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When did you Realize you are Invisible to the Opposite Sex?

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Finished

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ardour said:
A single professional woman in her late 30's/40's is in a similar position dating wise to  a man working minimum wage (few-to-no acceptable options)

I didn't see that when I was working. I saw that the single pro women in their late 30's/40's had self induced problems. They wanted someone similar to their age just more successful then they were. But, those guys were dating younger like previously mentioned. However, there were plenty of divorced guys in their 50's to 60's that wanted them. But, only a few women went that direction in desperation while saying there are no available men any more.

Does anybody, other then a complete train wreck, actually want a minimum wage man? I think the options are very limited especially if the man is unattractive to boot. That's not the case for the 30-40 pro women. Personally I've always found that group of women the most attractive for several reasons. But, the only time I was able to crack that group was when I was younger and successful, which is what they want.

I had to laugh when I was previously on dating sites and listed that I didn't work. ALL the feedback I got was that I was complete looser for not having a job. The funny part was I had enough money that I didn't have to work nor did they if they didn't want to. But, none of them even thought that was possible. Maybe they assumed a guy with money wouldn't use a dating site. Either way it made be laugh until I realized I was laughing alone. Ha! ha!
 

Winter Fire

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I think changing the way you see yourself is important. Insecurity about how you look can make you appear less attractive. I know you've heard it a thousand times before but it's true. Maybe you should listen subliminals to look more attractive to women.
 

Cucuboth

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Guess always have been, but probably didn’t really notice it until I started to be interested in girls, so, for me that was about age 6. But even then, for a long time, well through my teens and in to my twenties, I still believed it when people would say that there is someone for everyone, or that it would happen one day when you least expect it and when you’re not looking.

It doesn’t.

Thing is, nobody is naturally invisible. People choose to be blind to you. And that is what makes it hurt all the more.
 

Forgottendanfan

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I don't know for sure whether I'm invisible to women or not, but it sure feels that way. I guess I started feeling that way in highschool (senior school here in England) when it seemed everyone else was pairing up and I'd barely even interacted with any girls. This continued in college and then into "the real world". My looks certainly aren't great, but I regularly see guys worse looking than me and they have partners.
 

windsley

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There is one thing i believe (for myself), the amount of confidence i have is related to the amount of money i have. that's it.
 

4No1

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I thought that in early 20s, so decided to get into the realtionship with the only guy who noticed me. So I suppose the period with a bf doesn't count so, since my late 20s.(In a romantic way, as I have plenty of male-friends)

Finish said:
I didn't see that when I was working. I saw that the single pro women in their late 30's/40's had self induced problems. They wanted someone similar to their age just more successful then they were. But, those guys were dating younger like previously mentioned. However, there were plenty of divorced guys in their 50's to 60's that wanted them. But, only a few women went that direction in desperation while saying there are no available men any more.

But why would girls in 20s date with the guys in 30s/40s? If we are not talking of 20% girls who change their younth to money. Most(i think all) girls I know in their 20s prefer the guys in 20s. 
And a man in his 60's easily can by a father to 35+.  Doesn't it make a misaliance? I'm not sure what do you mean by "more successful", but due to "no available men" seems like almost everyone(if you mean earning 2 times more - than of course doesn't). I think 30s and 50s - it's too much there are different generations in fact, another moovies, another games, another life. As 20s vs 30s.

Probably I'd be a visible to a 50 y.o. man but only because it's a status - having a "younger" gf. In fact I do fall in love with the guys, who are even younger than me(again and again, -2 years, it's like I have a detector for this age, once again now - what's wrong with me), I know this is "unforgivable curse" for a woman and I'd like not to but I don't know how. Anyway as there are no guys in 40s who are interested in me, I let myself not to think of it)) And I do care about money if it gets my problem(he has less income - I can't pay for him, as don't earn enough, he has more - i can't share his habits), but honestly who doesn't?
 

Slick

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I have been divorced once and widowed the second marriage....when my later husband passed my ex husband told me if I decided to date again I would really have a hard time, Obviously I was insulted and asked him why.....his answer floored me...." Even though you are still very attractive, you are a strong independent woman and at times can be intimidating. You will find it very hard to find a man who will take the time to get to know who you are inside. The sweet, kind loving, empathetic woman you are" I thanked him.....and years later realized he was 100% right...It has been difficult and disheartening at times.....so to me it has nothing to do with only looks or money.....I have come across many men on dating sites.....who do need a haircut , shower and clean shirt.....but they have great personalities and I would love to make friends with them...Gotta meet me halfway..
 

ardour

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So, if / when you find someone and actually love them enjoy the hell out of it. It's not going to happen very often for the lower tier guys. So, ignore the issues at first. After the honeymoon period is over, about 4 to 8 months, then start check things out.

I recently had this problem with someone I was seeing for a very short time; ignoring, then excusing red flags because I was desperate. We clearly weren't suited for each other (when I say recently I mean a year ago, since it's taken that long to get over). Shudder at the thought of what could have happened had things progressed further.

How easy it is to throw away self-respect in these situations. The prospect of finally having a chance shorts circuit every mental wire.

Vetting is for people who have other options lined up. It won't be on the mind's of low status men, who might have one-maybe-two chances at a relationship at best. They are too busy walking on eggshells focussing on not fucking it up from their own end.
 
