Under the Lord

[CenotaphGirl]

We are not allowed to debate religion so this is not a debate but an honest account.

I spent a while sitting here typing a rant, full of rage, offering nothing but anger. Whilst doing that I was listening to a street preacher debating. Before I knew it I was compelled to stop and look to god.

I have been fighting with god on and off for years… but today marks the end of that battle. I was fighting due to lust, sexual freedom, anger towards men and ultimately anger towards myself.

After being forced to live among men I conjured a deep hatred. The hatred I feel for men is so strong it became all consuming, I actually started to wish death on some, and pain and suffering.

The lord had other plans for me, he wants me to relinquish the hatred and forgive my trespassers. I am not strong enough to do this on my own.

So I hand myself over to god today as a Christian. I wish no ill will to any, and to any i’ve hurt I hope they find peace and acceptance in this life and eventually the next.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Sounds like the start of a 12 step program. Not mocking you in the slightest. Maybe the 12 steps would be some value to you. If you don't know them, maybe take a look.

 

[user 139760]

Have a drink. It'll pass
(Unlike her above, I AM mocking you. Work on your situation. If you're waiting for Jeesus to do it for you, you're going to wait a while...
Try ditching your tresspassers first. You can forgive them afterwards)

 

[TropicalStarfish]

funky

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Sounds like the start of a 12 step program. Not mocking you in the slightest. Maybe the 12 steps would be some value to you. If you don't know them, maybe take a look.

Think I need 10000 steps honestly, if each step brings me closer to god then thats the best I can hope for.

Have a drink. It'll pass
(Unlike her above, I AM mocking you. Work on your situation. If you're waiting for Jeesus to do it for you, you're going to wait a while...
Try ditching your tresspassers first. You can forgive them afterwards)

Please don’t mock me kind Richard, it’s this or no life at all, I cant hate anyone anymore it hurts too much, it actually exhausts me, so here I am under the lord for the ultimate guidance.

 

[Cherubino]

I saw that many Christians are genuinely happy (e.g. Billy Graham) because of their love but unfortunately their knowledge is limited because they are confined to the Bible teachings ... it's a pity to miss so many precious things (sex first of all ) in this life and in this Universe ... you can have both love and knowledge by philosophy and you Brits gave the last great philosopher of humankind which it happens to be easily readable as well https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Bertrand_Russell

However I chose to keep a faith in God from this guy although his main works are unreadable https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Immanuel_Kant

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I saw that many Christians are genuinely happy (e.g. Billy Graham) because of their love but unfortunately their knowledge is limited because they are confined to the Bible teachings ... it's a pity to miss so many precious things (sex first of all ) in this life and in this Universe ... you can have both love and knowledge by philosophy and you Brits gave the last great philosopher of humankind which it happens to be easily readable as well https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Bertrand_Russell

However I chose to keep a faith in God from this guy although his main works are unreadable https://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/Immanuel_Kant

I have always believed true religion embraces questions, curiosity and exploration. Genuinely I feel like the lord saved my life yesterday, I feel like I see the truth. I need to forgive my trespassers

 

[Cherubino]

indeed events like this are the REAL miracles ... I just can't deal with fairy tale miracles like you women getting pregnant without our male semen ... you need our .... as we need your ... (well I'm a kitty worshiper)

anyway if you chose Christianity here's the greatest sermon since the Last Supper ... also Happy Easter!

 

[Sir Joseph]

So I hand myself over to god today as a Christian. I wish no ill will to any, and to any i’ve hurt I hope they find peace and acceptance in this life and eventually the next.

Welcome to the family that matters most Cenotaphgirl - God's church family. Don't expect unbelievers here to understand or praise your decision to follow Jesus, but your confession of faith has warmed my heart on this significant Easter morning.

