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Colster

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For someone that loves reading, you sharply failed to see the context of what I was saying in regards to his comment. Obviously we care for people, but do you care for me? You don't even know me.

I just feel like too much false sentiment gets tossed around on the internet, and in general these days.. It's like when I was a kid and my mother would tell me that every art project or w.e that I brought home was 'great', never any distinction from one thing to the next. That actually sparked something in me that caused me to be a major perfectionist. Because without any standards or guidelines, the only way that you can be sure of your relative success in any given thing, is to perform better than anyone else.

And that mind set may have worked well if I'd been around anyone that actually believed in me, and/or stuck around for me. But without that emotional support, I've felt like nothing but a failure in everything I've done.. regardless of how well I did, since I generally can't tell unless I get a shit review because everyone lies through their teeth all to support their own vanity.


Same here.. Not working right now, and generally pay two months of rent at a time, so depending on when it happened, I could sit here and rot for 2.5-3 months.. The debate is less about anyone noticing so much as, if they'd find me because of the landlord coming in to get his rent or get me out, or because of the smell..


I get that, but sometimes it can be difficult to distinguish between false sentiment, or genuine compassion. When push comes to shove, what would this person be willing to do for you, what would they be willing to sacrifice. To me, that's 'caring'. When someone is willing to sacrifice something that they care about in order to see you happy.


According to your logic, everything is 'opinion' nothing is tangible. And on a deep philosophical note, that may be true to some extent, but we need some structure to build our reality on, or else nothing is real..


I feel ya, but it's a lonely way to be, for sure..
And that mind set may have worked well if I'd been around anyone that actually believed in me, and/or stuck around for me. But without that emotional support, I've felt like nothing but a failure in everything I've done.. regardless of how well I did, since I generally can't tell unless I get a shit review because everyone lies through their teeth all to support their own vanity.

Well isn't that just charming. No I don't care for you. I don't care for your attitude. I believe that you would push away any empathy or compassion shown towards you. In this context, sneering at others because you feel unfairly inferior. Ah, But you proclaim that we don't know you. Well, that works the other way, you do not know me. Stop being so judgemental, osteoporosis, pedantic, and down right filled with woe. Maybe then people would like you.
 

xephier102

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And that mind set may have worked well if I'd been around anyone that actually believed in me, and/or stuck around for me. But without that emotional support, I've felt like nothing but a failure in everything I've done.. regardless of how well I did, since I generally can't tell unless I get a shit review because everyone lies through their teeth all to support their own vanity.

Well isn't that just charming. No I don't care for you. I don't care for your attitude. I believe that you would push away any empathy or compassion shown towards you. In this context, sneering at others because you feel unfairly inferior. Ah, But you proclaim that we don't know you. Well, that works the other way, you do not know me. Stop being so judgemental, osteoporosis, pedantic, and down right filled with woe. Maybe then people would like you.
So, lie through my teeth to support my own vanity then? Your words may come across prettier than mine, but people always know where they stand with me, and know that I will never tell them a lie, regardless of whatever feeble self fulfilling justifications I may dream up for telling it to them.

The truth helps people learn and grow and improve, a lie does just the opposite.

I don't really think I'm all that much of an A-hole about it either, you want A-hole, check out some of Squidge's posts(for contrast and clarity).

And for the record my point wasn't intended to come across as "no one on the internet would care for the OP". But more along the lines of "be wary of a stranger's sentiment that is offered so freely" cuz people (everyone) deserve to have someone care about them for real.
 

TheRealCallie

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There are different levels and meanings of caring. You can care about people in general without actually knowing them. Do you care about them because they are a good person and you know everything about them and because they care about you? No, of course not, but that doesn't mean that no one cares about people in general. I care about people. And also, relating to someone can often be enough to make that person care about the other. It's not a lie, it's not a fake sentiment, it's just there.

Might not be the same for you, but you aren't everyone, so it only applies to you.
 

