- Jan 8, 2022
- Reaction score
- usa, east coast
First off, I want you guys to know I am not trying to bait for sympathy or people trying to be like "stop no don't do it" etc and just please don't call the authorities.
Every time I get depressed I think about suicide, like, a lot. Its not even a cohesive thought really, just more of these flashes of me doing it and going ahead with it. The thoughts have been growing stronger and stronger every time the depressions return, which in my case is often. I get deeply depressed it just hits me every few months, then I go in to a manic stage, then i'm ok again for some time and then the cycle starts all over again. Its hard for me to talk about, hard for me to post here, but I keep getting more comfortable with it. I keep getting more tired, and I just don't know anymore.
I'm just sick of it all, and the fear of living is starting to exceed my fear of death.
I can't relate to your story but i have plenty of my own and it's a very familiar feeling. I wouldn't say don't do it. I say do it when you have nothing left to hope for. You seem to have a lot more than i and many i know. Not long ago i was curious how an american doctor would react to my request to give me a referral to Dignitas, the clinic in Switzerland. He said he had no jurisdiction overseas. I was more curious about his reaction than i wanted his opinion or any other medical advice. Normally when a client asks something like that, client is suicidal. I worked many years in american healthcare. I know how to deal with careerist pill pushers with degrees. This doctor didn't even ask me why. Like he doesn't care but also won't give me a referral. I can pay other doctors to give me one when my time comes and they are not going to be in the states. Try to wake up again tomorrow and see if you can change something. I'm same age as you. Have nothing. Don't have a life. Haven't even lived yet. Not killing myself. My enemies will not outlive me. LOL.
PS - if all fails, acquire enemies. They'll keep you going. 100% guarantee or your money back. lol