themselves or perhaps even partners.
My father looked a lot older than my mum, a lot more than the real age difference between them.
Both my sisters had/have a husband that was a lot older.
My elder sister got divorced, and again was with a man a lot older than her.
 
My father looked a lot older than my mum, a lot more than the real age difference between them.
Both my sisters had/have a husband that was a lot older.
My elder sister got divorced, and again was with a man a lot older than her.
What about personality similarities? And you? You never noticed any common traits between the women you've been with and your mother?
 
What about personality similarities? And you? You never noticed any common traits between the women you've been with and your mother?
Not really, did not see that many personality similarities, although maybe that they were all self-employed.

I haven't had that many women, and they all seemed very different one from the other.
The one that I loved the most (a platonic type of love) was creative, like the bookmark she made for me.
That is something my mother has too, she used to be a kindergarten teacher, so she knew how to make this type of craft.
Of course, you will always find something in common.
 
Not really, did not see that many personality similarities, although maybe that they were all self-employed.

I haven't had that many women, and they all seemed very different one from the other.
The one that I loved the most (a platonic type of love) was creative, like the bookmark she made for me.
That is something my mother has too, she used to be a kindergarten teacher, so she knew how to make this type of craft.
Of course, you will always find something in common.
I didn't really know my dad he died before I turned 6 so all I know of his personality is from my mother and other family members. I guess Ive always been attracted to a certain look because I looked at pictures of him so much.
Thank you for answering the question. 🙂
 
I'm not attracted to someone that looks like or acts like my mom. However, I am attracted to someone that looks and acts like me except female.
So a female version of you. I used to say that I wanted a male version of me but not with red hair. Two redheads together looks weird. Im starting to think there might be something off about me. Thank you for answering though.
 
So a female version of you. I used to say that I wanted a male version of me but not with red hair. Two redheads together looks weird. Im starting to think there might be something off about me. Thank you for answering though.
Do you need me to confirm that there is someting off about you? Ha! ha!

It's funny red hair has never been on my radar as good or bad. But, some people die their hair red. So, it must be desired.
 
Do you need me to confirm that there is someting off about you? Ha! ha!

It's funny red hair has never been on my radar as good or bad. But, some people die their hair red. So, it must be desired.
My grandmother dyed her hair red and would smile when people commented that I must've gotten my hair from her. Usually you can tell when someone is not a natural redhead. Ive never understood why anyone would want red hair but to each is own. As far as your radar, I imagine that's the norm.
 
I'd love to post a photo of my Irish Grandmother. She had beautiful red hair.
Freckles and green eyes.
Miss her everyday.. also, I never met another female with natural red hair, just that box dye funky burgundy color
 
I'd love to post a photo of my Irish Grandmother. She had beautiful red hair.
Freckles and green eyes.
Miss her everyday.. also, I never met another female with natural red hair, just that box dye funky burgundy color
Did it turn white? I so hope if I make it that my hair turns white.
 
Did it turn white? I so hope if I make it that my hair turns white.
She didn't live long enough to find out.

She passed away in her 50s.. but even then she barely had any gray and she never dyed it. she had some sparse ones here and there.. she was a simple woman. she didn't wear makeup, didn't dye her hair - very minimal and natural in that regard..
I wished I could have seen it turn white, if it meant she'd live into my adulthood. I was really, really close to her.
 
She didn't live long enough to find out.

She passed away in her 50s.. but even then she barely had any gray and she never dyed it. she had some sparse ones here and there.. she was a simple woman. she didn't wear makeup, didn't dye her hair - very minimal and natural in that regard..
I wished I could have seen it turn white, if it meant she'd live into my adulthood. I was really, really close to her.
Yeah, an amazing grandmother is truly a gift.
 

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