What do you do if you are just afraid...
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Brian
Well-known member
Well, when we get backed in to that corner, Aed, we gotta just do it, you and I.
There's a few things that have helped me in a few situations. It helps me to have a sort of inner voice (not the schizophrenic kind) to yell at myself with...a couple of times now I've gotten myself to at least talk to a girl beyond 'hi' and 'bye' by mentally scolding myself: "You're not pussing out of this one, Brian. I let the last one slip you weasly little *******, but enough is enough. Are you not mighty? Are you weak? Did your ancestors worry about talking to a girl when they were hungry and cold and desperately hunting game in the middle of a winter storm? JUST DO IT *******." Or perhaps try a mental recollection of a movie scene. Think Lt. Rasczak from Starship Troopers, in the middle of a giant horde of bugs shouting to the last of his men: "Come on you apes! Do you wanna live forever?!"
It sounds ridiculous. But sometimes that sort of thing can give us the gusto we need, either through forcing ourselves in to it outright or letting us laugh enough at the notion to lighten up and allow ourselves to act. To stop hesitating. That's what I've found. One way or the other, it lifts the hesitation long enough to 'do something stupid' and see what happens.
It also helps me to think that if she does say no, and it's awkward as crap, I can come back here and talk/laugh about it. In a way, this is our equivelant of a downtown bar where we can come and get rid of our problems. Together we have that strength and support in the forum and the chat box.
And I've had mixed results. I would say I have yet to be successful in connecting with a girl. In the past I have told 'no thanks' or ignored or blown off. But I've also come close to dates, and because every now and then I manage these bits of bravery, as of this week I can say I've actually been out with a girl. I'll probably eventually get to a point where I can manage a second date, maybe someday a third.
Someday we might even have someone to hold hands with, Aed. Maybe once, maybe twice. Maybe for a minute or forever.
But our someday doesn't come unless we brave the gauntlet, descend in to the breach. Put ourselves out there. This is true in all things. We must search, and we must brave our storms and hardships, regardless of how big or small they may seem to us or to others. Two nights ago was a victory for me. My first date, at age 22. To anybody else it would be trivial; they had this moment six, eight years ago and it was all downhill from there. Then again, I've managed things and learned lessons that many never will. Perhaps this is the trade-off, regardless of our feelings on the matter. At least I'm not $20,000 deep in credit card debt like some idiots my age.
I have the day and time of my First Date recorded, as a milestone. On November 15th, 2009, 7:45 PM, I proved myself wrong. Because I distinctly remember two years ago, in a pit of despair, seeing plain as day that I would never be able to talk to a girl. Well, so much for that notion.
And we will set more milestones. We will fight the fear and refuse the anxiety, Aedemmair, because we are mighty.
So really, do you wanna live forever? By making ourselves do it, we have nothing to lose; everything to gain.
There's a few things that have helped me in a few situations. It helps me to have a sort of inner voice (not the schizophrenic kind) to yell at myself with...a couple of times now I've gotten myself to at least talk to a girl beyond 'hi' and 'bye' by mentally scolding myself: "You're not pussing out of this one, Brian. I let the last one slip you weasly little *******, but enough is enough. Are you not mighty? Are you weak? Did your ancestors worry about talking to a girl when they were hungry and cold and desperately hunting game in the middle of a winter storm? JUST DO IT *******." Or perhaps try a mental recollection of a movie scene. Think Lt. Rasczak from Starship Troopers, in the middle of a giant horde of bugs shouting to the last of his men: "Come on you apes! Do you wanna live forever?!"
It sounds ridiculous. But sometimes that sort of thing can give us the gusto we need, either through forcing ourselves in to it outright or letting us laugh enough at the notion to lighten up and allow ourselves to act. To stop hesitating. That's what I've found. One way or the other, it lifts the hesitation long enough to 'do something stupid' and see what happens.
It also helps me to think that if she does say no, and it's awkward as crap, I can come back here and talk/laugh about it. In a way, this is our equivelant of a downtown bar where we can come and get rid of our problems. Together we have that strength and support in the forum and the chat box.
And I've had mixed results. I would say I have yet to be successful in connecting with a girl. In the past I have told 'no thanks' or ignored or blown off. But I've also come close to dates, and because every now and then I manage these bits of bravery, as of this week I can say I've actually been out with a girl. I'll probably eventually get to a point where I can manage a second date, maybe someday a third.
Someday we might even have someone to hold hands with, Aed. Maybe once, maybe twice. Maybe for a minute or forever.
But our someday doesn't come unless we brave the gauntlet, descend in to the breach. Put ourselves out there. This is true in all things. We must search, and we must brave our storms and hardships, regardless of how big or small they may seem to us or to others. Two nights ago was a victory for me. My first date, at age 22. To anybody else it would be trivial; they had this moment six, eight years ago and it was all downhill from there. Then again, I've managed things and learned lessons that many never will. Perhaps this is the trade-off, regardless of our feelings on the matter. At least I'm not $20,000 deep in credit card debt like some idiots my age.