What you may not realize now is just how much you have to learn and grow, and at the beginning a person can be overwhelmed with questions or deciding what to do next. Please know that I am here to encourage and support you any way I can. With so many Bible versions, messed up churches, false teachings, and countless cultural issues to deal with, where does one start? Why don't you tell me what interests or concerns you most right now and I'll be glad to help you with your walk of faith.

You can message me personally if you like or keep this religious thread public, whichever you prefer. Know though that I generally come here just once a week on Sundays.

 

[TheSkaFish]

We are not allowed to debate religion so this is not a debate but an honest account.

I spent a while sitting here typing a rant, full of rage, offering nothing but anger. Whilst doing that I was listening to a street preacher debating. Before I knew it I was compelled to stop and look to god.

I have been fighting with god on and off for years… but today marks the end of that battle. I was fighting due to lust, sexual freedom, anger towards men and ultimately anger towards myself.

After being forced to live among men I conjured a deep hatred. The hatred I feel for men is so strong it became all consuming, I actually started to wish death on some, and pain and suffering.

The lord had other plans for me, he wants me to relinquish the hatred and forgive my trespassers. I am not strong enough to do this on my own.

So I hand myself over to god today as a Christian. I wish no ill will to any, and to any i’ve hurt I hope they find peace and acceptance in this life and eventually the next.

I guess it's a fitting day for this, as it was Good Friday when you posted it.

Personally, I've struggled with believing in the supernatural. I haven't really seen much evidence or felt much of a presence of it in my life (there were a few "maybe's", but I don't know for sure). Although, I hope I'm wrong, and it does in fact exist, particularly the part about life after death. Sometimes I wish I could convince myself that it does in fact exist, and I envy those who feel it does. I wish that I could I feel that reassurance, that peace of mind from feeling like the next world exists and that no one is gone forever, and I just have to live my life while I wait to see them again, but that we will in fact see each other again one day.

But I've felt intense anger at people before, to the point where I just scream and swear and twitch. I know it's not quite the same thing, but still it's not a good place to be. If this helps you, I'm for it. If you feel like it's true, that's fine. I don't know, I suppose it's possible.

And I have to say that, supernatural or not, Jesus and his teachings were ahead of their time, and a force for civilization. He told people about peace, kindness and warmth, and that there was a better way than might makes right, survival of the fittest, natural selection, Darwinian competition - that there is something higher and better than the cold, cruel, cynical bully philosophy - and the idea that there is a better way, is one I agree with very much, and think is sorely lacking in the world today.

Either way, I hope this will turn out to be a good change for you.

 

[okidoke]

…… Don't expect unbelievers here to understand or praise your decision to follow Jesus……

I’m an atheist, but I have no issue with anyone following any faith if it brings them comfort, as long as it’s not affecting anyone else negatively.

I wish you well Ceno

 

[CenotaphGirl]

indeed events like this are the REAL miracles ... I just can't deal with fairy tale miracles like you women getting pregnant without our male semen ... you need our .... as we need your ... (well I'm a kitty worshiper)

anyway if you chose Christianity here's the greatest sermon since the Last Supper ... also Happy Easter!

Thank you, that was not what I expected, very powerful.

Welcome to the family that matters most Cenotaphgirl - God's church family. Don't expect unbelievers here to understand or praise your decision to follow Jesus, but your confession of faith has warmed my heart on this significant Easter morning.

What you may not realize now is just how much you have to learn and grow, and at the beginning a person can be overwhelmed with questions or deciding what to do next. Please know that I am here to encourage and support you any way I can. With so many Bible versions, messed up churches, false teachings, and countless cultural issues to deal with, where does one start? Why don't you tell me what interests or concerns you most right now and I'll be glad to help you with your walk of faith.

You can message me personally if you like or keep this religious thread public, whichever you prefer. Know though that I generally come here just once a week on Sundays.

Awh thank you so much, this means a lot to me. I understand a lot of people on here think everything I go through is funny so I am sure its me they mock and not religion which is fine.

I feel like I need to change, believe the truth presented to me and turn my back on sin and behaviours.

