Questions for the Men

[user 139760]

I recently talked to a guy like this. Not only did he often talk about how he could never date someone who wasn't intelligent, he also thought he was smarter than basically everyone.
I'm always down for intelligent conversation, but don't assume you are smarter than everyone else. No one is smarter than everyone else and it's annoying to be that arrogant.

That isn't...quite true I think. I mean, I agree with what you're saying and that kind of dynamic, like Ardour said below, is really not good. The arrogance and often ignorance of someone who thinks they know more than you and uses it to kind of act all high and mighty is a huge turn off. But when you meet someone who's actually intelligent, much more than you are, tempered by wisdom? Huge turn on. The part that I've lived with and can say something on is that trying to make life work with someone who is...I don't think not intelligent is the right word, but willfully ignorant and close-minded on any view that doesn't mirror her own and bases decisions on that? The consequences are not just bad, they're dangerous. To anyone involved with them.
I used to think it didn't matter a shred before, but after fixing so many broken vases that weren't mine, I can say it's an exercise in masochism. I guess there is something to be said about judging someone in factor of their intelligence after all. It creates less problems.

 

[TheSkaFish]

Would you judge a potential partner on their work ethic/performance and attitude towards their job?

Honestly, no, I wouldn't. I don't blame people for having a bad work ethic in bad jobs, because I understand it, I felt that way myself. You work, you give up your time and energy, but your quality of life doesn't improve. It doesn't matter how hard you work, you still get nowhere anyway. To me, that's just exploitation. How could you have a good attitude about that?

Also people that get all holier-than-thou about "hard work" and "bootstraps" would be incompatible with me, because they'd get on my nerves, quickly. In fact, I totally disagree with the belief that a person's economic situation is a result of their moral character. And I find the almost cultish obsession with work and with entrepreneurs that has come up lately, to be weird. These days it's like if you have an issue with capitalism or work, some people act as though you committed blasphemy against their religion.

But I would totally think it's cool for a person to find work they actually like doing, and are driven to do well in it because they like the work, like the role, and they have a genuine interest in being that thing.

I'm not anti-success, I'm pro-success if you can get it. I struggle with believing that most people can, including myself.
I'm just anti-bullshit jobs that don't get a person anywhere.

Sorry if my original, joke response wasn't that helpful

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Okay men! I'm gonna jump right in with this one, (after creating a couple of seconds for suspense)...

Do you honestly care about makeup ? Like I am not going to lie, the make up transformations I see on YouTube are crazy, but most women haven't got a whole face mask on like that, a little foundation, lipstick and eyeliner at most. Where I live anyway...

Also, I guess the second part of my question is, if a girl came out on a date with little to no make up, would you feel that she put no effort? (My brother says this a lot, I wonder if thats a common feeling)

 

[TheSkaFish]

I'll bite.

Do you honestly care about makeup ? Like I am not going to lie, the make up transformations I see on YouTube are crazy, but most women haven't got a whole face mask on like that, a little foundation, lipstick and eyeliner at most. Where I live anyway...

Honestly? I could take it or leave it. Some of it looks nice, sure. But I wouldn't call it a requirement. I think women look just fine with or without it.

Also, I guess the second part of my question is, if a girl came out on a date with little to no make up, would you feel that she put no effort? (My brother says this a lot, I wonder if thats a common feeling)

No, I wouldn't feel that at all. I might feel like if she did put on makeup for me, I'd feel like it was extra effort and I'd be a bit flattered - but not that it would be "no effort" to not wear it. I'm not sure how common the belief is that it is low effort to not wear it, but like I said, I could take it or leave it. I'm kind of a laid-back guy that way. I'm more interested in the connection, conversation, mind, character, and overall likeability, than makeup. I mean, do it for you, do it if you want.
But it's not a make-or-break thing for me.

As far as looks go, just be clean and I'll do the same. That's it and that's all!

 

[Colster]

Okay men! I'm gonna jump right in with this one, (after creating a couple of seconds for suspense)...

Do you honestly care about makeup ? Like I am not going to lie, the make up transformations I see on YouTube are crazy, but most women haven't got a whole face mask on like that, a little foundation, lipstick and eyeliner at most. Where I live anyway...

