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Single by choice, anybody?

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NoxApex(N/A)

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Is anybody else 30+, disenfranchised with the dating pool, and single by choice?

At 33, as a man I've made my peace with it.
No, I don't hate women, actually I quite enjoy their company.
Although I will admit I am perhaps a bit jaded.

My main reason for choosing to be single is actually more of a matter of practicality over desire.
My life is very hard, and despite my flaws I could in fact get a girlfriend if I wanted to bad enough.
The thing is, I just don't really want to. Like 7/10 times it just isn't worth it to me.
It's easy for me to be attracted to a woman, but I'm not particularly the lonely single guy, at least not in the relationship aspect of loneliness.

A LOT of my friends are dead already.
The others all settled down with a wife and kids.
I'm wildly creative, and smitten as an introvert, is the thing.
I never wanted the White Pickett Fence, the notion of "settling down" feels less like a good choice for my future and more like a death sentence to me, to be honest.

Is there anybody else that like, doesn't really have an issue with the opposite sex, but simultaneously is also single by choice for more personal reasons?
 

Efbee

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I'm single by choice. My resources are meant to benefit my children and I, no one else. Since being a couple or married don't mean anything anymore and can send someone to jail before he can say 'likity-split' and can take care of myself and my stuff without anyone's help, I don't see the point anymore.
Been single since 2002 and don't regret a single thing about that decision. I feel happier than I ever was married or in a relationship. I'd be nuts to get with a woman now.
 

kanekistrange

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im pretty much the same..im 33 and despite actually have people i can just straight up call up or message to get back together i chose not to cause im so tired of being used by them. sometimes its better to be alone and not worry about the guilt of staying with someone just so i can be with someone, if you guys get my drift.
in my country though its more of girls want you to look a certain way (like those korean pop guys theyres so obsessed with) or worse you gotta have tons of money. im sure there are still people here that actually do fall in love for real but the standards have just been set so high its ridiculous.
it just came to a point where id rather take my chances with online relationships and so here i am still being ghosted over and over.
long story short, slowly lost interest with my country women and will probly wait for that japanese or caucasian girl i ironically set a standard for myself.
 

SecondStarTotheRight

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I'm wildly creative, and smitten as an introvert, is the thing.
I never wanted the White Pickett Fence, the notion of "settling down" feels less like a good choice for my future and more like a death sentence to me, to be honest.
I identify with this.
So, by choice, for me.
Plus, what most (I didn't say all!) men seem to be fine with at first - like free spiritedness, passion, creativity, energy, adventurousness, spontaneity, independence, etc. - they end up wanting to control.
 

JJW

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they end up wanting to control.
I believe in equal opportunity relationships. But if you don't have a partner with the same mindset, if you don't take control you'll lose control.

My wife overtook me and it ruined us. I've been living her life. She rejected what I wanted in my life. For that we will both be alone in our declining years. I'm finally going after what I want and I refuse to take her along.

like free spiritedness, passion, creativity, energy, adventurousness, spontaneity,
These are things I appreciate. My wife appreciates these things in me only when they benefit her. Not most men, most people. To find someone that is as giving as what they take is a rarity.
 

SecondStarTotheRight

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Not most men, most people. To find someone that is as giving as what they take is a rarity.
You're right. I should have said people, because there are plenty of controlling women too.
It's so hard to find someone, I've found, though, with a similar - never mind same - mindset.

That's a good thing to keep in mind - If you don't take control you'll lose control.

I just don't like a controlling aspect at all in relationships. I don't like controlling and I don't like attempts at being controlled. If we weren't such possessive, controlling, jealous creatures, relationships and life would be so much easier.
 

NoxApex(N/A)

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I experiment with myself a lot, physically and mentally.
I have a pretty active lifestyle and have mostly worked labor-intensive jobs, but I'm more inclined to libraries, bookstores and online encyclopedic directories than I am bars and clubs.
I have minimal social skills, but I'm confident and outspoken regardless because I kind of only need minimal social skills. Too much socialization, and I'm ready for a nap. 😅
I think I've just adapted over time to being more logic-based than emotion-based.

I'm single by choice. My resources are meant to benefit my children and I, no one else. Since being a couple or married don't mean anything anymore and can send someone to jail before he can say 'likity-split' and can take care of myself and my stuff without anyone's help, I don't see the point anymore.
Been single since 2002 and don't regret a single thing about that decision. I feel happier than I ever was married or in a relationship. I'd be nuts to get with a woman now.

