The truth about us undesirables

[Siku]

How do you get rid of the multiple quotes - the stacking quotes? I just want to quote the last message by mgill,  but it's making me quote everything previously. This is one quirk about A Lonely Life that I haven't been able to figure out.

That's most people on here. Sadly, things can get very cluttered here because of it.

Unfortunately you have to edit the BB code manually. You have to look for and understand the 'opening' and 'ending' of the code before you attempt it and delete the extra baggage. For example this is how it's normally done.

(Without the *'s I've added to keep it from triggering) :
[*quote=username-here]*insert-message-body-here[/quote*]

 

[ardour]

Women are discriminated for their looks or demeanor probably more than men are.

At meetups, there are women who are ignored by everyone - and I'm one of them. That's why I don't go to meetups or other meet-and-greet events anymore.

I read on another site that ugly women at meetups are usually left to talk amongst themselves - but I don't even get that.

The last meetup I tried, a craft beer group I thought was going to be a laugh, turned out to be extremely depressing. Other middle aged people huddled around drinking, talking about drinking, eating terrible junk food. By the time they brought out the fatty burgers and stale nachos dripping with cheese I had to leave because I was feeling sick. The whole thing felt awkward and forced. According to a regular a lot first timers never turn up again and I could see why.  IMO It's better to be actually doing something at these kind of gatherings rather than  sitting around struggling to find something in common while feeling judged and ignored. A photography meetup I sometimes go to is a lot better in that we're at least outside finding unique/interesting things to snap. People are more relaxed too. Perhaps you've tried various groups though.

 

[mgill]

i attend many meetups and have found them to be a decent social outlet-one of the very few i have.  other than a couple failed attempts on my part which resulted in being ghosted,  none of them have led to anything other than casual encounters though.  i already have friends but they are no replacement for an intimate, physical relationship based on mutual attraction which i so greatly crave.  i am always amazed at how easy most people have it when it comes to dating & romance.  they have a breakup and in a matter of days or weeks are with a new partner. 

i can no longer even imagine what it would be like to have someone attracted to me as it has been SO long since that was the case.  one of my fondest memories is of a gorgeous women whom i was very attracted to gave me a tremendous compliment but that was decades ago and she was already engaged to someone else. as pathetic as my life is, i still consider it the highlight of my relationship (or lack thereof) experience.

 

[xploe]

So why does it matter if she's not into you either? 

As he said,  after nothing but 100% failure each new rejection starts to have a ominous significance to it, confirming the growing suspicion that it's your fate to be alone. It's about more than this particular girl. Shouldn't be that hard to understand really (unless you don't want to understand...)

Maybe I'm a bit desensitized to this sort of ... rejection? I was actually trying to help, but I apologize if I was offensive.


However, at the risk of offending again, I feel like sometimes people on (not specifically this thread) this site... and the world in general are looking at every situation regardless of how it ends up going as just another reason to be miserable. Like they don't have enough as it is, they need to create more. Going into a situation and deciding it's going to make or break you, but with the mindset that you are innately undesirable anyway so it doesn't really matter it will go bad, doesn't really give you a chance for anything to go well.

Anyway that's my view, I won't interrupt your venting further.

i would not consider your questions & statement as offensive or an interruption in any way.  i do think that you are confusing cause & effect though.  the negative mindset is DUE to the lack of success not the cause of it.  for those who have had some form of success in the past, it is far easier to regroup after rejections.  for those who have not, every rejection is just another confirmation of our undesirability and unattractiveness. 

 it is not one rejection or two or even several that are an issue.  the problem is consistent and on going failure over a long period of time with no success.  this is especially true when one has most if not all of the other aspects of their life in line due to effort & hard work.  dating & relationships are two of the very rare area's where success is not dependent in any way on anything but chance & looks.  is not giving up after a long period of failure with no indication of success merely a rational, logical action?  it is an extremely harsh truth to realize but everything in life is a competition and some of us were simply not gifted with the tools to succeed on any level in this area.