I have the day and time of my First Date recorded, as a milestone. On November 15th, 2009, 7:45 PM, I proved myself wrong. Because I distinctly remember two years ago, in a pit of despair, seeing plain as day that I would never be able to talk to a girl. Well, so much for that notion.
And we will set more milestones. We will fight the fear and refuse the anxiety, Aedemmair, because we are mighty.
So really, do you wanna live forever? By making ourselves do it, we have nothing to lose; everything to gain.
deirdre
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who the heck said that loving can cost us much, but not loving costs us far more??? isn't that true of everything? here we are on the journey of life, always sitting at the station, watching all the shiney choo-choos chug on by. What the heck is wrong with us? we lose so much by not buying our ticket and (gasp), even scarier thought, just running it down, heaving ourselves onto that last box car, not knowing or caring where the heck the **** train is even going. You just GO. You just take that leap...and that's when you experience either lots of joy...or yeah, sometimes pain..but either way, you learn and you get better at the game, you develop skills, it gets easier. I dunno know about you, but I remember the agony of learning how to tie my shoelaces, took me days, I just couldn't figure out the rabbit from the tree from the hole...but I kept trying. That's the great thing about being human, we do learn, with practice, we learn.
If i were you, i'd just start heaving myself right on top of those cute little boxcars...so what if you get a few splinters or fall off the train again??? we gotta go deep into ourselves and realize we only have this one chance at life, dig deep, find our reserve of courage, look ourselves in the mirror, vow we are going to have some gosh darn faith in our selves, yeah, I can do this, I maybe won't do it perfectly, with ease or skill, but I gotta get that rabbit to go down that hole (jeesh, that actually sounds a bit more pornographic than I wanted it to)...but you get the idea.
you can't be your own worse enemy...and I think alot of us here are, we just haven't come to grips with who we are, what we are. And who is going to believe in you, cherish you if you won't believe and cherish your unique specialness. I'm gonna tell you a secret... Deirdre isn't my real name, my real name means "bright and shining light"....and my greatest happiness, my greatest joys and accomplishments came when I totally believed that, saw myself as that brilliant, luminescent thing......so sweetie, just go out there and shine. That is who we are meant to be... and sing it out, I wanna hear you, I'm gonna be listening for it: " this little light of mine, i'm gonna make it shine!"
If i were you, i'd just start heaving myself right on top of those cute little boxcars...so what if you get a few splinters or fall off the train again??? we gotta go deep into ourselves and realize we only have this one chance at life, dig deep, find our reserve of courage, look ourselves in the mirror, vow we are going to have some gosh darn faith in our selves, yeah, I can do this, I maybe won't do it perfectly, with ease or skill, but I gotta get that rabbit to go down that hole (jeesh, that actually sounds a bit more pornographic than I wanted it to)...but you get the idea.
you can't be your own worse enemy...and I think alot of us here are, we just haven't come to grips with who we are, what we are. And who is going to believe in you, cherish you if you won't believe and cherish your unique specialness. I'm gonna tell you a secret... Deirdre isn't my real name, my real name means "bright and shining light"....and my greatest happiness, my greatest joys and accomplishments came when I totally believed that, saw myself as that brilliant, luminescent thing......so sweetie, just go out there and shine. That is who we are meant to be... and sing it out, I wanna hear you, I'm gonna be listening for it: " this little light of mine, i'm gonna make it shine!"
luckyplatypus
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Brian said:
You, sir, win a thousand internets for that reference. Seriously, though, that cheered me right up. It's an attitude I try to hold on to.
BONUS COMMENT!: Are you a writer or editor of some sort? You're vocabulary is good and your writing style and organization of thoughts is impressive.
- LP
ExploringLad
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I loved the posts by Deirdre and Brian, I'm bookmarking them because they're both so darn inspirational. They kind of reflected some of the feelings I've had recently about just being too overwhelmed by the fear of failure to pursue my goals with full effort. Sometimes, you just have to take a risk and go for it, and let the chips fall where they may. I love this sentiment of boldly being open to all the opportunities life has! Thanks you guys!
Brian
Well-known member
luckyplatypus said:
Wow, uh, thanks for the compliment
I'm glad you enjoyed the post.I have dreams to write a short series of novels, but no I'm not a writer. I just put great value on proper use of language, and over the past few years as I've become an adult and began my career, I've found that clear communication is essential. It's needed to work with others and maintain a cohesive organization, and it's needed to train those newer to the field than myself. So it's something I pay great attention to.
ExploringLad said:
That's the ticket! Go for the gusto.
Thank you guys. Your advice was good. I guess I am just not lucky. Tried for a date today and it ended up tanking on me. Probably why i am sitting here at the computer. Oh well. Thanks Brian, I have decided that living forever is overrated. Thanks Deidre. I just hate the price I pay every time I slip over my own feet before I can even jump for that train... which has been every time I have tried. Thanks alot
Aedammair
Thanks Deidre. I just hate the price I pay every time I slip over my own feet before I can even jump for that train... which has been every time I have tried. Thanks alotAedammair