Also, I guess the second part of my question is, if a girl came out on a date with little to no make up, would you feel that she put no effort? (My brother says this a lot, I wonder if thats a common feeling)

honestly, no. I don't expect any woman to cover herself in makeup, just to appease me. I certainly wouldn't anticipate the whole facial sculpting that goes on (Kardashian family). Plus, most women actually look better without it. Yes, a little eye liner, lipstick, the defining of features, these I can appreciate. But no man on this earth, chose a girl because of the length of her fake eyelashes!

 

[randomguy]

Okay men! I'm gonna jump right in with this one, (after creating a couple of seconds for suspense)...

Do you honestly care about makeup ? Like I am not going to lie, the make up transformations I see on YouTube are crazy, but most women haven't got a whole face mask on like that, a little foundation, lipstick and eyeliner at most. Where I live anyway...

Also, I guess the second part of my question is, if a girl came out on a date with little to no make up, would you feel that she put no effort? (My brother says this a lot, I wonder if thats a common feeling)

Nah couldn't care less, the last date I went on I was wearing more eyeliner than the girl.

 

[ewomack]

Okay men! I'm gonna jump right in with this one, (after creating a couple of seconds for suspense)...

Do you honestly care about makeup ? Like I am not going to lie, the make up transformations I see on YouTube are crazy, but most women haven't got a whole face mask on like that, a little foundation, lipstick and eyeliner at most. Where I live anyway...

Also, I guess the second part of my question is, if a girl came out on a date with little to no make up, would you feel that she put no effort? (My brother says this a lot, I wonder if thats a common feeling)

I prefer women without makeup. My wife hasn't worn any throughout our entire marriage. I like seeing her as she really looks and she doesn't really like wearing it. Most of the women I've dated didn't wear any, either, with some exceptions. One woman I dated in college said she spent an hour every morning doing her face. She walked me through the routine once and it was amazing how much work went into it. I told her that I thought she was beautiful without it, so don't bother for my sake, but I don't think she wasn't wearing it for my sake, which was fine. I had this feeling she was wearing it more for other women, but that's just a guess from afar. After years of not seeing makeup, I have to admit that even subtle makeup really sticks out for me now and it mostly looks a little unnatural.

To be absolutely honest, I find it a little phony. I would much rather a woman show up on a date without makeup than with. It would say to me "here I am! I'm not hiding anything!" But I also wouldn't negatively judge a woman who wore makeup, since I know it's a pretty established custom. It's sad when I see makeup tutorials on YouTube and the comments always have some guy who says "I'm glad you finally put the makeup on, you look ugly without it." They've just grown accustomed to seeing women with makeup. I always think the woman looked better at the beginning of the video and worse at the end. But that's just my opinion. I really don't think I have a typical reaction to makeup, either, so I'm probably an outlier. I'm also the same guy who dated a woman with a green mohawk and another with unshaved legs and a shaved head. So, yes, I'm probably in a different world.

 

[Sunless Sky]

Personally, I am a sucker for a good cat's eye but overall, I don't care about makeup at all. I prefer the woman without it.

That being said however, having a good and balanced amount of makeup shows a good level of self are, which can be attractive. Too much makeup or an over reliance on it can show a level of insecurity which can either be cute or a turnoff.

So it's not the makeup itself and more of the mentality behind it.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Okay okay okay, so im gonna step it up a notch since I am impressed with all the answers,

Do you guys think its okay for a boyfriend to ask his girlfriend not to wear an outfit out with her girl friends if he thinks its too revealing?

Also, is her posting revealing pictures on social media... cheating?

I have heard suchhh varying opinions on this....

 

[Sunless Sky]

I am more in the camp of no, she shouldn't post revealing pics online or wear revealing clothes even if she is with her girlfriends.

It's about respect and so these rules would apply to me as well.

Then again, I am the possessive and jealous type. I can get overprotective sometimes.

 

[M_also_lonely]

Okay men! I'm gonna jump right in with this one, (after creating a couple of seconds for suspense)...

Do you honestly care about makeup ? Like I am not going to lie, the make up transformations I see on YouTube are crazy, but most women haven't got a whole face mask on like that, a little foundation, lipstick and eyeliner at most. Where I live anyway...