You are right about the part "Women select for strength, assertiveness, and other dominant qualities in men". But in the modern world women created different unconscious tactics to differ a weak man from a strong one.

I probably went through a pretty similar path as you did, because I also thought the the key in getting success with woman is to work on my looks. Over years I spent time in the gym, got in touch with fashion and learned about proper grooming, hygene and all the self improvement stuff. I felt better in my skin, but with that self confidence comes a completly new problem which was the high ego. The anxiety about being rejected increased because that would mean that all the work I put into myself is just a waste of time because I am just ugly and can't do anything about it.

 But I overcame that anxienty and tried to seduce a girl in my social circle (friends of friend etc.) and the unbelievable happend. I got rejected. And it hurt. Sleepless nights followed where I felt ashamend of what I said. Thinking of scenarios where I could have done better.
I realised one thing. I am still the same person... so after all it is not a big deal.

Many women followed and every time I just got one step further until my first kiss, and after that my first time having xxx.

On my way I learned that women don't care about looks, money or whatever (Of course there are some gold diggers but that is not the usual case) but you still have to be, like it is called in the animal kingdom, the "alpha male".

I want to help people with the same problems I had. So if you or anyone else this forum is interested in my help you can write me a message and I will have a look on your current situation and help you to get in touch with women and hopefully help you to get a loyal, beautyful and caring girlfriend.

And for the admins: I am not selling anything here my service is currently free, hopefully I am not making any problems.

 

[Xpendable]

Looks matter, men. Like quite a lot.

 

[QuietDesperation]

I hadn't always been ugly, so I'm very shocked at the difference between how a semi-pretty, young-looking woman is treated vs. a very ugly, old-looking woman. I'm not old, but I look old.

I used to get the usual "attention" at meetups, but that was useless because I had anxiety around the ones I actually liked, and that made me look/act worse, and they were no longer attracted or interested. And I had no anxiety around the ones that honestly didn't appeal to me, so I was my true self around them - interesting, pretty, desirable - so they liked me, but as hard as I tried, I could not honestly like them back.

ANYONE else have this problem? I think it may be much more pronounced among women than men. Surely among the 11,234 people who are lurking here, there are some who can relate?

After I turned ugly, I became extremely invisible everywhere, including at meetups. Guys my age can be sitting next to me for hours, while having no idea of my existence. And I'd be belittled and treated condescendingly, too. Most meetups I've gone to - I've never returned after the first time. People have to be at least marginally likable and decent-looking enough to get anywhere at meetups. The bottom 10% can interact with and connect with other bottom 10%-ers - but the bottom .0001% have no one who's willing to connect with them.

I know even the ugliest guys don't pay any attention to ugly, matronly-looking women. I get extremely rude and dismissive treatment every time I leave the house - and men are marginally worse to me than women. It's as if an ugly, matronly-looking woman is such assault on their senses, and what they think of as a "woman" - that they're so disgusted they're going to die. Women, to men, are supposed to be stunning goddesses. Someone who's the opposite of that is the grossest thing in the world - lower than pond scum. I'm not even seen or treated as human.

I find the men vs. women battle on this site very odd, and much more pronounced than the other sites I've been on. I'm POC, so my stigmatized and hated ethnicity usually gets precedence over gender. I'm degraded and despised, but it's hard to separate out the factors - is it gender, ethnicity, unattractiveness, matronly look - or all 4 at once?

 

[xploe]

Looks matter, men. Like quite a lot.

Then tell me how you can see obese or short or even ugly guys with stunning women from time to time. 


I understand that it is more likely to get rejected in first place when you are not the best looking guy in the room but when you can talk to woman it is not that difficult to get her attracted to you.
Looks can help, but in the overall view, it is just a drop in the bucket, because women are attracted to different traits than men.

