Questions for the Men

[CenotaphGirl]

It's never out of budget, because nothing is ever out of budget for a 1980s movie bully - which I am.

But, in this theoretical situation, I would just tell the staff some outrageous lie, which they would know is a lie, but would want to believe anyway, and they would wind up paying their own bill. In fact, I would somehow profit from it. The waiters would just empty their pockets for me.

Then I'd take my date home in my Camaro, doing a massive burnout in front of the restaurant, taking an equally massive bong hit while loudly listening to Foreigner, and flexing my muscles obnoxiously at every opportunity. And my date would like it, because I say so, and '80s bullies always get their way, 24/7/365!

Since I stopped being a nerd and started being an '80s movie bully, my life has only gotten better. I highly recommend it!



...no, really though? I don't think I'd wind up in that situation in the first place. I think because of the way I am, I would wind up with someone who wouldn't do something like that, or who would split the bill.

If I were to offer to pay it, I would look at the menu ahead of time and make sure I could pay for it first.

Oh Mr Ska Fish Man, I like the taking your date home in a Camaro and doing a massive burnout in front of the restaurant.... but the flexing muscles ... icing on the cake, you know what a woman of class wants, a bad boy ! lolz only playing before I get dragged out of here by my hair extensions..

I am glad you agree that the situation is a silly one, that an ill prepared person would fall into. I respect that you understand your budget and would check first, that says responsible to little me.

 

[Colster]

Ewhh nooo not Greggs lolz I do prefer coffee dates though, as I'd hate to put a guy out of his budget.

So we're not going out on our date next weekend, I've booked a table a Sayers.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

So we're not going out on our date next weekend, I've booked a table a Sayers.

Loool Like I think im never clear. A coffee date is fine by me however, it's only because I never know if a guy is lying or can really afford my taste... if he can't afford my taste then... ....He really should say so I don't waste his time or mine.

It's funny to me, as I always get considered as a girl that wants a sugar daddy, I'd rather have a sugar daddy than a man that needs me to pay, sorry, I wasn't raised that way. I'm not judgemental about it really, I just think... how??? How can a man ask me to do something like that? What next are we going to move in together in my place, while I pay the bills, have the kids, cook and clean and provide for him... must be joking lol. I'd rather marry a lamppost, so tall and provides light to those in need...

 

[ardour]

Loool Like I think im never clear. A coffee date is fine by me however, it's only because I never know if a guy is lying or can really afford my taste... if he can't afford my taste then... ....He really should say so I don't waste his time or mine.

It's funny to me, as I always get considered as a girl that wants a sugar daddy, I'd rather have a sugar daddy than a man that needs me to pay, sorry, I wasn't raised that way. I'm not judgemental about it really, I just think... how??? How can a man ask me to do something like that? What next are we going to move in together in my place, while I pay the bills, have the kids, cook and clean and provide for him... must be joking lol. I'd rather marry a lamppost, so tall and provides light to those in need...

Or you could just pay for your own meals and 50/50 split any other bills or travel costs. You're both working I assume, so it's not either he pays or you. Makes me think you want a traditional male-provider arrangement without admitting as much. There's nothing strictly wrong with that I guess but in the past it came with certain expectations of settling down early. Is it really fair to expect when a man has no way of knowing whether he's being used?

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Or you could just pay for your own meals and 50/50 split any other bills or travel costs. You're both working I assume, so it's not either he pays or you. Makes me think you want a traditional male-provider arrangement without admitting as much. There's nothing strictly wrong with that I guess but in the past it came with certain expectations of settling down early. Is it really fair to expect when a man has no way of knowing whether he's being used?

Alas... the man I want and dream of, is the man of yesterday, all thats left are the "men" of today....I think the men of today suit the gender blurring people of today for sure, men have been asked to adapt and with all honesty they have done a good job adapting. I just cant get on board with it... turns me off completely. I need what I consider as a real man, a provider, a protector. I'd be for him what he needs, a wife, a mother, and ultimately a provider in a different way. I have one question though... If I wanted to provide for myself, why would I enter a partnership? This is the question that has to be answered to save the dating world from it's current confusion in my opinion. It made sense men and women being together in the past, she provides him with family, he protects and feeds it. If he just protects and feeds himself... and I protect and feed myself... whats the actual point? We can both do that separately with a lot less stress and cheating

 

[ardour]

I have one question though... If I wanted to provide for myself, why would I enter a partnership?

Um... because maybe you like each other enough to want the relationship for its own sake? Monogamy? Companionship? Frequent sexy times? I mean sure you want kids and a traditional arrangement, many do, but if you can't comprehend anything more personal than that... well that's not a very appealing thing to hear. I wouldn't openly put it like that to men you're interested in.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Um... because maybe you like each other enough to want the relationship for its own sake? Monogamy? Companionship? Frequent sexy times? I mean sure you want kids and a traditional arrangement, many do, but if you can't comprehend anything more personal than that... well that's not a very appealing thing to hear. I wouldn't openly put it like that to men you're interested in.