U-122

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I think I have a tremendous amount of value. I have many skills and can do a lot of great things for lots of people. However, it's pretty much always been me helping others and then getting ignored. It even happened that way at most of the jobs that I worked. Now, I don't think that anybody or society as a whole deserves what I can do for them. So, I only do stuff for myself now.

That's me every! effing! time! But no more. I put a stop to that. It starts off with small things and gradually progressed into abuse. I could deal with something i offer to do for others because i feel like it but they ask for more and i have to waste my life on them, when they ignore me like they have no respect, don't give me time of day, i had to reevaluate my ideas about helping others. The last time i chose to help someone it backfired hard. Now i'm invisible and treated like garbage. Invisible garbage. Completely ignored. Good thing i didn't do more. I could've done and wanted to do much more. Never again!
 

Sunless Sky

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That's me every! effing! time! But no more. I put a stop to that. It starts off with small things and gradually progressed into abuse. I could deal with something i offer to do for others because i feel like it but they ask for more and i have to waste my life on them, when they ignore me like they have no respect, don't give me time of day, i had to reevaluate my ideas about helping others. The last time i chose to help someone it backfired hard. Now i'm invisible and treated like garbage. Invisible garbage. Completely ignored. Good thing i didn't do more. I could've done and wanted to do much more. Never again!
Why do you expect something coming out of helping people? Isn't it healthier to do good deeds, help people, just cause you can? Just to do good?
 

U-122

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Why do you expect something coming out of helping people? Isn't it healthier to do good deeds, help people, just cause you can? Just to do good?

Why do you assume i expect something? Where did i comment that? How it is healthier? Does it give me health benefits? Absolutely not! It actually takes away from my health and my life. I used to do it because i chose to, felt like it, because i THOUGHT i was helping some good people, not some random strangers assholes. Not for health benefits. I was wrong. They turned out to be scum. Where does it say, what law or ordinance, that after i help someone, they can abuse me by asking for more help, or to ignore me like i'm invisible garbage? Recent case we run into each other almost every day. Walk within a meter of each other. She doesn't know me. As if i gained even more invisibility superpower. If it's even possible to be any more invisible than i already am here. I don't help anyone anymore. Nobody knows what skills i have. I'm a useless "marine biologist", if you get the reference
 

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xephier102

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There are different levels and meanings of caring. You can care about people in general without actually knowing them. Do you care about them because they are a good person and you know everything about them and because they care about you? No, of course not, but that doesn't mean that no one cares about people in general. I care about people. And also, relating to someone can often be enough to make that person care about the other. It's not a lie, it's not a fake sentiment, it's just there.

Might not be the same for you, but you aren't everyone, so it only applies to you.
So you may be correct in that context. The value I put in low-level caring, isn't as high as some would. It's like how some can seek solace in the caring they receive from an animal (like a cat or dog), but then logically speaking, I know that animal would care equally as much for anyone that fed it. Or the kind words from a psychologist, even though they're getting paid for their kindness and comfort.

I just don't see the value in such things if they come with an alternative agenda, or if said 'caring' would just as easily be given to a street lamp in your place, if you were not there to fill that void in space.

That's me every! effing! time! But no more. I put a stop to that. It starts off with small things and gradually progressed into abuse. I could deal with something i offer to do for others because i feel like it but they ask for more and i have to waste my life on them, when they ignore me like they have no respect, don't give me time of day, i had to reevaluate my ideas about helping others. The last time i chose to help someone it backfired hard. Now i'm invisible and treated like garbage. Invisible garbage. Completely ignored. Good thing i didn't do more. I could've done and wanted to do much more. Never again!
This is actually why I have no friends. Because the few I did have we're like that, and I just stopped talking to them, and go figure, communication lost, radio silence. Then if they do contact me and it's purely to ask me for something, I just ignore them. I may voice my concerns once prior, but I let their actions determine the outcome. Not w.e words they make up in order to sooth their own conscience.

Why do you expect something coming out of helping people? Isn't it healthier to do good deeds, help people, just cause you can? Just to do good?
It's different to help people for the sake of doing something good, but one sided 'friendships' that only exist so you can be a low-level slave to the other person, that's not healthy at all. There has to be some level of balance, or you're just gonna have people using you, your entire life.

