Trapped in thinking, unable to express

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sniffles

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I had created an account on this site not long ago, hoping to write something to put my thoughts out there, but I have felt stuck not knowing what to write or how. And the moment I do write something down, I start deleting it and thinking, what's the point in saying that? Someone will just disagree with it anyway. I am stuck in never ending thinking and end up unable to express myself, or not taking any action. Alas I finally had an epiphany to try to write whatever comes out from the top of my head to try and get over this hurdle, and even make this problem the topic.

I had always thought I was better at written communication because it gave me the time to think about what I wanted to say. When speaking with people I usually end up not saying anything at all as it takes too long for me to think about the right thing to say, or to come up with anything to say at all. But I've realised the problem is actually even worse with writing as I'm trying to come up with the perfect thing to say, but my ideas are never good enough to be written down.

This is probably one of the reasons I feel lonely, even when around other people. Either I don't feel comfortable speaking my mind to people because I don't feel there's someone that can be trusted. Or it's all my own problem not being able to formulate words and sentences that can convey something meaningful, making it feel like no one understands me.

Do other people have a similar problem? Or do people find it easy for words to flow from their brain to their fingertips or talking to people?
 
Welcome to the forum :)

I am sorry that you are having difficulties expressing yourself. I know how isolating that can feel.

My best advice is practice. Add something small to a conversation, and then add some more. It's hard to be sure what to expect from other people, but I guess the answer is to expect nothing. Do it for you.
 
You have some classic writer's block symptoms, though likely psychologically deeper than typical cases. You're trying to write and express yourself, but you're thinking about how people will react as you're typing, which makes you distrust everything that you're typing. So you abandon ship in frustration. I've had this happen to me as well many times. That "internal editor" is actually a good thing once it calms down, but when it's going crazy paranoid or overly critical, it will just keep snuffing everything out that you type. It took me a while to find a happy medium between that "little voice" and my typing/writing stream. I started out safely. As ridiculous as it sounds, I once needed to build confidence to say something even as simple as "yes, I think Abbey Road is better than Let It Be." I just kept imagining all of the criticism that people would throw at me and it drowned my thoughts.. But what I found out over time is that a few people really criticized me, but they were exceptions. I also received positive feedback, which I could balance against the negative. Then my confidence grew and I began writing opinions on heavier subjects. You can get there, too. I know you can. You've already taken the first step.

Communication always involves a slight twinge of risk, but that's okay. The alternative is never to communicate, which doesn't seem very enjoyable or sustainable for social creatures. My experience with "getting things out there," which to date includes writing, music, comics, animation and a few short films, is that a few people will love it, some people will like it, some people will dislike it, a few people will hate it and the vast majority of people will remain completely indifferent. Once you see this pattern as an almost inevitable pattern of human communication, it starts to matter less. Not to mention that you can begin to whittle away the productive criticism from the unproductive criticism. I've received comments ranging everywhere from "this is without question the best album review I've ever read" to "this is without question the absolutely worst thing I've ever read." I've grown to consider such statements outliers and not always worth taking seriously, including the gushingly positive ones. I've also had mean, nasty comments, but upon looking closer at them, they weren't constructive. It will happen, but it's just a part of the process.

I say type and embrace the responses you get, whether positive or negative. Learn from the constructive responses and ignore the ridiculous ones. Don't give up, just keep going and learn from experience. This forum is a pretty safe place to start (though occasionally a conversation can get nasty) and it's as anonymous as you want it to be. Low risk. So I would suggest just trying and maybe even ask for feedback from people. You can even write something out in advance, proof read it, alter it if you want, and post it after reviewing it. Over time, you'll get more used to it and build confidence. What you're going through is perfectly natural, but only taking the plunge and gaining some experience will probably help you out of it.
 
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Do other people have a similar problem? Or do people find it easy for words to flow from their brain to their fingertips or talking to people?

Yes i have a similar problem. I prefer to keep my mouth shut. I have to analyze every letter before i text, email, or comment here or offline to the morons in my circle. Online and offline everyone around me gets easily triggered by anything. One wrong letter or word and i'm in trouble. Online if someone disagrees with me it doesn't have any impact on me. Offline dealing with easily triggered idiots wears me out. That's why i prefer not do email, text, or talk. As much as loneliness gets to me, i have to stay away from others for my own health. Others send me hurtful texts and tell me hurtful things. I'm supposed to tolerate their crap. When i disagree and confront them i'm the bad guy. Someone actually made me cry because of hurtful words she said for no reason at all. It bothers me that i have to analyze every letter and word but others say whatever and i'm supposed to tolerate it and agree with them.
 
