Group of friends is gone :(. Life is so... empty?

Just felt the need to vent today. I just feel so empty for some reason . If you look at my previous posts, I used to have this close group of friends whom I'd always hangout with.

It got to the point where they asked me to go to a football game and just blew me off at the last second, because they all had to do "homework". After that, we never really hungout in person and haven't hung out recently. My friend apologized to me for the whole thing over text, but it was a really blunt and short apology. One thing that remained the same though was how they seemed to always have time to play video games with me on PS3. Instead of hanging out, they would ask me to get online on the weekends and everything seemed normal while we were playing online. I kind of felt like they were using me, and I made a post about that too here. A lot of you guys told me to just leave them and that they were just using me as a convenience friend.

Well, I listened to the advice since I felt the same thing. I deleted them and stopped texting them, contacting them or playing with them on PS3. I basically just severed my ties with them to see what would happen. Weeks have gone by and none of them have contacted me :/.

I don't understand why these friends that were once so close to me have just left me without saying a word :/. My mom thinks that it was something I did to make them mad. Given all the crap they've been giving me and BS, it really feels like the right thing to do to leave these people. What's the point of playing video games with them if they never hangout with me in person?

I don't necessarily wish that this would change and they would hangout with me again. I just wish that I could find a good group of friends to hangout with.

I remember those threads Granny, and I was one of the people who said it would be hard severing old friendships. I guess you know where you really stand with them though, that they could just let you walk out of their life like that. I think you know what that empty feelings is. You're lonely, you don't have those close friends anymore. Maybe you're sad that those friends you had so easily let you go.

It sucks losing friends, especially old ones. Especially when you're not the type of person who can easily make more. I remember you posted a thread talking about how it's hard for you to make new friends since you can only hang out on weekends and all that. How you talk to plenty of people at school and none after. Have you tried making new friends? If you want new friends you're going to have to put yourself out there. It'll be scary, and hard, and all of that. But I will say when you're still in school it's slightly easier. Try talking to people you talk to at school outside of school. Doesn't have to be in person. Add them on facebook. Text them. Im them. Etc. On a side note, from my personal experience, one of the easiest places to make new friends for me was being a freshman at college dorming. My entire dorm hall just seemed to bond naturally.

I'm also going to say something, and I don't mean to be condescending. But in a lot of ways you're lucky. A lot of people including myself have that problem, where we know we need to meet new people. Make new friends. Meet potential girlfriends/boyfriends, and start dating if we want significant others. In some ways we're in the same position as you. The difference is we're not teenagers anymore. I personally wish I had felt this feeling when I was in high school instead of only starting to feel it ten years later. If you can gain the ability to make new friends, it's something that will help you throughout life.

Hi Granny -- I may be new here, but I felt compelled to write that I had a similar experience when I was in high school 7 years ago. I was (and still am) a fairly nerdy loner, and I had three "friends" who on weekends would consistently call me over to play DnD and video games -- we had begun seeing each other in 4th grade, although one of them joined the group in 6th grade.

Over time they became super-competitive, probably because they had insane "helicopter parents" and felt insecure themselves. They would frequently compare their IQ scores, claiming they were all geniuses, and I was supposedly not as intelligent as them. I was not very confident during those years, so they fed on my insecurities, bullied me around, and made me feel worthless (I was bullied a lot at school as well, so wherever I went was a hostile environment -- except for my own house, but even there my brother was a jerk). The guy who joined the group in sixth grade was particularly nasty. He carried a Maglite (a large metal flashlight) and would sometimes beat us with it -- and not like a light tap with it either. All in all, it was pretty messed up. As a clueless teenager with little self-confidence, I didn't initially realize that they were using me. It took a school counselor to tell me it was an abusive situation. At first I didn't have the courage to step up for myself and move on from these people, as I feared that loneliness would be worse than abuse. It took time and consideration, but I finally mustered the courage to say "no." I didn't pick up the phone one day when they were trying to call me to come over (read: use me as a punching bag), and then they never called again. Seven years removed from the event, I still haven't spoken with them. But when I chose to leave the group I felt that I had gained control over my situation, which empowered me, and that ended up improving my mood tremendously even though I lost a few "friends."

