What's a painful truth you've had to swallow?

[Bluey]

Im old (47) and woman so i have high probably to die alone here sitting in my couch.

I have to disagree. 47 is just not old.
Am not to for behind BTW
I have also lived alone for more then 20 years.
So I guess your not alone in being alone.
OK that might not help but I could not think of anything else to say

I will probably die alone too.
I think a lot do. Even if you have been marred for 75 years. Whos to say your other half wont die years be for you.
Those people will really suffer alone in there last days.
Where has me and you will not because we are all ready independent.

The most painful truths that I've had to swallow are that I'm ugly and that nobody will ever love me. I've struggled for over 15 years to accept this, but it's finally started to sink in.

Now Cmon. I ent good looking. Am never going to get a job walking down the catwalk. Not with a disfigurement and a limp. But everyone has there beauty.

 

[Serephina]

That i've spent 36 years of my life trying to make everyone else happy except me. That i've let shyness stop me from doing things in life that i've really wanted to do. That I haven't done what I want to do or be entirely who I want to be for fear of disappointing other people.

 

[Iceman1978]

The most painful truths that I've had to swallow are that I'm ugly and that nobody will ever love me. I've struggled for over 15 years to accept this, but it's finally started to sink in.

Now Cmon. I ent good looking. Am never going to get a job walking down the catwalk. Not with a disfigurement and a limp. But everyone has there beauty.
[/quote]

Today just hasn't been one of my better days. Some days I don't think about it, and then there are days when I can't even face my own reflection without feeling anxiety and sadness.

 

[mountainvista]

That I contributed to the length of my dark times because I was wrapped in a comfortable cloak of victimhood.

Sadly, it was unavoidable at that time, because I wasn't yet strong enough to move on.

It's unfortunate that so much time was wasted, because time, and life, are precious and fleeting.

I am immeasurably wiser and stronger for the experience though, so I find some solace there.

 

[Bluey]

Today just hasn't been one of my better days. Some days I don't think about it, and then there are days when I can't even face my own reflection without feeling anxiety and sadness.

That is something I understand.
Sometimes when I stand in front of a mirror with out any top on it really gets to me. other times I would not care. I find the older I get the less it bothers me.
It is just mostly the young that are bothered about how beautiful they look.
We all loss that anyway. Then where just left with what ever personalty we have. Some people will find that a more easy transaction then others.

 

[Iceman1978]

Today just hasn't been one of my better days. Some days I don't think about it, and then there are days when I can't even face my own reflection without feeling anxiety and sadness.

That is something I understand.
Sometimes when I stand in front of a mirror with out any top on it really gets to me. other times I would not care. I find the older I get the less it bothers me.
It is just mostly the young that are bothered about how beautiful they look.
We all loss that anyway. Then where just left with what ever personalty we have. Some people will find that a more easy transaction then others.

I know. I know that it's what on the inside that counts and it's what on the inside that lasts, but the very first thing people notice (within seconds of meeting a person) is their outward appearance. Mine is hideous and ugly to the point where I'm rejected with just one look.

 

[EmilyFoxSeaton]

if it helps, we appreciate you on this forum

I appreciate the sentiment. But this is the truth thread and what I said before is the truth.

Here is another one... if you have something that you should entitle you to be a victim, it means nothing unless you demand that you get treated like a victim. If you just act normal... no one will give you anything.

 

[quead64]

that my younger brother will always be better than me and will experience and achieve things that I never will

 

[quead64]

i really wanted to be a better person when i was younger and spent a lot of time and energy, but that energy just went to the wrong places. if i had really focused i could have achieved something and wouldn't be in the state i'm in now. it's hard to swallow the fact that i could have done more, i could have been more and i can't turn back time. it's hard to swallow that i ruined my own life.

 

[Paraiyar]

i really wanted to be a better person when i was younger and spent a lot of time and energy, but that energy just went to the wrong places. if i had really focused i could have achieved something and wouldn't be in the state i'm in now. it's hard to swallow the fact that i could have done more, i could have been more and i can't turn back time. it's hard to swallow that i ruined my own life.

How have you ruined your life if you're only 25?

 

[Niantiel]

I've resigned my heart. In an effort, to keep myself from getting anymore damaged. My options sucked to begin with. I don't wanna put myself anymore on the line and get hurt again. Anymore of that and it will spiral me into being everything I don't want to be: bitter, angry, overly-self destructive, and what have you. All of the things that I've already gone through, basically. Except, I'm not THAT bitter. Not yet, anyhow...
This is the more logical, peaceful option. Much to my dismay of my own desires. My life will be easier in the long-run.
I kinda feel like that Mitch Hedberg line: I'm sick of following my dreams. I'm just going to ask them where they're going, and hook up with them later.

 

[Alone By Faults]

I asked an ex why she still communicates with me

history and knowledge of me was her exact response


Wow I still participate in such a one sided friendship or whatever that was

 

[quead64]

a lot of the self help material I consume can't really take me too far. I can still improve my situation, but I won't be that great. I can only climb so far despite all my efforts.

 

[Eternitydreamer]

No one misses me from my past, thinks good of me or will ever want to think how I am. I find it hard to accept I really was hated and thought so little of so much because it hurts. Just the fact I am a social reject/outcast...

 

[quead64]

No one misses me from my past, thinks good of me or will ever want to think how I am. I find it hard to accept I really was hated and thought so little of so much because it hurts. Just the fact I am a social reject/outcast...

I know how you feel. I still see some of the people from my past. All we can do is move forward.

 

[JealousFool]

I'll probably never have a friend that will stick around for more than a couple years. And the fact that it's probably my fault even if I don't know the reason.

 

[dd11]

There are about 4 people on the earth who care if i live or die. My husband, 3 kids and my one friend. I am grateful for my family. However, i have never been able to go past acquaintance to friendship for the most part. I am sure that is on me. But, like the above poster, i really don't even know the reason for that either.

 

[Terry94]

When I die nobody will go to my funeral. Literally nobody, it's embarrassing more than painful to be honest.

 

[dead]

life's sick jokes never cease...

 

[Bubblebeam]

The general way of the world is probably the thing I struggle most with. So many wrongs, so many people in pain (on all levels), so many innocents wronged by the corrupt people we call authority. Just, so much wrong and corruption, and having the power to do zilch about it. And being someone of a much different mind to most, I will be ridiculed if I share my feelings with the average person, which leads to a whole new level of loneliness and depression, on top of what I already feel for different reasons.

Some people, in their depressions, they find sleep to be their escape. Me however, I have nightmares nearly every night. The last few days they have been particularly gory and awful, and I literally wake up feeling as though I've come out of another dimension, because these dreams feel so real to me. Last night, I dreamt my little brother lost his arm and was bloody all over, and somehow only I realized that he needed to go to the hospital. The night before, I dreamt I witnessed a murder as a fly on the wall. It was 3 girls and their father. The eldest left, then one got killed, and the remaining girl said with such a realistically hopeless tone, "you'll never find the bodies, he hides them so well and you'll never find them" or something to that effect. I often wake up in cold sweats over these dreams, and they occur even after days that I'd call reasonably good. I just can't do anything about it.