Valentine's Day is starting to bring the monster out....

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Colster

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Awh Colester, that sounds super romantic 🥰 I don't wanna be alone, I almost cant be alone, but I'd hate to know I've hurt someone on a day that I hold special.
I appreciate that it's not the same, not even close. But we will all come onto the forum, and not anybody's face, and share our day.

Similarly, met up friends, or pick one of the random nutters on here, and maybe message them. Late night Zoom conference calls, featuring alcohol and chocolates.
 
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To take me on a date and spoil me with gifts.
Lets not forget her age vs our ages. Kids are taught to believe in Santa Claus and they enjoy Christmas. We are happy that they do. But, as kids grow up they learn the truths about Christmas.

Well, CenotaphGirl is a young women and still believes holidays are important and meaningful. Don't harsh her buzz. She has many years to learn life's truths. Ceno, you ARE pretty and should be pampered at this point in your life. If someone wants to treat you nice and buy you stuff on Valentines by all means let them do it. I assure they will enjoy spending time with you. I know I would.

CenotaphGirl, IMO, enjoy your youth and go out on a nice date and be treated well. This is not the time to listen to the elders. Have great memories and really enjoy yourself and the company of someone else before it's not so easy to do.
 

ringwood

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Valentine’s Day is a crock of shit. It’s a day guaranteed to generate needless guiit and sadness in millions of people AND brings in billions of dollars worldwide for business.

I’ve been with my husband for almost 20 years now and it was probably our first Valentine’s Day together we mutually decided NOT to ever celebrate it. And every year since then, we’ve happily enjoyed a guilt-free Valentine’s Day free of hugely over-priced flower bouquets and sacchrine-sweet sentiments.

Do yourself a favour and take yourself out on a ‘me’ day if you feel the irresistible urge to be pampered. Don’t use some poor schmuck for your own selfish emotional needs. Have some dignity and care for other people, woman!
 

TheRealCallie

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Here's an alternative suggestion. You keep saying how you and others want to be treated as special on this one particular day, so why not focus on the others? Go gift some socks to a homeless shelter, volunteer at a soup kitchen, give back something meaningful to people that will 1000% appreciate any person showing that they care. Now might be the time for you to focus on yourself, but not in selfish ways. It won't help you, it will only enable you to continue being what you admit you always have been.

EVERYONE changes, it's a fact of life. If you continue to fight it, not only will you not grow into a better person, you will be stuck living in the past and end up not having much of a future. This forum is full of those tales, do you want to be one of those?
 

TheSkaFish

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Now old CenotaphGirl would ignore my loneliness by relying on one of the guys that ask to take me out on a date all the time, to take me on a date and spoil me with gifts.

New CenotaphGirl has a new thing going, I am trying NOT to use anyone anymore, I'm trying to be a good person.

I can feel the urge coming back, I can feel myself justifying using someone, saying well at least he won't be alone this valentines day...

It's the one time of the year I want to be the opposite of a cheap date, I want to be wowed, surprised, romanced, you know?

I want roses and chocolates and teddies, to be taken to dinner, to be called beautiful, I wanna be treated like I matter, like all the rest of the girls on valentines day...

What do you all do to ignore Valentines Day loneliness? Is it that bad to go on a date, am I over thinking it? Is that still the same as using someone?

Well, I think the fact that you've recognized this, is a sign you're growing and maturing. And that's a good thing.

But yeah, I would say that it would still be using someone, to let someone ask you out on a date that you have no intentions of getting anywhere with, just to have Valentine's Day for Valentine's Day's sake. Please don't do that.

As for me, I've always been alone on Valentine's Day so it doesn't even register anymore. It's just another day to me. Feb 14, that's it and that's all. I barely even notice it coming and going anymore.

Like others have said, I think all that stuff is superficial. Instead of wanting to be "in" on Valentine's Day, I think it would be better to focus on making a meaningful connection with someone. And when Valentine's Day rolls around, you can have something to celebrate - as opposed to just doing Valentine's Day, for the sake of it.

Like - wait to celebrate the day, for when you have a romance worthy of celebration. Don't just get a relationship for the sake of celebrating Valentine's Day. Because if it's not even a real relationship then you're just going through the motions you know? It's not real romance. All the chocolates and roses and teddies, you're not really celebrating anything. You're just doing the things, it's just an illusion. It's not even what the day is supposed to be - it's meaningless.

