So I have lost 42 lb’s, quit smoking and drinking and…..

[cumulus.james]

I am NO better off. I feel no different physically now as if I was still a giant fatty smoking 20 cigarettes a day, drinking 6 strong beers every night and lazing around eating junk food.

I don’t appear to look any better either.

I gained no friends from this experience, I have not gained the tools to make friends (with both exercise and giving up smoking you are told your confidence, self esteem and mood will improve. They do not). I was told my breathing would improve. It has not. I was told my circulation would improve. It has not. I was told my skin would improve. It has not. I was told I would get my libido back. I have not.

So I am sitting here with a beer. Thinking about getting some cigarettes and looking at the Pizza Delivery menu…..

 

[Callie]

Give it time, things don't miraculously happen on the spot just because you do this. You WILL breath better, but not immediately. As far as the friends go, you have to believe in yourself and have confidence in yourself. What you feel about yourself projects outward to other people whether you think it does or not. As far as looks go, you aren't the best judge of yourself when it comes to that, no one ever is, whether it's "omg, I'm so hot" and they aren't or "omg, I'm so ugly" and again they aren't.

 

[SkuzzieMuff]

It sounds like you need to give these things a little more time. And if you're waiting anxiously for these positive results, even as you improve, you will still anticipate better results and you'll never be happy. Be proud of yourself for doing something so great, you've quit smoking and drinking, and lost 42lbs, that's great! You should be congratulating yourself, and therefore building that confidence. This post and these thoughts are only you breaking down everything that could be your happiness. If you want to be a fat, miserable, alcoholic smoker, that's your choice, but you could also be a skinny healthy angry honeysuckle if you want to too.

 

[RyanEhf]

That's awesome James, I mean not that you feel the same (which is normal in the early stages of change) but that you took the initiative to get this far. No, these things on their own aren't going to suddenly make your life that much better, but they are the backbone, the foundation from which you can build. Doing things that you know are hurting you is like throwing away your own self esteem/respect. Every time you can fulfill a commitment to yourself you are building up your own self worth. Without that, any kind of positive change is next to impossible. Believe me as someone who has substance abuse issues, the most important action you can take is to keep trying.

Have you ever considered any kind of support group? I don't necessarily mean AA; there are alternatives out there.

 

[Pheenix]

The mental transformation is definitely a slow one.

 

[edgecrusher]

^this^
when i lost 40lbs i didnt really seem to notice a difference. then again i am not looking to make a bunch of friends and attract a bunch of "hot" girls but... in the long run i did feel better about myself. i felt like i accomplished something and it felt good.

 

[nerdygirl]

I've lost over a hundred pounds. In my head, I look exactly the way I used to. This one time, a guy was coming toward me. I was very aware that the space was far too small for both of us, but he just kept coming. I was really getting agitated, and then he passed me with ease. You may not feel very different, but it sounds like there has been a significant change. Your self-esteem isn't going to improve, though, unless the reason you felt bad about yourself was because of your weight.

The changes you made are not the methods to make friends, but they are changes that can help. For example, going up to somebody and saying hi with cigarette breath could make it hard to engage in conversation. Approaching with fresh breath can make it easier.

It can take a while for your body to completely rid itself of toxins. Has a doctor told you that your breathing, circulation, etc., hasn't improved? Because I see my kid every day, I don't really notice that she's taller. However, when we visit somebody who hasn't seen her in a while, they can tell right away. She has not yet reached her full height. I assume you have not yet reached your best potential health.

 

[cumulus.james]

Thanks guys. But I have been here before. This is not the first time I have had to change fro morbidly obese.

You think you are lonely because you are so fat and unhealthy. So you make the effort to change. Once the change is made you are no better off.

I used to think I was lonely because I was poor and a loser. So I set about being successful and making some money. That made no difference. I am not so rich now as I have been in the past. But I do have some disposable income and it makes no difference. I walk about the shops and I have nothing to buy. I don’t eat much. I don’t suit fashion so I don’t buy clothes. I don’t go out so I don’t have meals or drinks to pay for. There’s nothing to buy!