Also, I guess the second part of my question is, if a girl came out on a date with little to no make up, would you feel that she put no effort? (My brother says this a lot, I wonder if thats a common feeling)

Not at all.
In-fact, it would be great if she doesn't wear a make up. It reflects that she isn't ashamed of what she was given. Someone who doesn't try to change the color of her skin or the scars on her face.
But that doesn't mean you don't work on what you should: Health and hygiene.
To me, a woman who takes great care of her health and hygiene is more attractive than someone who is smeared in a chemical.

 

[TheSkaFish]

Okay okay okay, so im gonna step it up a notch since I am impressed with all the answers,

Do you guys think its okay for a boyfriend to ask his girlfriend not to wear an outfit out with her girl friends if he thinks its too revealing?

Also, is her posting revealing pictures on social media... cheating?

I have heard suchhh varying opinions on this....

Eh, if it was me, I wouldn't encourage it, like "yeah you should totally wear that, the more skin the better!". But I don't want to be one of those controlling guys either. Other people are their own person, they can wear what they want.

Same goes for the revealing pictures, I wouldn't promote it but at the end of the day it's not my decision.

I feel like it really depends on the reasons behind it - do you just like the outfits, or like the pictures?
Or are you actively trying to tease every man you can?
I'd hope that if this was a real relationship, the other person would have no interest in teasing other guys anymore.

As long as no actual, physical or emotional cheating takes place, I feel like it's the other person's personal choice. I don't want to be policed either. It kinda kills the vibe.

 

[Finished]

Do you honestly care about makeup ? Like I am not going to lie, the make up transformations I see on YouTube are crazy, but most women haven't got a whole face mask on like that, a little foundation, lipstick and eyeliner at most. Where I live anyway...

Also, I guess the second part of my question is, if a girl came out on a date with little to no make up, would you feel that she put no effort? (My brother says this a lot, I wonder if thats a common feeling)

I love seeing women with makeup on. Most women look better with makeup that is done properly for her face, structure, and skin tone. Makeup, like you said, can really transform someone.

Well, no matter what they do they'll be putting in way more effort then I do so no the the second part. But, it would make a difference with the date was going to entail.

 

[randomguy]

This is a difficult question with many sides to it. Here's my take ( and no I'd never tell anyone what they can or can't wear ).

One part of the answer is that some girls feel confident if they receive attention for the way they dress. It’s nice to be noticed. Often girls even dress to impress other girls, maybe even more than guys. But for many girls it’s even more important to fit in. Many young women feel it's social suicide to try to stick out in the crowd or wear something no one else is wearing. So if all the girls are dressing in short skirts and low-cut tops, they better do it as well, they think. Sometimes the styles may be more provocative than a girl feels comfortable wearing, but due to peer pressure, she will wear it anyway.

Some girls might not even realise that how they are dressing can affect guys. Don’t get me wrong, some girls know exactly what they are doing, but some are just wearing what they think looks good. Since guys are sexually driven by what they see, it becomes easy for them to objectify women based on how they are dressed, but that doesn’t make it right.

So please know ladies that what you wear often sends a message…whether you intend it to or not. If you are flaunting your body, guys will be tempted to come after your body. However, if you advertise who you are on the inside, with traits such as kindness, gentleness, sensitivity, great personality, etc., they will be drawn to you for that.

Guys, it's important to realise most women want to be loved and respected for who they are on the inside. It’s just the lies of the culture regarding how best to attract men confuse things. As a guy, when you compliment a girl you have an opportunity to tell her she’s beautiful, without expectations on what her response should be. Women often want to be thought of as beautiful, but they don’t want to be disrespected. That’s a fine line, but I believe it’s possible for mature guys to walk that line.

Posting revealing pics on social media? C'mon how desperate are you for your 15 minutes of celebrity?.

These are the opinions of a randomguy and not endorsed by ALL.

 

[Finished]

Do you guys think its okay for a boyfriend to ask his girlfriend not to wear an outfit out with her girl friends if he thinks its too revealing?

Also, is her posting revealing pictures on social media... cheating?

Sure, he can ask. That's completely different then saying, you are not going to wear that! But, it really depends on the relationship and where and what the girl friends are going to be doing.

Cheating no. I would tell her that it's not wise to post anything but professional pictures anywhere on the Interent if at all. But, then the decision is hers. But, it also depends how revealing. Full nudes saying come and get me would definitely get an objection from me.

