What are you feeling, hoping, thinking, or remembering right now?

[Sidewinder]

Material bullshit is overrated, but money does help pay the bills, so it's important in that sense... however, I grew up poor in a coastal town full of rich ********, and some of those fucktards were the most shallow douchebags you'd never wanna meet, lol. 

To me, my friends are worth more than gold, and they always will be, since I was never infected with the sickness of greed. I've made good money in the past, too, but it was only a means to an end: stylin' out family & friends whenever possible.

Finished, I get that part about letting go of material crap: I've been streamlining ever since I hit Arizona, but I still like having a roof over my head, and a few cool things in my home (pool table, some nice furniture, a good set of kitchen ware for cooking purposes, etc).

But I think back to my time in Coronado, and I have to laugh... one guy had all this super-expensive furniture in his home, but he wouldn't let anybody sit in it, not even his own family, lol. WTF? What's the point of even owning it? Lol... what a dumbass.

Here in my home, guests can make themselves comfortable, put their feet up on the coffee table if they wish, and just RELAX and UNWIND. It's ALL about COMFORT in this home, just the way it should be (as long as my guests show a little respect, lol).

Meh, guess I'll watch another movie here shortly, I enjoyed watching 'DRAGONSLAYER' on the 65" curved screen. That's a great flick (1981) with primo scenery... filmed on location in North Wales & the Island of Skye. Meh, beats Compton, North Philly & the Lower Bronx. Cheers!!!

 

[Just Games]

Well I wish I were back in my 20s. A relatively carefree existence, despite all the problems. The thing that irks me is how many people seem to be embracing middle-age as if this were the dreary life they always wanted.

I really *loathe* the kind of conversation that revolves around buying up rental properties (to rent to poor people; feathering the nest at their expense), what car to buy next or what's going on in their dull careers.

Well around my way and all around the country apparently the middle aged are all suddenly riding bikes again.Sort of like mid life crisis bikes are breeding like flies round here.Off Road and on whole Pelatons(crowds) off bikes all lycra clad are racing round the roads and tracks of surrey.When we go for a walk blokes and ladies aswell are steaming up our backsides on track bikes,its like they are all ten again.
 We like walking up to our favourite view sitting there looking down a beautiful valley all shades of green with a nice flat white and a bacon sarnie and they come racing by all covered in mud.Another time we were sitting outside a lovely little coffee shop in the middle of this picturesque15th century village bacon sarnie,brown sauce in hand  just about to sip a creamy flat white admiring the sloping roofs and natural stone cottages in the delicate sunlight and whoosh....about 30 geezers fly past us in a minute ,like full on racing all huffing and puffing and I think how can that be fun ffs just chill out you middle aged  Bradley Wiggins type chappies .I don't ride much now since pandemic calmed down and you weren't allowed to drive unless really essential but I suppose it was kinda fun but I just like to chill out now and walk the beautiful walks surrey has to offer..bit dull really but I like it.

I may be contradicting myself here but I do it all the time so hey-ho.

 

[ardour]

Material bullshit is overrated, but money does help pay the bills, so it's important in that sense... however, I grew up poor in a coastal town full of rich ********, and some of those fucktards were the most shallow douchebags you'd never wanna meet, lol. 

I went to school with kids from some of the wealthiest  families in the country. My odious generation were well before this trendy woke progressivism, so they don't even pretend to be nice or care about anything beyond their own interests. And I'm supposed to date or socialize with these people?

 

[mgill]

So this is what's ahead.  A dull middle-aged lifestyle. Dull polite conversation. Dull 'peers' who look like they have one foot in the nursing home.  Boring maturity. And no fun at all. I want out.

Yeah I know how you feel Ardour.Getting old is a bummer.l can't even go to some of the people that answer my adverts for work because I just feel they'd prefer someone younger.Even though I have debts I'm  
finding it difficult to accept I'm old and turn down work for this reason amongst others.I prefer to work for people older than me,I'm having confusing issues with it, getting old.I'm 53.I hope you sincerely find some peace with how your feeling..Time goes fast in your 40's but I wish I was back there.

getting old alone is what really sucks.  everything in life is far better when there is someone to share it with and becomes hollow & meaningless knowing that it's extremely likely you are not good enough to experience romantic connection.

