Siblings and favouritism

[CenotaphGirl]

Guys. I touched on this briefly but I wondered if anyone else knows what this is like...

I am not my fathers or mothers biological child, I am adopted. It's a long story that involves best friends, untimely death from cancer and flash forward to my adoption.

I was my dads favourite person, he passed, and as much as I loveee him, I never wanted to be his favourite. It built a rift between my sister and I, it was unspoken, until he passed then all gloves were off so to speak. It also made my mother cling to my sister and sort of reject me to compensate. My poor brother was always stuck in the middle, he favours me too as he copies my dad, and he'd never be around my sister because he'd just leave if she said a cross word about me. One Christmas he actually made her leave for being rude to me.

I understood why I was my dads favourite, he could do no wrong in my eyes, and I listened to whatever he said, even if I didn't agree. I always felt like he saved me, the adoption was his choice and I just never wanted him to regret it. However, he did something that I wish he didn't do, he refused to call my sister when he was dying, he messaged the family group chat saying I need to call him, because im the only one who could cheer him up, he specified no one else was to call. Thats the last text message I have ever gotten from my dad. I read it and cry some nights, because that message, was so precious to me but broke my sisters heart. He cant take it back, and she now hates me forever. I never told her I asked dad to call her, because I thought, that would be worse and he got mad at me for asking, I'd never say anything to upset him but I risked it because I never wanted this.

Have you ever been the favourite ? Or is one of your siblings? Do you realise it's not their fault but still blame them? Idk... some different perspectives would be useful.

 

[Finished]

I was also my dad's favorite. My bro and sis seemed to hate him from the time they were born. They also hated and looked down on his parents. I on the other head looked up to my dad and followed him where ever he went. I really loved his parents, my grandparents, I would ride my bike 18 or so miles a couple times a week just to go see them. Sometimes I would spend the night at their place too. I enjoy spending time with them. I even visited them once a week in my adult life. My bro and sis completely ignored them except during Christmas time in hopes for some money. My dad was not the brightest bulb. My grandparents only went to about 4th or 5th grade. They were **** good people and everybody else liked them. Funny, thing was my parents spent lots of money on my bro and sis and nearly nothing on me. I started working at 13, bought all my own stuff, and pretty much came and went as I pleased. It was like I was the third adult in the house.

My mom was really smart and kind of a *****. She also looked down on my dad and his parents. I was the bridge between to the two groups. I was the unelected peace keeper. My dad wanted to get a divorce. But, my mom didn't want to work so she used me to keep my dad from leaving her. My bro and sis were always jealose of me and were very mean to me. They never got over that either. They constantly belittled me and cause me grief. After my mom died I wrote my sis and bro off forever no matter what.

 

[Colster]

Ah...

My brother, some 7 years older than me, has always been the big personality within our whole entire family, friends, and quite possibly the whole city. Even as a teenager, he was known everywhere.

He was definitely mum's favourite for the majority of my life. She has bailed him, in the literal sense, numerous times. His every wrong doing is somehow diminished by his talent. 10 minutes of entertainment, and everyone chooses to forget the extremes and wreckage he creates.

Being fair to him, if he's got money, he will buy you whatever you want, the party is in him. He is a fantastic artist, and an outstanding musician. The opportunities have been numerous, tv, theatre, record contracts, tours with the best of the best.

Despite all this, he was homeless just a few years ago. Mum sorted out that, once again.

For me, with both mum and dad, I simply just had to keep my head down. Their expectations of me, were not very high. My successes were never boasted about in the same vain. But who boasts about their son's reliability and reasonable performance in school, when the other is doing drugs with people in news.

This was the staple of life for a long time, he overshadowed my every achievement. I buy a house, a couple of cars, and put my daughter into a good school. Ah, but he was in so-and-so's album.

Things started changing about 8-9 years ago. I moved mum out of the city, and she lives just across the park from me, in a lovely apartment. I took care of her business affairs. Dealt with all the legalities. Fixed not only things, but every situation where others should have. My brother, nowhere in sight. His now adult son, equally nowhere in sight.

As mum got older, currently 75, she needs more help. Sometimes it's business matters, others it might merely be moving a heavy item. I have done it all, on top of my own responsibilities to my little family, business, and those that work for me.

I made a pretty serious attempt at killing myself, perhaps 3 years ago, the timeline is a bit blurred. I think this brought about the most significant shift in favouritism, although let's be clear, that was never my intention. I had simply had enough. I was the guy who always got things done. Then suddenly, I wasn't doing anything.

Looking back, I think there was about 3 months before anyone took notice that I wasn't doing things, namely their needs and wants. Sure, my phone was filled with messages, usually increasingly irate, as the always dependable was suddenly unavailable.

