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Suicide

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U-122

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First off, I want you guys to know I am not trying to bait for sympathy or people trying to be like "stop no don't do it" etc and just please don't call the authorities.

Every time I get depressed I think about suicide, like, a lot. Its not even a cohesive thought really, just more of these flashes of me doing it and going ahead with it. The thoughts have been growing stronger and stronger every time the depressions return, which in my case is often. I get deeply depressed it just hits me every few months, then I go in to a manic stage, then i'm ok again for some time and then the cycle starts all over again. Its hard for me to talk about, hard for me to post here, but I keep getting more comfortable with it. I keep getting more tired, and I just don't know anymore.

I'm just sick of it all, and the fear of living is starting to exceed my fear of death.

I can't relate to your story but i have plenty of my own and it's a very familiar feeling. I wouldn't say don't do it. I say do it when you have nothing left to hope for. You seem to have a lot more than i and many i know. Not long ago i was curious how an american doctor would react to my request to give me a referral to Dignitas, the clinic in Switzerland. He said he had no jurisdiction overseas. I was more curious about his reaction than i wanted his opinion or any other medical advice. Normally when a client asks something like that, client is suicidal. I worked many years in american healthcare. I know how to deal with careerist pill pushers with degrees. This doctor didn't even ask me why. Like he doesn't care but also won't give me a referral. I can pay other doctors to give me one when my time comes and they are not going to be in the states. Try to wake up again tomorrow and see if you can change something. I'm same age as you. Have nothing. Don't have a life. Haven't even lived yet. Not killing myself. My enemies will not outlive me. LOL.

PS - if all fails, acquire enemies. They'll keep you going. 100% guarantee or your money back. lol
 

Sir Joseph

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Ewomack, you've written an excellent, fair response above that I won't challenge with religious debate since we obviously hold different belief systems. But, let me comment on three of your points that others may also share.

First, your experience with apparent Catholics or Christians who display anxiety, depression, or fear could be countered I'm sure (from my own experience) with those that don't. In other words, the apparent believer's faith impacts some peoples' lives but not others. I think it's fair to say that a lot of church going, religious, professing Christians or Catholics are not genuinely saved followers of Christ. They make claim to the faith but don't really accept it and live it. Unfortunately, this is prevalent throughout our society and it's these lackluster, misguided, or self deceived believers that repel others from the one true faith of Christianity. I've said it before and will again that the best test for any religion's truth rests not with the words or actions of the followers but with the scriptural basis, foundational evidence, and doctrinal teachings of the religion. To that point, Christianity shines and genuine faith in it does give one peace, joy, and hope in life.

Second, your experience with Catholics is consistent with any false man-made religion where one's peace, joy, and hope is tied to the good or bad works we do in life. That is a formula for perpetual frustration and uncertainty. The Christian Good News is that we're saved by grace through faith in Christ, not by our works. That state of grace and assurance of salvation is like discovering the fountain of youth - only better, since it not only offers an eternal life, but a new and perfect world to live in that is promised for the future.

Third, we agree so much on your last point that I don't understand why you claim to disagree vehemently. As a Christian, our whole purpose in life is to love God first and to love people second. I understand that many people reject the first premise, but you and I at least can agree on the second.
 

Wrong

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I can't relate to your story but i have plenty of my own and it's a very familiar feeling. I wouldn't say don't do it. I say do it when you have nothing left to hope for. You seem to have a lot more than i and many i know. Not long ago i was curious how an american doctor would react to my request to give me a referral to Dignitas, the clinic in Switzerland. He said he had no jurisdiction overseas. I was more curious about his reaction than i wanted his opinion or any other medical advice. Normally when a client asks something like that, client is suicidal. I worked many years in american healthcare. I know how to deal with careerist pill pushers with degrees. This doctor didn't even ask me why. Like he doesn't care but also won't give me a referral. I can pay other doctors to give me one when my time comes and they are not going to be in the states. Try to wake up again tomorrow and see if you can change something. I'm same age as you. Have nothing. Don't have a life. Haven't even lived yet. Not killing myself. My enemies will not outlive me. LOL.