 

[Just Games]

So this is what's ahead.  A dull middle-aged lifestyle. Dull polite conversation. Dull 'peers' who look like they have one foot in the nursing home.  Boring maturity. And no fun at all. I want out.

Yeah I know how you feel Ardour.Getting old is a bummer.l can't even go to some of the people that answer my adverts for work because I just feel they'd prefer someone younger.Even though I have debts I'm  
finding it difficult to accept I'm old and turn down work for this reason amongst others.I prefer to work for people older than me,I'm having confusing issues with it, getting old.I'm 53.I hope you sincerely find some peace with how your feeling..Time goes fast in your 40's but I wish I was back there.

getting old alone is what really sucks.  everything in life is far better when there is someone to share it with and becomes hollow & meaningless knowing that it's extremely likely you are not good enough to experience romantic connection.

I met a couple today who are married 65 years,in there 80s now.While he was trying to talk to me she was relentlessly nagging him,chipping away at him about everything he said.He looked downcast and weary.He said he goes for long walks everyday I wonder why .As the other chappie said don't assume everything is better on the other side. :club:

 

[mgill]

So this is what's ahead.  A dull middle-aged lifestyle. Dull polite conversation. Dull 'peers' who look like they have one foot in the nursing home.  Boring maturity. And no fun at all. I want out.

Yeah I know how you feel Ardour.Getting old is a bummer.l can't even go to some of the people that answer my adverts for work because I just feel they'd prefer someone younger.Even though I have debts I'm  
finding it difficult to accept I'm old and turn down work for this reason amongst others.I prefer to work for people older than me,I'm having confusing issues with it, getting old.I'm 53.I hope you sincerely find some peace with how your feeling..Time goes fast in your 40's but I wish I was back there.

getting old alone is what really sucks.  everything in life is far better when there is someone to share it with and becomes hollow & meaningless knowing that it's extremely likely you are not good enough to experience romantic connection.

I met a couple today who are married 65 years,in there 80s now.While he was trying to talk to me she was relentlessly nagging him,chipping away at him about everything he said.He looked downcast and weary.He said he goes for long walks everyday I wonder why .As the other chappie said don't assume everything is better on the other side. :club:

i agree 100% that being single is far better than being in a bad relationship.  however, being in a healthy, supportive partnership based on mutual attraction is far superior to being single, alone & unwanted.

 

[Just Games]

So this is what's ahead.  A dull middle-aged lifestyle. Dull polite conversation. Dull 'peers' who look like they have one foot in the nursing home.  Boring maturity. And no fun at all. I want out.

Yeah I know how you feel Ardour.Getting old is a bummer.l can't even go to some of the people that answer my adverts for work because I just feel they'd prefer someone younger.Even though I have debts I'm  
finding it difficult to accept I'm old and turn down work for this reason amongst others.I prefer to work for people older than me,I'm having confusing issues with it, getting old.I'm 53.I hope you sincerely find some peace with how your feeling..Time goes fast in your 40's but I wish I was back there.

getting old alone is what really sucks.  everything in life is far better when there is someone to share it with and becomes hollow & meaningless knowing that it's extremely likely you are not good enough to experience romantic connection.

I met a couple today who are married 65 years,in there 80s now.While he was trying to talk to me she was relentlessly nagging him,chipping away at him about everything he said.He looked downcast and weary.He said he goes for long walks everyday I wonder why .As the other chappie said don't assume everything is better on the other side. :club:

i agree 100% that being single is far better than being in a bad relationship.  however, being in a healthy, supportive partnership based on mutual attraction is far superior to being single, alone & unwanted.

Have you actually ever met anyone in a relationship like that because I haven't.If you have,they are probably lying.A bit like Mums who say they have perfect children,they are lying too.Next you'll be saying they run through fields of wheat on a crisp summers morning holding hands.Can you give me an example of these people in a relationship like that?I sit round a games table with four ugly geezers(below average to average maybe, in long term relationships,yes I know I keep repeating  this, and they are definitely not like that.

 

[mgill]

i agree it's rare but i personally know a few LT couples who both say that their partner is the best thing to ever happen to them. if being single is so great then why is just about everyone either in or seeking a relationship? anyone can choose to be single at anytime (though it may be more complicated for some than others) while being in a relationship requires two to tango & is not even an option for some -myself included.