If you watch The Simpsons, The relationship between Homer and Flanders, is a good example. Homer doesn't show Flanders much respect, but on the odd occasion. And he effectively 'owns' half of Flanders's belongings from borrowing and never returning them, then denying their existence when asked for them back. Good deeds are one thing, but there's a lot of people out there that'll use the shit outta you if you let em.
 

TheRealCallie

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I just don't see the value in such things if they come with an alternative agenda, or if said 'caring' would just as easily be given to a street lamp in your place, if you were not there to fill that void in space.

No, sorry, but you never know when someone could just want to be seen and acknowledged. Simply saying hi to someone could be enough to give them that extra nudge they needed to keep going. I have heard many stories like that, both from people I know, some of those being the people who needed the nudge, and from people online. So yes, I will continue caring and being a fucking "street lamp" as you put it because you never know who might need a fucking "street lamp."
 

xephier102

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No, sorry, but you never know when someone could just want to be seen and acknowledged. Simply saying hi to someone could be enough to give them that extra nudge they needed to keep going. I have heard many stories like that, both from people I know, some of those being the people who needed the nudge, and from people online. So yes, I will continue caring and being a fucking "street lamp" as you put it because you never know who might need a fucking "street lamp."
Once again you missed the context of what I was saying entirely. You just pretty much repeated most of what I said. I pretty much said that you're right. I view things differently from other people, then explained how I viewed them, then you went on a tangent about how other people are allowed to have their own views and opinions.. ironic to say the least..

Also, the street lamp thing refers to the person being 'cared' about, not the one doing said caring. And I wasn't even calling that person a street lamp, only saying that in the context of low-level caring, they could be substituted for a street lamp, since the person that cares so much would care for anything regardless of their merit or actual value to the person doing the caring.

You really have been talked down to a lot in your life, haven't you? Cuz you seem to read stuff in a way that's like an alternative form of dyslexia. Like, you assume so strongly that the person is intending to offend you, that you read everything with a filter of sorts, that alters my words just enough to be offensive towards you.
 

U-122

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I had an eye opening experience. Tried to do something for someone because loneliness got to me. No more. Never again. Emotional damage is too strong in this one case. I don't want time of day or snow in winter from anyone. I also don't ever want any help from anyone. When someone offers to help me with something they think i owe them for the rest of my life. They never leave me alone. I can't have that. I don't want any friends. I don't care if loneliness kills me. It's still better than to get disrespected and ignored and get kicked even harder when i'm already down and expecting worse things to come.
 

Sunless Sky

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I had an eye opening experience. Tried to do something for someone because loneliness got to me. No more. Never again. Emotional damage is too strong in this one case. I don't want time of day or snow in winter from anyone. I also don't ever want any help from anyone. When someone offers to help me with something they think i owe them for the rest of my life. They never leave me alone. I can't have that. I don't want any friends. I don't care if loneliness kills me. It's still better than to get disrespected and ignored and get kicked even harder when i'm already down and expecting worse things to come.

What exactly happened to you, if you don't mind my asking? What you are speaking of sounds so forgien to me. People needing your help only to treat you like garbage after. People never leaving you alone after helping you. I live such a semi solitary life that I can't imagine these situations.
 

U-122

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What exactly happened to you, if you don't mind my asking? What you are speaking of sounds so forgien to me. People needing your help only to treat you like garbage after. People never leaving you alone after helping you. I live such a semi solitary life that I can't imagine these situations.