 

[ewomack]

Okay okay okay, so im gonna step it up a notch since I am impressed with all the answers,

Do you guys think its okay for a boyfriend to ask his girlfriend not to wear an outfit out with her girl friends if he thinks its too revealing?

Also, is her posting revealing pictures on social media... cheating?

I have heard suchhh varying opinions on this....

These are much harder questions... partially because "revealing" is pretty subjective and can be ambiguous... I'm assuming that "revealing" doesn't mean naked, or partially naked (such as topless), in this case...

Couples should be able to discuss anything, so I wouldn't approach this one as a request, but as a discussion. Some men automatically think that women dress revealingly to attract the attention of other men, but some men don't realize that many women also want to look attractive to other women, but not for sexual reasons, it's more just to have fun. If I had a solid and trusting relationship with the woman, I would have no problem with how she dresses with her girlfriends. If she wore something revealing out with another man, only then would I worry, and I think most people would understand why. I think it's okay for a boyfriend to ask his girlfriend about this, but hopefully it's not as a command, but more as a discussion to allay any concerns. You have to build trust somehow.

I've never faced the social media issue, so I'm not entirely sure what to think about that. Again, I would have a discussion and ask why she posts such pictures. If we had a trusting relationship and the pictures weren't causing any issues, I don't know why I would mind. I would only consider it cheating if she was doing it explicitly to attract other men. I dated an amateur model in college and I often saw many pictures of her looking alluring and the photographers were usually men. I was never invited to attend the photo shoots. Unfortunately, we ended up not having a trusting relationship (it didn't last long), so it did end up being a concern, but I never asked her to stop modeling. That's the closest analogy I can think of for myself.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

OMG I'm going to have way too much fun in this thread!!! Who allowed me to find this!?!? lol Sorry but I really appreciate a mans perspective on these topics.

Okay, so now... ugh im a nightmare but I have to ask because I find it interesting how different people consider cheating as different things,

You are dating a girl, and you find out she's been having an emotional affair online only. She's been messaging a guy and there has been "I love yous" exchanged. She explained that it was simply a fantasy and you're the only man she loves. Would you end the relationship ?

 

[Sunless Sky]

OMG I'm going to have way too much fun in this thread!!! Who allowed me to find this!?!? lol Sorry but I really appreciate a mans perspective on these topics.

Okay, so now... ugh im a nightmare but I have to ask because I find it interesting how different people consider cheating as different things,

You are dating a girl, and you find out she's been having an emotional affair online only. She's been messaging a guy and there has been "I love yous" exchanged. She explained that it was simply a fantasy and you're the only man she loves. Would you end the relationship ?

There would have to be a couple of more questions to ask. For example, did I find this out myself or did she tell me? Did she apologise or did she try to justify it?

Long story short, as harsh as this may sound, yes I would end the relationship as this is emotional cheating. It's not as severe as physical cheating but it's still cheating.

In the other hand, if she confessed herself and apologised, I would be more inclined to forgive her. Don't get me wrong, it would still hurt and I would lose a lot of trust in her, trust that she would have to work hard to win back.

Also, if we would play devil's advocate, let's say it was only a fantasy, that means she exchanged "I love you"s with a guy she didn't have feelings for at all. What does that say about her? That she would play another human being like that for her own amusement. Either way, she doesn't come out of this looking good no matter how you slice it and so she deserves whatever she gets.

 

[randomguy]

she doesn't come out of this looking good no matter how you slice it and so she deserves whatever she gets.

This

 

[CenotaphGirl]

There would have to be a couple of more questions to ask. For example, did I find this out myself or did she tell me? Did she apologise or did she try to justify it?

Long story short, as harsh as this may sound, yes I would end the relationship as this is emotional cheating. It's not as severe as physical cheating but it's still cheating.

In the other hand, if she confessed herself and apologised, I would be more inclined to forgive her. Don't get me wrong, it would still hurt and I would lose a lot of trust in her, trust that she would have to work hard to win back.

Also, if we would play devil's advocate, let's say it was only a fantasy, that means she exchanged "I love you"s with a guy she didn't have feelings for at all. What does that say about her? That she would play another human being like that for her own amusement. Either way, she doesn't come out of this looking good no matter how you slice it and so she deserves whatever she gets.

Wow sorry but had to respond to thissss wow this is so insightful,

But I have to say for my example I was thinking you discovered the texts and she just apologised.