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So, what would you do?

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CenotaphGirl

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So... there's a man, I didn't like him very much as we had this strange misunderstanding,
I offended him by not being able to look at him or engage him directly.

He very publicly called me out on it, and I felt kinda hurt.
He thought maybe I thought that I was too good to talk to him, but it was nothing like that,
I meant no disrespect.

I felt so scared being called out like that, I kind of panicked and everyone else who understood the actual problem jumped in, and was trying to fix the situation.

Last thing I wanted to deal with, but sometimes I try my best to see it from his perspective, he had no idea that I was fresh into recovery or any reason why I'd treat him like that. I didn't even realise I was doing it, it was just a cope to start socialising again.

So now, flash forward, he is now blind. He had some sort of blood poisoning that attacked his eyes, and everyone wants me to go visit him, I feel a bit nervous, I am a bit afraid. I would like to go and give him a beer, as he's very down about losing his eyesight and nearly dying, i'm told he would be very happy to get a visit.

Would you go, with a beer, and just say hi? I would have been disappointed if he died and we had such a unresolved silly misunderstanding. I don't like to harbour negative feelings.
 

Colster

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You are an adult, choose to do things in your own terms. If you feel the need to visit him, do so. But do not dwell on past issues. Be positive, try an instil some optimism in the situation. And if it doesn't feel comfortable, at least you tried, and you can leave on your own accord, no excuses required.
 

CenotaphGirl

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You are an adult, choose to do things in your own terms. If you feel the need to visit him, do so. But do not dwell on past issues. Be positive, try an instil some optimism in the situation. And if it doesn't feel comfortable, at least you tried, and you can leave on your own accord, no excuses required.
Yeah, I might go give him a beer, I cant imagine what losing eyesight is like, its deffo my biggest fear anyway.
 

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He might not want to see you. Is there a way to find out before going over there? He's the one in dire straights. Any decision, IMO, should be about what he wants.
 

CenotaphGirl

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He might not want to see you. Is there a way to find out before going over there? He's the one in dire straights. Any decision, IMO, should be about what he wants.

Yeah like I wasn't sure but so many people have said he'd love a visit from me, we didn't have anything serious in terms of problems, I took what he did to heart at the time, but I never wished bad on him or anything like that, I am sad that he is in such a way.

I wanted to bring some flowers, some fruits or something, be everyone says just bring a beer...

I do feel a little afraid to go, im not sure why, I guess Im not sure what to say or expect.
 

CenotaphGirl

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You know what, I think the moral of the story between me and this guy is I was someone who was too wrapped up in my own feelings to treat someone right. I don't want to do that again, I will take him a beer with his bestie and not even mention all the drama, I think me being there can be the apology from both of us.
 

Colster

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You know what, I think the moral of the story between me and this guy is I was someone who was too wrapped up in my own feelings to treat someone right. I don't want to do that again, I will take him a beer with his bestie and not even mention all the drama, I think me being there can be the apology from both of us.
Excellent decisions!
 

CenotaphGirl

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Yeah idk, just kinda dawned on me, why worry about the past silly situation when literal life changing things have happened, still a tiny bit scared about what to expect like even his bestie told me his girlfriend started crying because he was sitting in the apartment with no lights on.
 

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^

But...... "So now, flash forward, he is now blind."

The lights probably don't do much for him any more. Maybe he doesn't know the lights are off. Maybe he was practicing with his hightened blind hearing skills.
 

CenotaphGirl

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^

But...... "So now, flash forward, he is now blind."

The lights probably don't do much for him any more. Maybe he doesn't know the lights are off. Maybe he was practicing with his hightened blind hearing skills.

Yeah, it's just sad to visit someone sitting in pitch black, ugh I would have probably cried too.
 

ringwood

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You know what, I think the moral of the story between me and this guy is I was someone who was too wrapped up in my own feelings to treat someone right. I don't want to do that again, I will take him a beer with his bestie and not even mention all the drama, I think me being there can be the apology from both of us.
I was going to suggest tagging along with a friend for moral support. Great idea and I think not mentioning all the (past) drama is smart. Sounds like the poor guy has enough going on right now.
 

CenotaphGirl

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I was going to suggest tagging along with a friend for moral support. Great idea and I think not mentioning all the (past) drama is smart. Sounds like the poor guy has enough going on right now.
Yeah its just so sad and random that this all happened, he was confident and a guitar player in a band, he can still play the guitar so he likes to have a beer and play the guitar to his guests so I might even bring cake, I just hope he takes it as a peace offering.
 

ringwood

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Yeah its just so sad and random that this all happened, he was confident and a guitar player in a band, he can still play the guitar so he likes to have a beer and play the guitar to his guests so I might even bring cake, I just hope he takes it as a peace offering.
Let us know how it goes. It's obviously going to be a hard road for your friend for a while, but hopefully with support from the people around him, he can get beyond it. Hugs.
 

TheSkaFish

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That's a total bummer about the guy's eyes, especially in some freak occurrence that didn't have to be. I'd hate to lose mine. So much of what I enjoy, and want to do, depends on them.

Is this guy a family member, friend, neighbor, or something like that? It sounds like you know him at least a little bit.

I think taking him a drink and going with a mutual friend like you were saying, is the best thing to do, if you all are in agreement. I wouldn't bring up the past or his present condition either, just see how he is and get a feel for what he's comfortable with. Just showing up is thoughtful and I would say there's a good chance he'll think it's nice of you, and hopefully he'll think that is your real character instead of the initial misunderstanding.
 

Sunless Sky

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I think, given what he's going through, he would not even remember the "drama" you guys had before and would just be glad of the support.

If he's still salty then get him some food. Best way to a man's heart.

To mine anyway 😁
 

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