Signs you got over text someone wasnt interested in you.

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michael2

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A few I have learned. Some of these behaviors may be a sign of narcissism more then lack of interest, but they're still negative either way.

Feel free to add more

# If they take a long time to text back consistently, they aren't interested. I had this one girl who consistently took 6-8 hrs to text me back. Needless to say I gave up pretty quickly, which was her desired result.

# If you ask them something before lets say 3pm, and they dont respond until the next day, you have very little value in their eyes and they arent interested. I remember asking this woman where she went on her trip. I didn't hear back from her for 20 hrs (the next day) and got a one word answer along with a :) emoji to make it all better. Ha. I don't know, I wouldn't even leave someone I actively disliked hanging like that.

# They ignore, or are even a little irritated at your attempts to flirt with or tease them. So this one woman I told her if a really rough movie she recommended left me scarred I was going to blame her. I ended the message with the ;) emjoi to let her know it was a silly light hearted playful jab. Her response? The :rolleyes: emoji. Yeah, she wasn't interested.

# They dont share any details about their life. For example if they don't text you things about their life like hey, my boss was so mean today, or, I got a flat tire, or, I'm sick, they arent interested in having you involved in their life.

# They don't expound on text messages you send them. For example, you send them a few pictures you took of a beautiful park. And all they send back is "Cool! thanks for sharing". They dont ask where the park was, when you were there, what camera did you use, etc.

# They show disregard for your feelings. So I thought I had made this woman mad texting her hours earlier so I asked, "Hey, did what I say earlier upset you?" and she was like "no, what are you talking about." I told her worrying about if I had angered her really, really stressed me out and she just laughed at me and bragged about how tough she was.

# The more interest you show in them, the less they show in you. So this woman even texted me first a few times when I was only sending her like one text a week. When I upped it to 2-3 texts a week suddenly she stopped sending me texts first
 

TheSkaFish

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I'm not sure if these are necessarily signs of disinterest.

Mainly I'm talking about the first one, taking a long time to text back.

I take a long time to message back, sometimes to people I am interested in getting to know more.
It's because I know I'm unhappy with my life, don't feel like talking to anyone, haven't been interested in anything lately, know I don't have much to say, am stressed out about things, and I worry that I will make a bad impression as boring and lame if I say something, so I say nothing until I feel like I have something to say or am in a better mood.

Granted, this is just me. Still, I'm just saying there could be other reasons.
 

insecure

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If you count half your life story, and all you get back is a :), or an "Oh, that's nice" then I think you can say they are not interested in you.
Or if there was a question inside the text you sent, and they are not responding to it, it's probably because they only read your message partially and did not notice there was a question in there.
But even if they are interested in you, then it means they are not even able to hold a simple conversation, so they are not worth it.
Imagine being in a relationship with a woman who never shows any emotion or interest when you're telling her how your day went.
How would that work?
Oh, yes, sure, she might be very beautiful and the sex may be great, but just remember: the time you spend between the sheets will always be a fraction of the time you spend together.
Inability to have a conversation with her simply means a relationship that will not last.
So, yes, the sex may be great, but I like my women to be more than skin deep.
(Strange, now I suddenly sound like I know exactly what I want.)
 

TheRealCallie

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How about a sign someone is self sabotaging? Assuming they know why other people do what they do...... As Ska said, these are not automatic signs of disinterest.
 

9006

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To be honest it's easy to see why some of these can come across as disinterest, regardless of how they actually feel.

I've had experiences with this kind of thing. It's not about being full on or even regular as clockwork, granted people are of course busy from time to time or may have some kind of communicational issues, but to me it's simple to show even the most basic of interest.
 

insecure

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How about a sign someone is self sabotaging? Assuming they know why other people do what they do...... As Ska said, these are not automatic signs of disinterest.
It could be, but if someone is not or hardly communicating, it is almost impossible to know this.
I could lock me up in my apartment, never go outside and be lonely as hell.
Except for my neighbours, family and friends, how is anyone supposed to know this?
The same goes for not responding to messages, or responding to long messages with a simple smiley or waiting three days to respond.
I always try to be empathic, so I may give it another try, but if I notice that it continues like that, I will give up after a while.
 

michael2

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I'm not sure if these are necessarily signs of disinterest.

Mainly I'm talking about the first one, taking a long time to text back.

I take a long time to message back, sometimes to people I am interested in getting to know more.
It's because I know I'm unhappy with my life, don't feel like talking to anyone, haven't been interested in anything lately, know I don't have much to say, am stressed out about things, and I worry that I will make a bad impression as boring and lame if I say something, so I say nothing until I feel like I have something to say or am in a better mood.

Granted, this is just me. Still, I'm just saying there could be other reasons.