You should not close your mind by just saying that you are not good enough to get the woman of your dreams based on your looks.

 

[mgill]

Looks matter, men. Like quite a lot.

Then tell me how you can see obese or short or even ugly guys with stunning women from time to time. 


I understand that it is more likely to get rejected in first place when you are not the best looking guy in the room but when you can talk to woman it is not that difficult to get her attracted to you.
Looks can help, but in the overall view, it is just a drop in the bucket, because women are attracted to different traits than men.

You should not close your mind by just saying that you are not good enough to get the woman of your dreams based on your looks.

there are always outliers but they are few and far between. for every one of the short, or obese or ugly men with a stunning GF/wife, there are countless other men who are similar or even better looking who cannot even get a single date.  everything is about chance and the better looking one is, the better their chance of scoring a relationship.  of course looks are not the only factor when it comes to a good LTR but i have found the hard way that as a man, without a certain minimum level of looks and height, there are VERY few if any women who will get to know you well enough for the other factors to even be a consideration.  even then, the vast majority of times lack of physical attraction leads to nothing but a trip to the friend zone.

of course, in my case it may also be a personality thing combined with inferior looks and a lack of height.  as an INTJ, i have a great deal of difficulty engaging in small talk-especially with people i don't know well.  i have known some average to below average looking men who have been quite successful with women because they are good talkers so to speak, but even in this case they had success to back them up when they did fail and get rejected.  as someone with virtually zero success in this area over my entire lifetime, each rejection gets exponentially harder and just serves to reinforce the fact that i am undesirable and unwanted.  in other words, without any previous success to fall back on it is impossible not to take long periods of failure as just more evidence of just not being good enough to ever have any success in dating.

 

[Usvic1]

You listen to most people give advice to undesirables like myself on how to attract women, it’s very funny to see the empty, meaningless platitudes they’ll give you. They always say these very vague, nonsense things like “improve yourself” (whatever the f*** that means), or they’ll say things like “you’ve gotta show confidence” or whatever. You can never get them to admit that it’s simply because you’re an ugly undesirable with inferior genetics, women are walking genetics detectors, and that it’s simply impossible for you to achieve success with women. It’s also funny how people seem to believe that putting on different clothes or getting a haircut or tan will somehow drastically change your appearance so that you’ll be attractive to women. There is a conclusion nobody wants to seem to draw, and that’s the conclusion that people like myself are inferior, women can never want us, and the fact that we’re well into adulthood and have never had even the first experience with women is basically nature telling us that it wants us dead. Carry it to its logical conclusion, and that’s precisely what it means. It’s funny how nobody wants to admit the truth of things. They’ll find every euphemism, and every way of reinterpreting something so as to avoid admitting the harsh truth. I think we need to do a whole lot less encouraging for people like myself “improve ourselves”, and a lot more encouraging for us to self-euthanize. People like myself belong in the landfill. I don’t even deserve to be remembered.

I concord.

---

People don't know you well enough on the internet to give you specific advice, so they have to tell you something vague. They think you know exactly how you can improve yourself, but if you don't know what to do, this isn't helpful at all.

Besides that, what could you do instead? You can't change women, you can only change yourself. You also could give up entirely on romantic relationships and do something else instead.

If you are really ugly and undesirable, then there should also be ugly and undesirable women too. Either they are extremely rare, or you don't want them because they are ugly and undesirable.

That you can't really change your looks is true, and it's something you can only change a bit. But it doesn't mean, that there are only beautiful women, who don't want someone ugly.

You also sound very pessimistic. If you don't have enough hope to try, then you can't succeed. I'm not saying, just be optimistic and try and everything will be alright. That's like saying to a depressed person to just be happy. Things are way more complicated and harder to change. I don't think one post from a stranger on the internet will make you motivated, and I don't even know if this is your issue, I can only guess. You probably tried a lot, and it didn't work, so you don't think it will ever work. And what do I know? I'm clearly not an expert for romantic relationships.