Yeah, it makes better for block structure planning for resource management, which is the basis for how to capitalize with efficiency.


im pretty much the same..im 33 and despite actually have people i can just straight up call up or message to get back together i chose not to cause im so tired of being used by them. sometimes its better to be alone and not worry about the guilt of staying with someone just so i can be with someone, if you guys get my drift.
in my country though its more of girls want you to look a certain way (like those korean pop guys theyres so obsessed with) or worse you gotta have tons of money. im sure there are still people here that actually do fall in love for real but the standards have just been set so high its ridiculous.
it just came to a point where id rather take my chances with online relationships and so here i am still being ghosted over and over.
long story short, slowly lost interest with my country women and will probly wait for that japanese or caucasian girl i ironically set a standard for myself.

I was actually a Music Major in College before I dropped out, I could write a whole essay on how media influences society. More or less, and to put it simply: You don't actually want anybody who goes with whatever is trending, and the reason why is because it's a form of mass brainwashing that simultaneously is very expensive.--Which is like the opposite of what you want in a long-term relationship.

I identify with this.
So, by choice, for me.
Plus, what most (I didn't say all!) men seem to be fine with at first - like free spiritedness, passion, creativity, energy, adventurousness, spontaneity, independence, etc. - they end up wanting to control.

-ish. Yeah....I kind of had the epiphany today that the reason I'm single is because predictability bores me, but spontaneity pisses me off. Really, what I am, is highly methodical and calculating. I'm all for doing whatever and I'm very liberal and open-minded and not particularly easily offended (usually I end up offending someone by accident, on the contrary), but I am as such within a certain scale or set of boundaries as to not detrimentally upset the base structure of my life. Like I love going to concerts, but it's counterintuitive of me to go out of state for a show when I have bills I've got to pay and the endeavor would cost me more than it's worth. I have the odd developmental ability to be emotionally hyper-compartmentalized and retractable, so power struggle dynamics just seem kind of silly to me. Play is different, but as far as another's existential dread is concerned, I don't want that liability or responsibility. Like I do what I do to myself as a personal practice, but I won't enforce that on somebody else unwillingly, you know? It's one thing is somebody comes to me with interest and wants to learn, but it's not really in me to be "out on the prowl," at least not for the endeavors of love. Resources and information? Sure. But for emotional and physiological affairs? Not really. My mind is usually just preoccupied with other things, and so a lot of my experiences with women have happened because they approached me first.

You're right. I should have said people, because there are plenty of controlling women too.
It's so hard to find someone, I've found, though, with a similar - never mind same - mindset.

That's a good thing to keep in mind - If you don't take control you'll lose control.

I just don't like a controlling aspect at all in relationships. I don't like controlling and I don't like attempts at being controlled. If we weren't such possessive, controlling, jealous creatures, relationships and life would be so much easier.

I think that happens in part because most people screw up the order of operations. It's easy to love another individual, but hard to learn to love yourself, to learn to respect yourself, and to hold yourself to certain standards. It's very demanding, very heavy on the mind, especially if a person is without introspection and is clueless about their internal mechanisms on a level of individualism. So it's kind of like, knowing how to drive a car, but not knowing how to change or add to the fluids when the time comes. And well, the car breaks down, and people learn the lesson the hard way. But if you know how to add to your fluids, your car can go wherever you need it to go freely.
 

ardour

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For me it's mostly shallow reasons, which I'd be heavily criticized for.

Most people age rapidly past 35 and I can't feel enough attraction now. Those who argue appearances shouldn't matter don't actually believe 60 year old's are as attractive to each other as 25 year old's - it's that past a point it literally should not matter. Well I can't meet that purity standard. Not to say women my age are unattractive necessarily, but they usually look older than me which makes me very uncomfortable at the thought of it. Emotionally we'd be at different stages of life anyway. If I look for someone younger I'll get labelled a creep, so there's no socially acceptable option left.

We have limited time on earth, thus fewer healthy years together is the reality of finding someone in the older age brackets. I don't like the idea of watching someone age and fall ill in nearish future. Of course having a family is going to be more difficult if you're both pushing or over 40.

And assuming they had a normal life, having to accept being the latest in a long list of partners would be difficult. Half a dozen serious relationships (the average) is too much history and baggage for me to deal with.
 
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JJW

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Not to say women my age are unattractive,
I've met women of all ages that I find tremendously appealing. In my mind, the soul is ageless so age shouldn't have any bearing on it. It should be about chemistry.