In my late teens I thought I was lonely because I was thick. So I took interest in subjects and strived to gain more knowledge. That did not work. I may have a lot of random facts in my head but try and tell them to people and they could not care less.

A couple few years ago I thought it must be because I am not cool. I have always liked alternative music so I used that. At that time I was thin, very young looking, and I set up my own club nights which I DJ’d at. That did not work either.

I think somehow loneliness is ingrained in my DNA. There is not a **** thing I can do. I looked at the printout from the automated scale things today and It showed I lost 3 stone in weight. But it makes no difference. I cant tell anyone I lost that weight or expect any congratulations. It has been a living hell to go without cigarettes for three months. But no one cares!

I have had to stop attempting to advise or support people on here. I am no example. How can I tell people things will be alright or suggest action they may take to be alright when I have gone to such extremes to try to change my fete and still nothing ever comes of it.

The Radiohead Song “Lucky” is playing in my head right now. “Knives Out” is in the background of my mind.

 

[SophiaGrace]

I find it very hard to believe that drinking, smoking and being would make you happy, even if you say ceasing those things has not made you happy.

Perhaps as callie said, you DO just need time to adjust.

Give yourself a chance.

 

[trZ]

I am NO better off. I feel no different physically now as if I was still a giant fatty smoking 20 cigarettes a day, drinking 6 strong beers every night and lazing around eating junk food.

I don’t appear to look any better either.

I gained no friends from this experience, I have not gained the tools to make friends (with both exercise and giving up smoking you are told your confidence, self esteem and mood will improve. They do not). I was told my breathing would improve. It has not. I was told my circulation would improve. It has not. I was told my skin would improve. It has not. I was told I would get my libido back. I have not.

So I am sitting here with a beer. Thinking about getting some cigarettes and looking at the Pizza Delivery menu…..

Hi. I was very recently through the same process as you, I lost great amounts of weight in a short period of time, and it didn't feel any different. I looked myself in the mirror and felt fat, my life was still a bloody mess, and everything just sucked. It wasn't until I took control of other parts of my life that losing the weight really helped me, and I could look in the mirror and be happy.

Its a mental thing, I think we need a certain amount of time to adjust to the changes. Losing the weight was a BIG step in the right direction, DO NOT FALL OF THE WAGON! It gets better, trust me.

 

[Sci-Fi]

Until you start thinking more positively about yourself nothing will come. You can lose weight (congrats on that btw), you can quit smoking (congrats on that too), and drinking (that too), but all those things aren't going to instantly bring change. You have to change your mind and your way of thinking or you will be just as lonely as ever wallowing in despair because your life isn't any different. Go treat yourself, buy some new clothes or at least try on some smaller sized, that might help you with feeling better about your weight loss. 3 months without a cigarette, go buy a new CD to celebrate yourself.

 

[WishingWell]

Good for you! Those are 3 wonderful accomplishments. Now work on your self-esteem. Keep telling yourself how you worked so hard and achieved those awesome goals. You have to give yourself credit! I lost quite a bit of weight and feel great about wearing smaller sizes and not feeling fat anymore. I quit smoking and drinking too, but I didn't do them all at once! Congratulations! Treat yourself to something like a new outfit...if you can't afford much, there are good will stores that have low prices on things that look new.

 

[allanh]

hi, James:

Changing those things you did (well done!) will give youself a chance to attract people around you, but they do not guarantee success because there are so many other factor involved (personality, opportunity, timing, luck......etc)

However, if you go back to your old ways, then there will be no chance at all.

Without knowing you better/personally, it is hard to pinpoint down to the exact reason why you are still not having success with getting acquainted to people.