Nobody needs my help. I don't help anyone anymore. I isolated myself to avoid new frenemies. Old ones are long gone. One female neighbor my age recently gave me time of day, said hi, had a small talk, after ignoring me for over a year, even thought i said hi to her twice and twice she didn't even look in my approximate direction. It never happens to me. I got excited. I chose to help her with something. She asked me several times, i was always there for her. Respectful, polite, from day one. Long story short she ended up being extremely evil, did bad things to me, disrespected, ignored, said and did hurtful things. Created so much stress and drama i dont' think i'll ever recover. I had no agenda. Just wanted to be friends or friendly and nothing more. Can't even get that. Being friendly, helpful, polite, respectful, honest, only backfires hard at me. This female turned out to be none of that. Now doesn't talk to me anymore. Ignores me like i'm invisible garbage, like i did something bad to her.
 

xephier102

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Nobody needs my help. I don't help anyone anymore. I isolated myself to avoid new frenemies. Old ones are long gone. One female neighbor my age recently gave me time of day, said hi, had a small talk, after ignoring me for over a year, even thought i said hi to her twice and twice she didn't even look in my approximate direction. It never happens to me. I got excited. I chose to help her with something. She asked me several times, i was always there for her. Respectful, polite, from day one. Long story short she ended up being extremely evil, did bad things to me, disrespected, ignored, said and did hurtful things. Created so much stress and drama i dont' think i'll ever recover. I had no agenda. Just wanted to be friends or friendly and nothing more. Can't even get that. Being friendly, helpful, polite, respectful, honest, only backfires hard at me. This female turned out to be none of that. Now doesn't talk to me anymore. Ignores me like i'm invisible garbage, like i did something bad to her.
Women are taught these days, that all men are pervy rapist scumbags that are a part of this invisible non-existent male patriarchy. So there's a lot of women that eat that shit up like a full on cultist, and therefore don't see men as people. That or/and they're taught to use men for whatever they want, then discard them afterwards.

I find it best to do things on a case by case basis though. I've been taught countless times that people are expendable in this society. So I have no ties to anyone and I consider anyone that comes into my life to be temporary unless they prove otherwise. But don't get your hopes up when it comes to other people, because 9.8 times outta 10, they'll let you down in the short term, and 9.99 times outta 10, they'll let you down, and/or ditch you off entirely in the long/medium term.
 

TropicalStarfish

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This is text-book example of, 'thread hijacking,' or, 'thread derailment.' Cut it out, so we can have a functioning forum. Take it to the 'up for debate' section, pls.

As to the OP's original question... Yes, I wish some one would give me a genuine hug, some times. My own family probably hasn't initiated a single hug in years... Some times I feel like crying; but, I can't because it'd be too painful, so I suck it back in...

There are bad days, bad weeks, bad months, bad years; but, hopefully, that doesn't have to equate to a bad life, or a beautiful life, cut short. Every day is a new beginning, and, you really would be quite surprised how almost anything could happen. And if you try a little optimism with that notion, if you can (and if you can't, then don't think about that, try something else), it helps some times. You can see that every day IS a new beginning. Maybe it will suck like yesterday, maybe it will be worse than yesterday; but, maybe it will better, by just a little, and maybe, something extraordinary will happen. And it can be nice to think that some times, especially when spirits are low, and all hope is lost.

life is beautiful - we must always try to remember that, I think..
 
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U-122

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Women are taught these days, that all men are pervy rapist scumbags that are a part of this invisible non-existent male patriarchy. So there's a lot of women that eat that shit up like a full on cultist, and therefore don't see men as people. That or/and they're taught to use men for whatever they want, then discard them afterwards.

I find it best to do things on a case by case basis though. I've been taught countless times that people are expendable in this society. So I have no ties to anyone and I consider anyone that comes into my life to be temporary unless they prove otherwise. But don't get your hopes up when it comes to other people, because 9.8 times outta 10, they'll let you down in the short term, and 9.99 times outta 10, they'll let you down, and/or ditch you off entirely in the long/medium term.

She's the latter. She's not even rapable. She's into that stuff, though. She uses men and discards them. They use her one time and never return. Not the case with me, i kept distance from day one to avoid any kind of physical contact for a number of reasons. Maybe that's the reason for her disgusting attitude. I don't know. I just wanted a friend or someone friendly around me. I was wrong. It's killing me inside how someone who claimed to be a good person can do bad things to me for no reason at all. She never really used me. I wanted to maintain contact and talk, tried to help with whatever i could. I think she only wants one thing from men. I do have another neighbor my age who is exactly like you described. She thinks all men are scum. I tried talking but she doesn't give me or any other men time of day. Won't even say hi.

