I feel lonely, I need a friend.

Hey, I suppose I'm lonely. I really just want somebody to talk to. I'm in a situation where I have an inability to get therapy. I have no real family except my older brother who works 2 jobs and has school to worry about. I've always been the person that nobody would talk to, I was beat alot in school because I was awkward and people didn't like the way that I looked. I am seriously lonely, I always check the phone to see if people have called me even though I know nobody has. I walk around the town with some hope that somebody will pull to the side of the road and talk to me. I constantly feel empty. If anybody wants to talk, I'm here and more than willing to listen to anything you have to say.

I feel the same, although I've never really been picked on before. I am always ignored, and feel invisible. I have always been pretty quiet in certain situations (like school, and I can never explain why that is because I truly do not even know) but it's actually become a trademark that my friends tell me fits me. At home or anywhere else I am louder than usual, especially if I am having fun, but I always feel either odd or awkward, especially if I am around people I do not know. I think I can say I am somewhat shy, but thats a lie. I am still VERY shy actually, and it's the reason I am hardly active in much of anything. I am lonely 95% of the day, even if I am in a room full of people, even if they are people I know and love, even if I am 100% content with them. I don't know why. I've never met anyone that could ever make me NOT feel so lonely...

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So, I am open to friends, open to anyone who also needs friends, and open to any cure to loneliness offered

I use to hang around with a big group of people. They were the first friends I ever had. I was 16 when I met them. It was my first time having real friends and I was overjoyed. I was extremely excited to the point of feeling awkward, they even acted awkward around me. So I made a decision to push them all out of my life and not socialize. It's been a while since I've had a real friend. I feel like I punished myself for having friends and trying to interact with them but I also feel free in a sense that I don't have to worry about being awkward or worry about people looking at me. I also have loneliness... I'm not sure which is worse, being lonely or socializing.

I use to hang around with a big group of people. They were the first friends I ever had. I was 16 when I met them. It was my first time having real friends and I was overjoyed. I was extremely excited to the point of feeling awkward, they even acted awkward around me. So I made a decision to push them all out of my life and not socialize. It's been a while since I've had a real friend. I feel like I punished myself for having friends and trying to interact with them but I also feel free in a sense that I don't have to worry about being awkward or worry about people looking at me. I also have loneliness... I'm not sure which is worse, being lonely or socializing.

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So I feel similar.

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Nowadays I'm extremly quiet.

Yeah, and I have this thing where I am very anti-social some days...sometimes I don't want to talk to anyone at all and I want to be alone. I have had cases where I just completely ignored people until they got the message that I didn't want to communicate with them anymore. This happened mostly because I felt uncomfortable about something in their presence, or sometimes simply for absolutely no apparent reason at all. I have these weird switches where one day I am lonely and sad but don't want to be near anyone else...I keep saying this because it's true, I am ALWAYS lonely and don't really know how to fix it.

If I could bottle up a cure for loneliness and sell it I'd make millions (D)

Seriph, it seems to me like you have severe confidence issues, are you not confident with the way you look? It would be understandable, if you're beat up at school you're bound to feel some sense of low confidence.
Since you say you're not in a position to get therapy then you should research ways to increase confidence in yourself... it seems to me like the problems lay deeper than just not having enough people to talk to, but perhaps if you sort the little things out the big things will fall into place. Why are you waiting for someone to pull over and talk to you? Seize an opportunity to talk to someone.. even if it is to ask them the time.. see that people are good and will respond back to social attempts you make.. little steps.

Spydur.
The loss of a loved one can cause this lonely/empty feeling, even when you're around people you love... especially if you didn't correctly go through the grieving process.
I feel as you do.
Shyness is something that can be conquered, much like with Sephis, getting to know new people.. perhaps shyness is a fear, the fear of the awkward and unknown socially, so if you venture a little outside your comfort zone you'll expand your comfort zone.

~Soup... eradicating shyness since 1994

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Oh. It also seems like I didn't address your true problem of feeling lonely all the time... keep your mind occupied, you mentioned you're hardly active.. find something that you enjoy doing (especially with others ) and do it! You don't have time to feel alone if you're doing something else!

