This hurts so incredibly much

[Hope_Reigns]

I'm trying to get my bf to talk through our problems..I know full well I may be screwed regardless, but regardless of how things end up I think finding out what went wrong in the first place is important.

It's so so hard for me though...the thought of never being with him again just rips me to shreds. Physical pain as well as emotional. My heart still 100% feels we were meant to be. He's been my best friend for 9 years and we've always loved each other, and still do.

A couple of months ago we were talking forever, kids, wedding, the whole thing..I don't know what happened. I mean yeah relationships go through ups and downs, things get talked out and resolved and life goes on..but there was no talk, there was no resolving of anything, it went from him saying he was happy, to silence, to basic split.

I've loved before him, I've loved very much before him, but never, ever had I had that 'the one' feeling before him..and my faceless dream of the future ..it has his face now..maybe you don't know what I mean but it's really hard sometimes to word feelings and thoughts.

When things are good with him and I they're just..incredible, that perfect couple that you can't tell where one ends and the other begins..but..he shuts down when there's a problem, and things just fall until he feels there's no turning back.

I'm trying my hardest to try and get him to talk, to resolve whatever problems there are..just to find out if we could find our way back. I pray that we can, but I don't know.

Right now I'm just trying to hold together as best I can, it's hard cause..I've never hurt this deeply before ever..it literally is hard to breathe at times. I want my family, I want my future, I want the man of my dreams back.. I feel like part of my soul is being ripped away.

Sorry for my ramble, I just needed to get this out. I didn't do it well, half is understatement cause I don't know the words to express how I'm feeling in its entirety.. I just really don't know how to handle this. I committed to him heart and soul and I don't take that lightly. I truly offered him the full meaning of forever and meant it with every part of my being.

I feel sick, going to try and get a bit of sleep.

 

[Skorian]

I hope just sharing it helps

 

[Lonesome Crow]

I hope you feel a little better after you get rest.
Please try to eat also.

I sort of felt the sameway with my ex-gf. We were togehter for
almost 12 years. But she totally just abandent me menatlly and
emotionally. Even to this day i still struggle a little bit becuase
i feel if thou the relationship is un resolved becuase of lack of
communications. Whatever problems they were are not being
resolved or addressed .It feels like there's no releaf or a pain that can't be resolved.

For the past 3 years I struggled to come to terms with her alcoholism.
I've never knew her when she was a drunk...I didn't know how crazy she could get.
She relapsed 3-4 years ago..and it's been a total nightmair or a living hell since.
I love her so, so much. Yeah...like you said...I wanted
my GF back...not some crazy numb heartless person that came into our lives.
I wanted our loving home back. i wanted our loving relationship
back. Yeah..we had hopes and dreams of just raising children.
It wasn't too much to asked for..it wasn't like i wanted to rule the world.
Just like you i figure...there's ups and downs in a realtionship
but never like this. It hurts so fucken bad...there's not really a word
I can use to discribe it. I wish no one to feel that way or had to go through
that. At one piont in our lives people use to tell us all the time that
they wanted what we had...The way we loved each other and cared
about each other. It was like that for the first 7 years of our relationship.
Not in a million years did I ever imagined she and I
couldn't see things though together...it's like my life had been truned
upside down. It's really hard for me to accept things will never be
the same.

I don't know if I can fully understand what you're feeling or are
going though. I myself didn't think anyone would understand me
nor cared..or would even bother listening to me.

Yeah.write, keep reaching out. Take care of your self being through
these trouble times...

 

[SilentThinker]

What causes the split?

You two seems like going quite well.

 

[Hope_Reigns]

Things were going well, then he wanted more him time, to go out with friends or play games. Which I happily would've given him, but he didn't bother to ask me or talk about it. He just fell silent and shut down. I only found out what he wanted after he said it was too late. He'd just assumed I wouldn't want to give it to him :/ Since then I've been working my butt off trying to get him to talk out our problems so we can resolve them if possible.

Right now he admits he'll love me forever, he just doesn't want us a couple. He's agreed to talk, I just hope he does so with an open mind or nothing will get resolved at all and there will be no chance..at least for ages and I'm getting too old to keep putting my life on hold while he sorts himself out. But I don't know how to move on when I still love him so much either.. rock, meet hard place

 

[Lonesome Crow]

err..how dose he mean he dosn't want you as a couple ?
You said you been together or seeing him for 9 years.
That's bascailly legally married where I live, if you're living together.

What dose he means by going out and play games ?
Chase other women ?
What the heck is he really saying...that you're an insurance.
Or why commit if he's getting what he wants from you...(sex),
or you're always going be there for him to pick up the pieces to
support him mentally and emotionally when his honeysuckle hits the fan ?

And where is he...when you need him ?
Why do you have to go to such lenght or try so hard just for someone to care about you ?
Belive me, I had to ask myself the same questions over and over again.

Anyone can easliy say they love someone...Caring and cherishing for someone ..is where true love really is...Walking the talk.

Plenty of people in this world have a relationship and have hobbies
Work , love and play...Why the heck would a person need to shut off emotionally if he was going to ride a motorcycle or whatever the heck
toys, watch ball games, play golf or hobbies men get into.

I mean...ask yourself a simple question...what's so difficult and
why would there be a problem or mellow dramma if you just spent an afternoon hanging out with your GF ?

I can only speak from my experince..My ex-gf havn't sort herself
out yet after all these years. Yep...I felt I've put my life on hold
after all these years and at the end...I'm back to where I started
before she even came into my life...but worst...I'm older now
and a little tired. I sometimes felt like the best part of my life
had gone by. And I hated myself more for beliving all the lies.

I saw all the signs....it was too simple, but I didn't want to see
i or belive it for years...yep..Love is Blinde. (LIVING IN DENIAL)
I was totally emotionally attached to her. And my decisions
making wasn't too healthy for me. There was always something
or some problems she was having...I lost myself in the process.

yeah..i never knew how to move on without her.
A part of me will always love her but I love myself a thousand times
more. I deserve better.

 

[SilentThinker]

Misunderstanding normally occurs.I guess a good heart to heart talk would make things better.