I'm feeling a bit of an ungrateful git.
The last couple of days have seen friends of old, materialise almost out of the blue. This morning, whilst walking the dog, we crossed paths with an old friend whom I haven't spoken to in perhaps 3 years. We stood in the middle of the road for a good 10-15 minutes chatting. It was good to see them, and know they are well. Yet, all the while I was thinking, I'm past this. And yet, I feel slightly ashamed of that feeling.
Late on, a random call came from another friend. Another good person, living a decent life, etc. But they live in work, I guess 60-70 hour weeks. And thus, we are in the phone having a very one sided conversation, as they could only offer work based conversation. Then they invited me to dinner. Another situation whereby I feel awful for having declined. But, a hour long call was really hard work maintaining, so imagine a few hours in person.
Then, my alcoholic friend turned up. We had some laughs as I recalled the earlier events of the day. Like old men do, we both moaned and laughed about the current political situation. But all too soon, we had the same reoccurring conversations, which a greater portion revolves around recruitment for drinking sessions.
I do feel so ungrateful, these days, I have shunned away most people, and so don't have many friends or people who show any interest. Yet, these good people were at least trying, and really didn't want anything in return, other than conversation. And somehow, I just don't have time for that, least not old conversation from years ago, or forced conversation, and definitely not repetitive conversation.
Yes, I am very extremely stressed. Kinda busy, in fits and starts. The relaxation of Covid regulations is bothering me, not specifically Covid, but more so people being everywhere again. A top of this, I have also been feeling the urge to become even more reclusive, everything just feels way too peopley. But none of this seems to justify my intolerance towards these people who in their own ways, care.
I do genuinely crave conversation, and want to hear about somebody's day, thoughts and musings. I do also genuinely care about these friends. Then, try as I might, the tide flows back in to remind me, I'm past them. And, I am an ungrateful git!
The last couple of days have seen friends of old, materialise almost out of the blue. This morning, whilst walking the dog, we crossed paths with an old friend whom I haven't spoken to in perhaps 3 years. We stood in the middle of the road for a good 10-15 minutes chatting. It was good to see them, and know they are well. Yet, all the while I was thinking, I'm past this. And yet, I feel slightly ashamed of that feeling.
Late on, a random call came from another friend. Another good person, living a decent life, etc. But they live in work, I guess 60-70 hour weeks. And thus, we are in the phone having a very one sided conversation, as they could only offer work based conversation. Then they invited me to dinner. Another situation whereby I feel awful for having declined. But, a hour long call was really hard work maintaining, so imagine a few hours in person.
Then, my alcoholic friend turned up. We had some laughs as I recalled the earlier events of the day. Like old men do, we both moaned and laughed about the current political situation. But all too soon, we had the same reoccurring conversations, which a greater portion revolves around recruitment for drinking sessions.
I do feel so ungrateful, these days, I have shunned away most people, and so don't have many friends or people who show any interest. Yet, these good people were at least trying, and really didn't want anything in return, other than conversation. And somehow, I just don't have time for that, least not old conversation from years ago, or forced conversation, and definitely not repetitive conversation.
Yes, I am very extremely stressed. Kinda busy, in fits and starts. The relaxation of Covid regulations is bothering me, not specifically Covid, but more so people being everywhere again. A top of this, I have also been feeling the urge to become even more reclusive, everything just feels way too peopley. But none of this seems to justify my intolerance towards these people who in their own ways, care.
I do genuinely crave conversation, and want to hear about somebody's day, thoughts and musings. I do also genuinely care about these friends. Then, try as I might, the tide flows back in to remind me, I'm past them. And, I am an ungrateful git!
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