Do you see what I mean?

I think the fact that you're thinking about it at all, instead of just using somebody, shows you're on the right track.
 
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TheRealCallie

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I just thought of something you posted before on the site. You are essentially doing exactly this, getting someone's hopes up when they really have no chance.

I think I even saw a story on a YouTuber with awful self-esteem, he got the girl of his dreams, but the incel environment was so poisonous, he lost her due to something he said in a podcast on women, and then.. he committed suicide after posting various videos crying and being depressed that he lost her.

So giving them a chance, is not always what's best for them in the sense you can turn into their whole world, and they have to learn to put up with other guys flirting with you right in front of them... this happens so much its almost just a part of life. If a guy has crushing low self-esteem that can be so hard, and even more damaging to them. I couldn't imagine it the other way round, I'd be so hurt if girls were approaching "my man", or wanting to see him.
 
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CenotaphGirl

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Lets not forget her age vs our ages. Kids are taught to believe in Santa Claus and they enjoy Christmas. We are happy that they do. But, as kids grow up they learn the truths about Christmas.

Well, CenotaphGirl is a young women and still believes holidays are important and meaningful. Don't harsh her buzz. She has many years to learn life's truths. Ceno, you ARE pretty and should be pampered at this point in your life. If someone wants to treat you nice and buy you stuff on Valentines by all means let them do it. I assure they will enjoy spending time with you. I know I would.

CenotaphGirl, IMO, enjoy your youth and go out on a nice date and be treated well. This is not the time to listen to the elders. Have great memories and really enjoy yourself and the company of someone else before it's not so easy to do.
Ugh thanks Rickyy you're the only one who has my back. I don't even want loads of stuff I just wanna feel Special thats all... aka I dont wanna feel like disregarded garbage. You know me better than most, so you get it. Others dont like valentines day, I get it, some people dont like their own birthday, but I love valentines day, I'm gonna be a skeleton one day, before that day comes I wanna enjoy myself but I refuse to be a user though... and there's the catch, I wonder if using people is always going to be an urge of mine, or if I will stop one day like I really want to.
 

TheSkaFish

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I don't even want loads of stuff I just wanna feel Special thats all... aka I dont wanna feel like disregarded garbage. ...I'm gonna be a skeleton one day, before that day comes I wanna enjoy myself

Not to be mean but that's exactly what I feel about relationships - I'm going to be a skeleton one day, so I think it's only right that I get to live while I'm alive. People say "life's not fair", but I say that's no justification - if life's not fair, then life's not right. I firmly believe that the fact that we're all going to die someday, means that we all deserve some baseline of joy, even if there's no way to get life to pay it. The way I see it, we've already paid for our happiness in advance.

I'm not even saying I want to be a famous gazillionaire with tons of wild sex with only the hottest women - just a regular romantic relationship, a real connection, that most people take for granted as one of the things you do in life, like learning to tie your shoes or ride a bike.

I feel like what I'm asking from life, is perfectly reasonable and not too much at all, especially seeing as how way worse people, and/or way dumber people, get way more than I have, for way less effort - just for random dumb luck. That's why being invalidated and dismissed as entitled, pisses me off so much.

Do you get it?
 
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CenotaphGirl

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Valentine’s Day is a crock of shit. It’s a day guaranteed to generate needless guiit and sadness in millions of people AND brings in billions of dollars worldwide for business.

I’ve been with my husband for almost 20 years now and it was probably our first Valentine’s Day together we mutually decided NOT to ever celebrate it. And every year since then, we’ve happily enjoyed a guilt-free Valentine’s Day free of hugely over-priced flower bouquets and sacchrine-sweet sentiments.

Do yourself a favour and take yourself out on a ‘me’ day if you feel the irresistible urge to be pampered. Don’t use some poor schmuck for your own selfish emotional needs. Have some dignity and care for other people, woman!

Ugh... I respect that you dont like valentines day, but I do, and the whole point of it, is to be someones valentines, not to take myself out. It's like asking me, to throw myself a surprise birthday party... how exactly can I do that?
 

CenotaphGirl

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I just thought of something you posted before on the site. You are essentially doing exactly this, getting someone's hopes up when they really have no chance.

