Second chances - can you change your mind about someone?

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TheSkaFish

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I asked this question earlier in the "Questions for the Women" thread, but I just thought I'd open it up to anyone. I'm wondering if when a woman decides you are not relationship material, is it forever, or is it just assuming that you will never change? The questions are:

- Could you change your mind about someone you rejected in the past? Have you ever changed your mind about someone you rejected before?

- What would it take for you to consider giving them another chance? Is there any way you could see them as a different, more attractive person?

- Or, on the other side - have any of you successfully influenced another to consider you after they rejected you earlier? If so, what did you do?

A lot of people say that women's minds are made up, they are set in stone. But is that really true, or is it just that most guys, most people in general have a hard time changing enough to convince someone to see them as a new person?

PS - I'm not in any way advocating being pushy here. It's common knowledge that that does not work. Nor am I looking to open up a new round of gender bashing here. I'm just wondering if anything can ever change a woman's impression of a guy if she turns you down once, even if you sincerely become someone new.
 
I think depending on the woman you're referring to, she may or may not give second chances. For me personally, if it's been a long while and the guy says he's all changed and can prove it right then I can change my mind about him. But then, if he had done some really terrible things before to have caused hurt then still, maybe yes, but there might be some doubts here and there about history repeating itself or you know how they say "once a something, always a something" - HOWEVER, I don't tend to believe in this because I believe people can change, for the better. I guess it's more of how sometimes you can't help feeling paranoid, especially if the hurt caused previously was a huge one.

Not sure if this is the context you are talking about but just my input on this.
 
I'm with ladyforsaken. It really depends on the woman and the reason one was turned down to begin with. I've personally changed my mind before.
 
I believe people can change, but very few actually want to, most just SAY that they will change, and that is why women are suspicious when someone says that.
After a long time maybe she will have changed as well, so nothing is set in stone, but it also depends from the reasons for the first rejection.
 
I do believe people can change, but if certain actions have violated my boundaries or those of the relationship, I would be very wary of re-engaging. All the obvious stuff would be included in this. Violence, addictions maybe, lots of infidelity.

In other relationships, you might want to consider if the reason someone has given is the real reason, if you understand me. There is no point changing anything about yourself to suit one particular person who was using something as an excuse because really, they were just not that into you. Changes however may make you more confident in yourself and improve your chances with other people.

As an example, a guy might ditch a woman because of her weight .. allegedly. She loses the weight and looks stunning .. It still doesn't bring him back. It wasn't ever just that in the first place. And hopefully by that time she will have realised that he wasn't the one for her anyway.😸
 
Personally I haven't and couldn't change my mind over someone like an ex. Perhaps it's them though and had it been someone different I could? I don't know.

I do have a family friend who chased a girl for over 10 years until she said yes to a date. He's not a stalker lol! But they're happily married now and have been for about 9 years :)
 
TheSkaFish said:
I asked this question earlier in the "Questions for the Women" thread, but I just thought I'd open it up to anyone.

I answered in the the other thread, but I just had to laugh at this. Half the time in that thread, the women aren't even the ones answering. :p

(It used to be worse, too)
 
I don't think it is something you can generalise about, really. Some people are more either more forgiving, more tolerant or more changeable even, than others, and to say women's minds are set in stone is as silly as saying women are fickle:D

I certainly know someone who persuaded her husband to get married when he had attempted to split with her, but I am not sure it was a very happy marriage, really. She kind of just .. tsunamied her way over his reservations, it seemed more like he just couldn't face arguing any more, not that she really changed his mind, fundamentally. But I think that would be the very definition of pushy wouldn't it?
 
From my point of view it seems rare that people do change. But overall I think that woman in particular always want to give second chances. For example last week I was watching "Pride and Prejudice" and thought about how women are always wishing for something like that to happen (ie.. you think someone is a egotistical jerk but, upon getting to know him better you discover he is not). But in thinking about how that applies to my own life, I keep getting slapped upside the head by hoping someone is not a jerk, but, they are. I feel like I give people chances and chances and chances but, if they don't change at some point it is like a switch gets flipped and you will never change my mind.

I think also once you get turned down it is even harder to change a mind because, in doing so, that person will have to admit they were wrong.. and that is very hard for a lot of people to do.
 
Absolutely. I went on a date with someone I've known for years last night. I really didn't think I'd enjoy her company as much as I did but we had an incredibly good time that we want to get together again.

She's very free-spirited, non-committal, independent, and has a bit of a shady reputation but behind that is a genuinely interesting and amusing person with a unique perspective on the world. To answer your question- yes, a person can change their mind about someone and be all the better for it.
 
I guess I could change my mind about someone... It hasn't happened for me yet... People can change so I guess given enough time, I guess my opinion of them can change as well...
 
A lot has changed since I made this thread.

It's kind of funny, because I find that it's me that's changed my mind about people.

Some people that I was crushing on hard, when I made this thread, I've changed my mind about, and realized they were not what I was looking for after all.

Then there are others whose good qualities I missed at the time, cause I was so focused elsewhere. But now I see them in a different light.

The only problem is, one thing is still the same - I still worry that I'm not good enough.
 
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Well, things can change ones perspective of another. However, if you step back, and honestly scrutinize your own life, who are you really better than? Being on a high horse is great, but it only distances you from your own honeysuckle you're striding through. Life isn't organized, it's a confusing warren to traverse. If this mindset was applied in the personal life, it would be liberating. In the greater world at large, maybe there would be harmony.
 
I think I change, smth that was not important now is important, and smth that was is not anymore. And of course I do change my mind about other people sometimes.
Though I've never changed my mind after rejecting, but it's not like I rejected thousands of guys who then tried again. I can hardly think of a few (I was too young and didn't want any bf that time) who have never tried again. I've never tried again, not after a straigth rejection. So I can't answer to any of the questions in a romantic way.
I know one guy who tried and tried again and again and now they are together.

The only problem is, one thing is still the same - I still worry that I'm not good enough.
It could be a game you can never win, you'll always be not good enough in your own eyes. Beware of it, it seems to be a deadend.
Sometimes I think I'll learn this/that/loose a few kilos/make 10 pull-us/earn some money/anything, and then I'll be a little bit better and maybe become enough. But when it happen, I'm still not enough.
 
Many women are attracted to wealth and/or power. I attracted a woman that previously rejected me by getting a much better, higher paying job. She said she respected me "now" and was interested. But, for some reason I wasn't as attracted to her any more. :)
 
I'm not saying that the OP was doing this, but I find a lot of people look for the "quick win" or the "soul mate" and expect things to be self-evident upon first sight. In other words, the old "love at first sight" cliché. Real relationships take time, involve tolerance, risk and patience. Though not always true, I've found that the deepest and most enduring feelings I've had for other people took a long time to form and that my first impressions often turned out hasty. Someone who looks like a jerk on one meeting might turn out to be a fantastic person. Everyone has bad days. Not only that, someone who seemed like the sweetest and most non-judgemental person who ever existed can suddenly lash out at you for flimsy or superficial reasons. Both situations have happened to me. In short, I think people can certainly change their minds about other people, especially over time and with increased experience with those people.
 
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