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Self-discovery: what I have (not?) learnt

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Wayfarer

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My journey for self discovery probably started a bit late: it was depression, around when I was 24yo, that "kickstarted it".
I used to think I'd figure it out with time, before then; after that I started obsessing over it, and that didn't make anything any better; now I've just accepted the situation and I have been trying to work on it as much as I can, without expecting anything.

If anything, the one thing I've learnt is how to be more patient, and maybe I've tempered myself on the way.
I've let go of some of my pride (still a long way to go, probably) and learnt to be selfish when I need to.

I have started going to a psychologist, and have been trying to work on things in a constructive manner.

However, I can safely say I still have the same exact issues I had years ago, if not more. My frame of mind might have changed, however I'm still as lost as I was when I was 24. Life surely isn't so kind to wait for you for as long as you need to figure things out, but that is fine... after all, at least it forces you to take a stand, eventually (sooner or later, depending on the actual situation).

So, again, one may ask what's the point of this post? True, I admit I was feeling slightly bitter, as it happens from time to time - and maybe more often lately since I need to make (or not make) several decisions - but that aside - and maybe influenced indirectly by the forum "renovation" - I was wondering if talking about "it", sharing what it is that I feel I am still missing and who knows, getting some advice back, might end up helping.

Anyway, to sum it up:
- I have no idea what I want to do for a living (I do have a job, but I don't like it. And tbh, I'm thinking about changing to a completely different field. Which one? No idea tbh.)
- I have no real passions (I do have several interests or hobbies, I guess you could call them, but none of them is either a constant nor fulfilling in and of itself... they are just a way to pass the time)
- For the past months (can't give you an exact number) I've been in a mostly apathetic state (been working on it with my therapist) and as you can imagine, it doesn't help at all, since it makes me more disconnected from my own emotions.
- I have been forcing myself to do things. I feel this is important because it is (I think) natural for us to want change but to actually reject it in a way; in short: why do anything, I just want to lie on the sofa. That's why I then used the word "forcing". Just today I spent some hours outside: went for a walk and then at the mall.
- I have no irl friends. I have been trying to connect with people, but be it my introversion, my disinterest in conventional conversation topics (although I do try engaging even in small talk), my lack of experience and whatnot... basically I just have 2-3 collegues I sometimes talk to, but never outside of the workplace.
Do I want more friends? I would say yes, but then I know that if someone reached out just now, I wouldn't necessarily enjoy it. That's just the way things are. I guess it would be more accurate to say I know I would like to have someone I can get along with, on my terms. But then, is that what being a friend is? I'm not so sure. So I guess all in all it makes sense that I'm still on my lonesome.

I can't think of other points at the moment. I'll add some as needed if I remember or am prompted to. If you have reached till here, thanks for reading and I hope you'd like to share some advice with me, or why not, ask further questions.
 

Sarah G

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I think it's good to force yourself to do things rather than just laying on the sofa letting everything get worse. I have to force myself to do most things: get up, shower, go shopping, blah blah. At least there's a chance things will improve if you're in the game.
 

Sir Joseph

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I agree that it's important to force yourself to get up and go out, to engage with the world and people in any little way possible each day. But when you're home alone and pondering nothingness, why don't you try praying to the God who created you, knows you, and loves you more than anyone else. Seek him and you'll find your self identity and purpose in life.
 

Wayfarer

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I agree that it's important to force yourself to get up and go out, to engage with the world and people in any little way possible each day. But when you're home alone and pondering nothingness, why don't you try praying to the God who created you, knows you, and loves you more than anyone else. Seek him and you'll find your self identity and purpose in life.
I don't actually believe anyone can consciously choose whether to believe in God or not; in the same way I don't believe praying will make any difference.
It may and probably would help, if I did, but unfortunately I can't force myself to believe in what I don't believe.
Or rather, I could force myself, as I've tried with many other things, but I doubt it would have a positive effect, with this mindset.
Then again, not like I haven't tried, when I was more devout, in the past.

I think it's good to force yourself to do things rather than just laying on the sofa letting everything get worse. I have to force myself to do most things: get up, shower, go shopping, blah blah. At least there's a chance things will improve if you're in the game.
Well yes, your last sentence is exactly the reason why I keep going lol
 

vauxhallastra

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This is the second time I have recommended this book in the last few days on this forum, but it is an excellent book - have you read 'Quiet' by Susan Cain?

It is a book about introversion, and I think that absolutely everyone should read it. I think if you are an introvert it will speak to you - it is not a lot of 'self-help' nonsense about 'believe in yourself and you can be confident too', it is a very insightful book about the advantages and disadvantages of introversion, and she does have some suggestions for what you can do, but don't worry, it is not 'just force yourself to go and talk to random strangers and go to parties'.
 

Sarah G

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This is the second time I have recommended this book in the last few days on this forum, but it is an excellent book - have you read 'Quiet' by Susan Cain?

It is a book about introversion, and I think that absolutely everyone should read it. I think if you are an introvert it will speak to you - it is not a lot of 'self-help' nonsense about 'believe in yourself and you can be confident too', it is a very insightful book about the advantages and disadvantages of introversion, and she does have some suggestions for what you can do, but don't worry, it is not 'just force yourself to go and talk to random strangers and go to parties'.
I have that book, it helped me accept myself and even like myself a bit more. I should probably reread it.
 

Wayfarer

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This is the second time I have recommended this book in the last few days on this forum, but it is an excellent book - have you read 'Quiet' by Susan Cain?

It is a book about introversion, and I think that absolutely everyone should read it. I think if you are an introvert it will speak to you - it is not a lot of 'self-help' nonsense about 'believe in yourself and you can be confident too', it is a very insightful book about the advantages and disadvantages of introversion, and she does have some suggestions for what you can do, but don't worry, it is not 'just force yourself to go and talk to random strangers and go to parties'.
I don't know it, but I will check it out. Thanks for the recommendation.
 

Sir Joseph

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Wayfarer, I don't wish to argue religion with anyone on this site, but since you were good enough to respond to my comment, I'll reciprocate just once for the benefit of all here.

I agree with you that a person can not generally force belief in something, be it God, aliens, or bigfoot. Belief though can be influenced either by one's world view and preferences for what we want to believe, or by evidence if we have an open mind/heart to seek the truth.

If a person wishes to maintain a world view that rejects God, then so be it. That's a conscious choice not to believe, and I'm not going to convince them otherwise or suggest praying to something they don't believe in. But, if a person wishes to pursue the right path in life, it requires a desire to seek truth based upon evidence, not acceptance of unfounded world views. (And yes, I am implying that a preponderance of evidence available to us today favors Biblical truth over widely held secular beliefs.)

For those people with an undecided world view, or one not firmly based upon solid evidence, I'd suggest that a fair investigation of the matter is due. After all, it not only affects our lives and purpose here immensely, but also the eternal fate of any potential soul. For those people, be it you or not, I offer an interesting presentation by one of the world's most famous converted Atheists. He started as a skeptic with a messed up life, but a 2 year study of the evidence led him not only to God, but to a changed, better life - something you're apparently seeking.

The video appears to be voided, but clicking on the underlined YouTube link seems to work.

 

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