Honestly Callie, I could tell the guy out right, I just wanna have a nice valentines day, I won't be speaking to him ever again afterwards, and I'd still feel like a user. 🙃 It's not like I was gonna pretend to be in love with the guy, I was just you know... gonna eat dance and be polite.
 

TheRealCallie

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All you are doing here is trying to justify doing exactly what you've already told others is wrong, all to boost your ego. Sorry, but that shit doesn't work with me. I see hypocritical shit, I call it out and that's exactly what you are doing.

And honestly, I think you missed Ska's point entirely. You want to use someone, you want to be fake with someone, whereas HE wants something real, something lasting, not just some chick who is only using him.

How would you feel if someone used you and then just dumped you flat and never spoke to you again? I don't know how much you actually read on this forum, but there's a pretty big trend of guys saying that women want nothing to do with them, that they use them, that they get what they want and then just walk away without a word. How do you know the guy you pick doesn't have extreme self esteem problems and what you do is the last straw and it pushes them over the edge? Like Colster said, it's all about you...and you don't seem to give a damn who gets in the way, as long as you get what you want.
 

TheSkaFish

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All you are doing here is trying to justify doing exactly what you've already told others is wrong, all to boost your ego. Sorry, but that shit doesn't work with me. I see hypocritical shit, I call it out and that's exactly what you are doing.

And honestly, I think you missed Ska's point entirely. You want to use someone, you want to be fake with someone, whereas HE wants something real, something lasting, not just some chick who is only using him.

How would you feel if someone used you and then just dumped you flat and never spoke to you again? I don't know how much you actually read on this forum, but there's a pretty big trend of guys saying that women want nothing to do with them, that they use them, that they get what they want and then just walk away without a word. How do you know the guy you pick doesn't have extreme self esteem problems and what you do is the last straw and it pushes them over the edge? Like Colster said, it's all about you...and you don't seem to give a damn who gets in the way, as long as you get what you want.

To be fair though, I think she's only doing it out of youth and inexperience, than true wickedness/callousness/cruelty.
She could learn and grow out of it, she just never questioned it before because she never had to.

At least that is the impression I get, anyway.
 

TheRealCallie

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To be fair though, I think she's only doing it out of youth and inexperience, than true wickedness/callousness/cruelty.
She could learn and grow out of it, she just never questioned it before because she never had to.

At least that is the impression I get, anyway.

Does that really change anything though? Okay, so she's a spoiled, immature brat instead of a psychopath....but she's still doing it and then trying to justify it or doubling back when someone calls her out on it. So instead of seeing our points or listening to us, she is trying so very hard to make it all okay. Wrong is wrong, regardless of the reasons, IMO.
 

TheSkaFish

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Does that really change anything though? Okay, so she's a spoiled, immature brat instead of a psychopath....but she's still doing it and then trying to justify it or doubling back when someone calls her out on it. So instead of seeing our points or listening to us, she is trying so very hard to make it all okay. Wrong is wrong, regardless of the reasons, IMO.

Only in the sense that I think it's more of a growing pain, than a willful desire to knowingly do evil.
It can take time to outgrow old beliefs and see things in a new way, especially when you've been the old way all your life and never known anything else.
 
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CenotaphGirl

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To be fair though, I think she's only doing it out of youth and inexperience, than true wickedness/callousness/cruelty.
She could learn and grow out of it, she just never questioned it before because she never had to.

At least that is the impression I get, anyway.
Truth is the point of this post was: although I am not willing to use anyone anymore, the urge is still there particularly around valentines day, thats all im saying, I was also unsure if I was correct, I thought, well its just a date.. maybe im over thinking it.

What was frustrating me was people acting like because they dont like valentines day I shouldn't either, the point is I love valentines day im gonna be sad spending it alone but I will if the alternative is going against my New Years resolution. Personally, my feelings are not hurt because well, I deserve a lot of harsh words for who I used to be, but I can also see why people dont change, at times it feels like what's the point. Instead of venting on here I could be picking out a dress and some nice heels for valentines day.

I often just throw at you guys points I think of to excuse my behaviour as I dont always know how to combat them, my brain thinks one way. Like I was shocked at the reaction to be fair, I didn't get this much backlash for worse things I've actually done.