I think I can very much relate to what you've said in your posts. I may not have anything to add to help you at this very moment but I'd stick for now to what Abstamyous said about simply expecting nothing and doing it for you. Also, as ewomack mentioned it's a relatively safe place to start.
 
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I have similar issues, sometimes. It didn't use to be this bad, though, it's been worse in the last say, 10-15 years or so. People have changed. I don't know when exactly it happened or what caused it, but, as OP stated, you can no longer express an opinion without people trying to berrate you into thinking differently. Which, you know, would be fine...if the vast majority of people in the world weren't utter tarts. So many issues right now only exist because of the ego or obtuseness of others it defies rational thinking. You can't even discuss it anymore...
So I isolate. And wait for people to get in touch back with me and tell me I was right. And I hate it. Every. ****. Time. I keep thinking about when I was a kid. I wasnt supposed to be THIS smart. I knew so many people smarter than me, wiser than me, older than me. It hurts me and enrages me every time someone ends up after the fact admitting to me that I was right. As if I get any kind of pleasure out of it. ☹️
So, I find it easier to not say anything and limit my contacts. It makes for a miserable existence though.
 
Can definitely relate, even though i feel that i express myself better in writing, I just feel it's better to not say anything sometimes and just be a passive observer I guess?
I have similar issues, sometimes. It didn't use to be this bad, though, it's been worse in the last say, 10-15 years or so. People have changed. I don't know when exactly it happened or what caused it, but, as OP stated, you can no longer express an opinion without people trying to berrate you into thinking differently. Which, you know, would be fine...if the vast majority of people in the world weren't utter tarts. So many issues right now only exist because of the ego or obtuseness of others it defies rational thinking. You can't even discuss it anymore...
So I isolate. And wait for people to get in touch back with me and tell me I was right. And I hate it. Every. ****. Time. I keep thinking about when I was a kid. I wasnt supposed to be THIS smart. I knew so many people smarter than me, wiser than me, older than me. It hurts me and enrages me every time someone ends up after the fact admitting to me that I was right. As if I get any kind of pleasure out of it. ☹️
So, I find it easier to not say anything and limit my contacts. It makes for a miserable existence though.

Basically this line right here "you can no longer express an opinion without people trying to berrate you into thinking differently".

I also remember having a really bad experience interacting in fandoms where having or stating an opinion that differs from the majority means you can be bullied off the platform and permanently labelled as a "bad person, don't interact, block them." Some people out there just seem so quick to judge and make very damning assumptions about others.

Sorry for the rant, this thread just sort of brought out some unpleasant memories.
 
It does not matter who you are, rich, famous, powerful or poor and shy. Anything that you say, can offend someone, somewhere, sometime.

Better to just speak your mind. Say what you like, and like what you have said. Likewise, if you have difficulty in conversation, tell people, and good people will help.

Likewise, if someone disagrees with your opinions, or is disrespectful about your writings. Do not despair or become overly sensitive. Instead, enjoy the debate, find fun in the exchange of opinion. Obviously, if they are a jerk, best ignore them or move onto another topic.

But please, share whatever occurs, speak your mind.
 
I can't say I'm better in writing but I prefer it.
I don't have problems in finding words but I always think if anybody is interested in what i'm going to say(to write). If I speak I begin to think about my voice. how terrible it should be, if I write I begin to worry about misspelling, missing punctation and so on.
So I am afraid to answer or to make a thread. I often write and delete, I realize that a problem is quite a common. I try to deal with it.

Just remember, that there always will be people who don't like you as you are not a copper coin(as we say here, don't know how it's right to say in English). And it's OK. Some people can get offended, some can offend you, sometimes it happens when nobody means anything bad, just because what one write and what other read is not always the same. There are also people who hate everybody and everything. But it's not your's fault (and maybe even not their's).The big positive thing about internetis that you can just ignore such people. It's quite safe here, on-line(unless you tell your card's CVC))

But there are also a lot of nice people, so I think it's worth to try. And practise can help a little.
 

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