Yes we're expandable. I don't allow anyone into my life anymore. I'm in a very toxic environment here.
 

xephier102

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All the time minus the crying, haven't been able to cry since I was like 12
I went through a period like that. Didn't cry at all between about 27.5 - 35ish years old. Started letting loose tears all the time after that.. truthfully, I've spent a good chunk of my life attempting to deny those emotions, because they never improved anything, nothing did..

But being human sucks dick, cuz emotions always let themselves out whether you want them to or not. And if you hold them back in one form, they'll come out in another. That's why there's so many guys with anger/rage issues, cuz we'd be crying if it was universally acceptable.
 

xephier102

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She's the latter. She's not even rapable. She's into that stuff, though. She uses men and discards them. They use her one time and never return. Not the case with me, i kept distance from day one to avoid any kind of physical contact for a number of reasons. Maybe that's the reason for her disgusting attitude. I don't know. I just wanted a friend or someone friendly around me. I was wrong. It's killing me inside how someone who claimed to be a good person can do bad things to me for no reason at all. She never really used me. I wanted to maintain contact and talk, tried to help with whatever i could. I think she only wants one thing from men. I do have another neighbor my age who is exactly like you described. She thinks all men are scum. I tried talking but she doesn't give me or any other men time of day. Won't even say hi.

Yes we're expandable. I don't allow anyone into my life anymore. I'm in a very toxic environment here.
I wouldn't put too much thought into either of them. Sounds like they ain't worth your time.

I know how ya feel though, I'm also the type to dedicate myself to a single person. Friend or otherwise, I've always found it's best to stick to a single person ideally. I think that largely comes from feeling like the odd one out, or the third wheel. So I don't really like to hang out in groups, for fear of being excluded (due to that generally being the case in the past).

Plus one on one is just better for conversation. It's harder to build a real connection with someone if anyone else is around.

We are taught that by men who rape and sexually assault us.
That's the same logic used by racists. One black person stole from you, so all black people must be thieves..
This is text-book example of, 'thread hijacking,' or, 'thread derailment.' Cut it out, so we can have a functioning forum. Take it to the 'up for debate' section, pls.
Expanding on the topic isn't going off topic. I wish people would remember how real conversation works..

Besides, what else is there to say, life sucks a dick.. at least the conversation distracts from it a little..
 
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U-122

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I wouldn't put too much thought into either of them. Sounds like they ain't worth your time.

I know how ya feel though, I'm also the type to dedicate myself to a single person. Friend or otherwise, I've always found it's best to stick to a single person ideally. I think that largely comes from feeling like the odd one out, or the third wheel. So I don't really like to hang out in groups, for fear of being excluded (due to that generally being the case in the past).

Plus one on one is just better for conversation. It's harder to build a real connection with someone if anyone else is around.


That's the same logic used by racists. One black person stole from you, so all black people must be thieves..

Expanding on the topic isn't going off topic. I wish people would remember how real conversation works..

Besides, what else is there to say, life sucks a dick.. at least the conversation distracts from it a little..


I don't think about one who's not near me. I said hi a few times and she completely ignored me. Not the fist time, not unusual where i am. The other one who treats me like invisible garbage but is close to me i can't ignore. I'm not dedicating myself here to anyone. I just wanted an occasional conversation and maybe hang out once in a while since we're both alone and lonely. But they have different agendas here. I can't relate to any of them. Me being not perfect in every way they demand doesn't help.

Generalizing is healthy. If that's what Sarah thinks, it's ok. If i'm surrounded by bad toxic females i can generalize and say all/most women are like that and i won't be wrong. I have one female neighbor who hates all men. Nothing i can do to change her mind and i don't intend to. Generalizing for her is normal and healthy. I respect her personal right to generalize. Everything else is on topic and relevant here.
 
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