So I'm always wondering what the purpose of my life is. Not life in general, but my own personal existence. I want to have one of those It's A Wonderful Life experiences where I get to see how things would be if I were never born. I don't really expect much to have changed. My parents would be a heck of a lot richer without the costs of a child. The county would be a few hundred dollars poorer without my speeding tickets. All the random e-mail servers on which I have an account would have one less account hogging up valuable disk space. Life isn't all that fun or interesting anymore. It's the same old thing week after week, month after month. My emotional state is very much like a sine wave. I live life basically seeking out the next crest, trying to get out of the current trough. Once I hit a crest, I always start falling to the next trough. The descent is generally over a couple days. Then I hit the trough and wait until the point when the next crest arrives. The ascent is much more rapid than the descent. The cyclic nature of my emotions brings me back to one single hope. That as the song states, there's gotta be more to life than chasing down every temporary high to satisfy me. So far I haven't figured out exactly what that more is, though I do believe I know what or rather who that something is. To find that special someone that would be willing to take a chance on me, to give me a chance at all the wonderful emotions that I have only dreamed about feeling. Feelings that I am constantly reminded of from seeing other people, from movies and T.V. The entertainment media has been good in preparing me for all the things I should not be doing. In actuality it strikes me as pretty obvious yet somehow so many guys seem to not get it. It's a shame that the spirit within is trapped in the physical body that it is. I think society would be a whole lot different if it was just a bunch of spirits floating about. Then there would be nothing to compare people against but the spirit itself. Who and what the spirit is would be the most important thing, not things that people have no control over. Perhaps this fantasy land doesn't exist, or perhaps this fantasy land is called heaven. I'm not sure exactly if I believe in heaven or not, I just know that for one reason or another I'm probably not destined to go there. I'm probably destined to go to the underworld. Or perhaps I'm already there. Maybe I've already kicked the bucket and now this life is my eternal punishment. Reminds me of the little mermaid. All she wanted to do was be part of the human world. I'm not really a fan of it, nor have I ever seen it, but the song expresses a strong desire. The same desire I feel when I see other people, normal people
I wanna be where the people are
I wanna see
Wanna see 'em dancin'
Walkin' around on those
(Whad'ya call 'em?) oh - feet
Up where they walk
Up where they run
Up where they stay all day in the sun
Wanderin' free
I wanna be where the people are
I wanna see
Wanna see 'em dancin'
Walkin' around on those
(Whad'ya call 'em?) oh - feet
Up where they walk
Up where they run
Up where they stay all day in the sun
Wanderin' free
One more for ya..are ya ready? I reserve these for special people