I have never since fully engaged with people again. My business just stopped, and I retired from pretty much everything. But as ever, family issues arise, and I become the person who deals with them. Which has been more challenging during the Covid restrictions.

Today, family finance is in order. Mum can holiday as much as she is physically able, without need to worry about anything else. All future plans are laid and paid for.

Mum's documented instructions are that upon her demise, nobody is to inform my brother, not until her ashes have cooled, and her money has been spent.

Unusually, she still follows my brother's antic on the various social media sites, keeping a watchful eye on him. I am aware that although she no longer likes him, and wants nothing to do with him. He is still the favourite with both mum and the family.

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

My sister and I fight about this indirectly with our parents sometimes.
She's very manipulative about it and instigates my rebuttals.
My parents told me when I was a kid that even though I'm older, they didn't want a boy, they wanted a girl, and they had me and learned to love me.
As a kid, I didn't totally understand the weight of that, even though it always stayed in my memory.
As an adult, I mostly ignore it, because them spoiling my sister has lead to her lack of responsibility and mostly destroying her own life as such.
So the result is that my sister can be abusive to my parents at times, and I can be neglectful of them at times, because they were neglectful of me in my time of need as per her favoritism and her needs.
The part that's mostly entirely mutual is the abuse factor.
My father was abused by his parents, my mother was abused by her parents, and me and my sister were both abused by our parents.
This is, actually the entire reason why I made the firm decision at 15 years old that I never wanted to have children.
I generally prefer not to really dwell on it.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

OMFG these are too sad I cant even respond

Do you ever think, that maybe you were the fave or the others were the fave because your parents were trying to protect you/them from something?

My mum said my dad wanted to protect me from racial abuse, he did everything in his power to . He even made me promise to never date white men when I was 16, he said "his family will never accept you and he'll never love you"... that really sticks with me, and of course the universe laughs at me as nearly all I attract is bloody white guys Wish he raised me in Africa.

 

[Claudia1794]

Its actually a topic of discussion every time we all get together for dinner. I am the youngest of three and our father died when I was 5. My mother never dated another man so it was always the four of us. My sisters both have olive skin, black hair, and big beautiful dark eyes. Then there's me with my fair skin, red orange hair, and blue squinty eyes. Needless to say I've never felt like I belonged. I was told the milkman was my father so many times that the first time I went to a friends house her father asked who my father was and I said he's the milkman but he's dead. Anyway, I was the outcast and I was the youngest so when they got to do stuff I was sent to my maternal grandmother's house an hour away mostly on weekends because I had a single mother and 2 sisters with social lives. I don't think it was intentional that my mother dropped the ball with me but it doesn't change how it made me feel. They did no wrong and my very existence felt wrong. I made straight A's, played soccer, cheerleading, homecoming court all of which neither of my sisters did and I was still just background to my sisters. I was in my late teens before I ever really said anything and then it was as though I was talking out of my ass. Sisters went to college, lived on campus and had cars. When I turned 18 I moved out and got into a bad situation but was told I shouldn't have left and I was on my own. Got my own car, paid for community college on my own then went to 4year university. Graduated and went to graduate school, still background. The only graduation gift I got was a pair of black diamond earrings that I bought myself. I guess it seems silly but it hurt then and even now it itches a bit when its brought up. Anyway, my sisters say I give my mother a hard time and I should leave it alone. Get over it. Well about 2 months ago my mother sits me down and says she has thought about it and perhaps she wasn't as nurturing to me as she was with my sisters. Im like no honeysuckle, I've been saying this for 20 + years. My middle sister is still the favorite and the oldest is the best because she looks just like my father and I'm still the red head that stirs all the honeysuckle.

 

[user 139760]

I heard the stupid one is often the favorite.

 

[Claudia1794]

I heard the stupid one is often the favorite.

Oh yeah..I've been called the stupid one plenty of times unfortunately even that doesn't make me the favorite.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Its actually a topic of discussion every time we all get together for dinner. I am the youngest of three and our father died when I was 5. My mother never dated another man so it was always the four of us. My sisters both have olive skin, black hair, and big beautiful dark eyes. Then there's me with my fair skin, red orange hair, and blue squinty eyes. Needless to say I've never felt like I belonged. I was told the milkman was my father so many times that the first time I went to a friends house her father asked who my father was and I said he's the milkman but he's dead. Anyway, I was the outcast and I was the youngest so when they got to do stuff I was sent to my maternal grandmother's house an hour away mostly on weekends because I had a single mother and 2 sisters with social lives. I don't think it was intentional that my mother dropped the ball with me but it doesn't change how it made me feel. They did no wrong and my very existence felt wrong. I made straight A's, played soccer, cheerleading, homecoming court all of which neither of my sisters did and I was still just background to my sisters. I was in my late teens before I ever really said anything and then it was as though I was talking out of my ass. Sisters went to college, lived on campus and had cars. When I turned 18 I moved out and got into a bad situation but was told I shouldn't have left and I was on my own. Got my own car, paid for community college on my own then went to 4year university. Graduated and went to graduate school, still background. The only graduation gift I got was a pair of black diamond earrings that I bought myself. I guess it seems silly but it hurt then and even now it itches a bit when its brought up. Anyway, my sisters say I give my mother a hard time and I should leave it alone. Get over it. Well about 2 months ago my mother sits me down and says she has thought about it and perhaps she wasn't as nurturing to me as she was with my sisters. Im like no honeysuckle, I've been saying this for 20 + years. My middle sister is still the favorite and the oldest is the best because she looks just like my father and I'm still the red head that stirs all the honeysuckle.

