Tired of pretending?

[Alyvamp]

Do you ever just get so tired and worn down from pretending that you're "fine", to other people and even yourself. I have a constant battle in my head over how I feel - "normal" or "crazy" and it just drains me to the point where I feel like I should just give in and let the "crazy" win. But the thought of telling anyone how I really feel is unbearable...

Anyone else feel like this? How do you deal with it?

 

[VeganAtheist]

It might seem like you are hiding it but most likely, someone is noticing.

I was approached by a co-worker recently asking if I was depressed. He even asked if I was going to commit suicide, though I think he was partially joking. I thought I was hiding it well. It's not like I go everywhere with my head hanging low. I thought I was acting "normal". People see through the mask. It's transparent.

It isn't worth it to pretend. It is more energy and stress. Most likely, you will find support if you let people know how you feel.

 

[Mr.YellowCat]

I do feel like that almost on a daily basis. Unless I´m overstating it, maybe I am, I dont know.
And I do not know how to deal with it really. Maybe being yourself when you are alone, but still, you can be all alone all the time.

I´m sorry you feel that way, I hope that you get to meet people that will help you, and you wont have to pretend no more.

 

[silver birch leaves]

I'd say I pretend to be fine most of the time, unless I'm with someone who really cares and understands, but only when I'm sure I don't make them worry too much. If there is no such person around, I try to forget and distract myself with work or studying.

 

[ladyforsaken]

Most times, Aly.. most times.

 

[Tiina63]

I pretend pretty much all of the time as well. It is so painful to feel that the 'real you' is not acceptable or is 'too much.'

 

[Peaches]

tired, tired and tired. I had enough. I will be crazy. I will be "unsuitable". Can't get much more lonely than this, anyway.

 

[silver birch leaves]

...

 

[stuff4096]

I know that feeling all too well Aly. You pretty much have described what I go through on a daily basis. It would be so wonderful to stop putting on that happy mask but I cannot imagine anyone truly knows how dark my thoughts really are, nor do I expect happy or normal people to understand

I wish I had something thought provoking to answer question about how to deal with it. I have not found any way myself. Usually something distracts me temporarily but I ultimately end up back in the darkness. I do hope you have better luck in dealing with it though

 

[Tealeaf]

Well, there's a nice comfy bed, plenty of movies, and good food to come home to...

Not that it changes what goes on during the day or the fear that people will see through it, but it helps to think of a point in the near future when I don't have to worry. A "break" where it doesn't matter what does or doesn't show.

 

[Tiina63]

1. Often it seems like the choice is to pretend to be happy and be accepted by others or to drop the mask and be rejected and alone.
2. Sometimes the mask becomes part of us after wearing it for so many years, even though it isn't us.
3. Do you often feel that you are the only person who feels forced to pretend? Intellectually I know that I am not, but emotionally I feel that I am.

 

[LonelySutton]

1. Often it seems like the choice is to pretend to be happy and be accepted by others or to drop the mask and be rejected and alone. 2. Sometimes the mask becomes part of us after wearing it for so many years, even though it isn't us. 3. Do you often feel that you are the only person who feels forced to pretend? Intellectually I know that I am not, but emotionally I feel that I am.

All of these. I feel like I am forced to pretend all the time. And even with the mask I am rather rejected. But I know it would be worse if I was just myself.

I watched the movie "Frozen" last night. I had heard so much about it and the song "let it go": now I feel like that song hits such a cord with people because it is basically the character Elsa who has been hiding herself for years... letting go and being herself .... to do this, she has to be alone. To be 100% myself... I would likely have to completely isolate myself. The movie goes on to suggest the Elsa doesn't have to that and everyone likes her ... yada yada... but that isn't my experience in this world.

 

[VanillaCreme]

Sometimes I wish that people would adapt the idea of: What you see is what you get, and if you don't want to see it, then you don't get it.

Shame some people feel the need to hide or pretend. Some pretty cool peoples out there, and most of us will never know because there's this bag of bullshit social standard for everything. Just be yourself. Who cares who doesn't like it... If someone likes the facade, I wouldn't even bother with them.