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Omfg Finished, this is so well broken down, ******* hell my brain is like... come on miss psychology pants, why have you never done the math. Thanks, oh god, I was thinking I was just toxic, but theres this hidden mind game.
Yes. BUT, your mind has had the sweet taste of the low to high difference. So, you have to out think what your mind is craving. You can do it. But, like drugs, it takes time, effort, and you may have relapses. So, you should NOT be punishing yourself for it. You did NOT create the situation. You merely are reacting to it.

IMO, the first thing one should do is continually say to yourself that abuse is NOT acceptable ever, period! You ARE worthy of a loving, caring realtionship without abuse. You are a beautiful person! As you learn to realize and believe this, as you should, you'll start to realize how controlling and unhealthy the previous relationship really was. Then you can have a successful healthy relationship.

But, then you'll have to fix the guy because 80% of them are just ********. Ha! ha! Then there are those you know how all of this works and does it solely for the purpose to make the other person their slave. Those guys are the ones that I want to beat the **** out of.
 

insecure

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I thought it was love you see, I thought he loved me, despite the abuse, I thought thats honestly what love looked like, still to this day I think, maybe he did love me... sometimes, then I remember love is not that.
I understand, this was what he offered you, so you thought love must look like that.

It's my lacking English skills with this one, it's not what I want, you dont miss the beatings you miss the care, the unrealistic care someone once had for you, the care no one will ever give you.
I also miss that woman who gave me lots of attention, who flattered me a lot (it always seems to work, even if I know they're flattering me), who would send me a bookmark she made herself with my name on it.
I loved that I got messages from her throughout the day, the long conversations we had.
The games of scrabble we played.
Once she was out of of my life it was like I had to think how to fill up all that time again, I was hooked.
But even though her obsessive love was a bit over the top, she was never aggressive to me.
It is possible to make someone feel very special and loved without beating the **** out of them, you know.
 

Claudia1794

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But, the two are linked together. This needs to be understood! The lows take you way down. Say to -50. So, then a high comes +80 and it feels SUPER high because you were so low 50+80=130 difference. That's like crack to your brain!

If you had a constant nice guy, which is how I roll, say I love you +80, you are pretty +85, you are smart +75, etc, etc, etc, the difference would be very little 85-80=5 difference. That's boring! It's too easy to get used to that. You would continually hover around say 80 points. While that's great! It does not compare to 130 points.

This is why women feel like men that abuse them are so much more intense with their feelings of love. They really aren't. I use this to train people, like my neighbors. It's just basic positive and negative reinforcement. But, it's powerful and it works.
Negative reinforcement can be very effective without the physical aspect. Its just basic behavior training. People that bring violence into are simply abusive and are trying to assert dominance with fear. Adults in a vulnerable state of mind are more likely to respond to the whole positive and negative reinforcements. Apart from growing up and learning that's basically all parents are doing I've actually had a person break me from certain behaviors doing this exact thing. He was a complete psychopath that went about it in a not so conventional way but it did make me stronger. Important thing is you have to have mental strength or you are more likely to be prey to people who are like this. Never be someone's punching bag.
 

TheSkaFish

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I was also feeling what others said earlier - the way he acted about you, seemed more possessive than romantic, like someone would about showing off their car.

Also I just wanted to say that men beating their partners, is neither OK, nor is it normal. It's not just something you have to grin and bear, take the good with the bad, or something like that. If you ask me, it negates any other good thing he had to offer.

Like others have said, it doesn't sound like it was a healthy relationship to me, and like you yourself have said, it was all smoke and mirrors. Sometimes we want things to work so badly with someone, that we'll let ourselves see what we want to see in that person, and ignore the glaringly bright red flags.
 

TheSkaFish

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Started off nice enough, then this happened.
Just for reference, from what you wrote, plenty of guys can offer you that. The wealth part, not so much. But is it that really important to you? Because most wealthy young men are utter jackoffs.

I have to agree.
I understand the desire to live the lifestyle you're accustomed to - or at the very least, to do no worse than what you grew up with as normal. But at the same time, I feel like wealth and youth are a dangerous combination.

If you grow up in environments and situations where everyone and everything around you seems to send you the message of, "I am better than other people, I am an inherently superior being", then why wouldn't you believe it? Especially if you're young and don't know any better, or differently. I imagine it's pretty easy to think that the world, and everyone in it, are your toys to play with - or break - as you see fit. If life never tells you "no", then it's hard to learn to get along with other people, because life doesn't make you do it.

Most people don't seem to think critically enough to avoid this, because most people don't seem to think critically in general unless something influences them to, or makes them. They have no reason to do it on their own, so they would have no reason to question their beliefs that they're superior - nor would they want to.
 
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