PS - if all fails, acquire enemies. They'll keep you going. 100% guarantee or your money back. lol
enemies, i've had plenty of those but they don't get me up in the morning. hate i feel is such a waste of time and energy, and i already think about the wrong people enough, you know under the shower having whole arguments with them inside your head, thinking of what you could say. and it annoys me, i try to get it out of my head, because are they thinking like that about me? does the thought of me keep them up at night?

no, they don't give a shit.

it annoys me to no end.
 

U-122

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enemies, i've had plenty of those but they don't get me up in the morning. hate i feel is such a waste of time and energy, and i already think about the wrong people enough, you know under the shower having whole arguments with them inside your head, thinking of what you could say. and it annoys me, i try to get it out of my head, because are they thinking like that about me? does the thought of me keep them up at night?

no, they don't give a shit.

it annoys me to no end.

I mean a different kind of enemies. The kind who want to take your last cent and make you not exist anymore. Or someone who really hates you only because you exist. I have plenty of those. No, they don't think about me all the time but things they do to me is exactly what i said. They significantly limit my ability to exist. I want them to never sleep again. I also have one toxic degenerate near me who keeps me awake at night. Where i am in the states, if i want to exist in peace, i prepare for war. It keeps me going.
 

GMT-8

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enemies, i've had plenty of those but they don't get me up in the morning. hate i feel is such a waste of time and energy, and i already think about the wrong people enough, you know under the shower having whole arguments with them inside your head, thinking of what you could say. and it annoys me, i try to get it out of my head, because are they thinking like that about me? does the thought of me keep them up at night?

no, they don't give a shit.

it annoys me to no end.
I sympathize with your struggling thoughts. I think many of us have similar feelings because this thing called life has so many challenges. For the luckier ones, things have or will come easy due to good appearance, stability, circumstances, luck and so on. However, the rest of us aren’t so lucky and sometimes we feel we have nothing significant to live for. I myself feel like a 25 yr old that’s been kidnapped by a 61 yr body, and I see my self-worth plummet as others see me as an outdated, aging and worthless person.

Exiting out of this painful world seems like a sensible choice, until we think of things that can go wrong or the mess we leave behind. For instance, what if we are not successful and instead of dying, we end up paralyzed mentally or physically? Suicide may not even be an option anymore, and prolonged suffering and misery will follow. And what emotional damage will it do to our children, relatives or friends?

For all these reasons and more, I realized it is not a viable option. And it seems we have to overcome our depressive thoughts by either medicine, exercise, good diet, change of attitude, or seek out others for support. And at the end of the day, let’s just try to make it another. BTW, I wish I could meet many of the people online here and either offer friendship or support (I need it too).
 

U-122

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I think about it everyday. A stupid, repetitive thought.

You're too young to think about it. Not your time yet. Live a little. Never know what tomorrow will bring. I used to think about it often but now so overwhelmed with real problems, no time to think about anything anymore.
 
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Kevin Hines attempted suicide by jumping off the Golden Gate bridge. After leaping, Hines had instant regret: "When my hands left that rail—and my legs curled over—as soon as I left the bridge, I thought, 'I don't want to die'." He had gone over the railing head first, but when he regretted his decision, turned himself around to land in the water legs first. The impact force was comparable to slamming into a concrete wall.

There is a documentary about the Golden Gate bridge and suicide called, "The Bridge". The documentary is free to watch
https://watchdocumentaries.com/the-bridge/
I think it is well worth the time to watch.
 

Scarlet2020

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You're too young to think about it. Not your time yet. Live a little. Never know what tomorrow will bring. I used to think about it often but now so overwhelmed with real problems, no time to think about anything anymore.
I don’t think so. It’s not if, but when for me. Maybe I’ll get to be with the one person who cared, idk.
 

Melli12

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I can't relate to your story but i have plenty of my own and it's a very familiar feeling. I wouldn't say don't do it. I say do it when you have nothing left to hope for. You seem to have a lot more than i and many i know. Not long ago i was curious how an american doctor would react to my request to give me a referral to Dignitas, the clinic in Switzerland. He said he had no jurisdiction overseas. I was more curious about his reaction than i wanted his opinion or any other medical advice. Normally when a client asks something like that, client is suicidal. I worked many years in american healthcare. I know how to deal with careerist pill pushers with degrees. This doctor didn't even ask me why. Like he doesn't care but also won't give me a referral. I can pay other doctors to give me one when my time comes and they are not going to be in the states. Try to wake up again tomorrow and see if you can change something. I'm same age as you. Have nothing. Don't have a life. Haven't even lived yet. Not killing myself. My enemies will not outlive me. LOL.

