Night89
Active member
Sex...is strange to me. I'm a 33 year old virgin. Been shy around women and people in general. When it comes to relationships i have a wall around me, this is because being hurt by rejection is something i dread, also afraid of judgement.
As a pragmatic solution to this i want to identify as a asexual. The thing is that i'm conformable with being single. My biology however is not intune with my decision in being a celibate. It's really frustrating when you don't want to have a sexual desire that your body want another thing. I've thought about this today and i don't know about my orientation. In a way i classify as asexual but i have a desire. I've also looked into non binary.
Let me explain, my philosopy when it comes to relationships is that i dont define as man, you could say i'm bi-curios, i have reflected on the subject. I also think that thought comes before biology.
This might sound messed but it's how i think. I'd like to have a relationship in regards to life friend not relationship as usual if you understand. What hinders me is the fear of being hurt and rejection, and the steel wall i put around myself.
Due to the fact that my biology is messing with me i've developed OCD in regards to sex, i cannot ignore the fact that i'm straight when i don't want to. I like women and with a sexual regard and my philosophy is in collision course with my desire.
Due to my OCD people have misunderstod me as a creep. Maybe it's because im in conflict whith my biology. This hurts me alot, it's like people think i'm a creep or worse when i'm not.
The thing is also that i have Autism and relationships don't come natural for me. I've heard a friend who also got autism tell me that his friends made him kiss a girl. I've never kiss a girl only huged. I'ts like im missing out. Hence i want to be asexual because then i know what role i play in regards to women and relationships.
As a pragmatic solution to this i want to identify as a asexual. The thing is that i'm conformable with being single. My biology however is not intune with my decision in being a celibate. It's really frustrating when you don't want to have a sexual desire that your body want another thing. I've thought about this today and i don't know about my orientation. In a way i classify as asexual but i have a desire. I've also looked into non binary.
Let me explain, my philosopy when it comes to relationships is that i dont define as man, you could say i'm bi-curios, i have reflected on the subject. I also think that thought comes before biology.
This might sound messed but it's how i think. I'd like to have a relationship in regards to life friend not relationship as usual if you understand. What hinders me is the fear of being hurt and rejection, and the steel wall i put around myself.
Due to the fact that my biology is messing with me i've developed OCD in regards to sex, i cannot ignore the fact that i'm straight when i don't want to. I like women and with a sexual regard and my philosophy is in collision course with my desire.
Due to my OCD people have misunderstod me as a creep. Maybe it's because im in conflict whith my biology. This hurts me alot, it's like people think i'm a creep or worse when i'm not.
The thing is also that i have Autism and relationships don't come natural for me. I've heard a friend who also got autism tell me that his friends made him kiss a girl. I've never kiss a girl only huged. I'ts like im missing out. Hence i want to be asexual because then i know what role i play in regards to women and relationships.