When did you first notice that others were watching and judging you? And a little rambling on my part.

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Mar 21, 2020
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In my mind
It took me a little while because I didn't care about others or what they did. I was in my own little world. So, I figured they didn't care about me. But, then after I did notice I started feeling apprehensive and continually questioned what I did. Then I realized I was odd and different from others. So, I learned to pretend to act like they did so I didn't stand out. But, that got exhausting. So, I said F it and did my own thing. That's when others started calling me odd or weird and didn't want to be around me. However, I learned that I needed to "fit in" in order to function in this world. So, I went back to pretending to be like others. Well, until it became too stressful and I retreated.

Now, it's just not others judging you any more. The push for AI is doing that as well. So computers are pushing me to the side. Since I quit working more then a decade, way before normal retirement age, computers are now kicking out my applications for things and disapproving me because I'm not working, only have a small income, have savings, and living just fine without the need for any help. This does not compute. So, my applications get disapproved. Sure, I try to call and speak to a human. But, they continually have less and less power to override anything after going through all the **** AI menus that aren't applicable. So, they just say try again later, as if something is going to magically change. Gee thanks for all the wasted time and effort.

I feel sorry for the homeless, with the number continually growing everyday. Most of the local jurisdictions are passing more and more laws to make it illegal to live on the streets, sleep in vehicles, etc, etc, etc. The public tracts of land for people to "camp" are continually being closed for many reasons, some very valid. Other areas are being very slightly improved so the government can charge to park/camp on them.

Most computer systems nowadays consider you a nobody if you don't have somewhere to live. A valid address is a requirement for nearly everything. If you don't have one then you can't apply for most stuff, which further pushes a person down. This world is setup for the average person. The computers are also programmed to believe that everybody, or most, people must work. If you don't then something is wrong. You must need to be on government subsides. If not, then there is something really wrong. So you get kicked out of the system.

The people on the rich side can more easily cope since there is no need for the stuff average people use. They can usually use their money to get past the average blocks. However, the people on the poor side are screwed even when they try to improve themselves or their situaitons. It becomes overwhelming and they totally give up. I don't blame them. I have some assets and some savings. But I've pretty much given up. I feel the downward pressure from different directions because I don't succumb to being average and doing average things.

This is a form of control. This is what many of the longterm homeless are fighting about. They don't want to be controlled. They just want a place, that they pick out, it doesn't need to be much, to live and survive.

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Princess Pink Love
Oct 17, 2013
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My house
I first noticed in junior high. The only time I actually cared is when I was in an abusive relationship and lost myself.

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