As a yin to your yang, it is difficult for me to find younger women that have grown beyond the shallow contrivances of youthful efflorescence. The young change quickly. You can't know who they'll be tomorrow. Finding someone mature enough to be set in their ways the same way as your ways would make for a lasting relationship.

There is little chance of finding that person, but better than when you are young finding someone that you can be happy with for life.
 

ardour

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I've met women of all ages that I find tremendously appealing. In my mind, the soul is ageless so age shouldn't have any bearing on it. It should be about chemistry.

As a yin to your yang, it is difficult for me to find younger women that have grown beyond the shallow contrivances of youthful efflorescence. The young change quickly. You can't know who they'll be tomorrow. Finding someone mature enough to be set in their ways the same way as your ways would make for a lasting relationship.

Clearly you're more evolved then. Most people have fully matured by late 20s/early 30s, but I'm still too old to date those ages. I'm essentially stuck with other middle people, most of whom I couldn't even imagine dating. Not that I'm a great catch or anything but I am in shape and look younger than my years, whereas a lot of people my age look closer to mid 50s... and that isn't happening for me.

When I see older mature women in their work attire, in my lunchbreak for example my mind just does not register them that way. I've tried to be open to it, and as said, they aren't "ugly", in many cases far from it, but I can't go there. I'm a shallow POS perhaps? Nevertheless at this point it feels like there's no choice but to remain single.
 
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Richard_39

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I'm single by...choice. More or less. It's more complicated than that really, but when is anything ever really that simple?
Disenfranchised however, no. I'm 42 and have some specific requirements, nothing too harsh I think, and just let life happen. Pressuring anything too much never accomplishes sonething great. Get out there, meet people. By sheer law of numbers, eventually you find something worthwhile out there, even if it may not be exactly what you WANT, maybe it's so ething you NEED and never realky knew it.
 

A02

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i cant embrace being single like that its horrible for me being single i really hate it well done for u guys for being able to be ok with that
 

bender22

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I'm not quite 30 but have been single now for about 3 years. It's not that I wouldn't like a relationship but I am very content being single. I'd much rather be single than be in a bad relationship with lots of drama.

I have one girl that I've been seeing casually since January and we usually catch up once a week. In many ways I prefer that over being in a serious relationship. There's no drama, no expectations, I have my own space, I can see other girls if I want to and I still get regular sex.
 

bulwulff

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Is anybody else 30+, disenfranchised with the dating pool, and single by choice?

At 33, as a man I've made my peace with it.
No, I don't hate women, actually I quite enjoy their company.
Although I will admit I am perhaps a bit jaded.

My main reason for choosing to be single is actually more of a matter of practicality over desire.
My life is very hard, and despite my flaws I could in fact get a girlfriend if I wanted to bad enough.
The thing is, I just don't really want to. Like 7/10 times it just isn't worth it to me.
It's easy for me to be attracted to a woman, but I'm not particularly the lonely single guy, at least not in the relationship aspect of loneliness.

A LOT of my friends are dead already.
The others all settled down with a wife and kids.
I'm wildly creative, and smitten as an introvert, is the thing.
I never wanted the White Pickett Fence, the notion of "settling down" feels less like a good choice for my future and more like a death sentence to me, to be honest.

Is there anybody else that like, doesn't really have an issue with the opposite sex, but simultaneously is also single by choice for more personal reasons?
I've been single now for going on 15 years. I turn 41 next month, and none of it was by choice. Despite being on every dating website, being in shape, successful, good natured, honest and drug free, reliable and dependable, as well as attractive from what I'm told I've felt shunned by the community as a whole. I used to pay to go on dates it was so bad but I've come to terms with it at this point.

Despite what people say - there are people who just have 0 luck when it comes to meeting someone. I've pretty much given up at this point and resigned myself to being alone the rest of my life and dying in a bed with a nurse who doesn't even know my name with no one to be there at the end.

Life sucks but I wish you the best.
 

bulwulff

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Also - I haven't had any form of sexual contact in 15 years too. COVID hit and I didn't even notice. I'm focused on building up my business at this point and I've long since broke the 6 digit income so now it's even worse because I can't trust anyone to really be interested in more than my money at this point.

Meh.
 

Oruga

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Is anybody else 30+, disenfranchised with the dating pool, and single by choice?

At 33, as a man I've made my peace with it.
No, I don't hate women, actually I quite enjoy their company.
Although I will admit I am perhaps a bit jaded.