Maybe not so much disinterest, but more indifference. To me either one is equally bad. I understand taking a long time to reply to a more complex question, but not replying to questions at all (which has happened to me) or taking many hours to reply to questions that could be answered with one word is a very, very bad sign. To me it shows disinterest, or indifference.

Now, if someone is feeling how you described and their response is delayed, they should at least give a quick reason/excuse why it took so long to text back. Something like "Thought about that for a while, but answers question." Done. Much better then replying ages later with no excuse or not at all. It shows a complete disregard for the other person imo.

If you count half your life story, and all you get back is a :), or an "Oh, that's nice" then I think you can say they are not interested in you.
Or if there was a question inside the text you sent, and they are not responding to it, it's probably because they only read your message partially and did not notice there was a question in there.
But even if they are interested in you, then it means they are not even able to hold a simple conversation, so they are not worth it.
Imagine being in a relationship with a woman who never shows any emotion or interest when you're telling her how your day went.
How would that work?
Oh, yes, sure, she might be very beautiful and the sex may be great, but just remember: the time you spend between the sheets will always be a fraction of the time you spend together.
Inability to have a conversation with her simply means a relationship that will not last.
So, yes, the sex may be great, but I like my women to be more than skin deep.
(Strange, now I suddenly sound like I know exactly what I want.)

Someone who only reads my message partially isnt who Im looking for in a partner, especially if the message is just a few sentences long. I've actually had to deal with stuff like this from guy friends. Send them a message asking if they wanted to go to an event with me, and not hear back from them for days, when they could have at least said 'I'll think about it, or I'll look into it, or even just "no"' It's just absolutely rude to treat people like this on text.

imo texting kind of shows who someone really is because your communicating at a distance, so you can get away with doing things like ignoring people or putting them on the back burner that you couldnt do in an in person conversation.

I think alot of people ignore bad texting behaviors because they're smitten by something else about the person. How good they look, how much money they make, etc. And they don't realize looks and money have no bearing on how happy your day to day life will be interacting with this person. Excessive Money and very good looks won't make them a better husband or wife for you then someone who didnt have as much money or didnt look as good. It's a simple factor of people chasing wants instead of needs. Alot of people never mature and become emotionally intelligent enough to recognize this.


How about a sign someone is self sabotaging? Assuming they know why other people do what they do...... As Ska said, these are not automatic signs of disinterest.

I ask myself, if I were Harry Styles or Leonardo Dicaprio, would this woman respond to me in this way, or take this long to respond back to me? If the answer is no, then she's failed my test and not interested in me enough for me to continue pursuing her.

I read a quote recently that basically said everyone deserves someone who is excited to hear from them and excited at the possibility of being around them. When I notice a woman's excitement level from hearing from me amounts to 'meh' I'm no longer interested. I deserve someone who is very interested in me and I will not settle. My sisters have chased men who had a luke-warm interest in them. It never worked out and it left them humiliated. I don't want to do that.
 

TheRealCallie

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I ask myself, if I were Harry Styles or Leonardo Dicaprio, would this woman respond to me in this way, or take this long to respond back to me? If the answer is no, then she's failed my test and not interested in me enough for me to continue pursuing her.

I read a quote recently that basically said everyone deserves someone who is excited to hear from them and excited at the possibility of being around them. When I notice a woman's excitement level from hearing from me amounts to 'meh' I'm no longer interested. I deserve someone who is very interested in me and I will not settle. My sisters have chased men who had a luke-warm interest in them. It never worked out and it left them humiliated. I don't want to do that.
So instead of someone who will like you for who you are, you're looking for a shallow fangirl? I mean, if that's what you want, that's what you want, but I would hold out for more.

And again, you are basing your opinions on your own perceptions. Other people aren't going to have those same perceptions or opinions. I'm not saying you have to chase these people until the point of humiliation....just stop thinking you know what and why they do what they do. You don't. No one but that person does.
 

michael2

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So instead of someone who will like you for who you are, you're looking for a shallow fangirl? I mean, if that's what you want, that's what you want, but I would hold out for more.

And again, you are basing your opinions on your own perceptions. Other people aren't going to have those same perceptions or opinions. I'm not saying you have to chase these people until the point of humiliation....just stop thinking you know what and why they do what they do. You don't. No one but that person does.

Not a shallow fangirl, but someone who is genuinely interested in getting to know me, not someone who is indifferent to that prospect because they would actually prefer someone different/better.

Yes other people wont have the same perceptions or opinions, but there is such a thing as common decency, and how little or how much this is shown to you is a good indicator of someone's interest in you. Taking forever to respond back to multiple texts with no excuse or apology is at best a poor character trait. I'm looking for someone who is empathetic. Doing that does not show empathy.

