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Well, that's the thing, they're not fine either, none of us are, save for maybe my brother, but he doesn't live here anymore and has difficulties of his own to deal with (though vastly different than our own difficulties).

Our lives were never awesome, but were at least livable before, and got a little better (though not as much as most other people around here, it seemed) as the '90s went on.
After that, apart from a few exceptions, it's almost only gotten worse, to the point that if something were to get better now, it would feel weird, like some kind of cartoon or dream, like this doesn't happen to us, it can't be real.

I feel bad arguing with my parents and draining their health. I don't really want to do it.
But at the same time, I feel like I have no outlet for my bad feelings.
And it frustrates me that, it's like, I can't say anything is wrong. I get shouted down immediately.
It's really frustrating that people would rather go with the narrative that I'm lazy, than acknowledge that I feel despair.

I wish I was just born good at things. Then I wouldn't have any of these problems at all. And maybe even those around me would have less problems too.
You've still got time to find what you enjoy/like to do in this life. But it will take a lot of time and exploring to do it, but it probably doesn't help when parents are always pushing you and they think you don't want to work etc. Tbh as you probably know yourself raging doesn't work, it doesn't even help for 1 minute in my opinion. They most likely have 0 clue about how you feel, so they just jump on the laziness bandwagon as it's easier than asking "what's truly wrong?". Can you get a punching bag? I'm going to make one myself and do some damage on it to get the rage out.
 
My grandson whom is in my life now calling me Grandma.He is 5 years old turning 6 next weekend,I am invited to his birthday party.Still doing good in college,instructor is impressed with me.Told him about my past and keeping it cleaning up my life.Said I need to talk to his step son,told him let me know.His step son has been in and out of jail too many times
 
But at the same time, I feel like I have no outlet for my bad feelings.
And it frustrates me that, it's like, I can't say anything is wrong. I get shouted down immediately.
i get that, my parents go to line was "Stop being so sensitive!" whenever I try to voice out something.
 
Here's how I work:
1) make a major change in an area of life

2) spend months organizing, planning and getting ready for such change. Take extra effort to remain calm and focused and positive

3) be in denial about the other areas of life that probably need to change, but keep telling myself "after that other thing"

4) lose focus, lose patience, lose faith as other things repeatedly smack me in my face and bring me a feeling of hopelessness. Cry for many nights, scream at the people I love and have a complete breakdown

5) finally come to terms with the fact that everything in my life needs to be in a constant flow and ready to change as needed. Sometimes I just have to say "everything needs to change" and work from the beginning towards the next goal.

I cry as I write this because I really thought I had it handled. But I can't handle it anymore. It's not mine to handle.
 
First time… despite everything… I wished he would just drop dead. Just wish I could be done with this evil narcissistic devil… I officially hate him, I actually hateee him. Jesus.
...why do you hate Jesus?
He's been dead for a couple thousand years, seems pointless. 😜
 
Guys my ex literally played the most cruel April fools joke on me.

He sent me a video of some skank wearing the exact engagement ring I have wanted since I was a kid, and told me he got engaged today to someone who is better than me…(obviously I should have known it was bs from the better than me statement) but I was just so hurt. Tell me how thats a joke? So upset, done, annoyed, im too crazy to have people messing with my emotions 🙃
 
Guys my ex literally played the most cruel April fools joke on me.

He sent me a video of some skank wearing the exact engagement ring I have wanted since I was a kid, and told me he got engaged today to someone who is better than me…(obviously I should have known it was bs from the better than me statement) but I was just so hurt. Tell me how thats a joke? So upset, done, annoyed, im too crazy to have people messing with my emotions 🙃
Did you tell HIM that?
 
Don't you think that MAY be a bit vague? Lol.
Tell him, word for word, exactly what you wrote up there. You're allowed to not like a joke.
Cant might cry, and he doesn't get that, he never gets to see me cry, he doesn't get to keep hurting me. Im so fed up, my hatred for men and all things man will never change because he is here messing with my head
 
Here @CenotaphGirl seems it is speaking to us
Apr 1, 2023 - You may keep having the same thoughts over and over in your head, Cancer. Each day you may work out a different scenario for the way it comes to an end. You know that you will get to this critical decision at some point in your life, so why not experiment with all the solutions now? Stay calm and turn to others when you get into a bind along the way.
 
Here @CenotaphGirl seems it is speaking to us
Apr 1, 2023 - You may keep having the same thoughts over and over in your head, Cancer. Each day you may work out a different scenario for the way it comes to an end. You know that you will get to this critical decision at some point in your life, so why not experiment with all the solutions now? Stay calm and turn to others when you get into a bind along the way.
Oh wow I wish I checked thats amazing literally speaks to me sooo much, wow my minds blown the accuracy there was scary ✨
 
Guys my ex literally played the most cruel April fools joke on me.

He sent me a video of some skank wearing the exact engagement ring I have wanted since I was a kid, and told me he got engaged today to someone who is better than me…(obviously I should have known it was bs from the better than me statement) but I was just so hurt. Tell me how thats a joke? So upset, done, annoyed, im too crazy to have people messing with my emotions 🙃
Seems childish on his part. You probably dodged a bullet with that one.
 

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