Not really, it just requires effort. And just because it seems like someone might be in a "relationship," doesn't necessarily mean they are. Or if they are, it doesn't mean it's a good relationship and they are happy. I would guess at least half of them are miserable.
I've kind of felt that way. Like they were a luxury item, or a gated community that I wasn't "good enough" to be allowed into. It's a really shitty feeling.
I want to be good enough, I just don't know how. I'm afraid that it's just shit luck of not being born with it and unable to figure out or guess the right way to get the things I need to be good enough, and the right way to do them. I feel like it has to be JUST right, and I feel like I'll never get it.
I'm afraid that I will never be able to get good enough at anything to be interesting enough, or get interesting enough ideas.
And even if I did, I still struggle with being "playful" - teasing, bantering, sarcasm etc. - I just don't do that, my mind doesn't work like that, it's not naturally how I think and perceive the world. I don't have a naturally critical personality, I'm naturally agreeable but people just think that's either stiff and serious or weak and boring - not "masculine".
And I'm afraid that even if I did that, I'd just never be able to guess the right things to talk about, the right ideas of my own, or the right tone to take, to "click" with anyone, or it just wouldn't work because of shit luck, no matter what I do.
I wish someone would just tell me what I needed to do and how to do it, and I would have done it a long time ago.
Nah, just out an outdated inheritance of a narrative.
"Get married, have kids and "settle down" no longer applies to the American Low Class, and it could be argued that with the decaying an dying of the Middle Class here that it's probably on its way out of the Middle Class as well.
That is, strictly financially speaking.
I'm nearly 34, and I know nobody my own age in a happy marriage of longer than 5 years, and also nobody with children that can actually afford both the cost and the time of children.
The financial aspect of it I entirely blame on Richard Nixon, for putting us on Fiat Currency in 1971. Effectively, that means that my entire generation of people were born into a time of financially borrowed time, The only plausible workaround being Nepotism, or literally being lucky enough to just be born into a wealthy family so that you can stretch the dollar out a little longer for yourself, and that's if you play your cards right.
I'm not touching the aspect of why they're more unhappy than not. Elevated dopamine levels and sensory overload play a huge contributor, but so does the decline of the value of the USD via Inflation, as well as the rise in substance abuse and that's just for starters. The gist of it being: How you treat your brain, effects how your brain treats you.
People of my age and younger are brought up on the Indoctrinated Narrative of "the American Dream," because that's what their parents were brought up on, and that's what their grandparents were brought up on. Only now, it's kind of impractical, a bit like stale or spoiled food, leaving a bad taste in the mouth of anybody with the practical sense to place value of objective logic over emotional reasoning, ironically defeating the purpose entirely. Trying to follow through anyways, results in you accidentally trapping yourself while trying to have your cake and eat it too.
Basically what I'm trying to say is:
It's an outdated concept.
Hookup Culture and the rise of sex work though grants no deeper fulfillment, as it's entirely superficial to begin with.
So there's no good answer.
Which is why I stay single, keep to myself, and keep myself suspended with more things to be doing than looking for a partner who sees and understands all of this at this base value. The trouble with that of course, is that this is collected data, there's no solitary compendium or guidebook compiling it all...yet.
Someone might do that, but even if they do, I've got a feeling it'll make more people upset than it will actually try to help guide the ignorant youth in a direction for the betterment of their own survival.
Relationships take so much effort and can be so draining. Besides finding and connecting with someone that will make a good partner with you is almost impossible. I've put relationships out of my mind.
However, things like what happened to me today really screws with my mind.
So, I was at a store and this woman about a decade younger then me walks by me. I thought, nice. I was definitely attracted to her. She stopped and looked at something about 15 feet away from me. Then she walked by me again. We looked at each other. I thought, I should say something to her. But, I just feel so defeated I didn't even utter a sound. So I go to another isle. Then she walks by me again and stops close to me. I'm like, that's odd. Surely, she isn't interested in me. It's just got to be a coincidence. Then I walk off. Then as I'm leaving the store she appears to be waiting for someone by the exit. We look at each other again as I leave. I get to my vehicle and she walks pass me alone and then goes to her car.
I sat in my car and wondered if she was making herself available to me to talk to her / ask her out. But, then I started thinking, what the hell would I do with her anyway? I'm no longer interested in dating or being in a relationship. I wish my primal brain would stop messing with me!