My concern is my hate, it blinds me at times and removes me from god, I just want to be able to forgive that which I find almost unforgivable.

Also my concern is modelling, can I still model and be a Christian I just don't know.

I guess it's a fitting day for this, as it was Good Friday when you posted it.

Personally, I've struggled with believing in the supernatural. I haven't really seen much evidence or felt much of a presence of it in my life (there were a few "maybe's", but I don't know for sure). Although, I hope I'm wrong, and it does in fact exist, particularly the part about life after death. Sometimes I wish I could convince myself that it does in fact exist, and I envy those who feel it does. I wish that I could I feel that reassurance, that peace of mind from feeling like the next world exists and that no one is gone forever, and I just have to live my life while I wait to see them again, but that we will in fact see each other again one day.

But I've felt intense anger at people before, to the point where I just scream and swear and twitch. I know it's not quite the same thing, but still it's not a good place to be. If this helps you, I'm for it. If you feel like it's true, that's fine. I don't know, I suppose it's possible.

And I have to say that, supernatural or not, Jesus and his teachings were ahead of their time, and a force for civilization. He told people about peace, kindness and warmth, and that there was a better way than might makes right, survival of the fittest, natural selection, Darwinian competition - that there is something higher and better than the cold, cruel, cynical bully philosophy - and the idea that there is a better way, is one I agree with very much, and think is sorely lacking in the world today.

Either way, I hope this will turn out to be a good change for you.

Thank you Ska honestly, I never chose this life, it chose me. I was really deep into my rant about men, bottle of peach vodka between my legs, and no glasses as I intended to just drink from the bottle until I blacked out. But I was compelled to stop.

I think I feel more, sadness for anyone who believes we are here by mistake or an accident, as even skeptics become believers in the end, not one has ever said they have never asked god for help, they have all said “please god” at a love ones death bed, they prayed to the god that they don't believe in. They excuse it, say its comfort. Its an interesting way to be, I respect everyone's right to be how they choose

I’m an atheist, but I have no issue with anyone following any faith if it brings them comfort, as long as it’s not affecting anyone else negatively.

I wish you well Ceno

Thank you it is hard and uncomfortable to walk in persecution for both what you believe and what you don’t believe in

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

Despite my opposition to monotheism on a personal level, I do actually encourage people to go and find a form of spiritualism that works for them. As humans, I believe that we kind of innately know of something beyond ourselves, what that is differs from person to person, belief to belief, and so on and so forth. Christians have God, Sufis have Allah, Hindus have Shiva and Shakti, and Atheists have Science. No matter what we call it, I think that it's somewhat of the same, at least as far as we humans can correlate...and it's the lack of correlation part, the part we can't wrap our minds around, that I think causes debate, war, and most negativity thereof about it.

One of my exes a while back told me that she decided to go back to church, and to take her kids with her. She was kind of surprised that I supported the notion. But like I said, as humans we, kind of need that, "extra other" for a lack of a better way of putting it.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Despite my opposition to monotheism on a personal level, I do actually encourage people to go and find a form of spiritualism that works for them. As humans, I believe that we kind of innately know of something beyond ourselves, what that is differs from person to person, belief to belief, and so on and so forth. Christians have God, Sufis have Allah, Hindus have Shiva and Shakti, and Atheists have Science. No matter what we call it, I think that it's somewhat of the same, at least as far as we humans can correlate...and it's the lack of correlation part, the part we can't wrap our minds around, that I think causes debate, war, and most negativity thereof about it.

One of my exes a while back told me that she decided to go back to church, and to take her kids with her. She was kind of surprised that I supported the notion. But like I said, as humans we, kind of need that, "extra other" for a lack of a better way of putting it.

This is the thing, I cant agree with that view, if you deny Jesus… you deny everything I believe in, so it cant be the same thing.

