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TheRealCallie

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How do you feel about a man withholding the fact he's a virgin?

This question comes up on reddit. Some argue that since this may affect a woman's decision to sleep with a man he should say or else it's lying by omission (by passing oneself off as a normal experienced adult).

Just to be clear I'm not asking whether it's better to be honest but whether there's an ethical obligation to disclose.

Someone who isn't a virgin has just as much chance to suck in bed as a virgin. And it's not like a woman where there could be physical ramifications, so I see no ethical obligation at all.

And as already stated, you really have no chance of having an std as a virgin so...again no ethics involved
 

ardour

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Someone who isn't a virgin has just as much chance to suck in bed as a virgin. And it's not like a woman where there could be physical ramifications, so I see no ethical obligation at all.

And as already stated, you really have no chance of having an std as a virgin so...again no ethics involved

A lot of women are deeply troubled with the idea, apparently scared the man might become clingy and start stalking them or that the inexperience is indicative of long term social and psychological problems. They seemed to think they had a right to know in order to keep themselves safe.
 
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Richard_39

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Someone who isn't a virgin has just as much chance to suck in bed as a virgin. And it's not like a woman where there could be physical ramifications, so I see no ethical obligation at all.

And as already stated, you really have no chance of having an std as a virgin so...again no ethics involved
If it's been years since your last time...do you technically become a virgin again?
😈
 

TheRealCallie

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A lot of women are deeply troubled with the idea, apparently scared the man might become clingy and start stalking them or that the inexperience is indicative of long term social and psychological problems. They seemed to think they had a right to know in order to keep themselves safe.

So you're saying that "lots" of women would rather chance getting chlamydia or the like rather than be with a virgin because that's "safer"? Yeah, makes total sense. Perhaps you should find different women because those women are morons.
 

TheSkaFish

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A lot of women are deeply troubled with the idea, apparently scared the man might become clingy and start stalking them or that the inexperience is indicative of long term social and psychological problems. They seemed to think they had a right to know in order to keep themselves safe.

Not a woman here, obviously.

But while I absolutely agree with the idea of disclosing STD status to partners, I think the whole thing that women wanting to know if you're "experienced" or not - so they can NOT sleep with you if you don't have "experience" (then how are you supposed to get "experience"?) - is silly though. Basically it sounds like school-age popularity stuff - they want to know if you're "cool" enough to have had sex before.

I don't know. Maybe some people really are like this. But I can't believe that everyone is. I'd say just find more laid-back women that aren't hung up on all of these weird popularity contest rules. Just don't entertain it - anyone that starts talking about this stuff, just self-identifies as a problem person you don't want to have to deal with.
 
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ardour

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Not a woman here, obviously.

But while I absolutely agree with the idea of disclosing STD status to partners, I think the whole thing that women wanting to know if you're "experienced" or not - so they can NOT sleep with you if you don't have "experience" (then how are you supposed to get experience?) - is silly though. Basically it sounds like school-age popularity stuff - they want to know if you're "cool" enough to have had sex before.

I don't know. Maybe some people really are like this. But I can't believe that everyone is. I'd say just find more laid-back women that aren't hung up on all of these weird popularity contest rules. Just don't entertain it - anyone that starts talking about this stuff, just self-identifies as a problem person you don't want to have to deal with.

Maybe it's reddit, but this was one of the replies when a guy posted about not telling his girlfriend (who became upset and stormed off to "think things through" after finding out later)

" To be clear, the reason that you didn't mention that you were a virgin is because you thought the information might affect her decision-making process. You withheld the information BECAUSE you believed that it would matter to her. You deliberately manipulated a woman into having sex with you, knowing that she might choose not to if she had the facts.

She has rightly concluded that your behavior says something about your character: that you are willing to hide information from your partner to get what you want.

Your behavior was not illegal. But your girlfriend believes that your behavior was immoral, as do I..."
 

TheSkaFish

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Maybe it's reddit, but this was one of the replies when a guy posted about not telling his girlfriend (who became upset and stormed off to "think things through" after finding out later)

" To be clear, the reason that you didn't mention that you were a virgin is because you thought the information might affect her decision-making process. You withheld the information BECAUSE you believed that it would matter to her. You deliberately manipulated a woman into having sex with you, knowing that she might choose not to if she had the facts.

She has rightly concluded that your behavior says something about your character: that you are willing to hide information from your partner to get what you want.

Your behavior was not illegal. But your girlfriend believes that your behavior was immoral, as do I..."

I think it's reddit. It seems to attract this kind of person that I really don't care for, the kind who act so smug about just so happening to be the kind of person that life randomly works out for, and who like to create issues like this to feel morally and socially superior to those that it doesn't work out for.

I mean, it's not like this is a hookup. It was a relationship, which should mean having feelings for one another, and if you have real feelings then something like virginity shouldn't be an issue either way. He wouldn't have felt a need to withhold the information, and she wouldn't have cared about it, so long as he didn't have any STDs. If it didn't matter, because the feelings were real, then there would have been no manipulation issue in the first place. It seems this relationship was built on some pretty weak foundations.