This is why I believe hook up culture is a subset of the 50/50 culture, because if it's about frequent sexy time... surely it'll be more frequent for me as a single woman...Also how can I want to have children for a man who cant/ won't provide? Hmm... I don't know, what's appealing to you is deffo not appealing to me so we'll have to agree to disagree on that one lol.

 

[ardour]

This is why I believe hook up culture is a subset of the 50/50 culture, because if it's about frequent sexy time... surely it'll be more frequent for me as a single woman...

And also more dangerous...

What's unappealing is the idea of being "interchangeable" (as long as one fits the criteria).

 

[CenotaphGirl]

And also more dangerous...

What's unappealing is the idea of being "interchangeable" (as long as one fits the criteria).

Honestly, I am not sure if it's more or less dangerous, I would have to look up the stats on that one.

What's unappealing is the idea of being "interchangeable" (as long as one fits the criteria).

Can you dumb that down for me? I'm a little confused by what this part means...

 

[ardour]

Honestly, I am not sure if it's more or less dangerous, I would have to look up the stats on that one.


Can you dumb that down for me? I'm a little confused by what this part means...

It's implying he could be anyone as long as he fits your criteria, as if the personal connection doesn't matter. It's the equivalent of a man looking for a submissive woman to bear his children without any indication he cares about her personality, interests, goals etc. You probably wouldn't like that either. Everyone has a criteria, but if you make it sound too transactional IMO, to the point where the only guy you'll attract is old sugar daddy type.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

It's implying he could be anyone as long as he fits your criteria, as if the personal connection doesn't matter that much. It's the equivalent of a man looking for a submissive woman to bear his children without any indication he cares about her personality, interests, goals etc. You probably wouldn't like that either. It can sound obnoxious or too transactional if you don't put these preferences carefully.

You know I am someone who gets a little flustered at someone that over explains, so I try not over explain things, sometimes, I miss key points. My point is this, I won't bother getting to know someone who doesn't share the same values as I do, otherwise I think of it as a waste of my time and theirs, and possibly their money and in a round about way, mine.

 

[Colster]

Loool Like I think im never clear. A coffee date is fine by me however, it's only because I never know if a guy is lying or can really afford my taste... if he can't afford my taste then... ....He really should say so I don't waste his time or mine.

It's funny to me, as I always get considered as a girl that wants a sugar daddy, I'd rather have a sugar daddy than a man that needs me to pay, sorry, I wasn't raised that way. I'm not judgemental about it really, I just think... how??? How can a man ask me to do something like that? What next are we going to move in together in my place, while I pay the bills, have the kids, cook and clean and provide for him... must be joking lol. I'd rather marry a lamppost, so tall and provides light to those in need...

I've got a step ladder and torch.

 

[ewomack]

Alas... the man I want and dream of, is the man of yesterday, all thats left are the "men" of today....I think the men of today suit the gender blurring people of today for sure, men have been asked to adapt and with all honesty they have done a good job adapting. I just cant get on board with it... turns me off completely. I need what I consider as a real man, a provider, a protector. I'd be for him what he needs, a wife, a mother, and ultimately a provider in a different way. I have one question though... If I wanted to provide for myself, why would I enter a partnership? This is the question that has to be answered to save the dating world from it's current confusion in my opinion. It made sense men and women being together in the past, she provides him with family, he protects and feeds it. If he just protects and feeds himself... and I protect and feed myself... whats the actual point? We can both do that separately with a lot less stress and cheating

Both partners can provide and both can provide family. Why do these roles have to be split out by gender or relegated only to one person? You enter a relationship to provide support and family for each other, in whatever way makes sense for the partnership. People will have their own reasons and if you want a traditional relationship you just need to find someone who will provide that. I'm sure it's still an option, though it might be harder to find than it was years ago. The cheating is on the people in the relationship. If you know you're going to cheat, or heavily suspect it, then why enter into that partnership? Unless you agree to an "open relationship," but I've seen many of those end in disaster for at least one of the participants. If you don't find the right relationship, then you probably are better off single, honestly. Being alone can be more satisfying than being in a rotten relationship.

 

[ewomack]

My point is this, I won't bother getting to know someone who doesn't share the same values as I do, otherwise I think of it as a waste of my time and theirs, and possibly their money and in a round about way, mine.

How will you know they do or don't share the same values if you don't get to know them? First impressions can really mislead, as people only usually open up after knowing a person for at least some time. Or you may have met them on a bad day, yet they might be the right person for you in the long run.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Both partners can provide and both can provide family. Why do these roles have to be split out by gender or relegated only to one person? You enter a relationship to provide support and family for each other, in whatever way makes sense for the partnership. People will have their own reasons and if you want a traditional relationship you just need to find someone who will provide that. I'm sure it's still an option, though it might be harder to find than it was years ago. The cheating is on the people in the relationship. If you know you're going to cheat, or heavily suspect it, then why enter into that partnership? Unless you agree to an "open relationship," but I've seen many of those end in disaster for at least one of the participants. If you don't find the right relationship, then you probably are better off single, honestly. Being alone can be more satisfying than being in a rotten relationship.