My main reason for choosing to be single is actually more of a matter of practicality over desire.
My life is very hard, and despite my flaws I could in fact get a girlfriend if I wanted to bad enough.
The thing is, I just don't really want to. Like 7/10 times it just isn't worth it to me.
It's easy for me to be attracted to a woman, but I'm not particularly the lonely single guy, at least not in the relationship aspect of loneliness.

A LOT of my friends are dead already.
The others all settled down with a wife and kids.
I'm wildly creative, and smitten as an introvert, is the thing.
I never wanted the White Pickett Fence, the notion of "settling down" feels less like a good choice for my future and more like a death sentence to me, to be honest.

Is there anybody else that like, doesn't really have an issue with the opposite sex, but simultaneously is also single by choice for more personal reasons?
Yes. Until 34 I was all the time in a relationship, because I couldn't stand to be single. But for the last 7 years of my life I have preferred to be single most of the time, with the exception of a couple of short relationships. It's better to be alone than in bad company. As a 41 year old woman I've been under a strong social pressure to "settle down" for several years. And just as you, if I really wanted to be in a relationship, I would: there are several guys interested all the time. But I have decided that I don't want to replace my loneliness for an unhealthy relationship. Only if I saw the potential for a healthy and happy relationship would I try to be in a relationship again.
 

Beth Griggs

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Is anybody else 30+, disenfranchised with the dating pool, and single by choice?

At 33, as a man I've made my peace with it.
No, I don't hate women, actually I quite enjoy their company.
Although I will admit I am perhaps a bit jaded.

My main reason for choosing to be single is actually more of a matter of practicality over desire.
My life is very hard, and despite my flaws I could in fact get a girlfriend if I wanted to bad enough.
The thing is, I just don't really want to. Like 7/10 times it just isn't worth it to me.
It's easy for me to be attracted to a woman, but I'm not particularly the lonely single guy, at least not in the relationship aspect of loneliness.

A LOT of my friends are dead already.
The others all settled down with a wife and kids.
I'm wildly creative, and smitten as an introvert, is the thing.
I never wanted the White Pickett Fence, the notion of "settling down" feels less like a good choice for my future and more like a death sentence to me, to be honest.

Is there anybody else that like, doesn't really have an issue with the opposite sex, but simultaneously is also single by choice for more personal reasons?
We all have different options and needs. I choose to be single because I am a wealthy lady - self made - own a lot of property, investments, savings etc, worked very hard for every cent of it - for many years - and am not interested in sharing it with some guy who comes along and smiles at me. Ill go out with him for meals, Ill like him respect him and maybe fall in love with him, but he earns his own money, he also has investments and savings, he does not share what I worked very hard for. If I meet a guy who inherited money or won it on the lottery same thing, we are not alike enough, he is not hard working and smart enough for me, I like someone who does not rely on luck and would not be penniless without luck. Someone who is good at making decisions and good at making sure life goes their way. It's easy to say money etc should not matter that much if you don't have much, but when you have a lot and worked very hard for it for years it is totally different. Anyway the idea of paying a guy to be with me is ridiculous too, I can have his company and have a relationship with him without doing that. Ive met a lot of gold diggers over the years. I've also met some very hard working smart decent men, I still prefer to be single but the hard working smart ones get to spend time with me the others don't.
 

Beth Griggs

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We all have different options and needs. I choose to be single because I am a wealthy lady - self made - own a lot of property, investments, savings etc, worked very hard for every cent of it - for many years - and am not interested in sharing it with some guy who comes along and smiles at me. Ill go out with him for meals, Ill like him respect him and maybe fall in love with him, but he earns his own money, he also has investments and savings, he does not share what I worked very hard for. If I meet a guy who inherited money or won it on the lottery same thing, we are not alike enough, he is not hard working and smart enough for me, I like someone who does not rely on luck and would not be penniless without luck. Someone who is good at making decisions and good at making sure life goes their way. It's easy to say money etc should not matter that much if you don't have much, but when you have a lot and worked very hard for it for years it is totally different. Anyway the idea of paying a guy to be with me is ridiculous too, I can have his company and have a relationship with him without doing that. Ive met a lot of gold diggers over the years. I've also met some very hard working smart decent men, I still prefer to be single but the hard working smart ones get to spend time with me the others don't. I am now in my 60s so would be dating guys in their 60s too. If they have not got their own nice house, car, investments etc by now they never will. I had mine when I was 20 plus. I need to be able to like and respect the guy, if he is a baby, always wanting to come to me for money, advice, helping him out of a scrape, helping him make decisions etc, then I am better off single, he is too babylike.
 

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