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GHOSTNYOURMIST

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Joined
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You guys probably know my marraige is in the toilet and I'm just a lonely, pathetic mess right now. Something happened yesterday that has me thinking.
I had to stop by the store on the way back to the house.
I ran into an old girlfriend, I haven't seen this girl for 20 years and she knows nothing about my situation. She knows I'm married and have a kid. We talked a minute and she says out of the blue that she has made some big mistakes in her life and that breaking up with me was one of them. I didn't know what to say, (it's been 24 freakin years) so I just played it off and ask about her family. She says her mom and dad are doing fine but she has left her husband and her and the kids are living at (and gives me her address and phone number). She smiled and said she was always home in the evenings. She walked away but looked back several times.
I'm standing there thinking, what the hell was that?
Was it just the wishful thinking of a desperate, lonely old fool? Or was she really coming on to me?
This girl ripped my heart out once and I know I could never trust her agian. But what if? This was the love of my life for 3 years.
I'm not going to call her but I'd like to hear what you guys think.
 
I'd give it some time with hanging out with her before a potential relationship could begin anew. Being separated herself You should take into consideration that she might simply need someone in her life again, anyone. That she apparently would like You to be that person seems pretty clear, but how long would it last this time if if lasted three years the last? Perhaps You could have a distance-relationship at first (after the time that You spent with her to make up Your mind i mean) while You think about how it would be to live with her once more. Desperate people do desperate things, which often doesn't have anything to do with the future.

Something that caught my interest as well is what she said to You. A mistake braking up with You? That's a pretty positive comment! I'm unfortunately not one of those who knows of Your marriage, but i suppose You're looking for someone to live with again. Wouldn't what she said be somewhat of a self-esteem booster? Since i don't know much about You it would be unfair to just presume that Your self-esteem is what is keeping You from finding someone. I'm just saying, You might be worthy someone "better" than this woman.
 
GHOSTNYOURMIST said:
You guys probably know my marraige is in the toilet and I'm just a lonely, pathetic mess right now. Something happened yesterday that has me thinking.
I had to stop by the store on the way back to the house.
I ran into an old girlfriend, I haven't seen this girl for 20 years and she knows nothing about my situation. She knows I'm married and have a kid. We talked a minute and she says out of the blue that she has made some big mistakes in her life and that breaking up with me was one of them. I didn't know what to say, (it's been 24 freakin years) so I just played it off and ask about her family. She says her mom and dad are doing fine but she has left her husband and her and the kids are living at (and gives me her address and phone number). She smiled and said she was always home in the evenings. She walked away but looked back several times.
I'm standing there thinking, what the hell was that?
Was it just the wishful thinking of a desperate, lonely old fool? Or was she really coming on to me?
This girl ripped my heart out once and I know I could never trust her agian. But what if? This was the love of my life for 3 years.
I'm not going to call her but I'd like to hear what you guys think.

OK, toots. Anyone who has read my posts knows that I shoot straight from the hip, which is what I'm about to do. I understand your home situation, as you know. I think that you deserve happiness for yourself and to find someone that you can have a chance at having a real life with. You're a wonderful person. Yeah, here comes the "but." This is a "baggage" issue, honey. Unless some of said baggage gets unpacked and put away, so to speak, both of you will end up tripping all over it! You said, "This girl ripped my heart out once and I know I could never trust her agian."...
I think you need to ask yourself if you can be with someone that you can't trust. I doubt your answer will surprise you. She may have been the love of your life 24 years ago, but NEITHER of you are the same person now. That could be either good or bad. It was obvious, from what you wrote, that she was interested. One thing I'm curious about though - she knows you're married. Since you haven't seen her in over 20 years, I will assume that she doesn't know your "marraige is in the toilet" right now. Two words come to mind - home and wrecker. Yeah, a bit of a chliche, but there you have it. Why would this woman be hitting on a married man? She is either very selfish, or very lonely herself, and is desperate to have some companionship. Sorry, but I'm a big advocate of leaving the one you're with if you aren't happy and THEN finding someone else who you can be happy with. Even if this woman is someone who might be a candidate, don't make the mistake of getting (emotionally) invloved, or otherwise, with her in the very near future. Once she is free of her committment to her spouse and you are free of yours, THEN see what might be there. You'd be trading one kind of screwed up situation for another. You are a nice, caring, sensitive guy who has been put in a troubling situation, through no fault of your own. You deserve someone in your life who will want you for YOU, not for what you can provide for them.
You said, "Was it just the wishful thinking of a desperate, lonely old fool?" You might be lonely, but I don't believe that you're desperate and certainly not a fool. It's never foolish to want someone to love you and someone for you to love.
Having said all of this, it's only my opinion, but tread cautiously, my dear. I'd hate to see your situation become worse than it already is.
In any event, the folks on this forum are here for you, so feel free to continue to ask for advice, vent, rant about the unfairness of life, etc.
I can't speak for others, but I'll always listen.