Yikes its awful, and I think you’re a special person to not hold it against your sisters too as my sis holds it against me she sees me as someone who stole her father and I hate that.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I heard the stupid one is often the favorite.

Of course, thats why you’re my favourite darling

 

[TheRealCallie]

My oldest brother is the favorite...He's more or less the King of the family. Nothing gets done unless HE okays it.
Then comes my other brother, who has nothing to do with any of his family and moved to another state.
And then there's me. I'm the black sheep. I'm okay with that, because at least I'm not fake. (My oldest brother is also not fake. He's actually a good person)

I won't be sharing any details beyond what I said here.

 

[user 139760]

Oh yeah..I've been called the stupid one plenty of times unfortunately even that doesn't make me the favorite.

I was pulling Ceno's leg, it was a joke.
Don't reckon I was implying anything at you, one way or another.

But, since it's apparently seriousness time, I'm sorry you people had the unfortunate chance to have less than stellar parents. I had the luck of being raised by thoughtful ones who never put me or my sister in direct competition with each other, or favor one over the other. We grew up best of friends. Hell, I've been having a hard time these last few years and just moved in back with her. We got each other's backs.

So we're both the favorites, for different reasons. Not every parent has as much judgement. Which is a **** shame. But the only thing you can really do with that is learn from it and when your times comes to raise young ones....you do it different.

 

[Nicolelt]

I am the favorite.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I am the favorite.

Do you like it? I know I couldn't stand it but some people love being the fave lolz

 

[Finished]

Its actually a topic of discussion every time we all get together for dinner. I am the youngest of three and our father died when I was 5. My mother never dated another man so it was always the four of us. My sisters both have olive skin, black hair, and big beautiful dark eyes. Then there's me with my fair skin, red orange hair, and blue squinty eyes. Needless to say I've never felt like I belonged. I was told the milkman was my father so many times that the first time I went to a friends house her father asked who my father was and I said he's the milkman but he's dead. Anyway, I was the outcast and I was the youngest so when they got to do stuff I was sent to my maternal grandmother's house an hour away mostly on weekends because I had a single mother and 2 sisters with social lives. I don't think it was intentional that my mother dropped the ball with me but it doesn't change how it made me feel. They did no wrong and my very existence felt wrong. I made straight A's, played soccer, cheerleading, homecoming court all of which neither of my sisters did and I was still just background to my sisters. I was in my late teens before I ever really said anything and then it was as though I was talking out of my ass. Sisters went to college, lived on campus and had cars. When I turned 18 I moved out and got into a bad situation but was told I shouldn't have left and I was on my own. Got my own car, paid for community college on my own then went to 4year university. Graduated and went to graduate school, still background. The only graduation gift I got was a pair of black diamond earrings that I bought myself. I guess it seems silly but it hurt then and even now it itches a bit when its brought up. Anyway, my sisters say I give my mother a hard time and I should leave it alone. Get over it. Well about 2 months ago my mother sits me down and says she has thought about it and perhaps she wasn't as nurturing to me as she was with my sisters. Im like no honeysuckle, I've been saying this for 20 + years. My middle sister is still the favorite and the oldest is the best because she looks just like my father and I'm still the red head that stirs all the honeysuckle.

Red hair and blue eyes? That's different. That's hot! Crazy red head! Woohoo!

Do you think you were able to accomplish all those things in spite? You knew you had to do it for youself or it would never happen. So, maybe she did you a favor, although painful? You know that whole, A boy Named Sue song.

 

[Claudia1794]

Red hair and blue eyes? That's different. That's hot! Crazy red head! Woohoo!

Do you think you were able to accomplish all those things in spite? You knew you had to do it for youself or it would never happen. So, maybe she did you a favor, although painful? You know that whole, A boy Named Sue song.

Funny little fact... I used to think johnny cash was the man in black in the corner of my room.
And yes everything I did was out of spite. I've been told and even still to this day that I'm meaner than a snake.