I'm naturally a very strong intuitive leaning person who picks up on small cues. I've been wrong in the past in my assumptions, but I've also been very right. Most sensing people who have intuition lower in their cognitive stack will only accept solid undeniable facts and ignore hints, which has it's strengths and weaknesses. I actually listen (with my eyes and ears) much more I talk in the real world. Its amazing how much you can pick up on.

The funny thing is, with this one woman I was getting ready to simply ask her straight up if she was interested in me, but decided not to because of how she treated me over text. At that point it didnt matter if she was interested in me. I was no longer interested in her.
 
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DeadDreamsWhispering

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So instead of someone who will like you for who you are, you're looking for a shallow fangirl? I mean, if that's what you want, that's what you want, but I would hold out for more.

I don't see that in what he wrote. From what I'm seeing, he's just saying that when women like you as a man, they tend to be a lot more responsive and things aren't that difficult.
 

randomguy

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I no longer have a mobile phone, I wasn't the biggest fan of texting when I did. I do think we’re biologically and socially motivated to look for signs of investment in others so we can invest our own time and efforts accordingly. We’ve literally been conditioned to believe that people who don’t text us back fast enough aren’t interested in us
 

insecure

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There was this woman I hadn't seen in a long time, talked to her on the phone.
She asked what I was doing in the weekends, I said basically I wasn't going out.
She then asked me "but what do you do for hobbies".
I talked about the Spanish and Portuguese conversation classes I took, I heard her sighing on the phone.
I just remembered how little she liked that, she kind of despised it, like thinking it snob or so.
That was enough for me, if they hate my hobbies, how can I be together with this woman?
 

VanillaCreme

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Does this only work for some people? Because, I did at least two of these and the person was still bothering me.
 

insecure

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I no longer have a mobile phone, I wasn't the biggest fan of texting when I did. I do think we’re biologically and socially motivated to look for signs of investment in others so we can invest our own time and efforts accordingly. We’ve literally been conditioned to believe that people who don’t text us back fast enough aren’t interested in us
Well, just imagine the opposite.
You text a woman, she doesn't respond, you keep texting her, she keeps silent.
At which point does it become stalking...?
 

ardour

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... how are you getting these women's numbers in the first place? Or do you include messaging over dating apps?

I wouldn't be texting someone I didn't know well unless it were for a legitimate reason, or to ask them out. Attempting long conversations without some established connection first? No way.

People are legitimately busy sometimes during their day to day and don't have the time or energy to say something worthwhile. I've done it with friends, left it on read sometime until I had the energy. It doesn't necessarily mean anything. Also, the potential to come across badly while attempting to joke or tease is incredibly high over a text without the context of real life interaction, facial expression, tone of voice, etc. To avoid this one has to be careful and never say anything remotely controversial or potentially annoying... which means coming across as a bland and boring approval seeker. Can't win.

Add to that the wariness from women getting contacted like this all the time by weirdos. Messaging someone who hasn't shown clear interest in you first already puts your in a category of men they would rather avoid.

This isn't the context for a man to present himself in the best light. It's also a terrible way to spend time. You're not showing yourself as a dynamic individual engaged in an interesting activities. And at the end of the day anything's got to be better than texting near strangers and timing how long it takes for a reply.
 
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michael2

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... how are you getting these women's numbers in the first place? Or do you include messaging over dating apps?

I wouldn't be texting someone I didn't know well unless it were for a legitimate reason, or to ask them out. Attempting long conversations without some established connection first? No way.

People are legitimately busy sometimes during their day to day and don't have the time or energy to say something worthwhile. I've done it with friends, left it on read sometime until I had the energy. It doesn't necessarily mean anything. Also, the potential to come across badly while attempting to joke or tease is incredibly high over a text without the context of real life interaction, facial expression, tone of voice, etc. To avoid this one has to be careful and never say anything remotely controversial or potentially annoying... which means coming across as a bland and boring approval seeker. Can't win.

Add to that the wariness from women getting contacted like this all the time by weirdos. Messaging someone who hasn't shown clear interest in you first already puts your in a category of men they would rather avoid.

This isn't the context for a man to present himself in the best light. It's also a terrible way to spend time. You're not showing yourself as a dynamic individual engaged in an interesting activities. And at the end of the day anything's got to be better than texting near strangers and timing how long it takes for a reply.

These are experiences from two women I've met multiple times face to face in real life and held conversations with in person. It appeared we got along well in both instances. I can't help but feel I was friendzoned before I got their number and thus their willingness to give it to me and thus their indifference towards me romantically. I've never used a dating app, and I pray I never do. Everything I've heard about them sounds like total hell for all but the most elite high value men.