It sounds like you're a teenager. My intention is not to sound pedantic writing this, but as I'm sure you know most teenagers are not very mature -- they often lack the social and emotional intelligence that life experience beyond grade school can (but is not guaranteed to) provide. You made a choice to leave a group of kids your age with whom you shared some experiences, but you were also dissatisfied with how they treated you as a person, as a friend. It sounds to me like you decided that true friendship is built on more than just filling a player slot in an online gaming match -- it demands mutual respect and inclusion in all activities friends engage in. So to me your choice is a sign of your maturity and independence, which puts you far ahead of many others your age. It can be hard if you have a limited number of people to choose from in your school, but to prevent this from happening again you need to seek out the more mature members of your class, perhaps by doing things a little differently. Do not settle for people like your old "friends." I don't know if you're involved in any extracurricular activities or sports, but finding people who are like-minded tends to happen more frequently in those venues, as you can guarantee that you will share at least one common interest with other participants. After leaving my terrible old "friends," for example, I used my extra time alone to become very good at playing the trumpet. Then I joined the school's pit orchestra, symphonic orchestra, and jazz band, and kept seeing the same people who became a new group of friends to me. (Of course, I've lost contact with them since high school as well, but that's another story.) I'm very sorry life feels empty right now, but please understand that you are very young and have more time and tools than you may realize to make a really great circle of friends. Take the extra time you have now to get really good at something -- whether it is playing an instrument, playing a sport, public speaking, or anything else that may interest you -- and that will help you build self-confidence. You will become proud of yourself for achieving in whatever endeavor you choose to pursue and THEN others will come to you for your skills, so you will be in a position of respect. Gaining friends will become easier. Wishing you the best.

Thank you so much for the replies guys!

Blue thunder, that was a very moving story. I feel that your situation is indeed very similar to mines.

Making friends isn't an issue for me. It's extremely easy to find people to talk with every class. I don't feel lonely in school at all. The thing is, I don't really have the connection I did with my old friends. I felt that they were a really tight knit group of friends. I wanted to keep the group around for a long time.

I guess it was a good idea leaving them anyways. I didn't feel like they were actually my friends anymore.

I'm sorry this happened to you, I lost contact with my close friends too and I beat myself up about it for quite a bit. Losing friends is very hard, people change so much and pretty soon you'll find yourself growing and talking to different groups of people. It's heartbreaking none of the less, I've lost a lot of my older friends too and there's still days where I cry and think of the all memories I used to have with them. Maybe you could try joining some type of group activity somewhere in your town or club near by. Just ask around and look what's in your area. My therapist suggested this to me and I plan on joining an art class, hopefully I'll meet some friends that way. And maybe you will too if you decide to join something that interest's you. Just hold on and keep having hope. If you ever need someone to talk too ever, send me a pm.

It might be nothing personal to you why none of the group of friends you had has contacted you. Maybe it is a case of everyone going their own separate ways, meeting new people and moving in different directions? The group was maybe in the process of breaking up anyway. I remember losing a number of what I thought were good friends in my mid to late teens and of having to start from scratch again. I hope you meet some more new friends soon.

Welcome to being a teenager and in high school. Sorry to say but this is kind of common with teenagers, and younger kids...and unfortunately some "adults". One day you are the best of friends, the next enemies. Sometimes they come back around again, sometimes not. Enjoy the time you have because you never know when it will be gone. That's my advice to you. I wish I enjoyed mine more instead of obsessing over silly teenage high school drama. It really isn't as big a deal when you get older and look back on it. Believe me you'll want to bang you head against the wall.

In my opinion,

Severing ties was the best thing to do. I had people do that to me, the only thing was I was "fun" to be around. Whenever I would be myself (not the always fun person but the person who has feelings besides trying to make everyone laugh), I would get told to do something funny. As if I were a clown of some kind.

I severed the ties and never looked back. Find people who really value you for who you are. You sound like you're a fun person to be around. If you feel like you're being used, you need to take care of your feelings to my friend.

Thanks for sharing your story. I hope what I wrote makes sense.

BH

GrannySmith111 said:

Thank you so much for the replies guys!

Blue thunder, that was a very moving story. I feel that your situation is indeed very similar to mines.

Making friends isn't an issue for me. It's extremely easy to find people to talk with every class. I don't feel lonely in school at all. The thing is, I don't really have the connection I did with my old friends. I felt that they were a really tight knit group of friends. I wanted to keep the group around for a long time.

I guess it was a good idea leaving them anyways. I didn't feel like they were actually my friends anymore.

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