This change is not coming easy for me, just snap my fingers and a life time of using people just stops, and I never wanna do it again. I'd be a liar if I tried to convince you all of that. Truth is, its slow, and sometimes I wanna say.. ahh im not hurting anyone that badly and go back to square one, but, im not, im rolling with the punches, the gut punch will deffo be spending valentines day alone, im not sure how I will handle that, not sure if that would be the right answer for me personally... but like I said, im not going back.
 

TheSkaFish

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Truth is the point of this post was: although I am not willing to use anyone anymore, the urge is still there particularly around valentines day, thats all im saying, I was also unsure if I was correct, I thought, well its just a date.. maybe im over thinking it.

What was frustrating me was people acting like because they dont like valentines day I shouldn't either, the point is I love valentines day im gonna be sad spending it alone but I will if the alternative is going against my New Years resolution. Personally, my feelings are not hurt because well, I deserve a lot of harsh words for who I used to be, but I can also see why people dont change, at times it feels like what's the point. Instead of venting on here I could be picking out a dress and some nice heels for valentines day.

I often just throw at you guys points I think of to excuse my behaviour as I dont always know how to combat them, my brain thinks one way. Like I was shocked at the reaction to be fair, I didn't get this much backlash for worse things I've actually done.

This change is not coming easy for me, just snap my fingers and a life time of using people just stops, and I never wanna do it again. I'd be a liar if I tried to convince you all of that. Truth is, its slow, and sometimes I wanna say.. ahh im not hurting anyone that badly and go back to square one, but, im not, im rolling with the punches, the gut punch will deffo be spending valentines day alone, im not sure how I will handle that, not sure if that would be the right answer for me personally.

You're growing and changing though. Questioning your old self for the first time cause you never had a reason to before.

For the record, it's not that I don't like Valentine's Day. I actually have no problem with it. I can understand how someone would get into it, too. I just don't think it's right to use someone for the day though, any more than I think it's right for pickup artists to use women for sex, you know? It's kind of the same thing.

I don't know. Not everyone sees things the way I do, but I think sincerity is a good thing, it makes life better, more in line with what you really want, and could save people a lot of wasted time and hurt feelings.

And you're right - change can be slow-going. But, it's for the best. Don't worry about missing this Valentine's Day, if you do - in as little as a year's time, it could all be different. You're young, you have time. Sometimes you have to take time off from whatever it is you were doing, to figure yourself out more, to ask if you were really on the right path.
 

TheRealCallie

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What was frustrating me was people acting like because they dont like valentines day I shouldn't either
Literally no one said that or even implied that. I don't like it and I don't dislike it, I don't have any say in what others feel about the holiday. I think it's commercialized as fuck and half the time anyone does anything on that day is because they feel obligated to. I would rather feel special on......hell, I don't know, the 2nd Thursday of August or something. Same with Sweetest Day. Same with Thanksgiving, honestly. Don't wait for the 4th Thursday of November to be Thankful, be thankful every day. And don't wait for New Year's to make resolutions, do it every time you think of one, doesn't matter what day it is. People are too focused on specific days and forget that these things aren't ONE DAY A YEAR things, they should be throughout the year.
 

ringwood

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Ugh... I respect that you dont like valentines day, but I do, and the whole point of it, is to be someones valentines, not to take myself out. It's like asking me, to throw myself a surprise birthday party... how exactly can I do that?

I never said 'don't like Valentine's Day."

You're the one who posted all this crap about "I can feel the urge coming back, I can feel myself justifying using someone, saying well at least he won't be alone this valentines day. . . It's the one time of the year I want to be the opposite of a cheap date, I want to be wowed, surprised, romanced, you know? I want roses and chocolates and teddies, to be taken to dinner, to be called beautiful, I wanna be treated like I matter, like all the rest of the girls on valentines day...What do you all do to ignore Valentines Day loneliness? Is it that bad to go on a date, am I over thinking it? Is that still the same as using someone?"

I don't give a flying fuck whether you like or don't like Valentine's Day. What does piss me off is a woman purposely using a man to feel 'special'(and this goes for both sexes), with absolutely no regard for his feelings on the matter. At least own it instead of trying to justify your actions. If you're going on a date to feel like all the rest of the girls on Valentine's Day—to feel romanced, surprised, wowed, called beautiful, treated like a queen—at least tell the poor bugger at your side that you have zero interest in him and that you're solely there to use him for your own shallow emotional needs.
 
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