58 Voyager
Member
- Joined
- Dec 15, 2013
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- 14
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Posted my lonely life a few years back in another thread...look it up if you want.
Backstory is this. Marriage ended many years back, over, done, amen. Dated and dated till I met someone almost 3 years ago. After many of the incompatible single ladies I met, this lady and I clicked from the first coffee. No one, not even ex wife of a couple of decades, ever made me feel so relaxed and happy...I knew this was the woman I wanted to be with until my last breath.
There was one fly in the ointment. At the time, she had an 11 year old son. My kids, the only people I have in this world, are in their 20's and the thought of being a dad again scared me if not turned me off. I did my parenting, I raised my kids, who never gave me any serious grief while growing up, and I didn't want to go back in time.
But I met her son and he seemed like a nice kid, a bit quiet, shy, and introverted like his mom. Hey, not everyone seeks a Kardashian or J-Lo, right?
The girlfriend assured me all I had to be was his buddy, as he has a dad, and for me to leave the parenting to them. He never spoke much, and always seemed to be sleeping. When awake, he was quiet, and while sitting, his posture was slightly bent over, arms around himself as if hugging himself.
Fair enough. So now I was in this boys life, seeing him once or twice a month. Took him along on the trips his mom and I would go on, and everything was going good. Over a year ago, the girlfriend and I got engaged and were waiting to put our ducks in a row before committing to the next phase in our lives. That divorce thing seemed to be taking a bit longer than it should. But, I am so lonely and desperate for human company in my life, I was content to see her every weekend and let her divorce play out.
4 months ago, the boy started high school, and almost immediately got in with the drugs. For Christmas, his dad, a 300 lb redneck with the truck and 4 wheeler and camo clothing, and into some serious drugs, gave the boy a digital vape unit. A few weeks ago girlfriend and I went back to her place and found 7 boys, grade 9 - 11, smoking pot. I don't mean a couple of joints. There was a freezer baggie full of the stuff. My guess is the older kids get the younger ones hooked and indebted, then force them to sell the weed to younger kids to payoff their debt.
I never did drugs and neither did my kids or ex, and it's a world/life style I know nothing about and am not comfortable with.
The girlfriend is passive, meek, and is not capable of disciplining the boy. His dad doesn't give a crap. I am in no position to do anything, nor do I want to. My fear is that sooner or later, with such quantities of pot being brought into the house, the police will show up and if I'm there, I'll be arrested for not doing anything, along with my girlfriend. I already told her I would not be spending weekends with her. (We live 55 miles apart).
My worry is, I fear after nearly 3 years, I will lose this amazing woman with whom I have, for the first time in my life, made an amazing connection with. I too am a nerd and unfamiliar with the drug culture.
Girlfriend, at my insistence, has started to see local counselling but I don't think it's going to get anywhere. She was with me last weekend and as I predicted, the boy lied to his dad, said he was staying with a friend, and broke into her house and smoked up with his buddies. She takes his keys away when he is with dad. They live in the same town and share custody. But primary residence is with dad.
She rents a house and another fear is she will get evicted once word gets out. I fear stuff will start to disappear from her house, electronics and jewelry and whatever is not bolted down. No way do I want her son in my house now, because I have too many things of value I collected over the years I don't want ending up in a pawn shop for drug money.
I don't know what to do. I'm head over heels with this woman, who is that one person many of us spend an entire lifetime seeking. I fear as her son, who turned 14 in the fall, will only spiral down and drag her down as well, and it will end this relationship. I cannot, will not, risk and sacrifice what I built up over 57 years, only to get busted for being in the wrong place at the wrong time.
When I proposed to her, something like this wasn't even on the radar. This drug thing is beyond my comfort zone. At times, it feels like putting a 6 year old at the controls of a 747 that is spiraling down and asking him to save the plane and passengers.
Been diagnosed with PTSD and BPD, took Emotional Regulation therapy, and at best of times, am hanging on to normality by a thin thread. This is sooooooooooooo beyond anything I'm experienced in, or know how to deal with, that I fear I will do what I always do, implode, run away and hide....