So yeah, I don't really know how to help you, and you neither, because if you know what to do, you will do it.

I completely agree with your view

---

Must concur with pandaswag, the answer to your question about why undesirable people end up in relationships is because they end up with other undesirables. That’s the problem with modern society and egalitarianism. It allows inferior genetics to promulgate by subverting the work of natural selection. Women select males based on criteria hardwired into them by evolution that looks for signs of strength, assertiveness, and ability to obtain shelter and resources. If you follow this to the end of the rabbit hole, this essentially means that if you are not deemed attractive to women, then you are of weak and inferior genetics, and wouldn’t have survived in the primal days when natural selection was uninhibited. But now we have modern society, which actively shelters the inferior from natural selection, and hence, the bottom of the hierarchy is now overrun by undesirables who would otherwise be dead if not for the shelter modernity gives them. For the first time in history, the genetically-inferior are able to achieve mating success, and even promulgate their genetic material. This is why its bad to try to help undesirables find partners. Our societies now strive to protect all life. We need to allow way more dying to occur. Which is why I think I should kill my worthless self.

How do you kill your worthless self?

 

[ITellYouHhwut]

I will echo some of the other members here by saying that it is indeed true that people often confuse cause with effect. They tell us our attitude and bleak outlook is why we repel women, when it’s actually the other way around. Our lack of ability to attract women is what has led to our bleak outlook and compromised attitude. We must get that straight. Guys like us know that even a positive attitude will not gain us any higher chance in attracting women.

This is most certainly the case with me. The fact that I’m an undesirable was something I never realized growing up. I never knew that I was of inferior genetics, and of undesirability in the eyes of females. This fact about myself was discovered, not concocted.

I will also echo another member by marveling at how most other people find no difficulty in obtaining partners. Life seems to fit like a glove for most everyone else, and they seem to navigate through at least the basics with relative ease. One relationship ends, they’re right back out with another person in a matter of days or a week as if they just went down to the dealership and picked up another. For some of us, even getting one is like trying to figure out how to sneak into the Pentagon without getting arrested. Life doesn’t fit like a glove for us. We are mistakes of dysgenic fertility that don’t belong on this planet, and never should have happened.

For me, it’s a settled case. I know for a fact that no woman does or could ever find me attractive. I know this as well as I could know anything. It is a crystal clear reality to me. I’m at the point where I don’t want it anymore. I wouldn’t even know how to behave or what to do if I did get it now. The concept of having someone into me like I’ve seen other men experience from women is something that just doesn’t even seem right on any level. It is a done deal for me. There is no going back. I’m done. All I really want is to do my duty for mankind and end my existence. It’s not much, if anything, but it’s the best purpose my life could have.

 

[Siku]

I will echo some of the other members here by saying that it is indeed true that people often confuse cause with effect. They tell us our attitude and bleak outlook is why we repel women, when it’s actually the other way around. Our lack of ability to attract women is what has led to our bleak outlook and compromised attitude. We must get that straight. Guys like us know that even a positive attitude will not gain us any higher chance in attracting women.

This is most certainly the case with me. The fact that I’m an undesirable was something I never realized growing up. I never knew that I was of inferior genetics, and of undesirability in the eyes of females. This fact about myself was discovered, not concocted.

I will also echo another member by marveling at how most other people find no difficulty in obtaining partners. Life seems to fit like a glove for most everyone else, and they seem to navigate through at least the basics with relative ease. One relationship ends, they’re right back out with another person in a matter of days or a week as if they just went down to the dealership and picked up another. For some of us, even getting one is like trying to figure out how to sneak into the Pentagon without getting arrested. Life doesn’t fit like a glove for us. We are mistakes of dysgenic fertility that don’t belong on this planet, and never should have happened.