Sounds like me. When I had my friends I would wake up and say to myself "today is a day that I will not talk to anybody" and some days I would say "I'm going to socialize. On either day I would feel awkward around them, they would act like I was a buzzkill. Then I finally decided to be completely alone. I deleted my facebook, disconnected my phone, and sent them a message pretty much saying "this is goodbye forever". I haven't talked to them forever and I deleted all thier phone numbers, I don't even feel like I could show my face to them ever again. Now when I wake up I say "you're better off alone, you were only make thier lives harder", for a long time I've refused to talk to anybody. My brother, who is my last remaining friend, begged me to talk to him and with a blank face I stared at him with tears in my eyes saying to myself "why would you burden somebody with your bs?". I don't know why I did this but It feels right to me, I've hurt so many of my friends and my brother and I feel like an awful person. I hate socializing and being alone and I don't know how to fix it. I had a nervous breakdown a couple days ago and just shut down completely.

Sounds like me. When I had my friends I would wake up and say to myself "today is a day that I will not talk to anybody" and some days I would say "I'm going to socialize. On either day I would feel awkward around them, they would act like I was a buzzkill. Then I finally decided to be completely alone. I deleted my facebook, disconnected my phone, and sent them a message pretty much saying "this is goodbye forever". I haven't talked to them forever and I deleted all thier phone numbers, I don't even feel like I could show my face to them ever again. Now when I wake up I say "you're better off alone, you were only make thier lives harder", for a long time I've refused to talk to anybody. My brother, who is my last remaining friend, begged me to talk to him and with a blank face I stared at him with tears in my eyes saying to myself "why would you burden somebody with your bs?". I don't know why I did this but It feels right to me, I've hurt so many of my friends and my brother and I feel like an awful person. I hate socializing and being alone and I don't know how to fix it. I had a nervous breakdown a couple days ago and just shut down completely.

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I just do not understand why it keeps double posting.

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I just don't understand socializing at all, when I establish a relationship I just destroy it out of fear.

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You are truly right Soup. I know I have extreme confidence issues. I truly like people but then I tell myself people hate me and then I say I hate people.

I feel the same Ser.
But I think I've always been this way, Soup, even as a child I was pretty close to my family and so sheltered and protected that I never felt too comfortable in a new situation...My family did move around alot, and so that may be another factor...I've never really been able to keep a long lasting friendship because I would never stay in one place long enough to have really deep friendships. I have friends now that I love, and everything, but we don't get to hangout because I am too far away, or, like I said, I'd push them away because I can't face them (don't know why that is, especially if I like them...the more I like someone, the more afraid I kinda get of them, so to speak). I can't fall in love because I'll become too afraid of what might happen (Will he cheat on me? Will he find something about me he really dosen't like? Does he really want to be with me/love me, or is he just telling me that to get whatever it is he wants from me?...) I guess I feel like I have to protect myself from getting hurt or something...

I feel the same spy, making friends is scary and falling in love just makes me sick to think about it.

Yes, and what hurts most is falling in love by yourself.

I fell in love once, I spilled my disturbing past to her and I made the mistake of giving her my heart. She inturn repayed me by telling me that I am affected by it too much and she cheated me. She lived under a rock honestly, she had a good life.

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I'm sure she never loved me. That's how I understand exactly what you mean by falling in love by yourself.

Perhaps I'm over identifying with you, but it's scary how much we have in common, Spydur. I would like to get to know you better at some point - I shall try and PM you at some point, or you can PM me. I have to go now, unfortunately. Peace.

That has to hurt. I've been cheated on, one time it was directly in my face. & Yes, my main problem with loving someone is that I can find the best in absolutely everyone (and I can even overlook very big flaws as if they didn't exist, because in my mind flaws are what makes someone who they are, and are the things you're supposed to actually love the most about someone...) and I love way to hard...I kinda hurt myself that way though.

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**hugs** Soupy

I'm sorry about that Spy :/ *hug*. You have the right idea though.

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Flaws are what makes someone who they are but some of us can't accept our flaws. I'm glad you said that though, It makes me think about my flaws and try to accept them more.

It's ok...It's kinda why I have a hard time just opening up to anyone about anything too deep...kinda taught me a lesson I think

I think we just need less shallow people in our lives. There are sooo many more shallow people than deep people you'd be suprised. We just keep getting smacked in the face by shallow people.

Shallow people make me feel hollow...

That's right, shallow people make you feel like something you're not.

Yes, so true...and they also make you feel icky...I don't know how to describe it...Like, how dare you? or just like...Disgust.
For me anyway...