Life sucks.
Backstory is this. Marriage ended many years back, over, done, amen. Dated and dated till I met someone almost 3 years ago. After many of the incompatible single ladies I met, this lady and I clicked from the first coffee. No one, not even ex wife of a couple of decades, ever made me feel so relaxed and happy...I knew this was the woman I wanted to be with until my last breath.
There was one fly in the ointment. At the time, she had an 11 year old son. My kids, the only people I have in this world, are in their 20's and the thought of being a dad again scared me if not turned me off. I did my parenting, I raised my kids, who never gave me any serious grief while growing up, and I didn't want to go back in time.
But I met her son and he seemed like a nice kid, a bit quiet, shy, and introverted like his mom. Hey, not everyone seeks a Kardashian or J-Lo, right?
The girlfriend assured me all I had to be was his buddy, as he has a dad, and for me to leave the parenting to them. He never spoke much, and always seemed to be sleeping. When awake, he was quiet, and while sitting, his posture was slightly bent over, arms around himself as if hugging himself.
Fair enough. So now I was in this boys life, seeing him once or twice a month. Took him along on the trips his mom and I would go on, and everything was going good. Over a year ago, the girlfriend and I got engaged and were waiting to put our ducks in a row before committing to the next phase in our lives. That divorce thing seemed to be taking a bit longer than it should. But, I am so lonely and desperate for human company in my life, I was content to see her every weekend and let her divorce play out.
4 months ago, the boy started high school, and almost immediately got in with the drugs. For Christmas, his dad, a 300 lb redneck with the truck and 4 wheeler and camo clothing, and into some serious drugs, gave the boy a digital vape unit. A few weeks ago girlfriend and I went back to her place and found 7 boys, grade 9 - 11, smoking pot. I don't mean a couple of joints. There was a freezer baggie full of the stuff. My guess is the older kids get the younger ones hooked and indebted, then force them to sell the weed to younger kids to payoff their debt.
I never did drugs and neither did my kids or ex, and it's a world/life style I know nothing about and am not comfortable with.
The girlfriend is passive, meek, and is not capable of disciplining the boy. His dad doesn't give a crap. I am in no position to do anything, nor do I want to. My fear is that sooner or later, with such quantities of pot being brought into the house, the police will show up and if I'm there, I'll be arrested for not doing anything, along with my girlfriend. I already told her I would not be spending weekends with her. (We live 55 miles apart).
My worry is, I fear after nearly 3 years, I will lose this amazing woman with whom I have, for the first time in my life, made an amazing connection with. I too am a nerd and unfamiliar with the drug culture.
Girlfriend, at my insistence, has started to see local counselling but I don't think it's going to get anywhere. She was with me last weekend and as I predicted, the boy lied to his dad, said he was staying with a friend, and broke into her house and smoked up with his buddies. She takes his keys away when he is with dad. They live in the same town and share custody. But primary residence is with dad.
She rents a house and another fear is she will get evicted once word gets out. I fear stuff will start to disappear from her house, electronics and jewelry and whatever is not bolted down. No way do I want her son in my house now, because I have too many things of value I collected over the years I don't want ending up in a pawn shop for drug money.
I don't know what to do. I'm head over heels with this woman, who is that one person many of us spend an entire lifetime seeking. I fear as her son, who turned 14 in the fall, will only spiral down and drag her down as well, and it will end this relationship. I cannot, will not, risk and sacrifice what I built up over 57 years, only to get busted for being in the wrong place at the wrong time.
When I proposed to her, something like this wasn't even on the radar. This drug thing is beyond my comfort zone. At times, it feels like putting a 6 year old at the controls of a 747 that is spiraling down and asking him to save the plane and passengers.
Been diagnosed with PTSD and BPD, took Emotional Regulation therapy, and at best of times, am hanging on to normality by a thin thread. This is sooooooooooooo beyond anything I'm experienced in, or know how to deal with, that I fear I will do what I always do, implode, run away and hide....
Life sucks.