 

[ardour]

I don't think it matters. We're hardwired to seek out romantic/sexual relationships, that isn't going to just disappear by acknowledging bad marriages. People risk everything, their emotional, mental, financial and in some cases physical wellbeing to find someone compatible and not end up alone.

 

[Finished]

I have a lot of respect for people who put the much required effort into a LT relationship unless it's based on victim / abuser dependency. But, the odds of myself getting into one is about the same as the interests rate on savings right now.

 

[Just Games]

i agree it's rare but i personally know a few LT couples who both say that their partner is the best thing to ever happen to them. if being single is so great then why is just about everyone either in or seeking a relationship?  anyone can choose to be single at anytime  (though it may be more complicated for some than others) while being in a relationship requires two to tango & is not even an option for some -myself included.

Ok so you must have a really painful arse if you sit on the shoulders of billions of people around the world and know exactly what they want out of life in terms of relationships  .In my little world and all the regulars on here know how small it has been because of social anxiety. l know/have known three that were obsessed with stuff other than relationships that involved big shiny motorbikes and travel,big beautiful horses and the upkeep of them,and sports and the taking part and later the involment of organising them later in life.I'm not obviously 100% sure whether they felt lonely because of not being in a LTR.But they were definitely living life to the fullest and not obsessing over being in a relationship. The  bloke I knew with the Harley I'm not even going there  but let me just say it sure was a good life and I sure did envy him being a biker myself.

 

[mgill]

I don't think it matters. We're hardwired to seek out romantic/sexual relationships, that isn't going to just disappear by acknowledging bad marriages. People risk everything, their emotional, mental, financial and in some cases physical wellbeing to find someone compatible and not end up alone.

precisely.

i don't know how any adult can be in denial of this-especially those who are fortuante enough to be in a relationship themselves. romantic connect is a basic human need starting at puberty & ending at death.  denial of this is almost as bad as those who are so convinced that these critical connections are so readily available to everyone and that failure in this area is an indication of lack of effort or social skills.

"looks don't matter-it's all about confidence and personality. there has to be a reason unrelated to my looks why i can't date the women to whom i am heavily attracted" 

i guess the truth that some of us are simply too unattractive to ever succeed is so uncomfortable that it requires irrational thinking to cope with it. being unfortunate looking has many negative repercussions but by far the worst is being forced out of the dating/relationship game due to an inability to compete with superior males.

 

[TheRealCallie]

I hope this entire forum doesn't become mgill's personal "pity me, I'm short and bald and ugly" fest...seriously dude, you have enough ******* threads of your own. This entire forum doesn't have to be all about you.

AND YOU ARE NOT ******* UGLY, SO GIVE THAT honeysuckle UP. It's your ******* negativity. Deal with it.

 

[TheSkaFish]

I'm not going to criticize Mgill or tell him that he shouldn't feel what he's feeling, because that won't get him to stop feeling it. It won't work. I know I've felt a similar way about things, for reasons that are both similar and different, at various points in my life.

I don't feel like it does him any good to dismiss how he's feeling as a pity party, because that's how he feels, it's where he's at, it's his honest mental state. Whatever has happened to him, is what's influenced and formed his world view. I might feel like another person's problems are simple, or a non-issue. But if it feels impossible, and a big deal, to them, then that's what they feel.

What I do think, is that he needs a self-esteem boost of some kind. I haven't seen his picture, but I also agree that he is probably not too short or ugly to be dateable (if such a thing exists), especially when combined with his strengths of being physically fit and making over $100K a year. If this is true, he's obviously a capable, competent person. There is probably someone who could like him romantically if he talked about more upbeat topics and gave off more "winner" or "fun, good times" energy and vibes (not that I am calling him a loser, I'm not - I struggle with giving off these vibes too, at least with him he would have a justification for giving off good vibes because of his strengths, I still don't but that's another story). Before someone would want to date him, they have to feel like they would have a good time hanging out with him. But it appears he is not ready for that because that's not what he feels right now.

If I were making $100K a year or something like that, I'd buy a nice car. There are so many cool cars you can get for that, or even less. Sure, very high-end cars, rare and specially-optioned classics, and obscure one-offs might be out of reach. But there are still a lot of fun options to play with, that most people would be so lucky as to afford.