(((((hugs)))))

Eve

PS: There is nothing wrong with your self esteem! :D
 
GHOSTNYOURMIST said:
You guys probably know my marraige is in the toilet and I'm just a lonely, pathetic mess right now. Something happened yesterday that has me thinking.
I had to stop by the store on the way back to the house.
I ran into an old girlfriend, I haven't seen this girl for 20 years and she knows nothing about my situation. She knows I'm married and have a kid. We talked a minute and she says out of the blue that she has made some big mistakes in her life and that breaking up with me was one of them. I didn't know what to say, (it's been 24 freakin years) so I just played it off and ask about her family. She says her mom and dad are doing fine but she has left her husband and her and the kids are living at (and gives me her address and phone number). She smiled and said she was always home in the evenings. She walked away but looked back several times.
I'm standing there thinking, what the hell was that?
Was it just the wishful thinking of a desperate, lonely old fool? Or was she really coming on to me?
This girl ripped my heart out once and I know I could never trust her agian. But what if? This was the love of my life for 3 years.
I'm not going to call her but I'd like to hear what you guys think.

Do you still like her?
 
Incognita said:
Do you still like her?

After 24 years. Hell, I don't even know her.
I guess my question is more of. Did she really come on to me or did I just read to much into it, because I'm so lonely?
I made a commitment to my wife 22 years ago. I will not break that until it's legal to do so. I know she doesn't love me but she is still my wife. It's just been so long since a woman has firted with me I'm not sure if she was flirting or just being friendly.
I guess there is always the question of what might have been. But she hurt me once, I could never trust her again.
 
I am probably the last person in the world to offer advice of this nature, knowing how much of a complete and total failure I have been with affairs of the heart...

There have been some very fine points made here about trust, change after 24 years, etc... However if are simply asking if she likes you or if you are putting to much in it then I would have to say that you probably already know the answer. As pathetic as I am, I can tell when someone has some interest in me. YOu will never know for sure, it is impossible for us to completely know what another person is thinking, but you will have a good indication to how they feel. Just look at what happened...it seems you have already formulated an opinion! She looks at you and smiles, she told you it was a mistake to leave you, etc... I think you can safely answer that question for yourself.

The problem is what do you want to do with it? Do you trust her? How have things changed over the decades you have been apart? That is a question that no one can really answer, at least not without alot of exploration...getting to know them again, etc...

From one desperate lonely old fool to another, I pray that your path leads you to the love and peace you seek. My heart cries for you, having been through a divorce, and having been rejected by every woman that I have ever cared about. I know the pain and sting of loneliness. I know just how empty your arms feel with no one to hold. The bittet taste of rejection hurts me still to this day. Even if you don't trust this young lady after 24 years, then maybe at least take away from this the fact that there is something left inside that caught the eye of this young lady. Take from that hope that if she is not the one, then others out there may also see what she did.
 
You owe it to yourself to be happy.

Get a prenup, have that affair. Worse thing that can happen is after 24 years you find out she sucks in bed.
 
Thanks everyone for your posts.

But last night I realized what I needed was "closure" We never said good bye. She left me while I was in Basic training with the military.
It's over now. That book has been closed. I hope she finds what see needs but I'm not going to part of it.
I still need someone, but it's not her.
Thanks again.
 
GHOSTNYOURMIST said:
Thanks everyone for your posts.

But last night I realized what I needed was "closure" We never said good bye. She left me while I was in Basic training with the military.
It's over now. That book has been closed. I hope she finds what see needs but I'm not going to part of it.
I still need someone, but it's not her.
Thanks again.

That was a loooooong time to go without any kind of closure, Ghost. I'm glad that you ran into her. I hope she finds what she's looking for. I hope YOU find what you're looking for even more though.:p
 

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