I believe everyone knows deep down this life was no accident though, but they can try to convince themselves otherwise

 

[NoxApex(N/A)]

This is the thing, I cant agree with that view, if you deny Jesus… you deny everything I believe in, so it cant be the same thing.

I believe everyone knows deep down this life was no accident though, but they can try to convince themselves otherwise

I'm not in a debating mood, I'm actually, kinda happy for once, for the first time in a while. I am happy for you though.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I'm not in a debating mood, I'm actually, kinda happy for once, for the first time in a while. I am happy for you though.

Awh im not debating Apexie just saying my views. Religion debating is not allowed and I respect why. I’m so glad you are happy today I wish you so much more days like this, and light when you experience darkness

 

[Sir Joseph]

This is the thing, I cant agree with that view, if you deny Jesus… you deny everything I believe in, so it cant be the same thing.

I believe everyone knows deep down this life was no accident though, but they can try to convince themselves otherwise

Cenotaphgirl, for someone new to the faith, you display a surprising sense of understanding better than many professing Christians today - that all religions aren't the same, Jesus is the only way to God, and that we're not here by accident. That's not politically correct or culturally accepting these days, but such is the correct Biblical view. You can expect both unbelievers and believers to challenge such views, but know that there are abundant answers to defend the Bible's truths.

Having read only a few of your past posts, I don't know what anger or hurt dominates your life, but I can appreciate the difficulty in dealing with it. Over the years, I've found two excellent sermons dealing with the subject. Here's one I'd suggest is worth your time, from a great teacher/preacher. If it encourages you, then don't hesitate to watch it several times in the year ahead.



Concerning your modelling concerns, I would equate such a career with the TV, movie, music, sports, and other entertainment businesses that are dominated by secular culture. They're strife with ungodly people and immoral behavior, but not everyone shares the same values. There are in fact many Christians engaged in the pop culture, making a good living at it, even becoming quite famous, while holding true to their faith. Has not Tim Tebow demonstrated that a handsome, rich, famously successful football star can be an open, bold, Christian? Have not Olympian gold medal athletes Allyson Felix and Gabby Douglass used their winning stage platforms to publicly glorify God? Even the worst Hollywood industry has some outspoken Christian actors like Denzel Washington and Mark Wahlberg, as well as a growing film industry devoted entirely to faith based movies. Meanwhile, the music industry has boomed with famous Christian artists and country singers using their public stages to counter the secular cultural trends - to keep God in our lives. And finally, even famous supermodels like Kathy Ireland show that a beautiful face and body can be God's gift for a Christian to use.

To answer your concern, I'd suggest that a modelling career in and of itself is not morally wrong any more than the other societal careers listed above. But, within each field is good and bad to be found, and you must appreciate the reality that your beliefs and values will be different from the majority of others. You'll constantly be challenged to conform to the worldly views around you or to hold fast to your Biblical views. No matter where you are though, this is the case. Will you be weak in your faith, silent, and influenced wrongly by others, or will you be strong in your faith, bold, and purposed to be a Godly influence upon them?

In the end, a Christian's job should be used to glorify God. If God's given you the looks, talent, and opportunity to be a model, then I wouldn't reject it, but rather pray on how best to serve him with your work. Here's one of my favorite examples of this being done by outspoken Christian Carrie Underwood. On the night of the country music awards, she demonstrated well that a huge superstar singer with pretty, sexy looks can influence an audience of millions that Jesus is Lord, Savior, and worthy of praise. Just think how many admiring fans she may have influenced with that beauty and talent God gave her.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Cenotaphgirl, for someone new to the faith, you display a surprising sense of understanding better than many professing Christians today - that all religions aren't the same, Jesus is the only way to God, and that we're not here by accident. That's not politically correct or culturally accepting these days, but such is the correct Biblical view. You can expect both unbelievers and believers to challenge such views, but know that there are abundant answers to defend the Bible's truths.