I agree the primary purpose of texting should be to schedule an in person meetup - but why would I do that if one side does not show any interest over text? I'm interested in them romantically, so I initiate texts, I ask them questions about their life, I compliment them a couple times in a tasteful manner without putting them on a pedestal, I tell them about my hobbies and who I am, what's going on in my life, etc, as more of a way to let them know its OK for them to do it too. And I only texted them 2-3 times a week to give them space and not come off as needy. It's blatantly obvious I'm interested in them. When there's no reciprocation I don't see the point of asking for an in person meetup. I actually did ask one for an in person meetup and she said she couldn't make it.

It's becoming increasingly obvious to me that women like me as a person, but they don't see me as high value enough to be their partner. I check off their needs, but not their wants. It's almost like the internet dating world has spilled over into the real world, and now you have women in the real world who always think they can do better because they got loads of desperate guys blowing up their phone or they're stuck on some suave fantasy 6'3" tall French speaking guy whose gonna sweep them off their feet. I mean the single, sexless rate of men and women is going up and up and what your going to have is people just quitting, guys are going to watch porn and pay to date onlyfans women and women are going to objectify themselves on social media for male attention before becoming extremely bitter and jaded once they're no longer attractive enough to do that.
 

ardour

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I agree the primary purpose of texting should be to schedule an in person meetup - but why would I do that if one side does not show any interest over text? I'm interested in them romantically, so I initiate texts, I ask them questions about their life, I compliment them a couple times in a tasteful manner without putting them on a pedestal, I tell them about my hobbies and who I am, what's going on in my life, etc, as more of a way to let them know its OK for them to do it too. And I only texted them 2-3 times a week to give them space and not come off as needy. It's blatantly obvious I'm interested in them. When there's no reciprocation I don't see the point of asking for an in person meetup. I actually did ask one for an in person meetup and she said she couldn't make it.
All of which comes across badly, because you're communicating "this is all I'm worth" - this meangingless unsatisfying interaction.

Now if they were initiating and really pushing the conversation along that would be different, but that's not what is happening. You're giving away too many details about your life to people who haven't indicated an interest in keeping the conversation going. That's a blunder in itself. Honestly that's 2-3 texts too many. If you don't get an enthusiastic response first time then just cut your losses and move on.

But more than that, it's a bad medium. When we do this over text/DM it's saying we're not even worth a in-person conversation. Not worth the trust to meet up in a public space. But we'll look for approval anyway.... take whatever we can get. (And maybe I can convince you to like me in the process?)
 
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michael2

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All of which comes badly, because you're communicating "this is all I'm worth" - this meangingless unsatisfying interaction.

Now if they were initiating and really pushing the conversation along that would be different, but that's not what is happening. You're giving away too many details about your life to people who haven't indicated an interest in keeping the conversation going. That's a blunder in itself. Honestly that's 2-3 texts too many. If you don't get an enthusiastic response first time then just cut your losses and move on.

But more than that, it's a bad medium. When we do this over text/DM it's saying we're not even worth a in-person conversation. Not worth the trust to meet up in a public space. But we'll look for approval anyway.... take whatever we can get. (And maybe I can convince you to like me in the process?) Women read that as low status behaviour.


It seems your position is this: once you get the number, ask for an in person meeting as soon as possible. That sounds logical for a few reasons and is something I'll strongly consider doing next time.

However the entire situation wasn't as clear cut as you make it out to be. With one woman her response was enthusiastic the first time. After we traded numbers that same night we texted for 4 hours. Later she actually texted me first inquiring about my life, so I started doing the same with her. We actually had a couple more long text sessions but something was off - she was always texting me like a friend, which only increased my hesitancy to ask her out. Again, this didnt come off as shyness or trying to hide a crush. It came off as very intentional so as for her not to give the wrong idea.

Another reason for my hesitancy in asking her out was that I had did that with the other woman pretty early, and was rejected. So I reverted to being more cautions this time, attempting to understand if she was really interested in me - and I dont think she ever really was.

Also, Im introverted and introverted intuitive. My mind works in the way where I try to figure things out through patterns, hints, the abstract. In more simpler terms, I'm not very direct because I don't take things at face value. I like to understand something first before proceeding

In the end, if the person is right for you, it won't be a game that you can win or lose. A woman who is genuinely interested in you won't say, 'oh, I liked him, but he showed weakness when trying to get to know me. So I lost interest.' A woman who drops you for something like that isn't worth your time.

If someone is genuinely interested in getting to know you, they won't have an issue showing a little patience with you or even overlooking a few small missteps. There's people who will crush on someone for years, let alone a few weeks. If they read you as 'low value' and dismiss you because you took some time to talk to them over text, then well, they aren't for you. Would they dismiss Harry Styles if he did the same? We all deserves someone who perceives us as high value because of who we are, not because of how good our 'game' is.

They can go find that 'high value' person who courts them in whatever stereotypical alpha sigma whatever way they were expecting. Good luck.
 

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