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TheRealCallie

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I recently had this problem with someone I was "dating" for a very short time; ignoring, then excusing red flags because I was desperate. We clearly weren't suited for each other (when I say recently I mean a year ago, since it's taken that long to get over). Shudder at the thought of what could have happened had things progressed further.

How easy it is to throw away self-respect in these situations. The prospect of finally having a chance shorts circuit every mental wire.

Vetting is for people who have other options lined up. It won't be on the mind's of low status men, who might have one-maybe-two chances at a relationship at best. They are too busy walking on eggshells focussing on not fucking it up from their own end.

And you really don't think other people have the same issues? You don't think other people aren't desperate for a relationship that they jump from person to person when they know they aren't compatible? You really don't think others don't struggle with self respect/self esteem? You really don't think that others are trying desperately trying to not fuck it up? You really have to get over your obsession with thinking "good" looking people don't share a lot of the same issues you do.
And I really don't understand how you can sit there and say that you struggle with self respect and don't stay in a relationship, yet you think just anyone is good for "better looking" people. You want something REAL, yet others can't strive for the same thing? That's bullshit.
 

ardour

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And you really don't think other people have the same issues? You don't think other people aren't desperate for a relationship that they jump from person to person when they know they aren't compatible? You really don't think others don't struggle with self respect/self esteem? You really don't think that others are trying desperately trying to not fuck it up? You really have to get over your obsession with thinking "good" looking people don't share a lot of the same issues you do.
And I really don't understand how you can sit there and say that you struggle with self respect and don't stay in a relationship, yet you think just anyone is good for "better looking" people. You want something REAL, yet others can't strive for the same thing? That's bullshit.

You seem to want to pick fights for the sake of it. True, most people struggle with these issues, but like I said having other options and a normal relationship history makes it easier to look dispassionately at these situations.
 

TheRealCallie

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You seem to want to pick fights for the sake of it. True, most people struggle with these issues, but like I said having other options and a normal relationship history makes it easier to look dispassionately at these situations.

No, it has nothing to do with picking fights. It has everything to do with you dismissing anything you think is "normal." It's not that simple, regardless of what you look like.
 

ardour

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There's some hope for an inexperienced 30 year old virgin with his life together in other areas. He might still be in the range where a women his age or younger looking for stability might be willing to overlook that.

But at 40? That's freakish territory.

It's a common story with forever alone type guys: ignored in youth, become depressed, then take the easy/weak way out by wasting years with distractions. Then they go into panic mode, start working out and trying to socialize in their late 30s as a desperate attempt to recover time. Except everyone's looking and behaving 'old' now, women their own ages don't want them because of their inexperience and younger women don't want to date middle aged men.
 
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NoxApex(N/A)

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When I came to the conclusion that I get approached with expectations from the opposite sex that I can't meet, and that it's a pretty regular occurrence. --They aren't seeing me, they're seeing what they want to see of me instead of what actually is.

It's a societal problem, not a problem with just women, because men approach women with the same lack of realism and understanding.

It's just that because I have D.I.D. (Dissociative Identity Disorder) that the backwardsness of the dating pool massively fucks with me mentally, so I stopped dating 3 years ago for the sake of my mental health. I also have high-stressed-induced hallucinations and clinical depression, which make it worse.

So what I experience is that girls will look at me, talk to me, have unrealistic expectations about me, and then it just goes downhill after that. Sometimes I get laid, sometimes I don't. Because of my mental health I actually prefer when I don't, because it makes managing myself easier than trying to detox my brain from its biochemical fuckery.

What I've concluded for myself is that 7/10 times the sex just isn't worth the aftermath to me, because most people don't understand themselves well enough to know that they don't know, and again, that's a societal problem.

That's why I exited the dating pool, and my life has been better ever since.
 

squidge

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Its kind of funny what lonely, single men are told. "Work on yourself, and someone will want to join you in your life." Translation? Make more money and get more status and then girls will want to be around you.

Every unattractive man i know with a wife/girlfriend has money/status.

Every unattractive man i Know without a wife/girlfriend has limited money/status.

So exactly when did I realize I was ugly and poor and this would keep me single forever? I say i started getting some hints from my familly and how people interacted with them. A few of my sisters are little monsters, yet they have no problem attracting men because they look good. My brother is attractive, and women approach him and give him their number. THis is despite people telling me girls never approach, girls never show interest, and if I didnt do everything I would never know if any girl likes me. Truth is, if you dont measure up, your invisible. Your not even considered. You dont get past phase 1. Theres no beginning, start, introduction, nadda. You get no chance. Its over before it even begins.

Im even uglier now. I had a bad case of bells palsy that hasnt really healed. A few muscles in my face dont even work anymore. What a monster. I hate being a slave to instinct, DNA, whatever it is that gives you the desire to be in a relationship. This is just too cruel. STupid MGTOW things its possible for men to 'go their own way' and just forget about women. Sorry but every man is hardwired to want a family and companionship and intimacy. YOu can try to supress those feelings all you want. BUt they will always be there. THe thing is, unless you measure up, you dont get to satisfy these feelings. I hate being such a dead end.

So I realized i was a dead end a couple years ago . im conflicted on whether it would have been better for me to realize this earlier in life or not. I was waiting on finding the 'one' for 30+ years. But there is no 'one' when you are a dead end, and the others know it. There's just a 'you'. So really time helped me reach the conclusion. After a while you realize if it hasnt happened for you then it never will. I dont want to be alone. But that choice was never in my hands to begin with
If women only want you for your money they are just dirty prostitutes.
 

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