For me, it’s a settled case. I know for a fact that no woman does or could ever find me attractive. I know this as well as I could know anything. It is a crystal clear reality to me. I’m at the point where I don’t want it anymore. I wouldn’t even know how to behave or what to do if I did get it now. The concept of having someone into me like I’ve seen other men experience from women is something that just doesn’t even seem right on any level. It is a done deal for me. There is no going back. I’m done. All I really want is to do my duty for mankind and end my existence. It’s not much, if anything, but it’s the best purpose my life could have.

I'm sure you feel very strong, factual, and confirmed about what you're saying. I don't doubt it and it stems from something very real. Sometimes we let our 'realist' mindsets consume us alongside our pain, suffering, and self-awareness. It often leads to apathy and entire loss of faith. It also can blind or cloud us from different forms of awareness.

While what you say makes it's own sense. Forgive me but I feel like you speak as-if some of the positive way of thinking never in fact followed or came after the negative. Almost like some sort of ignorance, Naivety, or one has not been through or able to fathom where you are mentally. When in fact, it's possible that is not the case. That same cause and effect logic does indeed apply to one's own attraction to things around them. It's not fairy dust. Just like relationships and any sort of balance in anything; everything does, and or rather, should work both ways. And both sides of things (yours and the one I'm defending) are both discoveries and not something 'concocted'. So, please, don't dismiss the positive outlook as fact or experiences either. Nor does it mean you're dismissing other straight facts in the process.

Society plays just as large of a role in all of this as does physical attributes/genetics and I've noticed you've actually already stated that in your own way. We're a society that values normal looking people over the unique. Perfection over imperfection. And unfortunately, subconscious fertility desires has meddled along with it.

You said it yourself, you've settled. I get it... You're probably past no return unless you maybe and 'finally' receive positivity in your life, in order to restore faith; well, you have to welcome it then. You sometimes unknowingly turn it away being stuck in the negative nor is it fair to expect someone to be stronger for the both of you in order to shine some light on you. You have to at least grab onto an arm that is reaching out for you, not expect it to pull you up entirely.

There are plenty of women who feel exactly the same way. Shouldn't that be enough to sway some of this thinking? Or are we just focusing on certain hard facts instead? If we ignore the resentment and look past ourselves and the weight that society bears on us for being a certain gender and the problems that come along with it, the faster we can get over ourselves and feel less like we're excluded or not validated.

Either way, I'm very sorry you've been over-looked for so long and from the sounds of it I know you aren't here for pity or advice. So, please excuse my need to express my views. I just sincerely hope you find strength or receive something that restores any faith in you that gives you some other purpose other than wanting to end it all. Best of luck despite the lack there-of in areas that would normally give you a different purpose worthy of living.

 

[Usvic1]

I read through your thread. And one thing I can actually point out is that of "self understanding"

 

[ITellYouHhwut]

It sounded like you'd been reading The Bell Curve, since it's pretty much the manual for Alt-right inspired racism and IQ theory at the moment. 

As  a man you have to ask dozens of women out before society considers you to have even tried. It sucks. I haven't done that either. I've only asked out about 5 women in my life.

I just saw this, and would like to reply. But I don’t want to get hung up on this subject here. Perhaps if you’d like, you can PM me, and we can discuss this subject in private.....or not, if you’re not interested. 