I know that, while it wouldn't fix everything wrong with my life or other things that make me feel down, and it certainly wouldn't make up for a lack of a girlfriend, it would at least make me feel somewhat better in my own skin. I remember when I was driving my Mustang, even going at normal traffic speeds put a smile on my face - the breeze through the windows, the purr of the motor, the bright red color - I felt at least a little bit like a somebody, like I was "all right". I was a Mustang man. It made me like myself at least a little more.

I don't know. Like I said it's not a perfect solution, and maybe Mgill is not interested in cars. Or maybe he is, and he has one already, and it's still not helping. It's just an idea, one that a lot of people would like to do if only money wasn't a barrier to participating in their interests. Maybe it's like the saying "clothes make the man". Perhaps a car could, too. It could be a small boost in the right direction, that could combine with other things to lead to a bigger boost later, which might eventually be enough. You won't have to worry about being seen a try-hard "midlife crisis guy", if you spin it as honestly living it up because that's what life is for, having some style, some flavor, some flair. Making it a part of your overall identity, your presence, your character. Just something from my personal experience anyway.

PS: Mgill, are you interested in cars? If so, which is your favorite?

 

[TheRealCallie]

I get all that. I really do. Hell, at one point in time, I thought I was ugly as fresia. Ask anyone who has seen me, I'm not. I still don't think I'm anything special, but I have learned that I'm not a good judge of how I look, so I don't go by my opinion anymore because I know a lot of times, I can't look in the mirror and see what's actually there.
But when you are starting to hijack new people's welcome threads and essentially accusing them of being short and ugly when they never said anything about looks, that's when it's becoming a problem and it needs to stop. It's not right and is hypocritical as hell given what he says I do on this forum. He's worse than what he says I am at this point.

 

[ardour]

Maybe there should be a dumping ground thread for lonely men who never got to live their lives? Keep it there you know...

 

[TheSkaFish]

I get all that. I really do. Hell, at one point in time, I thought I was ugly as fresia. Ask anyone who has seen me, I'm not. I still don't think I'm anything special, but I have learned that I'm not a good judge of how I look, so I don't go by my opinion anymore because I know a lot of times, I can't look in the mirror and see what's actually there.
But when you are starting to hijack new people's welcome threads and essentially accusing them of being short and ugly when they never said anything about looks, that's when it's becoming a problem and it needs to stop. It's not right and is hypocritical as hell given what he says I do on this forum. He's worse than what he says I am at this point.

I thought I was ugly too, during grade school through high school. Or more like weird-looking. Or at least I thought it was. Maybe it was all in my head. I felt like since I wasn't like the rich kids/"jocks", in body, interests, or personality/thinking style, it must mean I was "lesser", some kind of under-man. I still wish I was more muscular and am planning on doing something about it when I can afford to, but I'm not insecure about my looks anymore, it's more about other things now.

And I see what you mean about the same kinds of posts being all over, including places where it's kind of out of context/doesn't really make sense there/is kind of forced.

It's just that I remember doing similar things on here, and I guess I kind of saw myself in these posts. I get the sense of powerlessness Mgill seems to have, even though I still have hope that I might figure it out someday, I don't know. I get that, when I was like that, I'm not the most fun person to be around. I've tried to be more conscious of it, because I don't want to lose my friends, or blow potential connections by complaining too much - though I'm not perfect and still complain. It depends on how I'm feeling from day to day.

And the more I learn about attraction, relationships, connection - what brings people together, what makes us want to have certain people around - the more it seems that it starts with having something that makes you feel better about yourself. Not having this, is probably where this all started for me as well. I wish I'd figured this all out a while ago and when I was like Mgill, I wish I knew what to do.

Anyway. It was just something I thought of. I wasn't yelling at you at all or anything.

 

[Finished]

I hope the people that are hurting for various reasons find ways to feel better.

 

[TheSkaFish]

I hope the people that are hurting for various reasons find ways to feel better.

+1, couldn't agree more.

 

[TheRealCallie]

Maybe there should be a dumping ground thread for lonely men who never got to live their lives? Keep it there you know...

I don't think it should go as far as that by any means.  I just think it's very inappropriate in some places.