Having read only a few of your past posts, I don't know what anger or hurt dominates your life, but I can appreciate the difficulty in dealing with it. Over the years, I've found two excellent sermons dealing with the subject. Here's one I'd suggest is worth your time, from a great teacher/preacher. If it encourages you, then don't hesitate to watch it several times in the year ahead.



Concerning your modelling concerns, I would equate such a career with the TV, movie, music, sports, and other entertainment businesses that are dominated by secular culture. They're strife with ungodly people and immoral behavior, but not everyone shares the same values. There are in fact many Christians engaged in the pop culture, making a good living at it, even becoming quite famous, while holding true to their faith. Has not Tim Tebow demonstrated that a handsome, rich, famously successful football star can be an open, bold, Christian? Have not Olympian gold medal athletes Allyson Felix and Gabby Douglass used their winning stage platforms to publicly glorify God? Even the worst Hollywood industry has some outspoken Christian actors like Denzel Washington and Mark Wahlberg, as well as a growing film industry devoted entirely to faith based movies. Meanwhile, the music industry has boomed with famous Christian artists and country singers using their public stages to counter the secular cultural trends - to keep God in our lives. And finally, even famous supermodels like Kathy Ireland show that a beautiful face and body can be God's gift for a Christian to use.

To answer your concern, I'd suggest that a modelling career in and of itself is not morally wrong any more than the other societal careers listed above. But, within each field is good and bad to be found, and you must appreciate the reality that your beliefs and values will be different from the majority of others. You'll constantly be challenged to conform to the worldly views around you or to hold fast to your Biblical views. No matter where you are though, this is the case. Will you be weak in your faith, silent, and influenced wrongly by others, or will you be strong in your faith, bold, and purposed to be a Godly influence upon them?

In the end, a Christian's job should be used to glorify God. If God's given you the looks, talent, and opportunity to be a model, then I wouldn't reject it, but rather pray on how best to serve him with your work. Here's one of my favorite examples of this being done by outspoken Christian Carrie Underwood. On the night of the country music awards, she demonstrated well that a huge superstar singer with pretty, sexy looks can influence an audience of millions that Jesus is Lord, Savior, and worthy of praise. Just think how many admiring fans she may have influenced with that beauty and talent God gave her.

Honestly I was raised catholic then my father turned to Christianity and I was angry because I wanted to sin. I wanted to be free to sin without the guilt. But thank you so much, it can be hard to follow because people hate me now, and i’ve always been less than liked but this hatred is new. They hate me for being a Christian, a normal Christian who sticks to the word and wont change it to suit my sins. I understand its somewhat due to Christians of the past. But believing has been the hardest thing I have ever done. I dont understand why I am forced to feel this way by others, but I will stand firm. I am against no others but I believe the only way is through Jesus and I wont co sign anything that challenges that.

The anger that dominates my life is caused by men, men have hurt me terribly, in ways unthinkable for literally no reason, i’ve tried to forgive but its so hard, but I know with Jesus I will have more of a chance.

I thought men were wild beasts, the feeling I get watching animals interact in the wild, is the feeling I get when I see men. Who are they going to attack next? Who are they going to bleed and destroy next? What a shocking and sad way to see men, what a sad way to have to live in fear of them.

I better lay down and stop thinking about this, it truly hurts my heart.

 

[Forgottendanfan]

I thought men were wild beasts, the feeling I get watching animals interact in the wild, is the feeling I get when I see men. Who are they going to attack next? Who are they going to bleed and destroy next? What a shocking and sad way to see men, what a sad way to have to live in fear of them.

Imagine if this was reversed and a male forum member was making comments of this nature about women. He'd probably be ousted from here, called a hateful "incel" and banned from the forum altogether.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Imagine if this was reversed and a male forum member was making comments of this nature about women. He'd probably be ousted from here, called a hateful "incel" and banned from the forum altogether.

Like I said you can easily ignore I am actually talking about my feelings after a traumatic event… so peace on to you and please leave me alone? Please I know its hard…