But just some quick thoughts on the subject - I’ve never read The Bell Curve, but I know about it, and I understand the main thesis of it. There is nothing “alt-right” about that book. It is merely a scientific book about a taboo subject. You can’t just chock all talk of the realities of racial differences up to “racism” or “far right extremism”, or “white supremacy”. As a white male, it’s funny to me how that mentality works, and I will also say, it is purely a mentality of white westerners, because most races in the world are very ethnocentric, and very keen on upholding their in-group’s interests. I would argue, in fact, that the least ethnocentric of all the races is the white race. Compared to the other races throughout the world, whites are very low on consciousness of their racial identity, and very prone to allowing foreigners to pour into their countries, undermine their cultures, and alter their societies at the expense of their own interests. Whites seem to uniquely celebrate their declining influence and their displacement in their own countries, and yet despite this general benevolence that seems to be unique to white societies and peoples, we are seemingly uniquely unallowed to speak on behalf of our own interests, and the very second a white person attempts to do so, no matter how respectful or professional their demeanor, it is branded as a manifestation of “white supremacy”. Meanwhile, virtually all other races are endorsed and encouraged to openly and vocally advocate for their own interests as a people. This is the real racism as far as I’m concerned. You’re holding whites to a separate set of standards than you are people of other races. Hence, why black, hispanic, and asian advocacy groups are embraced and lauded by the mainstream, but any kind of white advocacy group, no matter its composition or message, is instantly deemed “white supremacist” without even a second glance or thought. It’s actually mind blowing how upside down this whole thing is. Well, if I get called “racist” for wanting to preserve my own heritage and culture, then so be it. I know what is in my own mind, it has nothing to do with racism, or hating others who aren’t like me. It’s just about realizing how the future doesn’t look great for people of my lot, and wanting to secure a brighter future for my descendants. If you call that “racist”, well I guess you’ll just have to think that.

 

[SpectraApocalypse]

Thank you for being the first person Ive seen to actually say this. Ive been wanting to say this for a long time now but didnt know how exactly to word it.

 

[Finished]

Hmmm. I just saw this thread.

It's kin to the thread I started. It's getting many of the same empty responses.

https://www.alonelylife.com/showthread.php?tid=40702

Maybe my experiences aren't so unique.

 

[VinityValswon]

thing is, beauty is subjective.

 

[Finished]

^ Not really. Just type attractive people in a web search and see what comes up. Definitely none of us. The men are tall, dark, and handsome. The women are slim, blonde, and fair complected with great makeup. I.E. Ken and Barbie.

Now, different people are willing to settle for lesser amounts of some traits because most people aren't Ken and Barbie. However, when you are the opposite of Ken and Barbie you are basically screwed.

 

[VinityValswon]

^ Not really. Just type attractive people in a web search and see what comes up. Definitely none of us. The men are tall, dark, and handsome. The women are slim, blonde, and fair complected with great makeup. I.E. Ken and Barbie.

Now, different people are willing to settle for lesser amounts of some traits because most people aren't Ken and Barbie. However, when you are the opposite of Ken and Barbie you are basically screwed.

Type attractive people in another language and you will find different standards of beauty. Beauty is subjective because it is defined by so many factors. But one thing is for sure, the beauty standards in Brazil will differ to the beauty standards in China. For example, it is considered very attractive for woman to have large bottoms in Brazil whereas in places like China, that would be considered highly unattractive. To simplify my explanation, one person may claim the colour red is more beautiful than the colour green and argue that because most people consider the colour red to be more beautiful he/she is right. But consensus does not equate to truth as the majority of people can also be wrong. Therefore, if we are talking about beauty standards existing, then yes they exist, but these standards are all subjective rather than objective. Who can truly say what is definitively right or wrong when their perception of reality is always governed by a bias humanistic filter. If you were born in the 1950s, your beauty standards would be different to how they are now perhaps. There are many factors. But the key thing here is to not to look at things from just the surface but rather analyse the internal structure that has built our opinions from a very young age. Only then, we may break free from the shackles of bias logic only to uncover the fractures of a limited mindset.

 

[priscella]

Beautiful posting---thank you...priscella..

 

[Xpendable]

Racial differences don't account for "subjetivity". Symmetry is the basis of attractiveness, not standards. A Chinese person considered beautiful is beautiful in the same way an african person is: Symmetrical features according to their racial phenotype. That two people look different doesn't mean they aren't symmetrical. Having tastes doesn't disprove objective beauty, because there're more than one way in which beauty manifest. But everything is sustained by symmetry.