 

[Dollfac3]

I am NO better off. I feel no different physically now as if I was still a giant fatty smoking 20 cigarettes a day, drinking 6 strong beers every night and lazing around eating junk food.

I don’t appear to look any better either.

I gained no friends from this experience, I have not gained the tools to make friends (with both exercise and giving up smoking you are told your confidence, self esteem and mood will improve. They do not). I was told my breathing would improve. It has not. I was told my circulation would improve. It has not. I was told my skin would improve. It has not. I was told I would get my libido back. I have not.

So I am sitting here with a beer. Thinking about getting some cigarettes and looking at the Pizza Delivery menu…..

first of all, congrats on all the accomplishments. next step, keep going.keep working out at a gym and get healthier. talk to people at the gym. your breathing will get better over time when your endurance gets better, increase oxygen to your system your skin will get better. how did you lose the weight? food restriction? exercise too helps a lot to get the system back to health. and improve circulation, all that stuff you mentioned, and blood pressure, help decrease insulin resistance, help with diabetes, get the blood flowing with exercise will help with the libido. just even start with talking walks.
and go from there, even yoga or something and stretching. get the blood flowing, oxygen to the blood, pulse up, blood to the muscles. it will really help. I am a scientist and I do go to a metabolic specialist. I pay 300/hr just to hear that. lol. once you get along increase muscle mass, burn more calories, keeps you in better shape. increases metabolism. you will look and feel better. it is really about eating more protein, less carbs, to lose weight, then stabilizing, exercising and building muscle mass, I like HIIT, and weight training, or cardio, but HIIT is everything, if you do it with weights, or lifting in intervals. you will see and feel a difference even in as little as 3 or 4 weeks.

 

[Xpendable]

It has been 4 years.

 

[BeyondShy]

It has been 4 years.

Hahahahahaaha, you're not kidding Xpendable.

 

[JHK]

I won't say what's already been said. I will just note a few things though.

I think the bigger you are, the longer is takes for a lot of weight loss to be noticed physically. I have a bigger friend who lost 30 lbs in six weeks or so and was getting upset that no one really noticed, nor did she. I went through a rough period this summer and I lost 25 pounds in a matter of weeks (being on drugs didn't help) and everyone thought I ended up with some terminal disease and was literally wasting away. Now I'm (on average - my weight fluctuates quite a bit) about 130-140 pounds. I'm shorter (5'8 ish) but I'm almost small boned. I go down to 115-120 pounds and I do look like a walking skeleton. From what I understand it's a inwards out sort of process - so it's noticed a lot quicker on someone or something then it is a larger one.

As for smoking - I had to quit for awhile while I was stuck in the hospital because the doctor wouldn't allow the nurses to wheel me out to smoke and I couldn't do it on my own so I was forced into it. And for the first little while after, I felt worse then when I smoked. I coughed and coughed up more honeysuckle then I usually do. The doc told me this was because the build up was finally getting a chance to loosen up and come out - so it seems worse for awhile after you quit then it does while you are still smoking. I'm not a doctor so I have no idea if he was lying to me or not, but I didn't quit long enough to find out.

As for drinking, I sort of relate it to my anti-depressants. I went into rehab and was on them for about a month and a half and was finally able to take my meds properly and I told him that they weren't doing jack honeysuckle. I wasn't happy, I wasn't smiling, I didn't find anything better about the world then I did six months ago so he asked how long I had been on them to which he replied "You won't start to notice a difference until three months." Which, I guess, makes sense. Your body is sort of re-structuring itself.

What I DID notice after I quit drinking like I used too (I was a bad full blown raging alcoholic, even if I was only 18) was that my mood changes weren't so drastic. I found it easier to cope with the minor things that would have sent me over the edge before.

I still smoke and I still drink and I still do drugs - neither one like I used too, but I do them all the same. I notice changes but it's slow and they are small. If nothing else, hopefully you can keep it up because you just never know and really, there isn't an awful lot that they offer, is there?