Most of my writing comes from stream of consciousness. Feeling being more like the spices you put on top before stirring and simmering.
A lot of the time, more often than not, feeling is an unfortunate reminder that I'm human. On the other hand, the philosophical concept of totally forsaking my humanity absolutely terrifies me. I'd be lying if I said it didn't. It's not an easy to digest concept, or one that is simple to wrap your head around. I practice detachment because my life demands that I be stronger than the way that I feel, and it has demanded that of me for at least a decade now.
There are many internal struggles with it. The letting go is actually the easy part. It's the regaining of why, the re-establishing of reason thereafter, that is the challenging part. It's similarly to a diet and exercise routine in that the answer to why comes at the end, rather than at the beginning, and getting started is the hard part for a lot of people because of that reason. But with diet and exercise routines, that is something that is physical, you can put your hands on that, see it in a mirror, or go to a doctor and have your vitals scanned. When it's about your mental health and mental state of being, that's a totally different monster you're fighting, because that's not something you can physically see and touch, it's all in your head, which is what makes it different.
With something like the internet, or even within the confines of traditional books and writing, inflection and tone are easily lost and misconstrued among the medium of text. Text is a bad medium for those things. Which is actually why emojis were invented in the first place, but over time those have even been distorted and taken out of context.
My writing style is a bit like Abdul Al'Hazred, the fictional author who wrote the Necronomicon in Lovecraftian lore.
Often called "The Mad Arab," Al'Hazred sort of lost his mind and went insane as a scribe, trying to record what was being handed to him from somewhere else to write, rather than from a familiarity of his own psyche. That happened because what the Mad Arab wrote was attributed to him, but wasn't from him, more like it was written through him rather than from him.
And the reason why I'm like that is because I'll go back and reread some old post either here or on other places and think:
"This doesn't seem familiar at all. When did I write this?" And then I'll check the date, and then realize "Oh that was forever ago already, I totally forgot I wrote that."
. I always saw him as some sort of continuation of Edgar Allan Poe. I found their ways of thinking quite similar.