PS - if all fails, acquire enemies. They'll keep you going. 100% guarantee or your money back. lol
I wanted to press the sad button, because it's sad to read, that you feel as If you don't have a life, but your joke at the end made me laugh. Now, there's no button for mixed feelings. Anyway, I can relate.

,
 

U-122

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I wanted to press the sad button, because it's sad to read, that you feel as If you don't have a life, but your joke at the end made me laugh. Now, there's no button for mixed feelings. Anyway, I can relate.

,

I'm glad i can make someone laugh. We need that mixed feeling icon. 5-in-1. I really don't have a life. Doing same exact thing every day. But at least i have real problems created by others. Keeps me going. Try to get by and survive another day. That's all i do.
 

U-122

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I don’t think so. It’s not if, but when for me. Maybe I’ll get to be with the one person who cared, idk.

I don't know your story, i don't want to be wrong. You're too young to self-terminate. How will you know if you'll be with someone who cares if you off yourself? I was born dead. I've come close to dying several times in my life. Not suicide attempts. I've seen and heard things from relatives of suicide victims. It's not fun. First thing identify your stressors or causes of your condition and eliminate them. I know what it is for me. I'm working to change things.

I wish i had the money to build a retreat for us all. On a caribbean island. Nobody will sponsor it because there's no profit in health restoration. In a different environment 95% of our problems would be resolved. 5% is genetic and that would be easier to deal with.
 
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verticalray

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I don’t think so. It’s not if, but when for me. Maybe I’ll get to be with the one person who cared, idk.
I think it's always a question when. I wish you enough hope and distraction to last until your aging body is ready to give up on its own. Time heals, many people care, there are things to live for to be discovered. I believe that one can learn to live with shadows, even if not fully, still happily enough.
 

Melli12

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I'm glad i can make someone laugh. We need that mixed feeling icon. 5-in-1. I really don't have a life. Doing same exact thing every day. But at least i have real problems created by others. Keeps me going. Try to get by and survive another day. That's all i do
Hmmmmm, I disagree. I have read some of your postings. Cheering people up, being kind, nice, or even making someone laugh. That can do a lot, don't you think?

I can relate to that surviving thing. That caribbian isle is a nice dream. A place to be and to recover. At least here's this forum, where others can meet.
 

U-122

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Hmmmmm, I disagree. I have read some of your postings. Cheering people up, being kind, nice, or even making someone laugh. That can do a lot, don't you think?

I can relate to that surviving thing. That caribbian isle is a nice dream. A place to be and to recover. At least here's this forum, where others can meet.

Yes this is what i used to normally do. Offline. Not anymore. The doctor in me tried to help others. They refused to listen. Do their own thing anyway. They prefer Xanax. I have zero credibility, zero reputation. What can i do. Being good to others only backfires hard. I don't do that anymore. Now i'm the one who needs "therapy" lol (you must've missed that comment). I'm not bad to others, i just stopped being good. Yes laughter is good but it doesn't resolve anything here for anyone. We're still alone, lonely, and many other things which i can only imagine. I myself do exactly what i advised to others in my circle. I exist without any dangerous medications. I deal with my problems and stressors.
 

U-122

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The desire to suicide is also a hope that there is a life beyond death which might be better. It is not a renunciation of life. Suffering does not end with death. It will continue.

Suffering ends by turning within. It is possible. I have done it.

fortunately suffering does end with death or nobody would ever off themselves for that reason lol
 
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For the luckier ones, things have or will come easy due to good appearance, stability, circumstances, luck and so on.
I tend to believe we all have our mountain to climb. For some people, we hit this mountain early in life. For others, it is later in life. For some, climbing this mountain may seem natural, for others, 'Where the hell are my hiking shoes!"

For all these reasons and more, I realized it is not a viable option. And it seems we have to overcome our depressive thoughts by either medicine, exercise, good diet, change of attitude, or seek out others for support. And at the end of the day, let’s just try to make it another. BTW, I wish I could meet many of the people online here and either offer friendship or support (I need it too).
Happy to hear you decided to tackle the mountain!
 
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