As others said earlier, you have a duty to disclose your STD status, but this other stuff is a nonissue. To me it just sounds like some social hierarchy policing bullshit, "eww", "keep the 'uncool' kids out". I guess all you can do is just try to avoid people that think like this.
 
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4No1

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As we say here, "never read the soviet newspapers before dinner"(M.Bulgakov)
 

kanekistrange

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ive always had this problem with how my relationships end with my partners and its been bugging me..i know the answers might just be as simple..but id ask it anyways..
why do you think people leave someone without giving an explanation?
 

4No1

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^
I think, that maybe sometimes there is no logical reasons. I wouldn't like myself any explanations, even if there is a reason like I'm not good thin/thick/old/young/dull/funny. What can it change? What else it could be except blaming this way or other? I think, the best way is just to say smth like: "sorry, but I'm a wrong person for you".
 

randomguy

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why do you think people leave someone without giving an explanation
Leaving someone with no explanation is never OK. They didn’t want to tell you the truth. S/he was afraid of your response/emotional reaction, so just left.

It’s possible that S/he feel in love with someone else. But if that’s true, you don’t need to know about it. All you need to know is that S/he chose the cowardly way out and that S/he has many personal issues to address.

Bear in mind that someone who dumps you without explanation has no idea how s/he makes you feel. S/he’s got no clue because s/he lacks self-awareness and emotional intelligence. S/he simply follows her/his instincts and does what feels right.

And if for some reason s/he sees that s/he’s hurting you, s/he probably doesn’t care too much about that because in her/his mind, her/his need for space is more important than your need for closure. S/he probably thinks that s/he feels worse than you and that s/he must look after themselves before s/he should help you.


S/he prioritised her/his unease over your pain.
 

kanekistrange

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thanks..i suppose thats the best explanation i can ever get..i know its not like gonna suddenly make things better for me but atleast somehow i got someones perspective on it..
 

BeyondShy

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Ok with me... would love to watch 🤩
Congratulations.


The question I have for you is how you very nice ladies tell if the man trying to talk to them is sincere and nice even though he does not display a lot of confidence in himself? And yes, I am describing myself here because I have decided that before I come back here in one year I am going to have to try to do this very thing and maybe it will work out in my favor. None of this "best foot forward"nonsense because that kind of advice is not helping at all I am leaving soon on the second of January so if you have time please respond. If not I understand. Believe me I understand. Especially around here.
 

TheRealCallie

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Believe me I understand. Especially around here.

Don't say shit like this. It repels people. Truth is, the majority of the people who are posting on this site now are new. You don't know them, so saying things like this just makes them think you are not going to bother trying to get to know anyone.

As a side note to that, people are not going to want to get to know someone that says flat out they are only here for a week and won't be back for a year.

It applies to real life too. Watch what you say. You don't have to have a lot of confidence to talk to people. Start with hi, mention the weather if you have to. Make a funny comment about taking down Christmas lights. All you need is something to get a conversation rolling and to keep replying to them with something. The most important thing is that if you want to get to know someone you have to talk to them. It will get easier as time goes on. And please, if you can handle ME, you can handle anyone. Lol
 

BeyondShy

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Don't say shit like this. It repels people. Truth is, the majority of the people who are posting on this site now are new. You don't know them, so saying things like this just makes them think you are not going to bother trying to get to know anyone.

I think you missed the part when I called them very nice ladies. I was about to respond to your comment but then I realized I was going to say something that I sometimes do and that is jump to conclusions. Yes a lot of these people are new to me and maybe and maybe not they will be here next year. But I will not say the first thing that came to me because it would've been incorrect.
As a side note to that, people are not going to want to get to know someone that says flat out they are only here for a week and won't be back for a year.
I wasn't going to lie to them. I am leaving here on Sunday. I have been back since December 20th and they haven't said nothing to me yet.

It applies to real life too. Watch what you say. You don't have to have a lot of confidence to talk to people. Start with hi, mention the weather if you have to. Make a funny comment about taking down Christmas lights. All you need is something to get a conversation rolling and to keep replying to them with something. The most important thing is that if you want to get to know someone you have to talk to them. It will get easier as time goes on. And please, if you can handle ME, you can handle anyone. Lol

Okay well this is what I wanted to hear. This is what I needed to know and what I can and should be able to build on. I do not think I will ever be an outgoing extroverted person but at the same time I certainly can do better.

Now I am going to tell you this right here because I know I am leaving very soon and after reading it you are going to look for the first thing you can find to pop me over the head. I can handle you and you say because you are not bad at all. Some of these goofs in here may think otherwise but they would be wrong. And the secret of handling you? Knowing that in the end you are always right. :)
 

michael2

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When a guy asks for your phone number, do women understand that this means they are interested in them romantically, or is there alot of guys out there who ask for your phone number because they want to be friends, so you cant be sure?
 

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