You know.... it's funny I feel judged for wanting a traditional relationship, yet, people keep flipping it as if im trying to tell everyone how to live their lives Let me try and be more clear as im not the best at that... i'm not saying that both partners can't provide, or that the roles "have to be split out by gender or relegated to one person only" for everyone. I am saying thats how it has to be in my relationship, thats my preference. I like being a woman, and I want to be treated in a way that makes me feel feminine not masculine.

Personally I do not feel like it's hard to find a man who still wants to be a provider, however, it's hard to find a man who doesn't want to blend gender roles and cry to me every night about how hard life is... I think I have a strong aversion to that as im already overwhelmed with my own struggles, need someone tough to be a support pilar. I cant handle someone as depressed as me, we'd just drag each other into a very deep hole.

My parents marriage was so perfect to me, my dad was strong, never cried in public, I can honestly say I have never seen him shed a tear, not even at his own mothers funeral, not even when he was dying. Very tough man may he rest in peace. He provided for his family, retired young, spent so much time with my mum and his kids. His dream was that none of his daughters would work, (I had to beg him to let me go to a job interview). My mums a bit of arm candy lol but most importantly a wife. My mum never paid a bill, my dad never cleaned a dish.... That was their perfect, and I hope similar will be mine one day. Thats all im saying, I find it maddening that saying that implies I want a sugar daddy, what a time to be alive.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Enough about me and my naughty wants and needs, let me think of a new question...

Do you guys think of plastic surgery as a deal breaker? Like if you find out would that shift your opinion of someone you had interest in?

 

[ewomack]

You know.... it's funny I feel judged for wanting a traditional relationship, yet, people keep flipping it as if im trying to tell everyone how to live their lives Let me try and be more clear as im not the best at that... i'm not saying that both partners can't provide, or that the roles "have to be split out by gender or relegated to one person only" for everyone. I am saying thats how it has to be in my relationship, thats my preference. I like being a woman, and I want to be treated in a way that makes me feel feminine not masculine.

Personally I do not feel like it's hard to find a man who still wants to be a provider, however, it's hard to find a man who doesn't want to blend gender roles and cry to me every night about how hard life is... I think I have a strong aversion to that as im already overwhelmed with my own struggles, need someone tough to be a support pilar. I cant handle someone as depressed as me, we'd just drag each other into a very deep hole.

My parents marriage was so perfect to me, my dad was strong, never cried in public, I can honestly say I have never seen him shed a tear, not even at his own mothers funeral, not even when he was dying. Very tough man may he rest in peace. He provided for his family, retired young, spent so much time with my mum and his kids. His dream was that none of his daughters would work, (I had to beg him to let me go to a job interview). My mums a bit of arm candy lol but most importantly a wife. My mum never paid a bill, my dad never cleaned a dish.... That was their perfect, and I hope similar will be mine one day. Thats all im saying, I find it maddening that saying that implies I want a sugar daddy, what a time to be alive.

I'm not judging you for wanting a traditional relationship, I have no problem with you wanting that, but you often seem to imply that there can't be any value in other kinds of relationships, that is more what I'm reacting to.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I'm not judging you for wanting a traditional relationship, I have no problem with you wanting that, but you often seem to imply that there can't be any value in other kinds of relationships, that is more what I'm reacting to.

There's no value in it to me personally, I'd rather be alone lol But doesn't mean I don't respect others wishes to be in such unions. It just wouldn't work for me, I'm raised different.

 

[Colster]

You know.... it's funny I feel judged for wanting a traditional relationship, yet, people keep flipping it as if im trying to tell everyone how to live their lives Let me try and be more clear as im not the best at that... i'm not saying that both partners can't provide, or that the roles "have to be split out by gender or relegated to one person only" for everyone. I am saying thats how it has to be in my relationship, thats my preference. I like being a woman, and I want to be treated in a way that makes me feel feminine not masculine.

Personally I do not feel like it's hard to find a man who still wants to be a provider, however, it's hard to find a man who doesn't want to blend gender roles and cry to me every night about how hard life is... I think I have a strong aversion to that as im already overwhelmed with my own struggles, need someone tough to be a support pilar. I cant handle someone as depressed as me, we'd just drag each other into a very deep hole.

My parents marriage was so perfect to me, my dad was strong, never cried in public, I can honestly say I have never seen him shed a tear, not even at his own mothers funeral, not even when he was dying. Very tough man may he rest in peace. He provided for his family, retired young, spent so much time with my mum and his kids. His dream was that none of his daughters would work, (I had to beg him to let me go to a job interview). My mums a bit of arm candy lol but most importantly a wife. My mum never paid a bill, my dad never cleaned a dish.... That was their perfect, and I hope similar will be mine one day. Thats all im saying, I find it maddening that saying that implies I want a sugar daddy, what a time to be alive.

you have standards, and want to do things your own way. I get it. Why not!

 

[CenotaphGirl]

you have standards, and want to do things your own way. I get it. Why not!

mhmm its my way or the highway

So come on Colster...humour meee Do you think of plastic surgery as a deal breaker?