Relationship In Betweens and Things That Could Be Worked On

[Abstamyous]

Sometimes, I really enjoy the calm and quiet. And sometimes, I drag my feet through it, can't think of something to do, and become grumpy as hell.

That's 100% a me problem. I am considering making a jar, full of random pieces of paper with random things to do (from pushups to watching a movie, to annoying you folks on the forum) and just drawing as I need

It sounded silly at first, but now it sounds like a great idea.

 

[Forgottendanfan]

Bold of you to assume I've ever been in a relationship.

 

[Abstamyous]

^It doesn't have to be a romantic relationship. Maybe there are things about yourself, that come up through friendships and relationships with family, etc.

If you don't feel like it applies to you, then that's fine, too.

 

[user 115627]

I wish I wasn't so upset at things not being kept in order in the household, even when I constantly point them out. Like packings not being thrown away right after food was unpacked, returnable cans falsely crushed and thrown away, small messes not cleaned up, trash and items generally being left outside all over the place. The list goes on. It's often tiny things that would require just a couple of seconds to sort out...and yet my pleas and hints seem to remain ignored and I fix everything myself while being constantly on edge about it.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Probably that little to no patience and annoyance stuff. :club:

(Most of my patience goes to my kid. There's not much left for other people)

 

[Fay F]

I wish I wasn't so upset at things not being kept in order in the household, even when I constantly point them out. Like packings not being thrown away right after food was unpacked, returnable cans falsely crushed and thrown away, small messes not cleaned up, trash and items generally being left outside all over the place. The list goes on. It's often tiny things that would require just a couple of seconds to sort out...and yet my pleas and hints seem to remain ignored and I fix everything myself while being constantly on edge about it.

That annoys me too because I end up being the one constantly cleaning up after another adult.  You're right, a few seconds is all it takes. I don't know about you, but I feel like it's a real disrespect if it's an adult ignoring your pleas and hints. I'm getting all annoyed now just thinking about it lol!

 

[user 115627]

I wish I wasn't so upset at things not being kept in order in the household, even when I constantly point them out. Like packings not being thrown away right after food was unpacked, returnable cans falsely crushed and thrown away, small messes not cleaned up, trash and items generally being left outside all over the place. The list goes on. It's often tiny things that would require just a couple of seconds to sort out...and yet my pleas and hints seem to remain ignored and I fix everything myself while being constantly on edge about it.

That annoys me too because I end up being the one constantly cleaning up after another adult.  You're right, a few seconds is all it takes. I don't know about you, but I feel like it's a real disrespect if it's an adult ignoring your pleas and hints. I'm getting all annoyed now just thinking about it lol!

I know a part of me is a bit overzealous when it comes to things "having their place", but I'm not even that strict about dusting or vacuuming. We had a heart to heart talk about that recently. She is a considerate person otherwise - I know the lack of consideration extends to other areas in your case, Fay - but she just doesn't care much for a sense of order. I'm hesitant getting her to tidy up because she's also quite a bit clumsy...and coincidentally smashed my favorite cereal bowl today.

 

[Fay F]

I know a part of me is a bit overzealous when it comes to things "having their place", but I'm not even that strict about dusting or vacuuming. We had a heart to heart talk about that recently. She is a considerate person otherwise - I know the lack of consideration extends to other areas in your case, Fay - but she just doesn't care much for a sense of order. I'm hesitant getting her to tidy up because she's also quite a bit clumsy...and coincidentally smashed my favorite cereal bowl today.

Oh no, not your favourite cereal bowl! And I'm being serious! I had a favourite coffee mug that got broken too and it upset me. Well, overzealous, maybe but we all have our needs and quirks. Having that understood by our partners is a good feeling. Besides his unattractive qualities, I know that my husband can't handle the smell of vinegar, so I don't use it. He doesn't like the word "weird" so I don't say it. In my case, I NEED order to feel good. I expressed that when we first met. I'm a creature of habit and because I'm susceptible to depression and anxiety, my routines and having things in order and functioning well actually help me to cope with day to day life. If my routines get upset for too long, I don't feel well mentally, emotionally and physically. He knows that. Asking him to put a pot in the right spot in the cupboard is cause for an argument and a few days worth of stonewalling. I'm happy to hear your partner is considerate though. Mine isn't, it's like he tries his best to upset my routines lately.

I'd love to work on my need for routine and order, but I don't think I'm wired any other way in that case. Instead I try to work on my reaction to the disorder in the house. That's a challenge though because it kind of makes my life more difficult.

 

[Zeta Grey]

Being dependent. I don't mean for it to happen, but it always does. And then I find myself panicking about what I'm going to do and how I'm going to survive now that this person is suddenly gone. I want very desperately to be independent, to avoid all that havoc at the end (and it's a major contributing factor to disharmony in the relationship); I have yet to figure out how to properly navigate it. 

I can be a major hypocrite. Again, I don't mean to be, but in hindsight, it becomes very crystal. I am not sure why I don't twig to this earlier on. It seems that only when I lose someone for good does the picture come painfully into focus. I am trying to figure out how to trigger that focus before doing damage.

I get mad when I get scared for someone. This often results in me being verbally abusive to intimidate the person out/away from whatever they were about to do/doing that I thought would harm them. This I inherited from my mother, and I still struggle hard to break it. I am getting better with it, but it is still fits and starts. 

The disruption of order also sets me off, and is something else I'm trying hard to work on. And this pandemic has not helped.

 

[TheSkaFish]

I have a hard time with self-doubt/lack of confidence, and indecision - my two lifelong demons -
both in terms of relationships, and life itself.

It's taken me a long time to realize this but those are pretty much at the core of all of the problems/issues I've had in life. Relationships/attraction is just one area affected by these issues.