Am I… wrong?

[TheRealCallie]

Oh wow Callie, I just feel like having a family is… my purpose, you know? I just cant imagine sharing what im gonna risk my life to create… I feel like I have to tell him before he walks into this expecting rights as… I dont even want him on the certificate, I just want him to make my dream of motherhood come true.

You do know that that's not how it works in reality, right? He could take you to court for parental rights. If you fought it or denied the custody agreement, you could be charged with kidnapping.

If that's what you want, I suggest you go to a sperm bank, because that's the only way the father doesn't have legal rights.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

You do know that that's not how it works in reality, right? He could take you to court for parental rights. If you fought it or denied the custody agreement, you could be charged with kidnapping.

If that's what you want, I suggest you go to a sperm bank, because that's the only way the father doesn't have legal rights.

Yeah I’ve been looking into the legal mess of it. Life is not straight forward lol

 

[Finished]

I just dont understand what money has to do with it he’ll pay for me for the rest of his life dosent mean he gets to have rights and decide things for me. I want my child to have my fathers name, not his… I hate feeling the way I do honestly.

Well, I actually do believe that I would have some rights to decide things for my wife. And she would have some rights to decide things for me. Also I've never liked my last name and the family it's tied too so I figured I would take my wife's name. If a miracle happens and I get married again I hope her name is Petra Ecclestone. Finished Ecclestone has a nice ring to it. Ha! Ha!

 

[kaetic]

Now, I don't have kids... so take this with a grain of salt.

Parenthood isn't about what YOU want. It's about what's best for your child. My experience is all with my nephews, and they were great when they were younger... but I wasn't the one losing sleep to care for them. I didn't have any of the medical costs associated with raising them, or other costs... clothing, food, etc. Now they are teenagers/young adults they are horrible. I mean I love them... but they treat their parents like crap. It's expected... think about yourself as a teenager.

I like being an aunt better than being a mom, I get to leave. Callie is right... you are going to want a break from it. You'll want them to be cursing out some one else and not you. (tough luck, they'll do it to both of you) At some point, you're going to want to say, "go ask your father" because they'll bother you to the point of breaking. They'll test you on everything. They might get hurt, and they'll definitely get sick. You'll want some one to lean on that understands what you're feeling when that happens. Some one to balance you out, so you know you're making the best decisions possible.

It's possible he will sign over parental rights to you if you talk about it ahead of time. (that also means no child support) But to just not tell him, unless he's a seriously horrible human being, I feel like that's a terrible thing to do. And if he is a horrible human being, why are you with him/why are you wanting to have his kid?

It's your life, until you have kids.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

I feel like i’d prefer a sperm donors child but theres far too many uncertainties. I want a child with my fella I just dont wanna share it. I googled it and its pretty common thank god as I thought I was insane it’s just I dont wanna decide important things with him. I think genetic wise we are a perfect match its just hard for me to trust someone with the one thing i’ve always wanted.

I see so what your saying is the father couldn't possibly also want the child. I guess that I am not surprised most people think this way. Well luckily you are born in a time where society agrees that the male is just a sperm donor. So have the kid then run. There are plenty of organizations with infinite time and money to make sure the male will have no say in that child.

You do know that that's not how it works in reality, right? He could take you to court for parental rights. If you fought it or denied the custody agreement, you could be charged with kidnapping.

If that's what you want, I suggest you go to a sperm bank, because that's the only way the father doesn't have legal rights.

I got a good laugh at this one. The OP is female and there are plenty of mothers out there who have been proven to be abusive who still get custody. Mothers get awarded custody like 90% of the time. Father's have no claim to the child if the OP plays her cards right she could not only strip the father of custody she could get him thrown in prison.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Now, I don't have kids... so take this with a grain of salt.

Parenthood isn't about what YOU want. It's about what's best for your child. My experience is all with my nephews, and they were great when they were younger... but I wasn't the one losing sleep to care for them. I didn't have any of the medical costs associated with raising them, or other costs... clothing, food, etc. Now they are teenagers/young adults they are horrible. I mean I love them... but they treat their parents like crap. It's expected... think about yourself as a teenager.

I like being an aunt better than being a mom, I get to leave. Callie is right... you are going to want a break from it. You'll want them to be cursing out some one else and not you. (tough luck, they'll do it to both of you) At some point, you're going to want to say, "go ask your father" because they'll bother you to the point of breaking. They'll test you on everything. They might get hurt, and they'll definitely get sick. You'll want some one to lean on that understands what you're feeling when that happens. Some one to balance you out, so you know you're making the best decisions possible.

It's possible he will sign over parental rights to you if you talk about it ahead of time. (that also means no child support) But to just not tell him, unless he's a seriously horrible human being, I feel like that's a terrible thing to do. And if he is a horrible human being, why are you with him/why are you wanting to have his kid?

It's your life, until you have kids.

It’s so important to me to do a good job, I have wanted children my whole life but I have never wanted a child more than I do today.

I feel like I wanna make the right choices, I want to be the mother I never had and im just not sure I can do that whilst running parental responsibilities by him… Im very submissive and I obey my partner. I know I cant be that partner when it comes to my child. He will have little to nothing I will listen to as I dont wanna make mistakes. I just want to go off professional opinions and raise a healthy happy human

My fella is my heart, I just feel like I will never love anything more than my child, ever. My child will be #1 and first.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

I see so what your saying is the father couldn't possibly also want the child. I guess that I am not surprised most people think this way. Well luckily you are born in a time where society agrees that the male is just a sperm donor. So have the kid then run. There are plenty of organizations with infinite time and money to make sure the male will have no say in that child. I got a good laugh at this one. The OP is female and there are plenty of mothers out there who have been proven to be abusive who still get custody. Mothers get awarded custody like 90% of the time. Father's have no claim to the child if the OP plays her cards right she could not only strip the father of custody she could get him thrown in prison.

Oh hey no no, my fella is a dad already and loves his child. I only say what I write… I dont think i’d wanna share, is what im saying. Not that he wouldnt want his children, as he wants a son with me, he talks about it everyday.

 

[AFrozenSoul]

Oh hey no no, my fella is a dad already and loves his child. I only say what I write… I dont think i’d wanna share, is what im saying. Not that he wouldnt want his children, as he wants a son with me, he talks about it everyday.

Sadly you are not in my mother's situation. My mother never got married and had me and my sisters. Then she met a male who was divorced and had 3 kids of his own. If you were in that situation I am sure that things would have worked out great.

Alas my only suggestion is to straight up tell him that if you get pregnant he is just a donor. If he doesn't like that then I guess you just turn that off or get a real donor or something

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Sadly you are not in my mother's situation. My mother never got married and had me and my sisters. Then she met a male who was divorced and had 3 kids of his own. If you were in that situation I am sure that things would have worked out great.

Alas my only suggestion is to straight up tell him that if you get pregnant he is just a donor. If he doesn't like that then I guess you just turn that off or get a real donor or something

Wow, thats a nice big blended family. Did you wish she was married when you was a child?

 

[AFrozenSoul]

Wow, thats a nice big blended family. Did you wish she was married when you was a child?

Not as blended as you would think my family was the poor family so her husband's kids hated coming to visit.

Never thought about it, never crossed my mind.

 

[CenotaphGirl]

Not as blended as you would think my family was the poor family so her husband's kids hated coming to visit.

Never thought about it, never crossed my mind.

Yikes sounds like an unpleasant situation. I understand to some degree. And thats good, my little cousins cry that their parents arent married as they get bullied at school for it and stuff.